I am so sorry for the delays with updating this story. Thank you to everyone who is still reading. This is a huge chapter, two chapters in one just to say thank you. Thank you also for your lovely comments.
I love the angst within Elliot and Olivia's relationship. And here we have the angst of being in a horrific situation mixed with the feelings that they have for each other.
Thank you again! XX
His arm hurt. Why did his arm hurt? He opened his eyes slowly wondering why his youngest child hadn't burst through the bedroom door yet, like he did every day. It was then that he noticed he wasn't in his bedroom… Slowly, everything that had happened crept back into his memory. He'd been shot, he was in hospital…He was alive….
"Detective Stabler?" He looked up to see a petite nurse with a soft smile on her face walking into the room and towards him. "How are you feeling?" she asked, placing a hand on his forehead.
"Uh, okay. Where am I?" he asked, knowing this wasn't where he usually woke up after a tumble with a perp.
"You're in Chicago County General. How's the arm?"
"It's fine-" He stopped. "Where's my partner?" he asked. Was she okay? He knew without a doubt that if she could have been by his side she would have been. Why wasn't she there? His heart sank. He had no idea what had happened, what if she was hurt? Or worse? He struggled to keep his breathing steady as the nurse placed a hand on his arm.
"She's resting, you two were pretty beaten up…She's fine," she answered, noticing the worry etched all over Elliot's face.
"I wanna see her-" he pulled himself up, ignoring the wires going in and out of his body.
"Detective Stabler, you were both pretty dehydrated. We've put an IV in, so you can't move now. You lost a lot of blood as well-" as she spoke she watched as Elliot placed a hand to his head "-so you're going to feel dizzy if you move too quickly. As soon as this is done," she pointed to the IV, "you can go and see her okay?"
"Thanks, uh…" he looked for a name tag.
"It's Sam, and you're welcome."
Apparently he wasn't allowed to walk. Sam had informed him after an hour of constant questioning about Olivia, that if he wanted to see his partner he would get into the wheelchair and allow her to wheel him in. He'd argued that he could walk, tried to get up and nearly landed on top of the girl as he realised just how weak he was. He needed to see her, he needed to check she was okay, to find out how the hell they got out of that god forsaken place. So there he was, being wheeled down a long corridor by a girl half his size with his ass sticking to the leather of the chair, damn hospital gowns.
"Here we go," Sam wheeled him into a small room and stopped as Elliot held his hand up. His heart dropped. She was asleep, her chest rising and falling slowly. She was covered in bruises. She had a bandage wrapped around her forehead, when did she hit her head? She had a black eye, bruised cheek, split lip, and that was just her face. Her wrist was in a cast, broken. She must have been in agony while they were hiding….
"She's going to be fine," Sam told him softly, sensing his fear. "She has a pretty nasty concussion, she must have hit her head more than once," she watched as Elliot winced. She had hit her head more than once, more than twice, she had been beaten to a pulp and he'd slipped away with a damn graze on his arm.
"Her wrist is broken, pretty nasty break….She had a few nasty bruises, she's been in and out of sleep. We're monitoring her closely but she's pretty out of it. Do uh," Sam stopped, stepping in front of Elliot so she could face him. "Were you with her the whole time?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest. Elliot shook his head.
"Okay," she started. "Uh, I don't know a lot about what happened but…her clothes are ripped, some of the bruising is consistent with being held down-" she watched as Elliot tensed, wondering what on earth they had been through.
"They…they tried to rape her. Bastards…" he closed his eyes for a moment.
"Tried?" Sam asked. "So there's no way that while you weren't with her? Maybe while you were unconscious-"
"You wanna do a rape kit?" he asked, knowing that the young woman wouldn't do it without permission and that the questions were simply leading up to this.
"If you think there isn't a chance then-"
"I passed out. I don't know how we got out, I don't know if anyone… I need to talk to her," he took a deep breath. He wanted to believe that Phil, the real Phil, had come through and found them with no more hiccups but the bandage around her head told a different story. "Uh, is there anyone here? Anyone I can talk to? How did we get in here?"
"There was another man, he was pretty beaten up as well but he seemed to know what was going on. I'll find him for you," she pushed him towards Olivia's bed and placed a soft, comforting hand on his shoulder before leaving him along.
He watched as her chest rose and fell. They hadn't eaten for God knows how long, they hadn't slept, been able to go to the bathroom, they had been hunted like animals. He'd been shot, sure, but she had been completely victimised, brutalised to an almost irreversible level. He lowered his head, silently praying that she hadn't been raped, that if anything, she had been spared that. When they had made it to the tiny room that had become their sanctuary she had been shaking, on the verge of tears, he had never seen her like that before.
He didn't remember losing consciousness but he remembered that he could hear her calling, begging him to wake up and he'd wanted nothing more. He hadn't been able to force his eyes open, and her voice had sounded so far away… Then he'd woken up in the hospital. He needed someone to fill in the blanks.
