A.N. Hey guys turns out I keep getting stupid ideas and they were some stuff I wanted to add but was too lazy. So I thought I would keep beating this dead horse and do some incredibly stupid omakes or one off jokes and references.

Harry Potter and the D.U.M.M

Bonus Chapter: DUMM OMAKES.

Fleur during Ron over Heaven.

The two fighters breathing heavily glared at each other the fight had been going on for over an hour. As the blonde french girl swung her fist a song could suddenly be heard (I will leave it up to you could be something from les miserables or daft punk I don't know I am usually pretty drunk to get inspiration at this point). Fleur suddenly turned and pulled out her phone with one hand the other caught the fist flying towards her. "Sorry! just a second Jiren got a text" Fleur said to her opponent before pushing the fist in her grip away sending the other fighter flying into a pile of rubble.

The audience all watched in complete silence as the blonde french fighter checked the message she received. With a quick nod Fleur turned to the judges of this tournament "Sorry guys my boyfriend texted me he needs some asshole called Ron beaten". Fleur wandered around looking for something as the rest of the audience stared in confusion. After a minute or so Fleur nodded and started punching the air. A large crack appeared and a hole in reality appeared before Fleur stepped through yelling a simple "Later losers".

The head priest of the universes was the first to come to his senses "Miss Delacour has left the ring and apparently our reality so universe 7 is out of the competition". The entirety of universe 7 and the god of destruction Beerus all simultaneously screamed a single word. "FUCK!".

Morning at the Lovegoods.

Xenophilius Lovegood was entering his kitchen while in his bathrobe and bunny slippers, all the while carrying the morning letters. He sat across from his daughter his pride and joy and her pet Heffalump who were in the middle of a game of chess. Luna was losing badly.

"Luna sweetie" He asked after taking a sip from his coffee, his daughter grunted in response not really listening as she was trying to figure out a way not to lose her 10th game in a row. "What am I supposed to do today" "Newspaper things" "So I'm not supposed to try turning all of New York in to lizard people?" "No daddy" Xeno shrugged before opening the letters.

"Oh Luna there's a letter here from the Ministry. The magizoology society is asking for permission to study Howard". Luna scoffed as she was once again put in checkmate "The Ministry can get their own damn Heffalump". "That's my girl" Xeno said with a smile as he continued read the other letters.

How Harry met Ginny

It was summer in the burrow and the youngest of the Weasley children, Ginny, shuffled down to the kitchen it was an exciting summer for her as it would be the year she would be starting Hogwarts.

"Er hi" Came an unfamiliar voice as she entered the room. Her eyes snapped open in shock and turned to the source of the voice. There he was Harry mother fucking Potter in her kitchen. Ginny's jaw dropped and she looked longingly at him in silence. This went on for several minutes all the while Harry got more and more uncomfortable as the amount of drool increased from Ginny. Eventually Harry stood and left the kitchen to get as far away from the leering redhead as possible.

"I see you met Harry dear" came the shrill voice of Molly Weasley as she entered the kitchen. Shaken from her reverie Ginny said the only thing that came to her mind "Sploosh".

Dumbledore hears what he wants

"So let me get this straight" Harry said voice dripping with sarcasm and annoyance right after Dumbledore finished explaining the rules for the D.U.M.M finals. "We have to explore a deep dark cavern and root around for a trinket entirely for your pleasure?".

The crowd and Dumbledore all stared at Harry for a couple of awkward minutes before Dumbledore broke the silence he face completely impassive. "There was nothing in that sentence I didn't like".

Susan gets a thing.

Several Rons crashed to the floor as Krum swung his fist, the rest of the group got into combat positions with the obvious exception of Harry who was pouting in annoyance. The various D.U.M.M competitors drew their weapons and summoned their powers. "Alright let's do this!" cried the excited voice of Susan Bones whose hand started to glow, raising her hand above her head she called "COME FORTH…" "Stop it this is stupid" Came the annoyed yell of one Harry Potter causing the entire group including the Rons to stop and turn towards him.

