A/N: Well, I'm back. Only 21 months between chapters (sorry). But I haven't given up on this one, though I was lacking clarity on how to wrap this one up. But I think I have actually found the way through now so on we go. Enjoy!

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Nineteen: The illusion of belonging.

Astrid left at dawn, scrambling through the hatch as Hiccup was just stirring and he stared at her vanishing boots, hoping and praying that she wouldn't be in any worse trouble. Maybe her father would assume she had been out for early training-she had told him that she sometimes went out early to practice with her axe and it would provide enough cover. He sighed and closed his eyes, the cold breeze from the hatch wafting down over him. He had woken once in the middle of the night, warm and feeling safe and he had found Astrid curled against him, both of them wrapped warmly in furs. And the presence of another person, another human with him had let him drift easily back to sleep.

But it was a new day and he had to face the repercussions of his actions, of saving a life and transiently taming a dragon…and making himself more of an outcast than ever…at least in the eyes of some of the village. But he dragged himself up, wincing as his head ached, and tidied himself up before slowly trudging down the stairs-to find the Chief waiting for him, a bowl of bread and milk ready on the table. Stoick was sipping his ale and finishing some bread and a scraping of dripping and honey.

"Morning, Hiccup!" the Chief greeted him warmly. "Did you sleep well?"

He knows, Hiccup realised. Of course he knows. He must have put that extra fur over us…

"Yes, thanks," he admitted with a small smile. "It was a busy day yesterday…" Stoick sighed and his eyes grew reflective as he rolled the flagon in his hand. He watched Hiccup sit down and begin his breakfast, considering how to start the conversation. The brilliant line of sunlight under the door told him he should be out and about but he needed to speak to his ward before he left. Finally, Hiccup looked up, hearing the considered silence and feeling a frisson of fear flicker through his chest. "Sir?"

Stoick put his empty flagon down and sighed. "Lad-you need to be careful," he said heavily as Hiccup's emerald eyes widened.

"Um…about what in particular?" he asked in a vaguely anxious voice. "I mean, I try to be in everything because I'm about as popular as a Berserker Armada and no one seems to believe I'm even a human but…what exactly, sir?"

"Astrid," the Chief sighed. Hiccup's eyes widened.

"A-Astrid?" he mumbled.

"Look, I know that her father has forbidden her to speak to you, acknowledge you…even have anything to do with you…and I saw the bruises on her face, son-I really did-but what happened last night…" Stoick explained carefully.

"No, no, no-nothing happened…" Hiccup said urgently. "I mean I-I-I wouldn't…it would be wrong! She's my friend…" Stoick leaned forward and laid a reassuring hand on Hiccup's narrow shoulder, feeling him tense with worry.

"I know, son," he reassured the boy. "But her staying the night is a dangerous thing for her as well as you. She could be shamed-even if nothing happened…and I am sure it didn't…" he added, seeing the denial in the boy's face. "But her even being here damages her…because people will not believe that nothing happened." He sighed. "You are friends, unrelated and of an age where…things happen." He sighed. "And if anyone watched you closely, son, he could tell you have feelings for the lass."

HIccup's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to deny it…but he wouldn't lie to the Chief, to the man who had taken him in and freed him and treated him like a human being, not a slave.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I-I just couldn't help it. She's my friend…maybe my only true friend. She saved me. She's been kind and treated me like a real person and…she kissed me…"

Stoick's eyes widened and he felt a sudden jolt of shock. While it was a hopeless crush by a young man, an outsider, it was easier to shrug off but for the girl to give him any encouragement put things in a different light.

"That…could be difficult," he admitted. "I mean…Astrid is a beautiful, accomplished warrior and her father really doesn't approve of you."

"No one approves of me," Hiccup muttered glumly as Stoick grunted.

"I do," he reminded the lad and frowned. "I would just advise…being very very careful. If he suspects that her honour has been compromised, he could sell her off to the first offer he got…"

"Snotlout," Hiccup replied automatically, the dislike in his voice obvious. Smothering his smile, Stoick raised an eyebrow. Though Hiccup frequently acted submissively because he was receiving almost constant verbal abuse between being ignored or threatened, he still had spirit and it heartened the Chief that he had taken a healthy dislike to the Heir. Stoick disliked the boy himself but he was blood and in the absence of his own child, he was the logical choice for Heir.

