Warning! Mention of suicide is in this chapter! I don't condone suicide! Please if are having any thoughts of ending your life, talk to someone. I have knowledge of what it's like to be in that pit and understand some may not like to talk to people. But it's not worth it, I beg of you to talk to at least a friend if you are having thoughts from the Pit.
My mind is mauling over different situations that should of happened if I played my cards right. Piper wouldn't be blind and my fingers wouldn't be melted from my stupid mistake. Through all the thinking, I was able to recall what happen to us and the information should be told to Optimus. Yet my body didn't move an inch to the exit from my laid down position in my makeshift bed.
Rumor has spread around that it was my fault for Pipers predicament. No one has spoken to me, except Sides and Ironhide (Ratchet has a hard time looking at me), or given me a glance if I move from my comfortable bed.
The blame should be placed on me; it is my fault for what happened to Piper. When I went to speak to her, she didn't speak to me either. It broke my heart to see her like that; she doesn't earn what happened to her. It should've been me with all the bad things I have done in my lifetime, I would earn it.
Tears well up in my eyes for the fifth time today as more thoughts whirled around inside my head. Piper, Kevin, Ruby, and Charlie haven't looked me in the eye since the accident and yet to come check up on me.
Ratchet had released me early from the human Med. Bay as he didn't want to deal with me. My hands are still wrapped in the cloth and I have undone the wrapping to see the damage. Let's just say, it wasn't a pretty sight and will have a hard time working with my hands in the near future, it there is one.
The more my mind thought, the deeper it went down in the hole of depression. To the point of suicide was passing over and over in my mind. It would be better that I leave this world; no one no longer wants to see me around.
A three seconded beep sounded from the large door to accustom the iron giants that travel around the base. The door slides open and the massive frame of Ironhide treads into the hanger that is his berthroom.
Ironhide's shoulders are sagged and his gait is slow, telling me something is wrong. But my mouth didn't open to question the elephant in the room. His problems are his and his alone; my shoulders couldn't hold any more problems than the ones it's already holding.
He glances over to me and a small smile plays his lips as his eyes lock onto mine. Without realizing it, I too let a tiny smile grow on my lips. It was barely noticeable and you would have to look real hard to see it.
My eyes watch as he treads over to his bed and easily lays himself down. His frame doesn't move after that and my guess is he has fallen into recharge.
From my spot, I could see the beautiful stars with no moon to accompany them. They shone and twinkled as I watched them. As it felt only moment later until sleep decided to grasp me in its hold and drag me down to the bad lands of the dream world.
Nightmares took over my sleep; they showed of horrible things. Over exaggerating everything that happened and adding things that never happened. It wasn't a pleasant night for sleep and had me waking up multiple times through the night.
A loud gasp escaped my mouth as I flung my upper body into a sitting position. Ragged breaths could be the only thing you could hear in the once deadly silent berthroom of Ironhide. More tears ran down my face freely from the newly made nightmare consisting of everyone that is close to my heart was killed in front of me.
Once calming myself down from the nightmare, I gaze around the room to find no one in here. Light bleeds through the windows way out of reach giving me a chance to guess its morning. The normal outside noise of the soldier moving around to arrive at their stations to start the day or change where ever they are.
At least I wasn't fully alone, if there was trouble, there are people out the door.
The sun is rising to fulfill the day with sunlight and I lay in my bed once again over thinking everything. My mind racing to put things together, missing pieces to the puzzle inside my head. It was so jumbled inside my head, thoughts are scattered throughout my large head.
It took awhile to slow down my thoughts to normally think about a plan. Instead of killing myself, I believe it's the coward's way out; I'm going to leave the base forever. There is a problem here and it's me, the problem needs to be taken care of and I rather not have them deal with my dead body also.
The plan is when Ironhide comes back and goes into recharge, I'll pack any needed supplies before making my way over the chain link fence. Then head west to where civilization is and survive on the streets once more.
Later that day
"Come on Gabe! Don't you want to play any games?" Sides asks from the other side of the door of Ironhides berthroom. He is with his ever-so-loving twin who hasn't spoken a word and the reason I know he is there is Sides told me he is there.
"No. Leave me alone," I grumbled into the pile of blankets surrounding. A groan was given as a reaction and thunk on the door scared me almost shitless.
"Please," he drew out the entire word for his amusement and continues to bother me for a few more minutes before his twin decides he is bothering me too much.
"Sides, leave her alone. She doesn't want to hang with you," he scoffs and I heard his footsteps move further away from the door. Sides calls after his twin and rolls after him to catch up.
Peace and somewhat quiet washed over me as I snuggle back into my comfortable blankets to either: over think everything again or fall back asleep. The latter is looking like a good idea as the red frontliner wanted me to play a videogame with him and his golden twin.
The normal three seconded beep sounded through the quiet air and woke me up from my nightmare sleep. My guardian treads through the door and closes it behind him. He peers over to me snuggled in my warm blankets and another small smile grows on his face. This time, I didn't return it and turned over in my bed to face away from him.
He stands there for a few more seconds before walking over to his bed to get some recharge. When he does so, I rise from my bed and pack the necessary supplies for the trip without food or water as there won't be any way to retrieve any.
Two shirts and two shorts with my smallest blanket are packed in my backpack that I arrived at the base with.
Glancing over to the recharging bot, I sigh quietly and make my way over to the door to leave. The problem is being sorted at the moment and when the problem leaves, everyone can go back to their normal routines.
Entering the pass code for the door, it makes the beeping noise of that means it recognizes the pass code. I open and close the door the quietest it could before rushing away from the hanger, not looking back. No regrets.
The bag makes a soft thump noise as it makes contact with the ground on the other side of the fence. I grip the metal of the fence and quickly climb to the top where the barb wire sits. Using whatever talent is left in my body; I maneuver over it and jump down on the other side.
The coolness of the desert didn't hit me until now when I was about fifty yards away from the base. I dug my blanket out and wrapped it around my freezing body. From this moment one, I'm on my own and I will not go back.
Gabriel has made her decision by leaving. It was sad writing this part once more, made me think a little bit of myself. I won't go into my depressed life so I'll shut up about it. Anyway hope you enjoyed the chapter and thanking you very much bajy for always commenting on this story! You are the best and help me continue writing.
Let the wolf howl!
-MidnightHowling4