A/N: Here is Chapter 2. And OK, OK, it'll be longer than 2 chapters. Dang it. I guess I can't help myself…
Lost and Found
Chapter 2: Lost
1804 Local
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
For Mac—my love for eternity
Mac read and reread the words delicately etched into the gold band of the engagement ring. Her engagement ring.
Well, not hers. Not now. Not ever. No more.
It became hard to breathe. Ragged, gasping breaths were the only sounds in the apartment and Mac felt sorry for whoever was struggling so.
It was so hard to breathe.
The gasps were coming from her.
Oh god oh god oh god oh god…
The tremors in her hands doubled, tripled, and she knew she needed to put the ring safely back in its box before it took flight from her hands.
For Mac—my love for eternity…
A few more tears fell.
Oh, Harm…I didn't know. I didn't understand. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry.
Mac's vision tunneled and she feared she would faint. But she couldn't do that. Harm couldn't find her on the floor, surrounded by what was likely intended to be hidden forever. Forcing herself to slow her breathing, she lowered herself into Harm's desk chair. Her trembling hand managed to slip the ring back where it belonged, though it took a couple of tries, and Mac buried her face in her hands.
Minutes passed, though for once she couldn't tell how many. She pressed her palms into her eyes, rocking back and forth a few times as she tried to get herself under control.
For Mac—my love for eternity.
The words had burned themselves indelibly into her brain.
I didn't know! How could I? Oh, Harm…
Visions of all their near misses over the years assailed her, rising up out of the recesses of her mind, escaping from the careful barriers she'd erected around it. Around her heart.
Eternity…
Harm's voice nervous and strained… "You know, they wrote eternity on this bridge in lights…"
"You know the reason…"
"Come to me…"
"I'm waiting…"
"We can't do this now…"
"I think you know why"
"Things are never going to work out for us…"
Never…
Never…
NEVER.
I didn't know Harm! I didn't think…I'm sorry!
She wanted to cry. She couldn't cry. Not here. Not now. She'd never be able to explain it to Harm.
She buried her face in her hands once again, her breathing still the only sound in the room.
Mac jumped when the phone next to her rang. She didn't pick up, just let the machine get it. She recognized the admiral's voice, caught a few words…Sergeant…confession…no longer needed…but her addled mind couldn't process any of it.
A few more minutes, and Mac was hit with a surge of panic and urgency. Harm was back, or at least he was near the building. Mac sprang into action, gathering up the receipt and ring box and sliding them back into the velvet bag. She scanned the area around her feet, frantically looking for the envelope, finally finding it under the desk. Into the envelope went the little blue pouch, and then the whole package was shoved to the back of the drawer.
She breathed a brief sigh of relief as she heard the jangle of keys at the door. Wait. His mother's note still lay on the floor, mocking her. She heard the key slide into the lock. Quickly she bent and grabbed the letter, frantically looking for someplace to stash it until it could be put back in Harm's desk. She was afraid it wouldn't be completely hidden in the pocket of her jeans, but then she remembered her coat. It was still where she'd left it earlier, draped casually over a chair. Mac sprinted to it and shoved the note deep in the side pocket just as Harm opened the door.
"Hey, Harm. Good trip?" Well that sounded intelligent. Mac cringed inwardly.
Harm looked over at her and quickly turned away, but not before Mac saw the scornful roll of his eyes. Well, that fit. He was a man scorned after all. By her, apparently.
Mac sat down heavily on the couch. She didn't know what to do with herself and her heart was still galloping from her recent discovery.
"You going to come over and eat?" Right. It was time to eat. That's what she was supposed to be doing. Mac slowly stood up again, carefully making it over to the table where her…geez, he didn't even ask her what she wanted. She started opening up the takeout containers, assuming when she found the beef and broccoli, she'd found her meal. She was still peeved that he'd ordered on her behalf, even if he'd ordered her favorite dish from that particular restaurant, but at the moment she actually didn't care what she ate. As long as it gave her something to occupy her hands and her mind, she would have eaten tofu. She'd have eaten cardboard if it meant she wouldn't have to talk to him; she didn't think she'd be able to say anything coherent at this point.
Mac sat down at the table across from Harm. He was flipping through the casefile as he ate, clearly not wanting to engage in any small talk. That suited Mac just fine, but then she remembered the goal was to discuss the case while eating to shorten the amount of time Harm had to be in her presence. She opened her mouth to attempt to speak…just to realize she hadn't actually read a word of the case file. There was something else nagging her about this case as well…something about the admiral…calling…
"Something wrong with your food?" Mac's head snapped up. Harm was eyeing her, an expectant look on his face. Or maybe it was irritation. Annoyance, perhaps. She blinked at him a few times, not knowing exactly what he'd just said.