He wanted to place his hand over hers, to touch her, to make sure she really was okay…As okay as she could be after what had happened. He had nearly lost her. If he hadn't found the gun….
"Stabler?"
He turned, surprised to see Phil, the man who had saved them from an almost certain death. "How is she?" he asked quietly, walking into the room.
"She's gonna be okay. What happened?" He didn't even bother to ask the other man how he was. He would, eventually but first he needed to know what had happened to his partner.
"I don't exactly know. I ran, flagged down a car and used his cell phone. Within a few hours back up had arrived." He sat down next to Elliot. "We were about to storm the building and he came out-"
"He?"
"One of Rogers henchmen, he had Olivia…there was a struggle, he pushed her, she hit her head and we shot him."
"Is he dead?"
"No, he was shot in the leg. He's gonna be fine, barely grazed the bastard."
"Have you been seen?" Elliot asked, noting the fading injuries on the other man's hands and face.
"I'm fine, I'll get checked out later. Just wanted to make sure you two were okay."
"We are, thanks to you. I can't…If you hadn't come back-" Elliot shook his head, unable to finish his sentence. If Phil hadn't returned Elliot would have been killed, Olivia would have been… He couldn't even think it.
"I'm just sorry I left you in the first place, you could have avoided all of that. I'm glad you're safe, both of you."
"El…"
Both men looked up as Olivia mumbled, slowly opening her eyes.
"Liv, you're okay." He stood up quickly, too quickly. He grasped the side of the bed and felt a strong hand on his back as Phil held him in place.
"You're okay..." she mumbled, struggling to keep her eyes open. She grasped his hand, something he had been desperate to do almost as soon as he had entered the room.
"I'm okay, I'm fine..." he whispered, watching as she frowned. The pain was everywhere, her head, her arm, her ribs. "Get the nurse," Elliot turned to Phil. The other man nodded, leaving right away. After a few moments of simply lookling at her, of reminding hs thumping heart that she was okay he spoke. "Where does it hurt?" Elliot asked, running his thumb along her hand.
"It's okay..." she lied, trying to push herself into the sitting position. "Guess it was broken after all," she sighed, lying back down, raising her cast covered arm. "How are you?" she asked, still feeling a little light headed. He didn't look amazing, he was pale and looked like he was about to drop there and then, but he was alive. "Sit down," she told him, her hand slipping out of his grasp. He missed her touch almost immediately.
"Liv, what happened?" he asked, unable to hide his frown.
"One of them found us, he just…walked in and…" she shook her head, remembering how cooly he'd laughed in her face. He had been so proud of himself for finding them.
"Did…Did he-"
"No, no. He said…He said he would, but only after…" she sighed. "I can't believe we made it out of there…"
"You're sure he didn't hurt you, or…I mean, why did he just leave me? There had to have been a reason-"
"Elliot, you're a man. What they wanted…was something you couldn't give them okay?" she couldn't help but shudder. She couldn't tell him why the man had left him, he would never forgive her. They had promised that they were getting out of that hell hold together or not at all. She had sacrificed herself hoping to save him but she knew that he wouldn't understand.
"But he didn't-"
"Elliot please," she raised her hand to her head. "Bastard pushed me when backup showed up, I hit my head…that's all he did. He wanted to take me back to the others before anything…happened."She wanted him to drop it. She didn't want to think of anything they had gone through over past few days…She didn't even know what day it was… "How long was I out?" she asked softly.
"Eighteen hours, I was pretty much the same, guess the fact that we've barely slept for a week caught up with us." He offered a small smile. They were so lucky to be out of there. He didn't know what would have happened to them if they hadn't been found when they were.
"Detective Benson, welcome back how are you feeling?" Sam walked in closely followed by another doctor, straight away the man gave her a smile.
"Hi, I'm Dr Carter. How are you feeling?" he asked, placing a hand on her forehead and looking into her eyes.
"Uh, little sore…" she answered, hating the fact that she felt as though she couldn't express how much pain she was in in front of Elliot.
"How's the head?"
"Uh, not..not good…" she answered. She couldn't help but notice Elliot shifting in his seat. Sam, seeing Olivia's reaction walked towards Elliot. "How about we give the doctor a chance to check Olivia properly? I'll wheel you back to bed-"
"No, no I want to…" he stopped as Olivia winced in pain as the doctor ran his hands along her stomach. "Uh, okay…"
"Can I…Can I ask you a question?" Sam asked as she wheeled Elliot back to his room. They had left Olivia and Dr Carter in the room. He could tell Olivia was suffering; he just wanted her to be okay. He knew she would try to pretend she was fine as long as he was there, something he hated. All thanks to a few heated words years ago she had a complex about appearing weak in front of him… he only had himself to blame.
