Five hours had passed since the three women entered the fun fair, and as darkness began to fall, the whole place began to light up, figuratively and physically.
"I feel like I'm on the outside of a really cruel joke" Arizona whined after losing one of their family competitions yet again, in fact she hadn't won a single thing all night. It was almost as if the two Latina's were playing together to make her lose, and at that point she thought back to all the reasons she had lost and realized that she had just hit the nail on the head.
"I can't believe you!" Arizona whisper yelled as they waited for Sofia to return from the restrooms.
"What?" Callie asked with confusion.
"Don't what me Calliope Iphigenia Torres… you coerced Sofia to play against me so her and you could make sure I lose everything" Arizona accused and folded her arms in annoyance when Callie just laughed and didn't even attempt to deny her accusation.
"I cannot believe it took you this long to work it out" Callie grinned. "hey, thanks for making me do this… I can't remember the last time I actually had so much fun" Callie smiled warmly.
"Ok… so you know how I confessed about losing my gold star… it's your turn to confess something in return" Arizona announced.
"Ok, what do you want to know?" Callie asked nervously as she glanced to make sure they didn't have anyone too close to overhear whatever embarrassing confession her ex was about to force out of her.
"What happened to you? I mean really… what happened Calliope. When we broke up… it was because you wanted to be free… and it really feels like you haven't been free, I mean Sof has confided in me about a few things regarding you and I'm just so shocked… what happened Callie?" Arizona asked sadly.
"God, I don't know… I went to New York… and it was the biggest mistake of my life, but after making such a big deal about being able to go in the first place and dragging us both through that god awful custody battle… I was embarrassed and ashamed, and you know me… I'm too damn proud to come crawling back with my tail between my legs… and so I stayed. And the longer I stayed, the more impossible coming back felt… and the unhappier I got. I just… I lost my will and my ability to have happiness… and so I focused on work… and making sure Sof got the best education and applied herself… and focused on saving face so all these new people in my life thought I was happy… when in fact I was so god damn miserable and actually didn't give a shit about any of the people I was trying to impress all these years" Callie confessed, wiping a stray tear away with embarrassment.
"Rule number 5" Arizona smiled softly as she waited for Callie's eyes to meet hers. "we are both idiots sometimes… but we have Sof and because of her we are connected and bonded for life, so we will always be there for each other, without judgment, and will always help the other pick up the pieces even if we're mad with each other" the blonde implored the brunette.
"You know.. your pretty amazing, even after all of these years Arizona Robbins" Callie pulled the blonde into a quick hug before releasing her.
"So… tell me. You're back.. and you're staying… for good?" Arizona asked hopefully.
"I'm not leaving again… this is my home, this is where my family is, my friends, all of the best memories…. This is where I should be and I never should have left… I won't make that mistake again" Callie promised with eyes full of sincerity.
"Good… and Penny?" Arizona asked awkwardly.
"I have no idea… I haven't actually spoken to her since that big argument at work other than her approaching me to have a dig and make an attempt to goad me into another stupid argument" Callie confessed shyly and awaited the comment she knew was coming.
"I'm not going to say it… because you already know what I would say and you already know I'm right…" Arizona smirked as Callie rolled her eyes.
"Fine… I will speak to her this week and I will work out what's happening and get my shit together" Callie stated with a pout.
"See that wasn't so hard was it… don't worry too much… just do what you need to do and if you need to vent afterwards call me… or if you want to dance it out or something… I dunno whatever the hell you do these days to process… rule 5 ok" Arizona smiled.
"Thanks… I appreciate it. And I'm sorry… for being such an absolute bitch the last few years… I have said so much horrible, uncalled for shit… I'm truly ashamed of myself and I hope one day you can accept my apology" Callie smiled sadly.
"Oh sweet Calliope… you've been a bitch for a lot longer than the last few years… you get what you marry" Arizona grinned cheekily when Callie glared at her.
"Your mama is being mean to me" Callie declared when Sofia finally returned, she lay her arm of her daughters shoulder affectionately as the three women begun to walk away from the restrooms.
"Oh photo booth… we should do some photos of the official first family date" Sofia grinned hopefully.
"You know… those puppy dog eyes should have worn off by now" Callie chastised with a laugh. Sofia pulled the curtain back and looked at the tiny cubicle in front of them and wondered how three fully grown adults would fit in there.