There was an angry growl then the auburn headed girl yelled "You know what fuck you Harry" Susan started pacing and ranted "Everyone else gets to do their thing, they get weapons super muscles hell Dennis got eaten and he goes on an adventure in another world". "In all fairness" Dennis piped up as he pulled his sword from the gut of a Ron "I saw things no 11-year-old should ever see".

Ignoring him Susan continued "And what do I get? Fucking yoyos and injured by Luna". Harry who was a bit shocked responded without thinking "Well if it helps a lot of people have gotten injured by Luna" adding a quick motion to the petite blonde who was repeatedly slamming a door on another Ron. "I need to be under constant supervision" she added with a smile before continuing her brutality. There was a few minutes of silence as Susan stood arms crossed with a frown and the only sound was a repeated slam and the pained cries of the Ron whose head was in the doorway.

With a heavy sigh Harry walked over to Susan and put a hand on her shoulder "If it means that much to you do your thing" With a squeal Susan hugged Harry tightly then resumed her animation. "COME FORTH VALIMAR THE ASHEN KNIGHT" Harry raised an eyebrow, they was a roaring sound like a jet flying towards the castle. There was a loud crash like something landing outside and the wall of the castle got ripped open. Harry's eyes widened as he looked at what caused the damage outside was a towering silver robot with glowing blue eyes. "Not what I was expecting" Harry said meekly. Before he could think he was immediately grabbed by Susan and when he blinked he was standing behind her seat in the cockpit of the robot. What followed was several hundred Rons trying to fight a gundam and losing badly.

"You know what this is incredibly stupid but also kind of cool" Harry said with a small smile. Susan grinned "it's about to get better". Suddenly the Ashen knight launched into the sky and started flying at incredible speed while raining death upon the redheaded hordes. "THIS IS AWESOME" Harry yelled.

And a good time was had by all.

Lucius gets a verdict.

Lucius Malfoy sat in the defendants box awaiting the jury's verdict. It would be safe to say his ass is clenched tightly in fear. The trial had not went well his defense lawyer had barely sobered up and the District attorney battered his defense team across the entire room and then proceeded to argue their case. He cast a quick glance to his family his lovely wife was there supportive as ever, unfortunately she brought their son and for some reason two of his teachers one of whom looked suspiciously like the dark lord in a dress. Lucius was idly wondering how much Narcissa smoked when she was pregnant with Draco. God he hates that kid. That's when the jury reentered the room. The judge turned to the jury "That was fast do you have a verdict?" "we do your honour" said the foreman "We the jury find him so fucking guilty, that DA Jack McCoy gave a hell of a speech".

The crowd burst into murmurs and Lucius went numb so much so he didn't hear his sentence or the giggles Mrs Voldsfire was having when she half heartedly attempted to comfort his son. Lucius had started to be pulled away when he snapped and started to struggle "IT WASNT ME!" he screamed "you got the wrong guy, you got the wrong guy" he yelled before he was once again hit with a nightstick and dragged away unconscious. Due to the noise and chaos no-one noticed the laughter and grin of a certain Runes teachers, nor did they notice her finish a snickers bar and stuff the wrapper in her pocket as she turned and left like keyser soze in that movie with Kevin Spacey you know the one Horrible Bosses.

Harry's last breakfast with the Dursleys.

It was Saturday morning and the Dursleys and Harry were sitting in awkward silence as they ate breakfast rather half of them ate the other half inhaled. When the fight for the last bacon sandwich ended and the victor devoured it hungrily the group sat in complete silence. Vernon Dursley let out a sigh and his moustache twitched. Harry was unsure whether he was trying to say something or if he was trying to get the last piece of grease from his moustache. It was both.

"So boy today is your last day here" Harry nodded and the silence persisted. Vernon was struggling he genuinely wanted to say something nice but honestly he just didn't like Harry it didn't have anything to do with him being a wizard he just didn't like him. Fortunately his wife Petunia jumped in "Well at least we won't have to listen to you moan in your sleep about Cedric whoever he is". Dudley scoffed "who's Cedric your boyfriend?" Dudley teased.