"Shoot," Elliot answered. He hated being wheeled around. He felt like people were looking at him and his ass was sticking to the chair again.
"How did you two get in to this state?" she asked, not sure if she was being too nosey. Almost as soon as they'd been brought in she couldn't help but wonder. She often saw police officers with injuries but not like this, not officers who appeared to have been held hostage for days…
"We uh, we undercover but…turns out they knew we were cops all along…" he was angry just talking about it. Why? Why risk getting caught just to hurt them? Sick bastards. "We're lucky to be alive."
"Okay, I'm just going to press down here-" Dr Carter stopped as Olivia gasped in pain. "Looks like you may have a few broken ribs," as he spoke Olivia bit her lip as the pain seemed to reach every inch of her body.
The door opened and Sam walked in. "He's all settled, told me to tell you he'd be back in a little while." Olivia nodded.
"I'm going to give you a stronger dose of Morphine, between the head, the wrist and the ribs you must be suffering a fair bit… You're definitely one of my braver patients Detective." He looked in her eyes one more time, making sure the head wound hadn't caused any further deterioration. "There's just one last thing that I wanted to talk to you about," he sat on the stool next to the bed with a sympathetic look on his face. She knew what was coming but she didn't have the energy to stop him.
"There are a lot of injuries that seem to suggest a…" he took a deep breath, "sexual assault-"
"I don't need a rape kit-"
"Olivia-" Sam started, stopping as Olivia held her arm up. She didn't want to think about what hadn't happened…What had nearly happened. She never wanted to think about it again.
"There's no shame…" Dr Carter stopped as Olivia met his stare.
"I wasn't raped. I…I know there's no shame I'm a detective with the special victims unit, I just…I wasn't raped." She wasn't raped. She came close, but she knew how to deal with it. She had come close before and she had survived, this was…this was different.
Both Sam and Dr Carter shared a glance. "But you were assaulted?" Carter asked.
"I…My partner stopped them," she stopped as she saw the two medical professionals react to the word "them". She wasn't a victim. Elliot had stopped it. She was fine. "Look, I appreciate the concern, I wish there were more people like you in New York but…I'm fine. I just need to get out of here-"
"You're Captain is on his way here now to bring you both back to New York, but you both have to stay in bed until then. He should be here tomorrow afternoon. There are a few officers waiting to speak to you as well, I can send them in whenever you're ready?" Sam gave her a soft smile. She couldn't even imagine what the other woman had been through. She would try to talk to her again, just to make sure she really was okay like she said she was.
Two hours later Olivia lay in the hospital bed, frightened to fall asleep. She had been through everything in her mind and one thing above all still made her heart feel as though it was about to implode. They were going to kill him. They were going to shoot him right in front of her. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to force the thoughts out of her head. Nothing worked. She couldn't help but feel the fear, as if she was in the room all over again, as if Elliot was seconds away from being killed.
She hadn't been able to open her eyes after hearing the gun shot. Before she'd even had time to break down he was on her, pulling her out the door. Then they were safe… It had all happened so quickly she was still shaking hours after they had made their way to the safe house. She was still convinced they were going to die, that someone would find them. When Elliot had lost consciousness she had almost…given up. There was a chance he wasn't going to wake up and there, in that moment in time she figured that it didn't really matter what happened to her is he didn't wake up… There was also a chance he could have been saved, she would've sacrificed herself to save him, to bring him home to his kids…
Her stomach flipped as she remembered the feel of his lips on hers. He'd lost a lot of blood and she'd had a head injury… It was the only way to explain what had happened. She couldn't forget how he felt. She had thought about it before, she couldn't lie. She had imagined what it might be like to feel his lips against hers… It was always passionate and hungry and not at all like what it had been. He had been so…careful with her, so gentle with her. She had pulled away, slowly, not wanting to as soon as she remembered about why she wanted to get him home so desperately. His wife. His wife and his children were the most important people in the world to him. She wondered if he remembered?
He had kissed her. He had nearly lost her and she looked so frightened he just wanted to comfort her. He wanted to make everything okay. She had pulled away, of course she had. He had had feelings for her for a long time. Part of leaving the SVU was him making a choice between her and his wife and kids. His wife had never asked him, but as he felt himself needing to be closer and closer to his partner he knew it could only end badly, so he decided that it was time for a change.
He had missed her so much. He had been miserable at work. Home had been better, Kathy relished in having him home more often and he felt more connected to her. She was an amazing woman. He couldn't help but always think of Olivia. Olivia had avoided all contact with him and he understood. She saw him as a friend, a good friend but nothing more. The job held them together like glue, without it what were they? Friends, one of which had feelings for the other while the other didn't? It never would have worked. Kissing her had been a moment of madness, something he had often dreamt about. Nothing about the position those bastards had put them in was normal, maybe that's why he had done it? He didn't know. He only hoped she had forgotten, or chose never to mention it again…
Maybe he needed to mention it. Apologise. What if she was angry at him? What if she was seeing someone… His heart hurt. What if she was seeing someone?
