Thirty Five: Please don't disown me again

Hiccup awoke to the sounds of footsteps and he felt his entire body tighten with fear. He still felt exhausted and his head was muzzy, his back was still incredibly painful and his whole body was stiff: if it was Snotlout or one of his allies, he stood no chance.

But Stoick had seen his anxiety as he lay vulnerable in the bed in the Chief's house and before he had headed out to attend to his duties, he had casually drawn his own knife out, a handsome, sturdy blade with delicate etching of decorative and protective runes, and had handed it to the lad.

"I think…you need this to ensure you feel safe," he said, his sharp eyes briefly flicking over the fine cut to Hiccup's neck from Snotlout's knife. "Keep it with you."

So the knife was tucked under his pillow and his hand inched to grasp the blade and slowly swing it round towards the sounds. There was a pause and then a sigh.

"I hope you're not planning on stabbing me with that," Astrid said, moving into the light and Hiccup exhaled shakily, resting his head back down on the pillow and placing the knife on the little table by the side of the bed.

"Oh, thank Thor," he sighed. "I-I thought it was…" She pulled a face.

"Bleurgh," she said. "Nope. Sorry." His eyes widened.

"No no no no-I-I'm so grateful you're here," he said urgently. "I've missed you." Astrid dragged up the stool and sat by his bed, her azure eyes sweeping over him carefully, her brow furrowing in concern.

"What happened?' she asked quietly. "I mean, we rescued you from Outcast Island and you looked dreadful…but you almost look worse!" He sighed and closed his eyes, instinctively clutching his bandaged right wrist to his chest.

"I was an Outcast," he sighed. "And I know now why you all completely blanked me. I mean, I sort of understood what it meant-but when I was so hurt and the Chief just blanked me…" He sighed again. "I couldn't take it. I needed someone…I needed you. I needed the Chief." She rubbed her arm and dropped her eyes to her lap.

"I wanted to see you-but my father, the Chief, everyone said that you were an Outcast and that it was forbidden. That I would risk Outcasting if I spoke with you. And I was willing to risk it-but the Chief asked me to wait, to be patient because he was going to find a way to undo it. And he asked me not to get myself into terrible trouble while he sorted it out." And then she looked up. "But I should have ignored him. I shouldn't have let you think you had no one but Gobber. It must have been…horrible…"

"Yes, it kinda was," he mumbled as she stretched out and gently grasped his hand, pulling his right hand down and staring at it.

"Hiccup?" she breathed and he looked away.

"I knew it would never get any better, that no one would protect me and that all I could look forward to was…" And his voice ground to a halt.

"Hiccup?"

"Snotlout attacked me," he mumbled. "And no one was there for me. The Chief explained he couldn't be seen speaking to me…and I-I knew it was all over…" She gently lifted his bandaged wrist and pressed a very small, very light kiss on the bandages.

"I am so sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have done what they asked. I should have made sure you knew you had me…" And then she paused. "What about Toothless? Couldn't you go and…"

"He's gone," he rasped and his voice was hoarse with grief.

"Why do you…?" she asked.

"He was there-on Outcast Island," he revealed. "He attacked the Outcasts to try to free me. But they shot him down…" He swallowed. "He flew out to sea but he was losing height. He must have crashed and drowned…" She sighed, her hand wrapping around his. She had forgotten amid the heat of battle…but she recalled the roar…and the splash.

"Oh Hiccup," she sighed. "You-you should have told me. You must have felt so dreadful…"

"I mean-he came for me," he forced out, his chest burning with pain at the thought and eyes stinging with tears. "And I know I am supposed to be his enemy and that he isn't even human but he-he saved me and accepted me without any cares about brands or where I was found or what happened to me. He was my friend, Astrid…" She sighed as he slowly sat up and palmed the moisture off his face. "He was my friend and he was killed trying to rescue me…"

"Are you sure?" she asked him suddenly. "I mean he's a Night Fury and all dragons came from the ocean originally. He may not have drowned…"

"But Outcast Island is ages away," Hiccup protested. "How-how could he possibly make it back?" She smiled.

"When you're feeling stronger, we can go and check," she told him gently. "I will come with you."