"Ok maybe we won't take photos" Sofia said sadly.
"Nah ah. My baby wants photos, she gets photos… Calliope, inside and wind that chair down as far as it will go" Arizona ordered with a smirk as Callie complied instantly and didn't even attempt to argue at being bossed around.
"Ok Sof… go as far in as you can and sit on your moms knee" Arizona grinned as Sofia followed her orders. Once Sofia was settled she entered the cramped space, slid the curtain closed and sat on Callie's opposite knee. "It's very apparent I still wear the trousers in this family" Arizona smirked as she grabbed her bank card and swiped it against the payment area and motioned for Sofia to select which photos she wanted ignoring Callie's scoff.
"Like hell you do… Sof and I were just being polite" Callie laughed.
"Shut up and smile you two" Sofia ordered seriously.
"She gets that bossiness from you" Callie laughed.
"Did you just speak through the photo Mom… now we have to do another one" Sofia whinged.
"Oh suck it up princess your not paying I am" Arizona smirked.
"Thank you Arizona for sticking up for me against our very horrible daughter" Callie threw a mock glare at Sofia.
"Ok now everyone watch the timer… and smile… please" Sofia asked sweetly and all three women watched the screen, as soon as it hit '1' Arizona started talking.
"Mama!" Sofia snapped causing Callie to guffaw.
"Aww come on I couldn't resist… look how serious your taking this… it's just a photo Sof" Arizona smiled as she swiped her card again.
"I don't have any family photos that I aren't younger than five… please, just one nice photo guys… please" Sofia begged sadly, and this time neither parent played around.
"Thank you" Sofia said sadly as she went to stand but Arizona ignored her and swiped her card again before hitting a few buttons and glancing at her daughter who was watching her questioningly. Arizona shuffled towards her, grabbing her hand and pulling her down onto her lap, almost falling backwards and off Callie's lap and through the curtain, but Callie wrapped her arms quickly around both women to break their fall, her smile erupting at the shriek of surprise her daughter emitted.
-oOo-
"This is my favorite" Callie announced as she pointed her beer towards one of the dozens of photo strips which held a photo of the two mothers holding their fingers in V in front of their mouths and doing the 'eating out' motion and Sofia with her head in her hands in shame, her fingers firmly covering her eyes.
"I cannot believe you two, you're like children… seriously. What child needs to see their parents doing this" Sofia pointed at the photo.
"It's a natural thing Sofia" Callie laughed as she smirked at her daughters embarrassment.
"Not when it's my mother's doing it… I don't need to ever know about that... ever" Sofia blushed.
"Doing what?" Arizona teased, winking at Callie to play along before she took a swig of her own beer.
"That" Sophia glared as she pointed at the photo avoiding labelling the action.
"What embarrassing our daughter… it's a parents right and responsibility to embarrass their children" Callie added.
"No not that…. I mean the… you know, what that sign means" Sofia blushed deeper.
"You mean… cunnilingus… is that what you mean Sof?" Arizona smirked as her daughter shot her an instant glare.
"I can't believe you just said that word… don't ever say that word to me" Sofia looked so horrified that both women had to fight to not explode into hysterics.
"She's right Arizona… that sounds so clinical… maybe you should use one of the better terms… you know, like… eating out, or getting head" Callie smirked as she looked anywhere but at her daughter, knowing the second she did she would crack and burst into laughter.
"Going down… that's not such a bad one but its pretty common" Arizona offered thoughtfully as she fought her every natural urge to laugh.
"Tipping the velvet" Callie grinned as she bit her lip, desperate to not laugh yet.
"Oh Australian kiss" the blonde suggested helpfully.
"Muff diving" Callie smirked.
"Carpet munching?" Arizona mused as she tried to look bored.
"Going south?" Callie offered after a second of thought.
"Ok, you both need to stop… right now" Sofia glared at them both.
"Kneel at the alter" Callie persisted with a smirk as she deliberately ignored her daughters pleas.
"Lickity-split" Arizona said seriously and took a deep breath to stop herself from laughing at the mortification on their daughters face.
"Oh good one! Lip service" Callie offered finding it impossible to not laugh anymore.
"Pearl diving" Arizona said triumphantly after a few moments of silent contemplation.
"Alright… alright I get it… and your both sick and twisted and I'm alarmed by how many terms you can come up with" Sofia gagged.