She had cancelled a date just before going undercover. When Elliot was gone she'd thought that maybe there was a chance that she could find happiness. He didn't ever stop her from finding it but she couldn't help comparing the men she was with to him. To start with she thought it was admiration for the man who had shown her the ropes, it had taken years to figure out it was more. She hadn't intentionally stayed single. She knew that Elliot loved his wife, that he didn't have feelings for her but it was hard to get him out of her head when he was there every day.
Once he had left she began to date casually, nothing serious. There had been a few disastrous dates, one that ended in her leaving before the main course, but still no one compared to him. She wasn't pining, she really wasn't, she just wanted someone like him. She wanted someone as courageous and kind hearted as Elliot Stabler but that was proving to be more than a little difficult. He had been her best friend for so long, and she had managed to ignore the little butterflies in her stomach that attacked once in a while. It was after she left, and the deep loss that she felt that told her exactly how much she had cared about him. She had barely been able to get over him when he showed up again.
She didn't want him to leave again. She wanted to make an effort with him but maybe now he wouldn't. He had kissed her, but she had kissed him back. What if he knew? What if he knew that she cared about him more than she should?
"Uh, Olivia?" She was shaken from her thoughts by a knock on the door. Phil walked in slowly, limping slightly.
"Have you been checked over yet?" she asked, watching as he nodded. He sat down across from her and looked up. "How are you feeling?" he asked softly.
"I'm good…I'm…I'm fine," she didn't know this man and yet she felt connected to him somehow. He had been through the same ordeal as she and Elliot had, more in fact. "They uh, they checked your system? The drugs?"
"No trace, and I feel fine, really. It's nothing a few days in front of the sofa won't cure," he smiled. "What about you? Did they say when you're getting out?"
"Tomorrow hopefully, damn head wound. And Elliot's arm-"
"Yeah, gunshot…wow-"
"He's used to it," she couldn't help but smile. Poor Elliot. He had been shoved through a window, pushed off a roof, shot multiple times… Maybe he was better off away from SVU.
"He's been shot before?" Phil frowned.
"Uh, you could say that…" There was a moment of silence before she spoke again. "I..wanted to thank you, again. You saved our lives…"
"Hey don't mention it, like I said…you guys would have done the same. You uh, you were pretty shaken up…I'm sorry it took me so long."
"I…don't think I've ever been so scared…" she could think of one time when she had, but it was pushed to the very back of her mind. "They…they did it all just for fun? I don't understand why?"
"Because they could. I don't know when or how they guessed I was a cop I just…I remember they came into my room in the middle of the night and…the rest is a blur, the only thing I really remember is you…"
"Me?" she asked, watching as he blushed.
"You…Your voice and I just…I wasn't scared, I knew you were a cop. I don't even know how." He gave her a sad smile, she slowly placed her hand over his. "I'm…so sorry that we left you-"
"Hey, no…" he shook his head. "It's okay, you couldn't have known…" he swallowed the lump in his throat, desperate to get the hazy memories out of his head. He felt Olivia's grip on his hand tighten.
"Phil, what did they do to you?" she asked softly. She knew something had happened to him, something he wouldn't just admit. He needed help. The man shook his head, pulling his hand out from underneath Olivia's.
"I…Nothing…"
"If something happened to you-"
"It didn't," he spoke a little too quickly. "I…" he shook his head. "As much happened to me as it did to you," he admitted, yet again swallowing the lump in his throat. "They…They came in and took my pants off…"his voice shook as he spoke. "Jesus, I've spoken to rape victims, I've caught rapists and I never…I never thought that I would ever…" he cleared his throat. "They made me think they were…going to…." He shook his head. "Then they just laughed, said they weren't faggots and left…" The bastards knew that he couldn't move but that he could hear every word…
"It's okay," Olivia couldn't help but want to comfort him. Not because it was what she did, not because it was her job but because he had felt the exact same fear as she had. "They…they just wanted to scare you,"
"It worked…" he avoided eye contact but opened his mouth to speak. She was the only one that really understood, maybe if he spoke to her they could help each other. He had been awake for only God knew how long, scared to close his eyes just in case the memories turned into vicious nightmares. He had been drugged, beaten and almost sexually assaulted and he didn't know how to cope…
"Hey." They both looked up to see Elliot sat in a wheelchair with a nurse behind him. He knew right away that he had interrupted something. "Uh I can-"
"No, no it's okay," Phil stood up, avoiding all eye contact with Olivia and walked towards the door.
"Phil-" Olivia started. He turned to face her, looking her in the eye, silently urging her not to say anything. She didn't say a word.
