How often is it that you experience one of those moments where you enter a place by chance only to leave a seemingly transformed person? These are extremely rare events, I imagine. Walking out of the schoolyard that night, I still didn't understand what had occurred. Regardless, I knew that I walked out feeling like a slightly different person. One with a newfound clarity of mind, for better or worse. For sure, I had been thrown one of life's curve balls, and I was still vulnerable to the emotions of it while coming to terms with what I had experienced.

I was naive to think that a night like this, so full of twist and turns, would be over with this alone. No, there was one more surprise left in store for me that night, which would ultimately decide my future.

Walking out of the school yard, I found myself looking up. The dark sky was calm for the moment, but it was far from clear. The clouds of frozen rain still hung above my head, as if waiting to for the perfect time to start their slow float from the Heavens to the Earth. The streets were covered with the previously built up snow, road and all.

The snowfall was heavy enough to compact itself at its foundation and transform into a significant icesheet. Taking that into consideration, it was a wonder how I'd ever managed to make it to the school slipping and falling only once. I didn't know if I should be thanking my luck for this fact.

Regardless, there was no point in me standing around. Shifting my gaze between the cloudy, night sky and the white coats of the winter wonderland around me - I had done enough of that for one night. It was time to get home, retake that hot bath from earlier, and just try to figure out my next course of action regarding how I was going to fix things with Yuigahama.

My feet started carrying me towards the cross of the intersection, located a few hundred meters from the school. The route I had in mind wasn't much longer than the route I'd taken to get here. The reason I chose it was due to it being a long sidewalk, near a medium-sized road.

I had been hoping that the snow trucks would have already been deployed to start getting the larger roads in proper shape. After all, I would've preferred to not have to trench through the snow, seeing as the sneakers I ran out with had already been soaked. My feet were suffering from the "best" conditional duo for the winter: wet and cold.

Before running out earlier, I should have taken a minute to realize that boots would have been the better option, but panic pushes such details to the back of ones mind.

At this point, I just wanted to get home without dealing with the snow. As my luck would have it though, I quickly found that I wouldn't be so fortunate - the snow had completely covered the road, just like every other, and no truck had passed by to clear it.

"Great…", I sighed.

Oddly enough, I found my thoughts shift to how the street, which is wide enough for two lanes of cars to move on either direction, had so easily faded out of existence. The only indicator of there every being something there were the street lights above the road, and the lamp-posts on the two distant sidewalks. Covered by the blankets of white, nature had reclaimed the entire space again.

"Geez, how easily even the largest of things can disappear. I don't know if I'm supposed to be pessimistic about the fragility of everything or in awe of it!", I mumbled to myself.

I felt like the event in the school yard had slowed my pace. I no longer walked staring at the ground like I once did. No, now I couldn't help but stare forward and find myself making small stops to take in the picturesque surrounding. Trees, houses with warm glows, shadows - I was paying attention to the world and all of the overlooked, ordinary things in it. It was different to the norm, but I couldn't say that it felt bad. In fact, it made me feel calmer.

"Haha, look at me, sounding like a different character altogether!", I exclaimed. "Okay, I should probably stop talking to myself aloud."

My feet got to waking me from the daydreaming, reminding me of how cold I was starting to feel. If I was to keep this up, I would likely end up sick, especially since I practically ran out from the bath.

As I was starting to cross the street at the intersection, I saw a shadow form in the distance in-front of me. Due to the lack of proper lighting where the shadow was located, I couldn't make out anything other than a small framed, seemingly female, figure. Nothing more than another lost soul, forced to trek through these horrible conditions, I told myself.

I continued with my crossing of the street, moving towards whoever it was. The figure headed in my direction and soon enough started getting closer to proper lighting. Out of nowhere, I heard my name called out in an all too familiar voice.

I froze in place, shocked at the odds of it all.

"Speak of the devil", I whispered.

The figure emerged from the unlit area. It was none other than Yuigahama. She continued walking towards me. It took me half a minute to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. She stopped right below the lamp-post at the end of the sidewalk. This was no dream or hallucination, though it might as well have been.