Eyes drifting to the skinny auburn-haired shape, Stoick felt a pang of regret. If he had been a different man, he could have remarried and sired his own son-or maybe more than one. But Stoick had loved Valka from the moment they had finally interacted. He was almost ten years her senior so she had been just another little kid as he was growing up and he had ignored her as a matter of course as he had joined his friends in weapons and dragon training and gathering his skills to become a warrior and a Chief. Until one day, as he was grown and had just assumed the Chiefdom, he saw her with fresh eyes-slender and beautiful with her wide green eyes and narrow face and long dark chestnut hair, shot with auburn highlights. She was spirited and fey and lithe and utterly beautiful and that instant, he had lost his heart to her.

Courting Valka hadn't been hard because she was considered a little odd but his obvious attachment to her had altered people's opinions and they had treated her better even as she had accepted his proposal and the necklace he had given her as a Betrothal gift. And they had married to the rejoicing of his Tribe who had hoped their serious and dour Chief would lighten up and that they would soon have a new Heir to celebrate. But time had passed and Valka had lost pregnancy after pregnancy, each failure causing more rumours about the displeasure of the Gods-especially given her controversial views on dragons-until there was open discussion about the Chief divorcing his failure of a wife to find another, more fertile wife to provide the Heir that Berk needed. And it hadn't helped that his half-brother, Spitelout Jorgensen, was proclaiming the birth of a bonny son.

But Valka had conceived at that time and this time, the pregnancy had stuck. Gothi was visiting daily along with the midwife…Marte something…and had advised rest and caution. Valka's lithe figure remained slender, the bump small only and the looks the Elder and midwife had shared had concerned the Chief. Especially when Valka had gone into labour almost two months early, a long and terrible labour, her writhing shape wracked with pain and bleeding heavily. Until the screams had stopped and there had been no wail of new life to fill the terrible silence. And finally, the midwife had emerged and given Stoick the news that his wife, his beloved Valka was gone, along with the longed-for son.

He remembered little of those terrible days, hugging the corpse of beautiful Valka and mourning her and the child she had given her life for. The midwife had left the island, broken by the disaster and he could still see the pyre of his family in his nightmares. And the Council had suggested so many times that he marry again, that he seek a new wife but his heart had belonged to Valka and when she had gone, he was done. He couldn't ever think of another woman the way he had her and he couldn't risk his heart any more. So he had dedicated himself to the village and accepted the inadequate Heir that his nephew was.

And Snotlout was inadequate, in every possible way. Lazy, stupid, venal, spiteful, vicious and utterly self-centred, he was the worst possible option for Berk…but as the raids were getting worse, it probably wouldn't make a difference. Berk was doomed. All Stoick could do was find the Nest and maybe save the island himself before he died so at least the tribe would maybe make it. Because, Gods knew, Snotlout wouldn't be able to protect them.

"Sir?" Hiccup's soft voice penetrated his musings and he sighed.

"I will try to protect Astrid but at least try not to make things harder for her, okay?" he advised and Hiccup nodded seriously.

"I understand," he conceded and cleared his bowl away. "I'll go and help Gobber. I haven't been much use, have I?" Stoick flashed a sudden smile.

"Hiccup-son-you have done more than I could have expected," he admitted. "Before you go, can I ask a couple of questions?" Sliding self-consciously back into his seat, the boy felt his pulse accelerate and nodded.

"Um…of course, sir," he mumbled. Stoick inspected him.

"Nothing bad, lad," he reassured the young man. "Just…what was your aunt's name?" Hiccup frowned.

"Aunt Marte," he said simply. Stoick frowned.

"And your Uncle?" he pressed.

"Uncle Dag," Hiccup replied. "Dagmar Ullisen." Stoick's frown deepened slightly: the name sounded familiar and he nodded. "Is there something wrong?" Stoick's eyes widened: the boy was very sensitive to moods and he had to be careful.

"I was wondering…if you have any kin," he said thoughtfully. "I mean, it is unfair that you suffer because you are seen as an outsider-but if you are part of a clan, there would be people there for you…" Abruptly, Hiccup's shoulders hunched.