"I'll come with my partner and we'll get statements from you guys, get some rest." And with that he was gone.
"Uh, what was that about?" Elliot asked, rolling his eyes as the nurse behind him pushed him towards her. She left them alone.
"Uh, nothing he was just…checking I was okay," she lied. She needed to talk to Phil again before she spoke to Elliot.
"Looked a bit more than that to me?"
"Really El, it's nothing." She hated lying to him, and she would tell him, but first she needed to talk to the other man first. There was a chance they would be working together again but more than that she needed to make sure he was okay, as okay as he could be.
"So, how exactly did you manage this?" Olivia asked turning to her side. Elliot lay next to her in his hospital bed. He had told her that he had a surprise and then promptly left. Minutes later he had returned and his bed was wheeled into her room.
"You know, it's my natural charm," he grinned. She hadn't seen him smile like that in so long. Jesus. She turned away from him, she had kissed him.
"Liv?" within seconds he was by her side. He placed a soft hand on her shoulder. "Hey, what is it?"
"Are you supposed to be out of bed?" she asked, trying to avoid his stare.
"I was shot in the arm, I'm good." He smiled, rubbing his thumb across her shoulder. "What's going on?" he asked, concern painted all over his face. "Liv?"
"You…" she shook her head. If he wanted to talk about it he would. "I'm just exhausted, I'm fine, really."
"Liv, everything that we've been through… We're going to be fine, you know that?"
"I know," she nodded. He would leave as soon as they got home. She desperately hoped that he would ask her to spend time with him again; she wouldn't turn him down this time, even if she should.
"I…I think I wanna come back to SVU."
"No…"
Elliot opened his eyes slowly, he had fallen asleep. He turned to see that Olivia had also fallen asleep. She was twisting and frowning in her sleep. His stomach clenched. The thought of her suffering, reliving that suffering was almost too much to take. His own dreams had been full of her, men with their hands on her while he was forced to watch. He slowly climbed out of his bed as Olivia called out again. "Please," she whimpered. It broke his heart.
"Olivia," he whispered, careful not to touch her.
"No…please…no…."
"Liv," he placed a hand on her shoulder as her pleading became too much to bear. She shot up, crying out. She couldn't catch her breath. She held her hands up, shrugging off the hands that had woke her up.
"It's me," Elliot whispered, his hand finding her shoulder. "You're okay," he whispered, pulling her towards him until her shoulder rested against his chest. She grasped the material of his hospital gown as she struggled to control her breathing, forcing him impossibly closer to her. She needed to feel him, to know that he was okay, that they both were, that they were out of that hell hole. She rested her head against his shoulder, allowing herself to relax against him. After a few seconds she tried to pull away.
"No, stay… Please," he whispered, running a hand through her hair. He would never have admitted it but he needed to touch her, to feel her close to him. He had nearly lost her, they had nearly died and he had never been more afraid. He felt her shift against him, he pulled away, ready to beg her to stay as she was for just a few minutes when he realised what she was doing. She had moved, making room for him to lie next to her.
Is this okay? She wanted to ask but she didn't have the chance. He was next to her in seconds, pulling her towards him until her head was against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and she had never felt safer. They didn't touch. Ever. She knew that if anyone walked in it would look awful but she didn't care. Her dream had been him on his knees, begging her to look away, trying to save her the pain of seeing him killed. That image would haunt her for the rest of her life. Tomorrow she would wake up and feel different, she would be the Olivia Benson who never touched her partner, who thought of his wife and children rather than her own needs but for now she needed him. She needed to know he was okay.
He felt every rise and fall of her chest as she lay against him. He needed this. He had thought about pulling their beds closer together but he was sure she would have thought he was going mad. He just needed to be closer to her. He had nearly lost her. Nearly watched as she had been brutalised and he needed to remember that she was okay. She must have been dreaming about the horrors those bastards had put her through. Tomorrow he would be different, he promised himself but they had so nearly lost their lives and he needed to be as close as he could possibly be to her. He couldn't explain it, even to himself. He remembered he had lost Lizzie once, while they were shopping and he had been so frantic, he'd cried in the middle of the store. When he had found her he held her so tightly, he never wanted to let her go. He was sure that in a moment or two, when she realised what they were doing she would kick him back to his own bed but for now he was there, she was against him and they were safe….
Sam slowly trudged through the emergency ward's corridors. She had left last night after allowing Detective Stabler to move his bed into Detective Benson's room, something she was hoping wouldn't have caused any problems while she was gone. She had no idea what the pair had been through, it was the least she could have done for them. The woman, Detective Benson had been through hell. Sam barely knew what had happened to them but from the little that she had heard it wasn't pretty.