"Ha… your dad taught us most of them" Arizona laughed.
"Oh god. Mark would be in his element in this conversation" Callie laughed.
"He so would" Arizona agreed with a smirk that quickly faded.
"I can't believe that jackass knocked me up then died!" Callie sighed sadly.
"I still can't believe that jackass knocked you up… I mean seriously… was he like waiting for you outside the airport that day or something" Arizona asked in jest hoping to cheer Callie up who seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. "Hey" Arizona said after a few moments as she nudged Callie with her foot. "stop.. you know Mark, he would be pissed as hell if he saw you getting sad about him so smile" Arizona tried.
"You know what today is right?" Callie asked sadly, completely oblivious to her daughter sat quietly paying attention to the conversation and the chemistry between her mothers.
"Callie I could never forget that day…" Arizona sighed.
"Shit yeah of course… sorry" Callie offered guiltily.
"To McSteamy" Arizona smiled sadly as she raised her beer bottle and Callie chinked it instantly.
"To McSteamy" Callie smiled sadly. "and Lexie" Callie added as an afterthought.
"And my leg" Arizona laughed hoping to turn the mood back around to the lighter mood they had enjoyed all day.
"Wait!… dad was McSteamy?" Sofia finally interrupted, she had heard talk of a Dr McSteamy several times but had no idea it was her dad they were talking about.
"The one and only" Callie laughed.
"Oh… oh no" Sofia grimaced.
"What?" Arizona questioned nervously.
"There's this rumor... probably more like an urban legend or something… about how McSteamy broke his dick" Sofia offered and frowned when both her mother's burst out laughing.
"Come on I didn't say I believed it, I may be a virgin but I'm not naive… I said it's a rumor, I know you can't break a dick" Sofia snapped self consciously at her mother's laughter at her.
"Oh baby… that is a hundred percent true! Little Grey broke it… God we had so much fun at his expense because of that!" Callie grinned, trying not to comment that her daughter just admitted she was a virgin.
"How is that even possible?" Sofia asked in horror.
"You don't want to know… but I'm in love with the fact that McSteamy's broken penis is hospital legend… god I don't know whether Mark would be furious or proud of that fact" Callie grinned as Arizona giggled beside her.
"Hey mom" Sofia asked later that night as she lay in the dark staring at the ceiling.
"Yes baby" Callie replied laid in her own bed and staring at the same ceiling, unknowingly thinking many of the same things as her daughter.
"I had fun today… like really had fun" Sofia sighed almost dreamily.
"Me too baby. I'm sorry you didn't have days like today when you were younger" Callie offered sadly.
"I have to know... I have asked you so many times and you have always, always shut me down. But I'm going to ask just one more time and then I promise I will never ask again even if you don't answer… but please answer me mom… why did you and mama break up?" Sofia turned her head to face where she knew her mother laid, despite not being able to see her and heard nothing more than a sigh. After several minutes had passed she gave up and rolled over to try and sleep but was surprised to feel the weight shift on her bed as her mum crawled in behind her and spooned her affectionately like she did when she was still a child.
"I don't want to talk about it, but you do deserve answers… you do. And so this one time I will give you those answers and then were going to close the door on the topic again, and it's not because I just don't want to talk about it, it's because it hurts too much to talk about it. But what we discuss tonight… this conversation… it never gets repeated to anyone, which not only includes your mama but specifically means her… even if she gives you that pout… you don't tell her… deal?" Callie offered and smiled when Sofia nodded quietly and waited without saying a word.
"What I said earlier… about experimenting and not knowing what it led to, and if I hadn't I would never have met my soulmate and my daughter… I meant it. The first time I ever saw your mama.. she walked up to me and kissed me… and I was just hooked… so very hooked on her. And looking back, the second her lips hit mine, I fell completely head over heels in love with her… and despite whatever situations came our way, that never changed for a single second, even now. She was, is and always will be the love of my life. We worked through all of our issues right up until that plane crash… that crash was the start of everything being destroyed… it was like the beginning of every word and decision serving to only set up the next decision to be so much worse. Your mama hates me… and I mean hates me, she loves me but she hates me, because I choose to keep her in our lives over her keeping her leg. And that isn't anything to do with you… it's not even anything to do with me really… that leg symbolizes everything she can't do now because she is disabled… but what she isn't able to allow herself to see is that she is the strongest person in the world… I mean she has one leg and still works full time in a job where she stands on her feet for sometimes 24-48 hours consecutively… she runs to keep in shape. She learned to use those crazy roller shoes again, she dances, hell she's the definition of bad ass… I've seen her put her prosthetic on when she felt undesirable and she has thrown on a dress and despite her feeling uglier than she had ever felt… she lit up the room and was by far the most beautiful woman there was. But she doesn't see these things… she sees that she is one legged Arizona and when she looks at me, deep down she see's the person responsible for taking that leg away… and that's ok, I came to terms with that a long time ago, but it still always hung over our relationship" Callie sighed sadly.
