A/N: So here is Chapter 11! It was written whilst trying to keep the 6-year-old from killing the 3 year and vice versa. The 3 yo (who is of average size) and the 6 yo are about the same size—the 3 yo being shorter thus stockier. It makes for some epic battles. The 6-year-old is meaner, but the 3-year-old is a little battering ram. There was one time when she climbed up on a chair, looking like she was climbing the ropes in a wrestling ring. She then leapt off, belly-flopping on the 6 yo. It was like watching the WWF.

The above story has nothing to do with this chapter, I just didn't have anything say about this chapter. :)

Lost and Found

Chapter 11: Return

1034 Local

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

"Surprise…"

Mac gaped at Harm. He was standing in the middle of her living room, clad in jeans and his bomber jacket over a white t-shirt, looking so casual, so calm. His expression remained unreadable as he stared back at her. She swallowed hard, and as the two of them held each other's gaze, Mac felt the stirrings of anger. He could at least say something intelligent. In addition to her anger, she could feel the despair welling up inside her as well. She cleared her throat.

"I've never liked surprises," she said coolly, her tone belying the turmoil within.

Harm winced and finally looked away, his shoulders slumping almost imperceptibly. "I know…Mac, I'm sor—"

"Why?" she interrupted, her eyes filling with tears. They fell unbidden, sliding down her cheeks, one after the other.

Harm stepped forward, crossing the room in three long strides. He moved her laundry basket aside with his foot, hand reaching out toward her.

"Don't." She turned her face away from him, angrily swiping at the tears still coursing down her cheeks. She stepped back and wrapped her arms around herself while his arm fell limply to his side.

"Mac…"

"I haven't heard a word from you in two weeks, Harm."

He looked down at his feet. "I know."

"I didn't go looking for it, you know."

"Yeah, I know that too."

"I didn't do anything on purpose. I didn't mean to keep your letter. I didn't mean to find it at all, Harm!"

"Mac…"

"You never let me explain…you just left…you got mad and you left me!" She turned her back on him, trying desperately to regain some control.

"Mac, I…I didn't have a choice…the Seahawk…"

"Has email. Phones, even." She whipped back around to face him. "I had to find out from Harriet that you and Bud were back…had been for three days…and you never once called me. Not once! I felt like such an idiot, standing there in the break room, Harriet pitying me. I'm sorry, Harm. I never wanted to find that ring. Never!"

Harm got a strange look on his face and Mac watched the color drain from it. Oh, god…that word…

Suddenly Harm's expression turned to one of ire. "Never, huh? There you go again. Always with the nevers! Well, I never wanted you to find it either!"

Harm couldn't have done a better job of ripping her heart out if he tried. Sure, she had just said the same thing to him, but that was different.

Wasn't it?

Yes, she stubbornly maintained, because she knew she wasn't meant to see it before Harm actually gave it to her, and Harm…well, he didn't want her to see it because he never intended to give it to her. Not anymore, anyway.

She felt sick.

She needed to get away from him while her dignity was still somewhat intact.

They still stood in her living room facing each other. Harm was glaring at her, and then the ship carrying the last shred of her dignity sailed right out the window as she burst into heart-wrenching sobs. She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking. After what seemed like hours, she sensed Harm's big body next to hers. She felt him put a tentative hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off.

"Mac….Sarah, I…I—"

"Please don't," she begged. "Just go."

"Mac…I wasn't mad…I was embarrassed…"

She took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to hold back further sobs. She glanced at him briefly but had to look away. "Okay," was all she said as she brushed past him. She turned slightly toward him when she reached the hall to her bedroom. "Harm, just…just lock up when you leave."

She left him standing in her living room, while she went into her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

She threw herself on the bed, finally giving up any semblance of control as she cried herself to sleep.

1309 Local

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

Mac woke with a start which seemed to be the norm for her these days, and a quick check of her internal clock revealed she had been asleep for the last two hours and seventeen minutes. She had the vague sense that something bad had happened, and when she sat up and caught her reflection in the mirror, it all came crashing down on her.

Harm had been here. They'd had a fight. She'd cried herself to sleep. The mirror was not kind as she took in her red, puffy eyes and the downward set of her mouth. Her nose was red too, slightly stuffed up, and her head pounded.

She climbed off of her bed and headed to the bathroom to look for some ibuprofen. She dug through her medicine cabinet, cursing as she realized she'd left the bottle in the kitchen last night. However, it was probably for the best; if she had found the ibuprofen in the bathroom, she would have just popped a few and gone back to sleep. This way she could get something to eat with the meds. The ibuprofen she'd been taking more of lately was starting to tear up her gut.

