Lie no. 103:
Dumbledore had brought his entire order to Harry's temporary flat (as if he owned the place, the nerve) and bless Rosa, the girl was getting revenge on his behalf by pretending he established a no magic policy that she enforced via an air horn she used next to people's ears. Her primary targets being Snape, the youngest two Weasley's and Dumbledore.
Again, bless Rosa.
Lie no. 104:
"Oh my god, this boring!" Rosa exclaimed in the middle of a quiet lunch with the order.
"Rosa?" he asked
"Don't Rosa me! Just get the Varia, kill Voldermort, and let's go home, already! I miss my friends! And yes, I know! Even I'm shocked I willingly called that bunch of weirdos my friends, but they're my bunch of weirdos!"
"Oh look, another Potter obsessed with herself," Snape drawled.
"Firstly, I'm not a Potter. I'm a Black-Superbi, ooo that sounds cool!" she began "And secondly, you are a self entitled arse! So really you're just the pot calling the kettle black!"
Following this, she pulled out her airhorn and let it loose in his face.
Lie no. 105:
Belphegor was having such fun, the magicals were idiots that couldn't do anything right, which made his job of killing the death eaters with Squalo all the more easier. He hadn't gotten involved with magicals since he left magical Prussia and even they weren't as dumb as the British wizards. But hey, Harry was Varia (even if his form of quality wasn't the same as the other officers) and Varia sticks together (even if saying that did make him sound like one of the vongola brats, and no one wants to sound like them).
Lie no. 106:
"Hey, Xanxus?"
"What do you want trash?"
"Is it weird that I weighed myself to see how much it would cost to mail myself to Japan to get out of this hellhole?"
"If it were any other place? Hell yes. This place? I'll ship you myself."
"Sweet, I'll get the postage box."
Truth no. 20:
"Xanxus! Why the hell are you putting my sister in a box?!"
"It's ok! I asked him to!"
"That does not make this better!"
Lie no. 107:
"So, Horcruxes huh?" he asked the Order. "That's why the bastard is back?"
"Watch your language!" Molly weasley scolded, as if he were still a child.
"Yes, they found some of your blood from the Dursley home, luckily while the family was out so they weren't hurt, and used it to resurrect him with a horcrux."
"More like unluckily…" he grumbled.
"From what I can tell there are six," Dumbledore told him "We must destroy them before we go after Voldemort."
"Well, good thing with have Bel. It shouldn't take you too long, yes?"
"Ushishishishi, leave it to me peasants."
Lie no. 108:
The most difficult one wasn't the one hidden in gringotts, that was fairly easy to deal with. Talk to the goblins like people, tell them they were being deceived. And when that didn't work, the Varia snuck into the bank in a Helga Hufflepuff's Cup. 'In your face Gringotts bank' he couldn't help but grin.
No, the hardest horcrux to deal with was in fact Nagini. That demonic snake was a pain in his backside. It took them two hours to realise that sending Lilou to kill the thing wilse she was covered in basilisk venom would save them some sleep. The Lightning turtle returned after a few hours with wise eyes and an aged smile. He gave her the best lettuce he could find in thanks. Lilou might actually replace Squalo and Rosa as his favourite person (he was kidding of course, but the turtle was high up there on the list).
Truth no. 21:
"Diary?"
"Check."
"Slytherin's locket?"
"Check."
"Hufflepuff's cup?"
"Check."
"Ravenclaw's Diadem?"
"Check."
"The demonic snake?"
"Check."
"Gaunt ring?"
"Bel's doing the deed as we speak."
"All that's left is me. Let's hope the goblin's aren't too mad about the break in?"
Oh? Did I not mention they found out Harry was a horcrux? Must have slipped my mind.
Truth no. 22:
Yeah, the goblins were still mad. Thankfully, they had a healthy fear of Xanxus. But then again, everyone should have a healthy fear of him.
Lie no. 109:
Voldermort was seethed as he made his way around malfoy manor. His death eaters flinched at his every move, hoping he wouldn't throw an unforgivable at them. And if he did throw one, they just hoped it would be an imperio, at least that would allow for some hope of survival.
"My lord, the Potter has returned," Bellatrix said, practically spitting out the man's name as if it physically harmed her to acknowledge his presence "We can finally be rid of him."
"Yes… soon, my loyal ones. Soon we will be free of him and the insufferable light."