"And if he isn't there?" he asked her brokenly.

"Then I am with you," she told him gently. "Please-don't give up. Hiccup-remember you're my best friend. I already can't imagine Berk without you on…" He blinked and stared into her face.

"Wh-what?" he breathed. She smiled and then-gently-punched his shoulder.

"Muttonhead!" she scolded him. "It's never that hopeless. I am here-and if Snotlout comes near you I'll…" She paused and he gave a small smile.

"The Chief said you killed Mildew," he said warily. She gave a small smile.

"Something I don't regret," she said. "It was because of you, you know…" He frowned. "You told me of the danger-and when I arrived, Alvin had managed to disarm and restrain the Chief and Mildew was about to slaughter him. I buried my axe in his back."

"Thor," he breathed. "But it was damaged…"

"It's amazing," she said, her eyes shining. "I mean, it's a little scorched but the balance is so much better than it was and it just feels like part of my own arm. And when the Chief broke free of Alvin, I was able to give him the axe to kill Alvin…" Hiccup's eyes shone.

"He's dead?" he breathed and she nodded.

"The Chief took his head," she confirmed. And she smiled. "The axe you made killed them both, Hiccup. And if you hadn't been so brave, so determined in telling us, the Chief would be dead and our island probably would have been lost." He shrugged.

"Didn't do anything…" he mumbled but she squeezed his hand.

"I think you saved his life," she told him.

"I think you saved his life and I just helped," he admitted. "A little tiny bit. Maybe."

"You know-this is the best weapon I have ever held," she told him. "I fetched it from the forge before we sailed and rebound the handle myself. And it saved the Chief's life. You made it, Hiccup. You never committed a crime to be Outcast-you were taken as a hostage and harmed illegally. It's wrong…" He shrugged cautiously.

"Yeah-saga of my life," he sighed. She punched his shoulder again-more firmly-and he yelped and clutched at the point of impact. "Ow! Aren't I hurt enough for you?" he protested.

"That's for giving up and not coming to me when you needed a friend," she told him. "Honestly, Hiccup-you stopped me being married off to Snotlout. You made my Dad reconsider his decision. I am always there for you. I just wish I hadn't done what my Chief ordered and left you for those days."

"Me too," Hiccup sighed as she lunged forward and kissed his cheek briefly.

"Muttonhead," she told him. "What would I do without you? I mean, Fishlegs is okay but he is soooo geeky and the twins are frankly infuriating when you're trying to be serious and Snotlout…well, I may need to put my axe to more use if I have to listen to him for one more minute…"

"Oh Thor," Hiccup gulped. "Though to be honest, he's got it coming…" Eyes flicking up, Astrid nodded.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "I should have realised he would try to do something…" Hiccup shrugged.

"I'm glad you're here," he said honestly. "I mean, I just felt so alone…" She gently hugged him and sighed.

"You're not along-and you never have to worry that you don't have people on your side, Hiccup," she assured him. "I'm here to stay."

oOo

Fishlegs had sneaked in an hour later and joined Hiccup and Astrid in a very enjoyable conversation, telling the boy about life on Berk which was apparently his birthright. He was surprised that the island was inhabited with such a harsh climate.

"I mean, it snows nine months a year and hails the other three," he protested. "How-how do you grow anything?"

"Well, it hails intermittently in summer especially when we get thunder storms," Fishlegs explained.

"I heard Goatface the Flatulent once say he had heard someone get frostbite on their spleen!" Astrid reported. "I mean, he is prone to a bit of exaggeration but even so…"

"I mean we do have hot springs," Fishlegs revealed. Hiccup's eyes widened. "I mean, nothing better than walking through the snow and jumping into a steaming hot spring for a nice clean and relax and then dry off and walk back home. It's amazing!"

"There are two weeks when the sun never sets-the time of the Midnight Sun-and we have feasts and bathing in the sea," Astrid added. "It can be difficult to sleep but the first day the sun sets after the fortnight is a huge feast and celebration in thanks for the summer!"

"And in the middle of winter we have a celebration named Snoggletog…" Fishlegs added.