She stepped into the hall, squinting at the brightness of the light above her head, and made her way to the kitchen. It struck her that she should probably make sure Harm had indeed locked up, so she bypassed the kitchen in favor of the living room.

She was relieved to see the deadbolt was engaged, as was the chain.

Wait a minute…the chain…

Mac whipped around to find Harm sitting on the couch, watching her.

"You're still here," she said, stating the obvious.

"Yeah." She noticed his eyes were red-rimmed and his posture was one of defeat.

"Why?"

"I don't have a key anymore, remember? I couldn't lock up." He looked down at his feet. "And I couldn't just leave again."

Mac swallowed hard. "Well, now you can."

"No, I can't, Mac. I won't, not this time."

Those damnable tears stung her eyes again. "Harm, you really don't have to stay…I'll be fine. You can move on…I'm sorry this didn't work out."

Harm stood up but didn't move any closer. "No, Mac, you don't understand…I don't want to leave."

A single tear tracked down her cheek. "You did before."

"No, I didn't…I mean, I didn't want to."

Mac gave a bitter chuckle. "Harm, no one has ever made you do something you didn't want to do."

"Maaac…"

"Why, Harm? I really didn't mean to find it…I just wanted a pen," she whispered. Mac wrapped her arms around herself and bit her lip to keep it from trembling. A few more tears escaped, and she turned around, not wanting Harm to see.

Harm had been slowly inching toward her, but it was still a surprise to her when she felt his hands grip her shoulders. She felt him kiss her hair. "I know, baby." She stiffened at his touch as he stepped around in front of her. She refused to look at him and it pissed her off that she couldn't stop the flow of her tears. She was a marine for god's sake.

"Mac, honey…it was all such a shock…I reacted badly."

She shrugged. No shit. "That's fine, Harm. I forgive you; you can go now," she said with the barest hint of sarcasm. His grip on her shoulders only tightened.

"Dammit, Mac. I'm not going!" His hands slipped from her shoulders to cup her cheeks and his long fingers entwined themselves in her hair. "I love you!"

She looked deep into his eyes. He seemed sincere, but… "Two weeks, Harm. It—it broke my heart. I don't know if I can…" Tears spilled over again and he brushed them aside with his thumbs. She fought the desire to lean further into his touch, but though her heart wasn't sure, her body still sought out the heat of him.

"Mac…Sarah…I'm sorry…I panicked…I was embarrassed…I know those aren't excuses. Please, please give me another chance…I promise I'll never leave again…and I never make a promise I don't intend to keep, you know that—"

"Harm, you couldn't even promise to talk to me when you got back from the Seahawk! How am I supposed to believe you won't do this again? And this time…you left because of a stupid accident…what happens if I actually mess up? What're you going to do then?" Her hands came up to grip his wrists. "I can't do this again, Harm. It hurts." She looked down for a moment. "But maybe…maybe you were so upset about me finding the ring because…because you never really wanted to give it to me in the first place." She felt like she'd just had an epiphany.

Harm's mouth fell open. "Mac…"

She pulled away from him and paced about the room, "Think about it, Harm. Twice you planned on giving it to me, and twice that never happened. You brought the ring out to the Guadalcanal and yet you couldn't even tell me you'd give up your girlfriend for me! And then…then Paraguay happened…you were so…I was so…well, we were mean to each other. You hated me there. How could you be serious about actually wanting to marry me?" She stopped in the center of the room and faced him again.

Harm just stared at her for long seconds. "You've got it all wrong, Mac."

"Do I? Harm…come on…I never had any inkling whatsoever that you felt that way…because really, you never did."

Harm clenched and unclenched his jaw. "Mac…no…"

"Harm, maybe you thought you did…sometimes…but when it came time to, to…you couldn't bring yourself to actually do it. If you really wanted me, nothing would have stopped you…nothing stopped you from finding out about your father, from going back to flying…you would have given up your career to go after your brother, you disobeyed orders to stay with Bud…but given the opportunity to…with me…something always stopped you. Because you didn't actually want me. I'm sorry…I know I pushed things…I'm sure I made things more uncomfortable for you. I—I'm sorry…I know I wasn't enough for you to stay…" Her tears were flowing in earnest again. "I never was…" she whispered to herself. "Harm, go…it's okay. I'm sorry about the ring…I'm sure you can get it fixed…the engraving…for someone…else."