Harry laughed "I wish" He then pulled out his mobile phone and showed them his background "Look at him. Just Look at him". The Dursleys stared at the magnificence that is Cedric Diggory. Vernon took the phone and his wife and son looked over his shoulder "So he goes to your school does he?" he asked and Harry nodded. The three Dursleys continued to stare and Harry asked for his phone back. They refused.

Flitwick and Lily

"Very good Mr Potter" came the squeaky voice of the charms teacher Mr. Filius Flitwick as Harry managed to cast his charm correctly "You know your mother was a firm favourite of mine". Harry smiled "Why is that professor". Flitwick smiled and sat at his desk deciding to stop teaching the 20 other students to tell a story. "Well it goes back to when she was in her second year" The world went white and somewhere a ministry worker screamed as they were also dragged into another flashback.

The scene shows Flitwick making his way to the great hall when he overheard some older students grumbling. "Who does he think he is the bastard how dare he fail me" The other students agreed because they were also stupid idiots and started insulting the charms master. Flitwick sighed of course he failed them they were idiots they were insulting the man in front of his own office. He was about to let himself be known when someone beat him to it.

"HEADS UP YOU HEATHEN MONKEYS!" Came a yell and as they turned a barrel smashed into them. From the top of the hallway was the form of the 12-year-old Lily Evans throwing barrels. "That will teach you no one insult Flitwick while I'm around" Flitwick smiled and walked out stepping over the bloody messes that were the other students and stopped next to the young redheaded girl "Thank you very much miss Evans". Lily crouched down and started stroking the now confused teachers head "Its okay I will make sure no one ever gets your lucky charms" "what.." Flitwick started but was completely silenced by a shushing Lily.

Back in the present Flitwick sat smiling and Harry sat with his eyes narrowed "That was a strange story sir". Flitwick sighed and begrudgingly replied "Look she got murdered what do you expect me to say about her? It's the same reason no one told you that your dad was a huge bully". Harry's eyes widened comically "My dad was a bully".Realising his mistake Flitwick swore "Bollocks!".

Everything seems better when you remember it sorta.

"Harry" called his new adoptive father Remus Lupin while his other adoptive father Sirius Black stood beside him with a small smile "What?" ask the now 15-year-old boy as he came down the stairs and entered the living room. "Sirius and I sent a few letters to friends and acquaintances and have put together this". Remus revealed a large leatherbound photo album with the word James and Lily's wedding written in fancy cursive. "To be entirely fair" Sirius chipped in "It was mostly Remus they forgot to announce I'm innocent so everyone I mailed called the aurors" Harry nodded that explained the constant raids on their home.

The two dads shuffled aside and motioned for Harry to sit between them so they could browse the album. Harry sat down moving the book to his lap and opened the first page to see a newspaper cover. Sirius smiled "This is the story that they had written for their wedding, there wasn't much else going on that day". Harry sighed as he read the head line 'Local Lunatic ruins everything' The picture accompanying it was his mother completely topless in warpaint wielding 3 swords (one in the mouth) while riding a happy looking unicorn.

Turning the page he saw a picture of his grandfather from his mother's side giving a speech. "It was a rather short speech 10 words if I remember right" Remus said and he was right as there was a copy of the speech written on the page. It read 'You have released me. This hellspawn is your problem now'.

Harry sighed and closed the book "Thank you both for this really but I think I need some time alone to look at it if that's alright". The two men nodded and watched him leave the room in a sulk.

That awkward moment when you insult your ex and don't know they are watching.

"That taught him to break up with me" Dumbledore said with a look of righteous indignation. Meanwhile in a stone prison on top of a tower a very withered and frail old man shook his head as he watched the games on his wizarding mirror. It was the only form of entertainment he had and he was not allowed to choose the channel. "He really needs to let that go" Rasped out the husk that was once Grindelwald while Dumbledore told the audience about how Grindelwald was a fool and would be asking for him back any century now.

Oh it's true.