"You want me to go," he realised and a shudder ran through him. "I-I understand, sir…"

"NO!" Stoick's voice was urgent, his eyes stricken. "No, Hiccup. I want you to stay. I like having you here! It is like having a family of my own…" Hiccup's had snapped up, hearing the faintest plea on the Chief's voice. He blinked. "But I wanted to see if there were any kin or family you had who could be there for you as well." The boy's eyes narrowed.

"What's wrong, sir?" he asked, feeling a sense of concern well up in his chest. Stoick sighed.

"I have to go search for the Nest," he told the young man.

"You're leaving?" Hiccup gasped and his eyes widened in concern. Oh, without Stoick, there would be nothing to stop Snotlout and the Jorgensens. He would be absolutely doomed… But Stoick's hand closed warmly on his shoulder.

"My duty is to protect the Tribe-and we will have to find the Nest, where the dragons come from," he explained calmly. "Look, son-I am not intent on dying…because I have my tribe and you to come back to."

"But you're looking for some family for me in case you don't," Hiccup realised and the Chief nodded.

"I would be irresponsible if I didn't look everywhere for your family," he reminded the boy. "I know Gobber will look out for you if something happens…but Gobber isn't exactly a suitable person to look after a young boy. I would be happier if you had a family as well." Hiccup shrugged.

"I doubt it, sir," he mumbled. "Remember my mother died and my father rejected me? I doubt they would be happy that I survived and returned…especially with everything that has happened…" Stoick ruffled the auburn hair affectionately.

"Aye-but sometimes, time itself changes your opinion," he said thoughtfully. "And maybe, a man who thought he lost his son would welcome a second chance…" Hiccup sighed.

"As you say," he murmured then looked up, his emerald eyes bright. "When are you leaving, sir?" Stoick sighed.

"Tomorrow," he said. Hiccup felt his stomach tighten in anxiety and then he forced himself to smile.

"I should go help Gobber," he admitted and got up. "I-I'll see you later, sir?" The Chief nodded.

"I'm banking on it," he replied.

In the forge, Hiccup was only half-listening to Gobber as the two-limbed blacksmith rambled on about exactly how shocked he was that Silent Sven had broken his silence-and how he wished the man would now shut up for another ten years. Apparently he had been talking non-stop since the trial and everyone was exhausted by his need to make up for lost time. Glancing over at his apprentice, who was hammering the same place on a sword for the fifth time, Gobber frowned, his thick unibrow dipping.

"And we'll be marrying yeh to a yak tomorrow, right Hiccup?" he said and the boy nodded.

"Of course, Gobber, I'll get onto it right away," he said automatically and then his brain kicked him that he should be paying closer attention. He looked up. "Um…what?"

"I said-ye look like yeh on another Realm, laddie," Gobber teased him. "Not that I don't approve of being thorough but if you hammer Snakelips' sword any more, it'll be a shield." Hiccup sighed and bowed his head.

"Yes, Gobber. Sorry, Gobber," he mumbled as the old blacksmith ambled over.

"Okay-spit it out, laddie," he ordered. "Something is on yer mind and it's really troublin' yer." Hiccup sighed heavily.

"Did you know the Chief was leaving again?" he asked worriedly, his emerald eyes wide with concern and Gobber nodded, his blue eyes shadowed with regret.

"Aye-it's his obsession," the blacksmith said sadly. "Ever since he lost his family, he's been fixated on finding the Nest and stopping the raids, so he could stop those devils destroying the village."

"Though Snotlout will do it without any help," Hiccup muttered.

"And he's back!" Gobber quipped with a small smile. "Yer right, laddie. That's the flaw in his plan. If only he had an Heir of his own but he would never consider another woman after his wife died in childbirth." Hiccup looked into his face.

"I-I'm sorry," he said genuinely. "What if he doesn't come back?"

"Then Thor help us," Gobber commented dryly. "But don't worry, laddie. I'm staying behind-because Stoick has asked me to train more fighters." Hiccup frowned. "Dragon Training, laddie. The other teens will be in Dragon Training-and he's asked for you to be included."

"M-me?" Hiccup stammered, eyes widening in shock. "But-but I-I c-can't fight dragons…" Gobber chuckled.