She stood in place for a moment, but then decided she just couldn't bear to watch him leave. "Harm…I'm just going to…I can't…" She turned to head once again to her bedroom, resigned to another day of tears followed by a night of crying herself to sleep. "Goodbye, Harm." Just uttering those words caused her chest to hurt, the result of a shattered heart.

She needed to get away from him

She needed him to leave.

"Harm, pl—"

"Don't tell me how I feel." Harm's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"What?" Harm's back was toward her, but it sounded like he might be—

"I said, don't tell me how I feel!" He turned around then, and Mac gasped at what she saw.

Tears were tracking down his face, mirroring hers. She'd seen him cry twice, once when they learned the fate of his father and then again when they learned Bud had pulled through. This was different. He looked…broken. She'd seen some of that when he looked across the Taiga where his father rested; his grief was obvious. But now…

"Harm?" she choked out.

"Mac…I know I fucked up…I know it…but you don't know how I feel, so don't stand there and tell me that you do. You obviously have no idea!" He stalked over to her, viciously swiping a hand across his face to clear it of tears. His body loomed over hers as he glared down at her, eyes still wet. Another tear fell and she could barely resist the urge to brush it away for him. Instead, she just stared at him, wide-eyed, waiting for him to speak again.

He didn't.

It infuriated her.

Mac stepped away and pushed past him. "Harm, if you're not going to tell me what you feel, how am I supposed to know? Every time you we get to a point where I think I've finally figured you out, where it seems you feel the same way I do…my heart gets trampled on! Sydney Harbor…you push me away, but then you fight over me with Mic. He was thousands of miles away, but you never made a move. The ring was on my right hand for ten months and you never said anything! Instead, you wait until my engagement party and all but tell me you love me and then you kiss me…and just let me go! Why? Was it because I kissed you back and you realized you weren't really interested in me? You chased me out to the Guadalcanal wanting to talk about 'us' but you couldn't even tell me you'd give up Renee for me! You—"

"I did say I'd give up Renee for you."

"What?"

"I did tell you I'd give up Renee…you just didn't stick around for my answer."

Mac blinked at him for a few seconds. "Then why—why didn't you come after me? Why, Harm?" You brought a ring with you and again, you just let me go! And then you go and get that ring engraved with my name on it, give up everything to rescue me, and you can only say 'I think you know why' when I ask you why. How the hell am I supposed to trust anything you do or say when it always seems to end like this? You want me to trust your actions, finally give me the words, then do the exact opposite! You always tell me actions speak louder than words, so really, Harm, what am I supposed to believe?"

The two stared each other down, both in tears, until Harm opened his mouth. "Me." He cleared his throat. "Believe me."

"That's not good enough, Harm."

"But it's all I have."

"Then I guess we're done."

Harm looked stricken. His face, already haggard and pale, became waxen. Mac wanted to look away, but she couldn't.

Because she still hoped he would say something to convince her it was safe to love him again.

Well, not love him again, she still loved him. More than life. She didn't want this to be over. She watched Harm's face completely crumble before he covered his face with his hands and sobbed into them. Mac watched in horror as he sank to the ground and curled around himself, no longer the US Navy's cocky aviator-cum-lawyer.

Without really thinking about it, Mac rushed over and dropped down beside him, pulling his hands from his face and replacing them with hers. "But I don't want to be done," she whispered, before pulling him into her arms and letting him sob into her shoulder while she did the same.

1401 Local

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

Eventually their sobs quieted, and Mac became aware of Harm whispering into her hair. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm sorry I left. I won't leave you ever again. I promise, Mac. I love you."

She leaned away from him to look into his eyes. She took his face in her hands again and leaned in to place a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you too, Harm." She rested her forehead against his for a moment before they stood as one and made their way to the couch. He sat down and pulled her down onto his lap, then his arms went around her, and she laid her head on his chest. His heart thumped against her ear, and she listened to it slow as they both calmed. It would be so easy just to fall asleep against the broadness of him; her tears had exhausted her, and she'd had very little reserves to start with. However, she still had more she needed to say to him. "Harm?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"Harm, I'm—I'm still upset that you—you left me like that…"

"I know, honey."

"I'm sorry, Harm."

"No, Mac. It's okay. I understand."

"And…and…it's going to be hard…for a while…to trust…" The tears started to flow again. "I'm sorry."