She reached their room and walked in slowly, wondering if they had managed to sleep at all. She stopped. In front of her, the detectives lay in one bed, asleep. Detective Stabler slept with his arms wrapped around his partner as she slept with her heard on his chest, one arm draped across his stomach. Sam couldn't help but stare for a little longer than she should have, Detective Stabler wore a wedding ring, unlike Detective Benson. She had heard the man mentioning his wife the day before. She looked up as he stirred, his eyes opening slowly.
"Morning," Sam gave him a slightly embarrassed smile.
"Uh," Elliot looked from Olivia back to Sam. "This isn't what it looks like," he whispered, careful not to wake Olivia.
"It's none of my business," Sam shrugged, looking over their charts.
"No, really..." he started, stopping as Olivia shifted next to him. As she settled in her new position, remaining asleep Elliot carried on. "I know it looks bad..." he hadn't intended on falling asleep as well, just waiting long enough for her to fall asleep after being plagued with nightmares. Sam looked up at him, she wanted to tell him it was fine, to tell him that she understood
"It's okay, really." She had seen many things in her time as a nurse, things she didn't agree with, things that she did. One of the great things about being a nurse was the lack of need to place judgement. She could walk away. Of course, if she was asked for her opinion or witnessing abuse then she would happily step in but in cases like this she was happy not to get involved, she only hoped the guys wife didn't turn up anytime soon. "How are you feeling today?"
"I'm fine," he answered looking down at Olivia, the harsh bruises on her face now a deep purple. "Think I'll be getting out of here today?" he asked. His arm hurt, but he'd had worse. It was hard to believe that less than twenty four hours ago they were still in that hell hole, scared for their lives, now they were safe. Safe. He didn't want to think about what he'd nearly lost, he wanted to find the bastards. Was Rogers dead? He needed to speak to Phil.
He had barely slept at all, simply lying with Olivia in his arms thinking about everything, all the hints he'd missed, the conversations with who he thought was Phil. Elliot had given them all the ammunition they had needed, he had confessed his feelings for Olivia, even told him that she had been assaulted in the past. They had used every single thing that he'd told them against him, and against Olivia. She was in this state because of him. If he had played it cool they never would have realised that she was weak spot, as soon as he'd admitted to feeling something for her she was as good as dead.
"I can't see any reason why you wouldn't be able to go home today, not so sure about your...partner though."
Elliot didn't miss the hesitation before the nurse called Olivia his partner. He knew it looked bad, and yet he hadn't moved. He didn't want to wake her. That was all it came down to, it wasn't that he couldn't help but enjoy the feel of her skin against his... He was an asshole. She would be embarrassed if she woke up as they were.
"She had quite a few blows to the head we may just want to keep her in for a bit longer to monitor her," Sam watched as Elliot shifted slightly, pulling himself out from under Olivia as gently as he could. As soon as he was free, after one last look to check she was okay he walked back to his bed. "Probably best if we just forgot-"
"It's already done," Sam offered a smile.
She woke slowly, the soft throbbing at the back her head immediately reminding her where she was.
"Hey," she heard his voice from across the room. She turned slowly, aching pretty much everywhere. She tried to reply but her throat was too dry. How was it possible that she actually felt worse than she had yesterday? She closed her eyes again, hoping the pain would subside for just a few seconds.
"Liv?" He was at her side in seconds, his hand on her arm. "What is it are you okay?" he couldn't hide the worry in his voice.
"I'm fine…" she told him softly, pushing herself up until she was sitting. She ignored all eye contact as Elliot stared at her, concern plastered all over his face. She had woken in the middle of the night, confused and still in his arms. She had wanted to push him away there and then but there was nowhere for him to go. He was married. He had five children. She was his partner. She had literally lay there, her cheek pressed against his chest, he was clothed thank God, she must have been awake for hours.
He had kissed her. In the blur of being rescued and so terrified that he had died she had almost forgotten that small detail. He had kissed her, her lips… She had kissed him back. They had been near death…well, they had nearly faced death and he'd been shot but it just didn't excuse it. No matter what angle she looked at it from, it had wrong stamped across it. And then there he was, sleeping, holding her in his arms when she wasn't his to hold. She had wanted more than anything to push herself away, to push him so hard that he woke up and to tell him to go back to his own bed but she wouldn't allow herself. She couldn't help but revel in the feel if his chest against her cheek, the gentle rise and fall of his chest was almost comforting. She had thought about asking him, asking him why he'd kissed her, what he was thinking but she was hoping that he'd lost just enough blood to have forgotten. Jesus, what the hell was he playing at?