Our eyes met, and just like that, time felt as if it started flowing slower than the usual river-like speed. Her eyes were shining like radiant gems amidst the darkness of the night. The brightness of the light post, which illuminated her from behind like an angel's light, only helped make the scene even more surreal than it already was.

"Hey, Hikki..." she called out to me with a light smile on her face.

The smile wasn't forced, but I could see it held a sense of unease and worry.

I had honestly hoped that I could have a bit more time to properly prepare myself for this confrontation. Maybe to take the time to figure out how to best apologize and bring up that topic again. Regardless, I didn't have such leisure. I knew this was the moment to resolve all of this.

At times, like this I reminded myself of the words encouraging advice of men from ages past: When you are sure of something, you are supposed to charge headfirst into the future so you don't have any regrets.

And so I was determined to follow it.

"Hey, Yui, what a coincidence running into you on a night like this!" I spoke out. I felt like the way I had greeted her couldn't have sounded less sincere even if I had tried.

"What brings you out on this cold night?" I asked, trying to the best of my ability to sound as positive and outgoing as I could be. This was a slightly tall order for me considering my general nature.

She though, didn't seem to think that, answering almost immediately after I spoke.

"I felt like I needed to go on a walk for some reason, haha.", she said with a slightly troubled laugh. "I needed to clear my mind of some things, and the empty streets seemed like they'd be nice for a stroll.".

I would've asked what's been on her mind, but I was sure I had a good idea of what it was.

This was the time for some other form of small-talk or at least a change of subject, but funny enough, the only thing which came to mind was the weather. I didn't follow up, shamefully feeling that if I was to say something along the lines of "Nice snow storm tonight, eh?", I would never be able to live down the pain of it.

"What about you? What brings you out tonight?", she asked.

"It's as you said, the streets are nice and quite. The thought of this made me think that I needed to go for a walk and enjoy the season a bit."

Her eyes shifted, taking a good look at me. She seemed to have noticed the thin sweat pants and the wet sneakers. My hair probably didn't help, being ruffled and jagged. The type you have when you let it naturally dry post-bath. No, I did not have the look of a person who was out for a quiet walk, but rather was in an odd rush. She caught me lying and was quick with her remarks:

"You could at least try and lie a little better.", she said softly.

She was always quick at noticing things like this. Be that the case, I will wouldn't have preferred telling her the truth. After all, having to say that some random message concerning her and my speculations had sent me into a frenzy was something problematic to explain. Regardless of this, I'm sure by now she was fed-up with my lies.

"You're right, looking back, I've never been good at lying. I need to be more honest with my feelings, this way I would stop hurting people I care about.", I said looking at her, trying to convince her of my sincerity.

Yuigahama at this point starred to the side, refraining from making eye-contact with me. It felt as if our usual relational positions had switched around.

An uncomfortable silence crept in. Both of us wanted to say something to the other, but it felt as if we were both too afraid we might end up causing the current cracks to grow and finally shatter.

By this point, her gaze had drifted towards the road on my right. Following her eyes, I found that they had settled on the long street. She seemed lost in thought while taking in the scene - It was a typical street, covered in white snow, illuminated by the warm light, with the difference that it did a great job reflecting and contrasting against the dark, cloudy sky.

The scene carried a feeling of a melancholy among picturesque beauty. This contrast of feelings looked as if it was reflected on her face.

Again, this moment reminded me that I was all too often finding myself thinking too much, and acting too little. I'd gotten tired of sitting in the passenger seat like this. The silence needed to be replaced with words. Some kind of lead-in to the real discussion we needed to have.

"This scenery really does have a certain magic to it. The white snow leaves a special feeling in a person's heart and mind, almost as if on nights like this you get teleported into a world of your own."

Yui gave me a puzzled look after my statement, which quickly turned into a small yet genuine laugh followed by her warmfully stating: "I honestly didn't expect to hear you say something like that."

"What's with that reaction? Are these sort of lines not my style?"

"Nope, not at all!", she smiled. "Though, I must admit, hearing you say something like that is refreshing. It's totally not a bad thing at all. Almost makes me wonder about just how honest you have been with your feelings up until now!"

"Haha, I guess you are right.", I said with a faint smile. "Then again, I've been having my fair share of unexpected moments, so I've just started going along with them.".