He pulled her more tightly against him. "No, baby…I'm the one who's sorry. It's okay. I know…it'll be hard to…to trust me…" He swallowed hard. "I understand…just know that I will be doing everything I can to make sure you never feel that way again, okay?"

"Okay, Harm."

"I love you, Sarah."

"I love you too, Harm."

1204 Local (the next day)

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

Mac buzzed Harm up. He was picking her up for lunch and she couldn't help feeling a little nervous. Yesterday they had dozed a bit on the couch, both worn out from the intense emotions they'd just experienced together. When they woke up, they talked some more, cried some more, then ordered in an early dinner. After they'd eaten, they cuddled on the couch together for the next hour until Harm told her he'd better go home and unpack and let her rest. She'd been yawning profusely and couldn't deny that she was exhausted. Part of her wanted to ask him to stay, but it was probably a little too soon for that. She thought back to their goodbye at her door…

The night before

Mac handed Harm his jacket which he slipped on before taking her hand in his. They walked together to the door, standing in front of it awkwardly before both starting to speak at once. They chuckled and Harm, ever the gentlemen, told her to go first.

"Harm? Where were you this past week? Where did you go?" She couldn't believe she hadn't asked him that yet, but she guessed they'd had to cover a few more important topics earlier. Harm looked a little sheepish.

"Um, I went up to Pennsylvania. To see my grandmother."

Mac was a little surprised. "Really?"

Harm avoided looking at her directly. "I needed…someone to talk to…someone wiser than me. I, uh, was a mess, Mac."

"Oh…so it helped?"

He smiled softly. "Yeah, it did. She told me straight out to get my head out of my a-, um, six and go apologize to you. I convinced her to let me stay until the end of the week, though. She had a lot of chores that needed to be done and I needed the hard work."

"I see." She looked down at her feet until she felt Harm's fingers lift her chin.

"Mac, I'm sorry I didn't call…it was stupid, but I didn't know what to say to you…and I was sure I was going to mess things up further. Talking to my grandmother helped sort things out…so going there was the right thing to do…but I know I should have told you. I only made things worse by being such an idiot."

"It's okay, Harm. We'll get past this and I'm glad your grandmother was there for you. I—I'd like to meet her someday."

Harm's face lit up. "Oh, she's going to love you and I know you'll love her. After you, she's the most special person in my life. She's helped me through so much…losing my dad, mom remarrying, my ramp strike…I don't think I'd be here today if it weren't for her. As soon as I get home, I'm going to call her and tell her I finally got my head out of my ass."

"Don't you mean six, Harm?" She gave him a mischievous grin.

He chuckled, really chuckled, and the sound was a delight to her ears. "No, she actually said ass…shocked me too."

They both laughed, firmed up plans for the next day, and he kissed her goodbye before he headed down the hall.

Mac opened her door while Harm was poised to knock. They grinned at each other, but Mac immediately picked up on his nervousness. Or maybe she was just projecting her own onto him. No, by the way he stood by her door, an uncomfortable set to his shoulders, something was up. Mac felt a sinking feeling in her gut.

"Um, Mac? Let's talk for a minute." He held out his hand to her, but she was frozen in place.

"No…" she choked out, tears already filling her eyes.

"Mac? What—oh, honey, no, no, it's nothing bad." He stepped over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I promise," he continued before kissing the crown of her head. Mac still balked, and Harm looked ready to cry himself. He pulled her into a tight embrace and whispered into her hair. "Sarah, I promise…I'm not going anywhere. I just wanted to talk to you about something before we go out. Something good, or at least I hope it's something good. Okay? Come sit with me?"

She eventually nodded against his chest and he released her and took her hand again. He led her over to her couch, sitting her down and brushing away the few tears that had escaped. He sat down on the table in front of her. "I'm sorry, Harm…it's just…"

Harm looked sad as he offered up a half-smile. "I know, Mac. I know it'll take a while before you…trust me again." Mac looked down at her toes, still feeling guilty, until Harm leaned forward an placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "It's okay, Mac." She finally nodded.

"Alright, Harm. What's up?"

"Mac…Sarah…I'm not…I mean, there's no pressure, I just wanted to…well, here." Mac watched as Harm reached into the pocket of his jacket. His hand searched around before it found the object he was seeking, and then he was holding it out to her.

It took a few seconds for Mac to register what he held in his hand, but when she did, her jaw dropped and she couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her mouth. Shocked chocolate brown eyes met earnest grey-green ones.

Resting in the palm of his hand was a little box. The kind that held a ring.

Her ring.

End Chapter 11