"SNOGGLETOG?" Hiccup repeated incredulously. "Why-why is it called that ridiculous name?" Astrid shrugged.

"No one knows," she giggled. "It just is-two days of feasting, of alcohol and dancing and singing and plenty within the village, in the middle of winter. It's coming up in a couple of months-and even the dragons seem to have a break then. They stop raiding us for about a month around Snoggletog."

"Another reason why we give thanks," Stoick said, arriving. He was carrying a tray with four bowls of thick meaty yak and turnip soup. "I thought you'd still be chattering up here-and as you're missing the evening meal, I thought I'd bring you some food." The teens all shared guilty looks. "And I have told your parents that you have been doing some tasks for me, in case you wondered," he added with a wink. "I'm going downstairs to have a mead and do some paperwork-as I'm sure you'll feel happier without your Chief sitting here."

"Of course not," Astrid said quickly. "It's always an honour.." Stoick chuckled.

"I may be scoring extremely poorly as a new father but even I know teens don't want an old fogey hanging around when you're talking," he reminded them. They stared. "Yes, I know Hiccup is fifteen but as far as being a father…well, I'm about a week in…and look what happened…" And he sighed.

"Sir-it wasn't your fault…" Astrid said quickly but Stoick gently rested the tray down on the bed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It was," he sighed. "I should have told Hiccup immediately I knew but I was so stunned by the news that my son was still alive, that he had been stolen when I was in turmoil and grieving for my wife. I should have questioned her more closely, I should have demanded to see the body…but I had lost my soul mate, the one person I felt completed me…" He looked over at the shocked shape in the bed, the emerald eyes startled at the confession. Stoick's were filled with grief and guilt. "I am so sorry, son. I should have known."

Hiccup looked at the other two and then back to his father-how astonishing and unreal was that?-and tried to frame what he could say. In truth, he was feeling immensely confused because a decision made by the woman he had known and loved as his aunt, his de facto mother when he was growing up, had ended up taking him away from his home, his Tribe and the life he should have led and instead… And though his father had behaved wrongly, the man had no idea about the role, having been cheated out of the experience by the same decision. Stoick had made Hiccup feel Outcast and isolated and worthless so when he was attacked, when he assumed there was no end in sight, he had tried to take his life. And now he found out that his friends still wanted to still be friends, that they were only staying away because they had been advised and ordered to by their families to adhere to Tribal customs.

"Honestly? I couldn't have felt worse," he said. "If you had even told me that you had to avoid communicating with me but that you were trying to do something about it, then I would have had some hope…but instead I was left wounded, isolated and totally rejected."

"I know," Stoick sighed. "And if Gobber hadn't chewed my ears off, I would have lost you, son…" Hiccup sighed.

"I know…and I shouldn't have given up as well…but for all I knew, I was alone and trapped here, Outcast and lost…" Stoick moved forward and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You're not alone, son-and you are wanted," he assured his son. "And I have the Council working to overturn the terms of your Outcast brand…" And then they all jumped as a loud thud sounded overhead. Stoick growled and his head snapped up. "Ach-those muttonheaded twins and that nephew of mine had better not be playing another one of their asinine pranks…" There was another thump and Hiccup suddenly flinched, his mouth opening in a small 'O'. "I've a mind to go up there and…"

"No!" Hiccup said urgently, trying to get up and tipping the tray with the soup all over the floor. He flinched and looked suddenly desperate-and then he scrambled to his feet. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I…"

There was another thud and the roof hatch flipped open, revealing a blunt black head peering down. Everyone stared at the big green eyes, the black face and the pricked ear-flaps.

"Oh Thor," Astrid murmured. Fishlegs squeaked.

"Oh my…is that…?" he squeaked.

"NIGHT FURY!" Stoick bellowed, casting around for a weapon.

"NO!" Hiccup interrupted, lunging forward and grabbing his arm. "No-wait!" The Chief made to pull his arm away. "Dad-please!"

He froze as the dragon stuck his head through the hatch and warbled, then slid through and landed by the bed. Fishlegs shot back to stand behind the Chief while Astrid smiled smugly.

"Hiccup?" the Chief asked as the boy winced and slowly turned to look at his dragon.