"Ye can stop them, though," he noted and saw the boy flinch. "Relax. I can see his point. Putting you through Dragon Training-like all the others of your age-takes away the accusation that you are treated differently and that you are a friend of dragons." Gobber shook his head. "As if anyone would befriend one o' those beasts." Hiccup forced himself to laugh falsely at the joke.

"Ah-ha…yes, why would anyone?" he muttered as he turned back to his work.

"And don't worry, lad," Gobber added. "I'll stay up with yer while Stoick's away…just in case them Jorgensens get any funny ideas…" Giving a shuddering sigh of relief, Hiccup felt the tension ease in his body and he managed a more genuine smile.

"Thanks, Gobber," he sighed.

"Anytime, lad," the blacksmith said. "Now are ye gonna help me with Earwig's axe?" Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "It's that would be corkscrew over there…" The boy stared in shock.

"What happened to that?" he asked.

"Gronckle sat on it," Gobber replied, scratching his protruding chin with his hook.

"Gronckle-are those the fat ones?" he asked as Gobber rolled his eyes.

"One piece of advice, Hiccup," he said sternly. "This afternoon, once we've got on top of this work, ye need to find someone who can give ye a crash course in dragon recognition." Hiccup paused and then his emerald eyes lit with a small amount of relief.

"I know just the person," he said.

oOo

It wasn't difficult to find Fishlegs, because he had his nose buried in a modest sized book with a cover of iron-hard leather branded with a stylised dragon. There were other people around and the auburn-haired boy lurked behind one of the wide stone columns supporting the high roof as he sidled as close as possible to his target.

"Hey!" he called in a low voice. Frowning, Fishlegs looked up-and saw no one.

"Um…hello?" he replied in a puzzled voice. "Who's there?"

"Me," Hiccup hissed and bobbed his head round the column for just a second. Eyes widening in shock, Fishlegs stared at him.

"Hiccup? Why are you hiding there?" he asked as the smaller boy sighed.

"I was trying to keep out of sight so as not to get you into any trouble," he said quietly. "I mean, talking to me seems to be some sort of a crime…" The larger boy thought and then moved to the very end of the long, heavy table and gestured to the seat opposite him, which was largely shrouded by shadow and shielded by his bulky body from the view of the rest of the Great Hall.

"Have a seat," he invited and looking around warily, Hiccup complied, sliding into the seat and nervously gripping the table.

"I-I need your help," he admitted quietly, his eyes ashamed but Fishlegs' face moved into a kindly expression.

"Of course," he said eagerly. In truth, he was touched because no one ever asked for his help: he was usually a figure of fun or the butt of the jokes in the group by Snotlout and the twins and no one considered he was anything other than a big, clumsy oaf. But he was an intelligent, eager young man who was willing to help anyone who asked and who was kinder than the average Viking. And he liked Hiccup because the young man seemed to have it even worse than he did and he treated Fishlegs like a normal person as well. "If you can help me?" Hiccup's emerald eyes widened.

"M-me?" he asked. "I-I mean no one asks me for anything because everyone knows I'm useless…" Fishlegs sighed.

"You're an outsider and you've done some strange things, Hiccup…but you're not useless," he murmured. "You've never been taught weapons so you are at a huge disadvantage but you still charged the Nadders and saved us all, not just Astrid. I think Snot and the twins forget you saved their lives as well before they ran off and abandoned Astrid and you." He stared at the table. "And so did I. I'm sorry. I should have stayed and helped you. I'm sorry…"

"No, no…I wanted you away," Hiccup said urgently. "You-you're my friend and I didn't want you hurt. And I-I just wanted to save Astrid as well because she's been the kindest to me. And I was willing in that moment to sacrifice everything to save her. Even my life." Fishlegs leaned close, his eyes wide with excitement.

"What was it like to touch a dragon?" he whispered loudly and Hiccup looked at him, reading nothing but genuine curiosity and excitement in his friend's eyes. This wasn't a trick or a trap: Fishlegs was really interested. He leaned closer. "I mean, I know they aren't mindless. They have a dragon to act as their guard and they attack in co-ordinated patterns to find and steal the food. And the way that Nadder responded to you when you touched her was…amazing!" Hiccup found himself giving a small, self-deprecating smile.