She'd promised herself last night, no more acting like a teenage girl with a crush. He was married, he would leave and go back to his wife as soon as the case was closed and she would be left alone again. He was not hers. Back in that…hell hole they had completely played them, she had been pressed against a damn wall while he pretended to screw her…Jesus, they must have been laughing at them…They had gotten too close in just a few days. The arguments, the fights were all her way of fighting just how much she had missed him. He had left her. He had initiated it, not the other way around and he would again, she just knew it…
She had stayed awake all night trying to pinpoint the exact moment that she fell for him. The moment that she no longer wanted to see him every day but needed to and she simply couldn't find it. She struggled to contain her tears as she questioned why she'd kissed him back. He had been pushing for more, he had moved his hand to the bottom of her shirt…He would have gone further if she'd allowed him. He had probably imagined his wife…The tears fell freely when she realised that he had simply kissed her to ease his fear, that he was probably thinking of his beautiful blonde wife, seeking comfort when he thought he was dying…
She had only seen him. He was the one that she imagined when other men kissed her, when, on the rare occasion she allowed someone into her bed. It was always him. She was so embarrassed, lying there, unable to force herself to push herself away from a man who, if he knew how she actually felt about him, would run as far as he could…into the arms of his wife. She was pathetic.
She could still feel his lips on hers…
"Liv? Talk to me?" he started, yet again placing a hand over hers. Since when did they touch like this? Didn't he realise it wasn't a game. Sure, he was comfortable with her now, he was happy that she was no longer his partner he wanted to be friends whilst still having his loving wife at home. Didn't he understand how she felt? Hell, did she?
"Did you call Kathy?" she asked, pulling her hand away a little too quickly. There it was the age old technique of using his wife's name to shield herself.
"Uh, yeah, she and the kids are fine…looking forward to having me back home.."
"I'll bet…" she closed her eyes as another wave of pain rolled through her skull. She could feel him tensing next to her, not quite sure what to do. "Can you…can you get the nurse?" she asked, she needed something for the pain. She knew the dull ache in her chest wouldn't go away as long as he was there but she could, at least, do something about the pain in her head.
"Elliot?"
He barely recognised his own name. He turned, immediately seeing his boss…old boss. "Cap," he started. Stopping as the man placed a strong hand on his shoulder.
"Jesus, you look like shit…" Cragen assessed his wounds quickly. "How are you feeling?" he asked, looking around for Olivia.
"Like shit…" he almost laughed. Finally something familiar. All he'd had to cling onto was Olivia and it wasn't fair to her, now their boss was there they could begin to come to terms with what had happened and find the bastards that had done it.
"Stabler…" Elliot felt Cragen's hand slip off of his shoulder. Phil walked towards them, limping slightly.
"Uh, this is my Captain Donald Cragen-"
"We spoke on the phone," Phil shook Don's hand firmly. "How's Olivia?" as he spoke he watched as Donald Cragen looked up, worry etched into his face.
"She's okay…uh, she actually wanted the nurse…Sam?" he called, waiting for the young woman to respond. She walked over, looking between the three men.
"Uh, Liv asked me to get you…I think she's in pain…" he should have stayed with her, there should have been a button thingy that he could have pressed. She was in pain. She needed him…or maybe he needed to be close to her…
"Have you called your wife?"
Her words echoed through his mind…What the hell had he been doing? Touching her like that? She was uncomfortable, he could see. He had thought that maybe after everything they had been through that she wouldn't pull away anymore, that she would allow him to care…
"Elliot?" Cragen's voice shook him from his daydream. "Wanna start at the beginning?" he asked, looking from Phil to Elliot. The three men walked towards the nearest empty room.
"It was…all a hoax. They knew we were coming…."
Olivia winced as Sam pressed on her ribs but she did not make a sound.
"We're thinking of letting your partner go home today…But I think it would be best if you stayed here for a few-"
"No, if he's going home so am I…" she winced again as Sam pressed down again. "Sorry I…We have a case to…" she stopped, grasping her stomach as Sam carefully pressed around her abdomen.
"How long has this been hurting?" Sam asked, unable to hide the frown forming.
"Uh, since I woke up…yesterday…" she admitted. Everything had ached, it was only now that her stomach was really starting to hurt. Her head was constantly thumping and her wrist…well it just hurt.
"I want to do an ultrasound, just to check that you have no internal bleeding…You really took a hell of a beating…" Sam looked at Olivia sympathetically.
"I've had worse…" she wasn't sure why she'd said it, she hadn't but she just couldn't stand the way the woman was looking at her. Sympathy. The look she had given so many times, Jesus, it was awful.
"Really?"
"Uh, no…no not really…but," she sighed, "it could have been so much worse…" she closed her eyes for just a second and he was there, begging her not to look, urging her to look away…She'd nearly watched him die.
"You're partner uh, he's outside. I think your Captain's here…"
"Great…" Olivia couldn't stop the tears welling in her eyes. She'd nearly watched him die, and now he was going to walk away all over again just as she had started allowing herself to accept that he was back.
"Hey," Sam placed a soft hand on Olivia's shoulder. "Are you okay? DO you want me to get your partnter-"
"No!" she tried to sit up, failing miserably and grasping at her stomach.