"You asked who 'Bud' was," he said warily. "The person I hoped to see after I died. It was him."

Stoick stared at him in shock and blinked.

"You have befriended a dragon, a monster…" he began but Astrid shook her head.

"He's not a monster," she said and he stared at her.

"You knew about this?" he asked in shock. She nodded.

"This dragon saved my life from the Jorgensens," Hiccup jumped in urgently, never letting go of Stoick's arm. "He came to see me when you were away. I flew on his back after the fleet and we fought off the dragons who were attacking you." Stoick's eyes widened. "Yes, there was a rider on the Night Fury-and it was me. But I wasn't controlling the dragons-we needed you back because Gobber predicted a raid and I knew it would be bad without the fighters to protect the village. So I went after you…and if I hadn't…" He sighed. "You wouldn't have returned."

"You…flew…on a dragon?" the Chief breathed, staring at the boy. Hiccup saw the horror in his face and released him, stumbling back and clumsily jumping off the bed to stand by the Night Fury, quietly resting a hand on Toothless's blunt muzzle.

"Yes," he said calmly, his face white with fear. His stomach was tight with anxiety because he guessed he would lose Stoick just when he had found the man was his father.

We can't tell anyone-not even Stoick.

The Chief had been fighting the war with the dragons for his entire life, had been frantically searching for the nest as the only cause he had one this family was lost. Everyone knew dragons were savage and vicious, that they never showed mercy or pity. They were the enemy.

Of course, we can't tell anyone-not even Stoick. Especially not Stoick. No matter how fond he seems of you, Hiccup, he's obsessed with the dragons. When his wife and son died in childbirth, he has had nothing except the village and he will do everything to keep them safe.

He had lost it. For a few hours, he had a family, a home, a Tribe in his grasp…and then, with the return of his most beloved friend, his darkest secret…it was gone. He had lost everything once more.

"But he is…a beast," Stoick breathed, snatching at the knife lying on the bedside table. "It has to be killed…" Hiccup immediately stood in front of the dragon as Toothless's pupils narrowed and he growled.

"NO!" Hiccup begged. "Look-I'm sorry. I-I didn't know it was wrong…but he saved me from the Jorgensens when they took me into the forest to kill me…or worse. And after he had warned them off, he got called away to the raid. But after that..he stayed in the forest. He protected me from a wild dragon…"

"He protected us," Astrid said suddenly, looking up into the Chief's face. "He saved our lives. And I have flown on him as well. And it is…magical, sir."

"You knew?" the Chief breathed. She nodded.

"Hiccup went after the Search because he knew you were needed on Berk," she told the Chief. "He risked his life. And he did save you-otherwise all three ships would have been destroyed…"

Stoick forced his mind back to those frantic moments on the ships, swathed in fog and surrounded by attacking dragons. One ship was on fire, another was damaged and listing…and then the Night Fury cry went up. There was a fight and the Night Fury attacked the other dragons. They were defeated and driven away even as Snorri Ragnarsson was decapitated and the ship fatally damaged. He recalled calling the fighters all onto the Odin's Star and then the attack had ended.

"You were riding the dragon?" he murmured. Hiccup nodded.

"He came for me on Outcast Island-and destroyed all the catapults…but they shot him down," Hiccup explained in a desperate voice. "I-I thought he was dead…"

"He's a dragon!" Stoick growled, the knife raised. But Hiccup stood in front of the dragon and spread his arms wide.

"You will have to kill me first…Dad…because I can't let you kill him," he said urgently. "He has been my best friend since I came here. It was being isolated and believing him dead that was the reason why I wanted to die." He took a shaky breath. "And I know it's against your beliefs but I can't let you kill him. He saved my life. He saved Astrid. He saved you-and all the fighters. And I don't want to live if I lose him…and if I lose you."

The Chief looked into the emerald eyes of the boy-of his son-and saw his hand touching the creature's face, the touch trusting and gentle. The dragon nudged his body and gave a small rub against his side. The hand moved, the bandaged wrist testimony to how close he had come to losing the boy…again. Hiccup looked over to Toothless and then back to his father, making his final, futile plea.

"Please…don't disown me again," he whispered.