Yuigahama reacted to my words with a soft smile after which a few moments of silence followed. Maybe it reminded her of the everyday small talks in the clubroom after classes. Or maybe she assumed I was talking about her confession. I could only guess what she must have been feeling or thinking about after that evening.

It made sense that it was weighing on her. Despite this, she didn't seem to want to bring it up.

A few thoughts ran through my head, mostly scenarios about how this could all play out from here.

I imagined that if I was to say nothing more, or suggest that we head home, things between us might be able to go back to the way they were before her confession. Sure, there would be awkwardness and we wouldn't be as close as we had been, but things would be "normal", at least for a little while longer.

Even if that didn't work out as it should, or if we never addressed our issues, university was just around the corner. We would likely be going our separate ways once that point came. A clean slate for both of us, wiping out all of the lingering unpleasantness or, at the very least, locking it up in a box and pushing it into the closet.

Indeed, if nothing was done by either party, then I'm pretty sure life would keep us moving forward, and that would be that. Yuigahama would move on, meet some decent guy who would convince her to give him a chance. He would cherish her, and be there when she needed someone by her side most. I'd expect the eventual result would be that they would end up happily married and have some amazing kids. I'm if we went down this road, she would surely find her own happy ending.

It's really sad to think, but the reality is that people are replaceable like that - no matter how much we care, we will never be hung up on people for the rest of our lives without good reason.

The answer is a simple, yet grim one: the only way for a person to be irreplaceable is for them to make themselves such. It sounds horrible and selfish, but it's human to want to feel unique, and be seen in such way by others, especially the ones you care about.

And like that, I had to make that all too selfish choice so I could once and for all answer the question: Do I want to be special, and potentially irreplaceable, to Yuigahama?

The usual doubts hit me, countering the question itself by posing even more: Was I allowed to be that selfish? Was I allowed to take on that role?

Flashbacks of the past three years, ran through my mind. All of my experiences with Yuigahama at the forefront. Every bright smile, every misunderstanding, the walks home, the chats in the corridors, all of the clubroom silences to the slow sunsets. Each memory, colorful and vivid, like a kaleidoscope of little, priceless moments, lost to all except the two of us.

My answer: Yes, of course I was allowed to.

I am allowed to just as much as anyone else. After all, the decision was not for me to make alone. This is about the both of us. I have a right to have my own say and declare my own intent, afterwards, it's for Yuigahama to decide if she feels the same.

Thinking about it again, the question itself is wrong. It's never been about whether or not I have the right, rather I AM OBLIGATED TO TRY IF I REALLY DO CARE!

"Yui, there is something I need to tell you!" I said, making sure to sound as serious and confident as possible. My words drew Yuigahama to properly look me in the eyes. Her light smile was replaced with a stern look as I continued saying what I had started.

No more running away, I told myself.

"I don't want to make excuses or look like an even bigger coward than i've already presented myself. The truth is, I've been hoping to be able to speak to you ever since our last conversation. It's taken me awhile to think things through, especially about what you told me. I've been trying to work up the courage to pull myself together in my own way, so I can properly communicate to you what I really need to. The truth is, I-"

Yuigahama didn't seem to catch on to what exactly I meant with the words.

Just as I was about to say what I wanted to, she cut me off:

"You don't need to say it, Hikki. I know i've been troubling you with all of this, I really am sorry.

I just…

I…"

"Yui, you don't understand. I want to-"

"No! I won't let you say another word until you have heard what I have to say to you first, so please listen!", she bursted out, unlike her usual calm and collected self.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you!" - She continued - "It hasn't been that long since that night, but the truth is I feel like with each passing day, we are drifting further apart! It makes me feel like my chest is going to tear open from pain! I know that sounds selfish, but I feel it isn't wrong to want to be selfish about this!

I won't let you get away with your intentionally hurtful words. I hate that mask you put on to push others away just to prove yourself right. It's not fair for you to do that! I've seen the kindness of the boy named Hikigaya Hachiman! You won't fool me, no matter how hard you try! Most of all, I want to hear your sincere feelings! Even if you don't feel the same, I want you to be honest with me because…"

h2"I love you, Hikigaya!"/h2