"It's okay, it's okay, lie down…I won't get him…"
"I was awake…" Olivia started, after lying still for a few moments. "This morning when you came in…"
"Uh, I'm sorry." Sam blushed. "I should never have said anything…"
"He's married…nothing has ever happened between us. We worked together for nearly twelve years and…not once…" she shook her head.
"I can see that you care for him…" Sam wasn't sure what to say. Olivia closed her eyes, even a stranger could see it. She was pathetic. Elliot would literally run back to Kathy.
"He would never…I wouldn't…These guys just…they messed with our heads. We were all we had…" she struggled to explain. She had kissed him, once, but that couldn't cancel out the twelve years that she had barely touched him at all. She couldn't stand the thought of the woman in front of her judging her, thinking that she had taken what wasn't hers. She had fought for years to suppress her feelings, to pretend that she didn't feel anything more than what she should and she'd done a damn good job…until now…
"We still don't know-" Phil stopped as Elliot's eyes widened.
"I'm sorry…what?"
"We've had officers on the scene, they've found no bodies…everyone was gone by the time we got there apart from Abel,"
"The guy who tried to take Liv back to the warehouse?" Elliot asked, watching as Phil nodded.
"So you don't know for sure that you even shot him?" Cragen asked, struggling to come to terms with the ordeal his people had been though.
"I did, I definitely shot him Captain, there's no doubt about that. I saw him hit the ground."
"I wouldn't be surprised if they had Doctors ready for when things like this happen, we'll never find 'em if they don't want us to," Elliot sighed.
"Well we have something…" Phil started, reaching into his back pocket. He pulled out a small notebook and handed it to Elliot. "Before you guys came, before they made me, I managed to get into the filing cupboard and I got names…"
"Names of couples looking for babies?" Cragen asked.
"Yeah and it turns out they're a lot closer to you guys than we thought…" as he spoke Elliot flicked through the addresses.
"Every single one is in New York City…"
"The ultrasound is clear, there's no internal damage but you're going to be in pain for a while. Is there nothing I can do to get you to stay just a few more days?"
"You could transfer my entire squad here?" she smiled softly, ignoring the pain pretty much everywhere.
"Okay I'll get your meds ready-"
"Remember-" she started, stopping as Sam turned to her with a smile on her face.
"-Nothing that makes you drowsy, I got it," she smiled, pulling open the door and walking out.
"I thought Elliot looked like crap…" Cragen's voice startled her. "How' you doing?" he asked, walking towards her, scanning her body for injuries. The woman was black and blue. "They really did a number on you huh?" he asked, sitting next to her bed.
"On us both, Captain they-"
"It's okay, Elliot told me everything. You're friend, uh, Phil? He found a list of addresses before he was made, they're in New York…"
Olivia's eyes lit up. "Then let's get going, we can-"
"You can't do anything."Cragen stated firmly, watching as she frowned, obviously confused.
"Cap, I'm not staying here-" she started.
"I know, I didn't think you would but you need to take at least a week's downtime-"
"Captain-"
"We can make it two? You look like you've gone ten round with Tyson Liv, you need to relax, recover. I want you to talk to Huang-"
"Captain-" she protested, getting no further than a simple name before he interrupted, again.
"I think I'm being pretty reasonable here? I want you on this case as much as you want to be on it, but we both know you should be in here for a t least a week. If you're not going to follow doctor's orders you're sure as hell going to follow mine…"
She had been grateful when Cragen had informed them that they would be flying to New York, she wasn't sure she could take the car journey, not in the state she was in. She was literally aching for her own bed. However as she finished filling out the forms and waited for her colleagues to come and get her she couldn't help but feel…deflated. They had been through so much and although it was over she just couldn't get the memories out of her head and she knew that eventually she would have to face them. Mixing that with the knowledge that Elliot would soon be gone was almost enough to make her want to stay in the hospital bed for just a little bit longer…
"Ready?"
"You have got to be kidding me…" Olivia could barely walk, sure, but she sure as hell was not going to use a wheelchair. Cragen simply pointed to the chair, not willing to take no for an answer and she knew, it was going to be a long trip home.
"Uh, nurse…"
Sam stopped as she heard a voice from behind her. "Hi, are you okay?" she asked the man who was gripping his side. He was extremely pale and sweating. He was well built with grey hair, looked like he hadn't shaved for a while…
"I've been mugged…" he mumbled before falling to the floor, the young nurse unable to take his weight alone fell to her knees with him whilst trying to keep him from falling.
"Can I get some help over here!" she called, protecting the man's head from the fall. "Cam you hear me?" she asked, gently tapping his cheeks with her fingers. "Can you tell me your name?" She asked, checking for a pulse, waiting for help. He'd spoken so quietly that she'd barely heard him.
"It's Phil…"