"Uh…" She realized she had her chopsticks suspended in midair, a piece of broccoli held in between them. She tried to remember if she'd taken a bite yet, did remember that Harm was always impressed that she would actually willingly eat something with so much green in it. Harm was still staring at her and she could feel the blush rising in her cheeks. She just shrugged and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Harm. What did you say?"
There was that eyeroll again. "Your food, Mac. Is. Something. Wrong. With. It."
Old Mac would have considered stabbing him in those eyes with her chopstick at his tone, but that was the Mac of forty minutes ago. The Mac who had just discovered the man she loved more than anyone else in the world intended to marry her, that is, until she'd ruined everything, could only stutter out a less than brilliant response. "Um, no, Harm. It-it's, ah, g-great." She stuffed the broccoli into her mouth. It was cold and it stuck in her throat.
Harm went back his tofu and the heavy silence of the room was only broken by the sound of Harm flipping the pages of the file.
"So, who called?" Mac looked up from her food, food that she still hadn't eaten much of, once again having no idea what Harm had just asked.
"Um, what?"
Harm nodded toward the answering machine, it's red light blinking, a new message waiting.
She should know this. She'd been here. The admiral… "Um, I think it was the admiral?" She still wasn't entirely sure. So much had happened here in the time Harm had gone for the food.
Harm stood up from the table and made his way to the machine. He hit the button, and it was indeed the admiral's voice that filled the room.
"Rabb. Chegwidden here. There was a confession. A Major Ripley admitted to murdering Sergeant Michaels. It all seems to check out so you two won't need to head down there. Your services will no longer be needed, so I will see you both at JAG tomorrow. Goodnight."
What a relief, Mac thought to herself. She and Harm wouldn't have to be alone with each other, wouldn't have to endure the flight and then endless hours together trying to be civil. Well, she'd be civil. She was hurt, angry with him at times, but since she always figured she was the one who caused him to be so cold and surly, she'd let it go. She would still let it go, but knowing what she knew now, knowing how truly responsible she was for his attitude, it would be all the more painful. She relaxed a little for the first time that evening.
Until she looked up and found herself staring into the gold buttons of Harm's uniform. Harm was still in uniform. He was standing right beside her. Mac's eyes traveled up, up until she was staring into his eyes. His angry, storm-grey eyes. His mouth was moving. Questioning her again.
"Well?"
Mac shrugged her shoulders in confusion. Harm released an angry puff of air.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
Huh? "I'm sorry, what, Harm?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what, Harm?"
"About the admiral. Calling this whole thing off. Didn't you hear that?"
Mac shook her head. She'd heard it, she supposed, but she had been a little preoccupied with something else at the time.
"Christ, Mac! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
Well, that was a bit rude. Mac jumped up from her chair, but instead of telling him where he could shove it, she was happy she finally had an excuse to leave. He was pissed at her, they didn't need to be together, and now she could free herself from this particular train ride to hell.
"Well, Harm," she said, a little too brightly. "I'll just get out of your hair. Sorry about tonight, I must have been in the bathroom…or something…so have a good evening, okay?" She threw on her coat, knowing she was buttoning it all wrong, and pulled open his door. She turned back toward him as she stepped into the hall, waved, and let it fall shut. Harm had looked a little confused, but he'd be alright.
It would be different for her. She looked down at her haphazardly buttoned coat, thinking that pretty much summed up everything. She was confused, defective, utterly messed up, and if she couldn't even manage to button up her goddamned coat, she'd never be able to fix things with Harm. Not now. It was over. She loved him, he'd once loved her…he'd once…
He'd once loved her.
Everything was crashing down on her once again. Choking back a sob, she took off down the hall, her pace increasing with each step. By the time she made it to the stairwell door, she was nearly sprinting. Ignoring the fact that the ballet slippers on her feet had even less traction than her uniform pumps, she tore down the stairs, slipping a little as she made it to the landing. Thankfully, she didn't fall down the rest of the steps or lose control when she burst out the front door. The cool autumn air was made icy by the tears coursing down her cheeks.
Mac cursed as her keys slipped out of her hand as she reached her car, forcing her to have to bend down to retrieve them. She fumbled a bit before she managed to unlock her door, hoping fervently that Harm wasn't watching her from his window. She slid behind the wheel, and though her vision was blurry with her weeping, she slammed the car into gear and took off into the night.
For Mac—my love for eternity.
Mac cried harder.
End Chapter 2