OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Chapter Forty-Four

Now that Esmerelda had lost her mirror and was not able to talk to Ethel and Sybil as much as she was before, this meant the girl was left alone with her own thoughts most of the time, but this was proving to be a bad thing.

Esmerelda would not be able to tell anyone exactly the pinpoint moment that things had changed, because even herself she did not know the answer to that, all she knew was her mind was starting to get full of doubts and with this her happiness was going.

She missed her sisters yes, but that was not the whole reason for why her mental state was becoming affected, it was everything. The teachers and her parents expecting her to be perfect at everything, trying to make sure she was always following the code perfectly and not breaking any of the thousand rules, and then there was her dysfunctional home life and the way she was used as a pawn by her parents to make themselves and the Hallow name appear better, her first year at school had being a disaster, and her second year was not going any better. The whole thing with Lily had shaken her up, and she realised with all the things she could do well, the one thing she did not seem capable of doing was friendship, the thought made Esmerelda sad as she watched all the girls and their friends, happily walking around together and talking.

The blonde could feel herself becoming more sad and more distant from society, of course this was already occurring last year, because she had been afraid her grandmother would notice, but the fact of the matter was it was getting worse, her smiles were few and far between and she threw herself into her work to try and hide the way she was feeling, at Cackles putting on an act was quite easy, after all, that was what the majority of girls in the school did and pretending she was fine was rather easy, so what if she didn't feel good about herself? She was a teenager now, and that was normal for teenagers, being a teenager was hard for Esmerelda, she didn't know what was normal and what wasn't, was it because of her age or was something wrong with her? She wished their was solid ways to find out.

The thing was mental health in the witching world was not something that was really understood or spoken about. Although in the non-magical world times had moved on and people realised that having a mental health problem did not mean the person was crazy and these sufferers were outcast from society, the magical world, like in many ways, was still behind with this. It was still a taboo subject, Esmerelda could only imagine her parents reaction if they discovered not one but two of their daughters might be suffering with this, their family name would be mud and even though Esmerelda did not care as much about it as Triton and Ursula, she still didn't want to be known as coming from a family of freaks, so she kept quiet.

"At least we still get to speak, it could be worse" Sybil replied as she tried to be the one to be optimistic as Esmerelda told them they could not speak everyday anymore because Lily had taken the mirror she used. Both the younger girls were sad, but Sybil was trying to see the positive.

"It won't be the same" Esmerelda replied with a sigh, in that moment she was unable to see the positive side, even if she wanted to.

"Esmerelda….are you alright?" Ethel asked concerned. She knew her sister was sad because she was not going to be able to mirror Ethel and Sybil whenever she wanted but she seemed more sad about it than would be deemed normal, she seemed miserable and Ethel was worried with everything that had happened in her school life, it was finally getting to her.

"I still have four months until I get to leave this place, that fact is upsetting me" Esmerelda told her sisters, she wished sometimes they were not so close because then they could not see through her like paper, like she could with them.

"Try not to worry about it Esmie" Ethel replied with a sigh "I know things have being bad for you up until now but at least they can't get any worst" Ethel replied and Esmerelda sighed, Ethel had no idea that it already had gotten worse.

"Ethel is right Esmie, you have to stay in school, you don't have a choice, so you might as well try to make the most of it" Sybil told Esmerelda feeling sad because she knew that Esmerelda was not happy, but she also knew there was no point in Esmerelda spending the last few months being miserable, she had to live there so she must as well try and make the most of it.

"I know Sybil but it is hard, I hate being here alone" Esmerelda replied with a sigh before she wondered if she should tell them about her mental state, she had not told them how she had being feeling recently, having not wanted to worry them or even for them to turn their backs on her because of the way witches saw mental health, but Ethel and Sybil were there two people in the world she would talk to about it.

"Ethel, how is your mind recently? Any more depressed thoughts?" the blonde asked her sister, trying to start a conversation going, she didn't want to come out and tell them her fears straight away.

"It is on and off Esmie, everyday is different" Ethel replied with a shrug as she looked at Esmerelda suspiciously, it was a random thing to ask out of the blue. "Why do you want to ask?" Ethel asked looking at her sister.

Esmerelda looked at her sisters, her two most favourite people in this universe, the two people she would trust with her life and knew it was time she came clean, Ethel had being brave enough to talk about when her mental health had gotten bad bad she had to do the same.

"My mind has not being good the last few weeks, I don't know if we are suffering from the same thing Ethie but this does not seem to be going away, I thought it was all because of what happened with Lily, but I don't think it is, it seems deeper than that" Esmerelda told her sisters, focusing on a spot on the ground as she didn't want to see if they started to cry.

"Oh Esmie...you have spent so long worrying about my mind when you have being suffering with your own" Ethel said feeling bad.

"I know, but your health is still more important to me, I just thought you both should know, I don't like hiding things from you" Esmerelda told them and the girls nodded.

"Thank you for trusting us Esmie" Sybil said letting tears fall as both of her sisters had now told her their mind was bothering them and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Don't cry Sybie, I am fine, I am not going to do anything stupid, but you two mean everything to me, I hate lying to you and pretending everything is fine when it isn't" Esmerelda explained but Sybil still cried, unable to help herself. Ethel started then as well, making Esmerelda question if she had made the right decision.

"Ethie, not you too" Esmerelda said with a sigh, hating to see either of her sisters upset, let alone both.

"Is it my fault?" Ethel asked as she cried "Did I give you whatever I have?" Ethel asked as the thought entered her head and she could not help but start crying, she honestly would not wish anyone to live with a mental health issue, it was horrible and the thought Esmerelda might of inherited one of her to something was to much for her.

"What? No of course not Ethie! Don't think that…..we have both just suffered a lot, that is all, this isn't your fault Ethie!" Esmerelda told her feeling awful that she thought it was. Esmerelda did know sometimes it could be inherited but she wouldn't of got the gene from Ethel, it would of come from the family genes.

"I am sorry Esmie" Ethel said crying more really upset and she couldn't stop now she started.

"Don't be sorry you didn't do anything wrong Ethel" Esmerelda told them, hating that Ethel blamed herself, the fact they both were suffering was just bad luck, it was not anyone's fault.

"Listen, neither of you can say anything, you know how they reacted last time, they will react the same way, keep it quiet, I am fine I just wanted you both to be aware" Esmerelda told her sisters who nodded and wiped their eyes.

"Don't worry, we wouldn't be that stupid" Ethel told her sister remembering how much their parents had freaked the last time, this time would be no different.

"Your secret is safe with us!" Sybil said and Esmie let out a breathe, relived someone at least knew.