Dean's POV

The voice in the back of my head was telling me how much I didn't deserve Cas, I tried to ignore it by kissing him but the more I kissed him the louder the voice got. Finally, I pushed Cas off and grabbed my head, covering my ears "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" I didn't realize I was down on the floor until I felt Cas put his arms around me and rub my back. I closed my eyes, I didn't want to cry, I was tired of crying. You are weak, the piece of shit that doesn't deserve someone like Cas. He used to be a fucking angel and you ruined that. I whimpered a little, deep down I knew that Cas loved me, and he liked being a human, but right now all I could think about is how right the voice is. It took a few minutes before I registered Cas was talking to me. "It's okay Dean, it's okay. I've got you okay, I'm going to be here for you Dean, I will always be here for you."

I wrapped my arms around Cas tightly, I knew I was clinging to him desperately but I couldn't force myself to care about how desperate I was being. Normally I wouldn't do this but something was different right now, the voice in my head had always been there, but it was never this loud, never this obvious. I almost didn't hear someone knocking on the bathroom door, Cas reached up to turn the shower off and shouted, "Yes?"

Sam's voice was on the other side of the door, "Dean? I heard yelling. Is everything okay?"

I couldn't make myself answer, Cas answered for me, "Not quite Sam. However right now we need to get dressed, we will come out and talk to you in a few minutes."

I heard Sam hesitate but finally, he said, "Alright, I'll be in the library."

Cas looked down at me and smiled gently, "Come on Dean, we should get dressed."

I nodded a little, Cas got out first and grabbed towels for the both of us, after handing me one so I could dry off he went into our bedroom to get clothes for the two of us. I dried myself off before slowly standing up, Cas is getting tired of your shit. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath and ignoring it for now. Once I was up I went into the bedroom to see Cas half-dressed and that he had laid clothes out for me. I put my clothes on and then looked at Cas who was watching me, and I could see the worry in his eyes, I went to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Cas kissed me softly and rubbed my back gently, "Before we go talk to Sam do you wish to explain to me what that was?"

I sighed a little and looked away from Cas, "There has always been this voice in the back of my head, telling me how shit I am. When I was a teenager it was loud but I learned to ignore it. It got pretty quiet… W..when I was kissing you it was telling me how shitty I am and it just kept getting louder… I'm sorry Cas… I am damaged goods. You deserve so much better, I am worthless."

Cas hooked his finger under my chin and made me look at him, he smiled but it was a sad smile. "Dean you are wonderful, and I have loved you since the moment I laid my hand on your soul in hell. You are so amazing and I could not imagine things being any different… I love that I can be married to you because you amaze me with your strength. I was angry when I found you in bed with Naomi, but I know how much you love me. I know how hard things are right now, and the voice in your head is louder because of what Naomi did to you. Please do not think for one second I will let you cast me aside because you think I deserve better, being with you is all I want in my life."

I felt my shoulder sink and I hugged Cas tightly, the voice was quiet for now and I closed my eyes tightly. Finally, I pulled away and Cas smiled at me, this time it was a happier smile, I took a deep breath, "We should go talk to Sam before he tries barging in here."

Cas smiled and nodded, "Yes Dean,"

As we walked out to the library Cas took my hand and I smiled and held his hand tightly. When we got to the library Sam was sitting there with Gabe talking softly, part of me wanted to turn around and hide from all of this, but Cas seemed to sense that and put his hand on my shoulder and gently whispered, "It's okay Dean, Sam is worried about you and he wants to be there for you"

I nodded a bit and still clinging to Cas's hand I sat down at the table across from Sam and Cas sat next to me, still holding my hand. It took me a second to look up to meet Sam's eyes, and it nearly made me break down because even though he was grown up, I could still see the little boy who looked up to me, the little boy who loved me. Sam softly said, "I won't make you talk to me about things Dean, but I do want you to because I'm worried…"

Gabe looks at Cas, "Maybe we should let the Winchester's talk alone Cassie"

Cas starts to argue until I look at him and nod, "It's okay Cas. If I need you I'll have Sammy come and get you okay?"

Cas hesitated but nodded and kissed my cheek, "We'll be in the kitchen."

I nodded a little and smiled and watched Cas go with the Gabe to the kitchen, once he was gone I felt my confidence fade but I knew I needed to talk to Sam about things. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath to gather myself before I steeled myself. Finally, I looked at Sam, "I hear Dad's voice in the back of my head, it's been there since I was maybe 10, telling me how awful I was and stuff like that. It got worse when I was a teenager… it's part of the reason I dropped out of High School. It got easier to ignore as I grew up, when I first fell for Cas it was pretty loud but the last few years I haven't heard his voice at all…"

I explained everything to Sam and after a few minutes he got up, and made me get up as well, pulling me into a tight hug. "I'm sorry Dad put so much pressure on you that you started hearing his voice all the time…"

I closed my eyes fighting the tears, I had never told Sam any of this because I still had to protect him even though he was capable enough to protect himself. Now though I was getting to the point where I knew he wanted to help me to.

((Okay Guys! Here is a new chapter for you guys, I still have no idea where this will be ending so I am just gunna keep writing until I figure it out. Anyways, please if you are enjoying this Follow and Favorite. If you want to leave me a review to let me know what you think please do, the reviews mean the world to me!))