Only to turn at the sound of a sarcastically slow clap.
Truth no. 23:
Belphegor scuttled around the manor, hiding every footstep as he shuffled through the long shadows that covered the place. Unaware that Mammon had allowed the Varia members (who had come to accept the human lie detector that was their cloud officer) inside. And just as they walked into the main room, under the mist arcobaleno's flames. Only revealing themselves after Voldemort's vow, with every Varia member pointing a gun or knife at every death eater in the room. Belphegor had the special pleasure of using his knives and thread to steal Bellatrix Lestrange's wand, having prior knowledge of her Crucio-happy tendencies.
Lie no. 110:
"Lovely speech, truly! It brought a tear to my eye!" Harry exclaimed a fake smile on his face.
"Potter."
"It's Black now. Being a Potter was too boring. 'Do what people expect', 'Be polite', 'Save everyone by killing Voldemort, even though they are perfectly capable of saving themselves'. Being a Black is much more fun."
"Then why are you here, if not to kill me."
"Oh, you misunderstood. That's adorable. I am here to kill you, but not to save everyone. I am here to kill you because you're a thorn in my side. Call it being petty but, then again, I'm pretty sure that is what Black's excel at."
Truth no. 24:
The smile didn't come off his face as he pulled his holly wand out of its place holding up his hair.
Truth no. 25:
Squalo would never admit it, but the concealed fury and the bursts of magic he had never seen from Harry as he fought Voldemort one on one was as terrifying as it was arousing. Huh, seemed he had developed a healthy fear of the man. Then again, one shuold always have a healthy fear of a man that is a human lie detector.
Lie no. 111:
See, the lovely thing about Squalo was that he knew what Harry was trying to say even if he didn't open his mouth. Case in point being when Voldemort was throwing an avada Kedavra at him that he was countering with an Expelliarmus and Squalo, the lovely assassin he was, stabbed him literally in the back before one of the death eaters could warn the dark lord.
Truth no. 25:
Living up to his Black heritage (however distant it was biologically), Harry couldn't help but go up to the dying man's wand that had landed on the floor as he fell and snap it. Smiling, he whispered into Voldemort's ear:
"How does it feel to have been killed by a muggle?"
Truth no. 26:
"Now in terms of a fee-" Harry began to the Order of the Phoenix
"FEE?!" Ron, Hermione and Ginny exclaimed incredulously
"Yes, a fee. Keep up or you'll seem stupid. Anyway, our general fee is 40,000 euros per death." Squalo told them, "But we'll be changing that just for you." A few of them sighed in relief, thinking the price was reduced. Only to turn pale as harry said:
"Yes, see, since a) I hate you, b) You were incredibly difficult to work with, c) the horcruxes and d) I hate you, we will be multiplying that total by five to make it a lovely 200,000 instead. And the galeon to euros conversion is roughly 5 galeons to 1 euro when rounded up, so that would be a total of 1 million galeons.
Thank you for your patronage and for the record, if this total isn't payed in full by the new year we will hunt you down and kill you. Meaning you all have 6 months to gather the money or put your affairs in order. Your choice, really."
"Harry, my boy-"
"Again I'm not your anything."
"Harry, you saved us all should that not be enough. What need is there for a fee?"
"Honestly, I knew you were old should have guessed you were senile too-" he began
"Harry Potter, watch your language"
"For the last time, I'm not a Potter anymore. I'm a Black. And there is a need for the fee. Can't exactly do my job without being payed."
"Job?" Hermione asked, confused.
"Yes, job. Or did nobody tell you I work for the Varia?"
Hermione slowly turned pale. "The what?" Ron asked dumbly.
"The Varia is an assassination organisation based in Italy. They are mafia."
"Yes, and yet they are very good at what they do. I'd watch your back, keep your mouth shut and pay the fee. I've seen what happens to people who betray them. After all, I am the one who spots those traitors."
Tada! The Voldemort arc is done, two chapters of self inflicted hell. To be honest, I didn't really like writing this. I did at first but then writer's block hit and I muddled my way through this. Hopefully, you enjoyed the Xanxus and Rosa interaction based that off 'Miranda', love that show. I'll try to focus more on Fireworks because I am really neglecting that for this and The Sisterhood. Back to Japan in the next chapter.
Enjoy the chapter, prompts are welcome!
Laetus