Hermione Granger smiled to herself as she walked along the corridor towards the staff room her prefect badge shining brightly. It had been a good week first being made perfect and now made direct liaison to the staff. Granted no one else wanted to do it but it all goes in the life experience. She ran into her housemate Neville Longbottom and couldn't avoid him fast enough so they were now talking as they reached the Staff room.

"Hey Hermione" Neville asked as Hermione reached for the door "Is it true they make fun of students in there?"

Hermione scoffed as she opened the door "Don't be absurd Neville". It was at that moment a voice could be heard from the staff room "Look at me I'm Neville Longbottom and I have my robes tucked into my underwear". Followed by laughter. Neville looked down and saw he indeed had in robes tucked into his underwear. "I have no friends so I tell all my problems to Hagrid" They was riotous laughter as Hermione hurriedly stepped into the room and closed the door.

Other classes Harry tried.

Harry sat in divination watching the 'professor' drink and scream about how all she sees is death and came to a sudden decision. "Later guys I'm going to check out the other classes". Standing up he strode out of the room while Professor Trelawney pointed at various students and told the dates and causes of their deaths. A surprising number involved the other professors at the school.

The first class on the list was Arithmancy so he opened the door and decided to see if it was interesting.

"I thought you were a magician?" came the voice of one of the students. With a smile Professor Vector replied "That's right! A mathemagician". Harry slowly closed the door and decided to try Muggle Studies. Once again he opened the door and saw Professor Charity Burbage finished a lecture. "And that's why I don't like cricket. So class let's begin the lesson everyone get your hobo" Reaching under the desk the professor pulled up a homeless man and placed him on the table "Spare some change?" he asked as the professor drew a scalpel "Now make your incision.." Harry did not hear the rest of the lecture because he was running as fast as he could.

So Harry was left with the last elective which was Ancient Runes.

Harry opened the door and saw the rather young professor Babs beginning a lecture. "Aight you have all chosen to do ancient runes good on you. I will tell you now Runes are both awesome and fucking dangerous." She said giving them a glare before continuing "You can pretty much do anything such as adjust lighting" She touched a rune on the wall and the light dimmed and went back to normal brightness "Or cause major destruction" she touched another rune on her desk and part of the castle exploded "Luckily I did not get those two mixed up this time" she added with a deadpan stare. The supply cupboard opened and Dumbledore leaned out "What was that?". Babs shrugged and answered "My usual class opening" Dumbledore nodded "Ah carry on" before closing the cupboard door.

"When you master runes there is nothing you can't do as long as you can imagine it the only question other people with have is what can they do against balls that big. Hell I once trapped a giant demon fox inside some blond kid"."Really" asked one of the more skeptical students. Babs nodded "Believe it".

Harry sighed and entered the room it was the lesser of 4 evils he supposed.

When Posh meets Punk

As the 3 Slytherin girls exited the express the older of the 2 Greengrass siblings had spotted her parents and waved them over hoping to introduce them to her new best friend and fellow slayer of greasers Tracy Davis. It did not go well.

Being a man raised in the upper echelons of wizarding society he is not used to speaking with people only servants. So he quickly put his foot in his mouth or rather Tracy put his foot in his mouth forcibly after he said something stupid.

What followed was 10 minutes of Tracy beating Daphne's father with a bat then in a mighty swing launched him through the roof of kings cross station. With a sigh Daphne turned to her mother.

"I hope you don't mind Tracy kicking dads ass". The Greengrass mother chuckled and shook her head "Come now Daphne if I got mad at everyone who has ever thrown a punch at your father I would get nothing done. We both know he is a massive dick". Daphne nodded her dad was a dick. The 3 Greengrass women all looked to the sky wondering when he would come back down while Tracy had met up with her family and started a brawl.

A.N. Thats it for now go home, if you are already home stay there or not its your life. Anyways thanks for reading.

Did you know Harry only had one bath in the entire series? And that was the prefects washroom which is portrayed as a hot tub. So what we can gather about this is that only prefects get to bathe and when they do it's a fucking party.