"And then her cheating on me happened, and even though it crushed me and completely broke my heart… I understand how and why it happened now in hindsight. I knew her when she had two legs, I desired her because she was my wife, my lover, my best friend… the person she slept with only knew her with one leg and still desired her, and for her at that point in her life it meant everything and she succumbed to the need to feel desirable, and normal, and attractive without feeling the need to question and wonder whether the person she was being intimate with was remembering her as two legs. It's hard to explain Sof, and the point is that unless one of us loses a leg, we can't know the depths of pain, shame, embarrassment and hurt your mama went through… but I want to make one thing absolutely a hundred percent clear to you… your mama cheated on me… not you. It was never about you and it was always about me… if you asked her she would tell you that she cheated on us… on her family… but it's not true Sof and I need you to believe that, it was never about you, she didn't cheat on you… just on me… do you believe that?" Callie asked nervously.
"I'll try mom.. keep going please" Sofia asked softly as she felt the tears rolling down her face and into the pillow and knew from the breathing behind her that her mom was crying too.
"I forgave her for the cheating… I won't refer to it as an affair, I never have and I never will because it wasn't… it was one moment of sheer insanity where she lost her mind it was never anything more than that… it was a one time, ok" Callie said softly and kissed her daughters head as she nodded.
"Anyways… long story short… we tried to get passed it but for every step forward we took, something would happen and knock us back down… and it was exhausting, and draining… Sof, it's hard to explain but when you stand and watch the one person you love more than anything in the universe be unhappy and you know that you're the cause of it… whether you mean to be or not… it's gut wrenching… really just… indescribably painful and conflicting. And we fought hard for each other and our marriage, we really did… we tried.. and we tried and we tried and it was just never enough to fix all to damage… life had made our relationship too vulnerable and I had to walk away in order to give all three of us the chance to be happy… I could have stayed Sof… maybe I should have stayed and kept fighting… but when you have kids of your own you'll know that you put your own needs aside for them, and I needed a safe, happy, healthy environment for you, you had already been subjected to so much in your first few years… I just needed to keep you safe… and to keep Arizona safe… and I couldn't do either if I stayed… so I thought of an excuse that would pass, I gave it to her, and I let her go and prayed that she would be happy and fall in love again and find someone who would worship her the way she deserves…but it looks like I fucked that up too because from the sounds of it, the last actual relationship she had was with her me" Callie sighed.
"Do you still love her?" Sofia asked vulnerably.
"Of course I do baby. She's your mother… how could I not love her" Callie soothed.
"But are you in love with her" Sofia asked, instantly feeling her mom tense as she reworded the question.
"Sof…"
"Mom please… just be honest here. Are you in love with mama?" Sofia interrupted the second she heard the tone in which her name was said.
"Sof… I love your mama… and yes I'm still in love with her… I always have been and I always will be… cause she's Arizona Robbins… she's my person, my McDreamy… but I don't want you getting any ideas of a reconciliation in your head because that isn't going to happen" Callie said seriously.
"You should tell her how you feel" Sofia suggested nervously.
"No… and neither will you" Callie ordered softly but firmly.
"But why not mom… you just admitted your in love with her, and we had so much fun together today… and even last night… why wouldn't you want that all the time?" Sofia asked in confusion.
"Sofia… that ship sailed a long time ago. Your mama and I… all we will ever be now is friends. I'm sorry if we got your hopes up, it wasn't our intention… your mama and I won't be getting back together not today… not next week or next year or ever. I'm sorry Sof but you need to just accept that" Callie chided softly as she played with her daughters hair.
"Ok mom.. if you say so…" Sofia smirked.