"It was astonishing…" he admitted. "I mean, I showed her I was vulnerable and willing to trust her and she…aceepted that trust."

"What does it feel like?" Fishlegs asked eagerly and Hiccup smiled a little more.

"Warm. Gentle. Human," he murmured. "It was like a person touching you…it was such a soft contact. And I could feel the huff of her breath on my skin. It was just…magical."

"And is it true that after you touched her, she turned on the others and tried to defend you?" Fishlegs checked and the smaller boy nodded.

"Yeah," he admitted. "I-I guess she decided I was her friend…"

"So she decided to defend you against her own kind?" Fishlegs hissed in excitement. "You know what this means?" Hiccup shook his head. "It means they can be trained. And tamed!" His eyes shone with suddenly longing. "Oh Thor, I wish I could train a dragon. I mean that would be so cool…" Smiling despite himself, Hiccup heard the wistful note.

"So what dragon would you train if you had the choice of every possible dragon?" he asked thoughtfully and Fishlegs gave a small smile.

"A Gronckle," he said without any hesitation, his eyes sparkling. "I mean, they are so tough and strong and though most people think they're ugly, I think they're completely beautiful…" Eyes widening in shock, Hiccup gave a smile. "How about you?"

The black dragon, that Night Fury. I mean it was so amazing, so sleek and it looked kind of friendly, to be honest. Oh, and it saved my life a couple of times and accepted Astrid. That's the only dragon I would want as a friend…

But instead, he gave a self-conscious rub of the back of his neck and he dropped his eyes for a brief second. "Actually, that's why I need help," he admitted. "I'm supposed to be joining you guys in Dragon Training and I don't even know all the types of dragon. I mean, we just didn't get them on Nott! But I guess if I had to choose…that Nadder I trained. I mean, she protected me against her own kind in the middle of a Raid!"

"Fishy, Fishy…you know you could get into trouble talking to Mr Dragon-Lover here?" Tuffnut said, sliding into the seat by the husky boy. Hiccup stiffened as Ruffnut slid into the seat next to him and poked him hard. He yelped.

"Nope, he's still here," she added.

"Hiccup is my friend-and he saved all our lives," Fishlegs argued, his face hardening.

"Not mine!" Tuff argued.

"Or mine," Ruff added snidely.

"Oh I beg your pardon-were you not on the fire crew who were cornered by half a dozen Nadders and about to be killed? Wow-there must be two other Thorston twins in the village!" Fishlegs snarked. They both blinked and shared a surprised look.

"Wow-that snarkiness must be catching, Fat Boy," Ruff retorted as Fishlegs bunched his fists. "I mean-why would you want to associate with this dragon-loving slave?"

"He's not!" Fishlegs snapped "And he's joining us in Dragon Training so you'll be able to see how good he is!" The twins shared a look-and then they burst out laughing.

"He'll be killed before he even meets a dragon!" they laughed.

"He'll trip over his weapon and impale himself!" Ruff sniggered.

"He'll be burnt to death!" Tuff chuckled.

"No loss," Snotlout sneered, settling by Tuff and eyeing Hiccup with hatred. "What's he doing here? Slacking from his job? My Dad will raise it with Village Council and recommend his rations are cut if he isn't contributing."

"He saved your life from the Nadders!" Fishlegs retorted. Snotlout laughed aloud.

"I was never in any danger!" he announced. "I had everything under control!" The twins shared a look-and then laughed at him.

"You were crying!" Tuff sneered.

"And whimpering for your Daddy!" his sister added.

"I. WAS. NOT. CRYING!" Snotlout shouted at them, his face suddenly scarlet with rage. "I don't need saving. I don't need anything from this bed slave! And I'll beat anyone who says I do!" He rose and gestured imperiously at the twins. "Come on, guys-leave Fat Boy with his girlfriend! I need to find my Princess and tell her the news that there's going to be a comedy act in Dragon Training!" And then he glared at Hiccup. "If you mess it up for me, useless, I'll make you wish you had stayed in the Whorehouse!"

Watching them retreat, Hiccup felt his immediate relief mix with dismay.

Dragon Training was going to be worse than even he had imagined.