Welcome to all the new readers! I've had a huge surge of new readers/followers/favorites in recent days, so whoever is rec'ing me out there, thank you so much! *blows cyber kiss*

I hope you all had a great holiday and your new year is off to a great start! The Sunshine house is finally back to normal. Hubby went back to work this morning after 19 days home, and the kiddos are about to go out the door for their first day back to school. It's been a long few weeks. LOL.

Thank you to 2brown-eyes, ceceprincess1217, gabby1017, and DICATAKADD for pre-reading, and to SunflowerFran for editing. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

Song for this chapter Burning Bridges by Jack Scott.

Rough chapter ahead, so hang in there! And please see the A/N at the bottom. :)

Chapter 9

Bella

"Here's the last of what you had in the kitchen, Bella," Alice announces as she places the molded Jell-O ring on the table.

"Thanks," I offer absentmindedly as I look over the spread on the table Esme helped me organize. "That should just about do it." I turn to the family. "All we have to do now is wait for the guest of honor."

It's a few days before Edward's birthday, and I decided to surprise him with a family party to celebrate. Between his mother and me, we've managed to make all his favorites, even down to Esme Cullen's famous chocolate cake. It's hidden away in the kitchen, topped with twenty-one candles waiting to be lit.

"When's he usually get home?" Emmett has been keeping watch out the window for when my husband pulls up. It was either give my brother-in-law a job, or risk having all the food picked over before we could even yell surprise.

"It depends, but I asked him to be home tonight by six, and he said it wouldn't be a problem." I glance at the clock, which reads five minutes till, and I begin to get nervous. Besides the wrapped, round box waiting for him, I plan to give him another present once all his family leaves and we're alone for the night.

News that he's going to be a father for a second time.

I saw the doctor just a couple days ago, and he confirmed my suspicions. And since we haven't really discussed having more children, I'm more than a little apprehensive to tell him. Especially since he's still not himself. He's spending even more and more time away from home, and I'm terrified of what he might be up to.

My hope is that tonight will cheer him up and put a smile on his face. But as the clock ticks on, creeping past seven—when the children and most of the adults decide they can't wait another moment to eat—then eight, my optimism begins to tick away, too.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, but I really need to get Jake and the rest of the kids home," Ma says with the youngest Cullen in her arms as she tries to corral Riley and Garrett toward the door.

"I understand," I say with a forced smile on my face. "I'm so sorry you wasted your time ... drove all the way into the city and Edward didn't show. He must've gotten held up."

She comes close for a hug, Jake reaching for my necklace as she does. "Don't you worry about that." She pulls away and holds her palm to my cheek. "I got to spend the evening with my beautiful daughter-in-law and my adorable grandson." Her eyes drift to EJ, who's sitting on his aunt's lap playing a game of pat-a-cake, Jasper joining in to make him laugh. She looks back at me with a gentle smile on her face. "I would never call that a waste of time."

Carlisle steps in then, placing a kiss on my cheek. "Tell that son of mine to stop by and say hello some time. We miss seeing him."

'Me too,' I think to myself. "I'll tell him."

"Alice?" Carlisle calls across the room. "Can you promise to be home by eleven if I allow Jasper to drive you back?"

Her eyes light up, and a smile spreads on her face.

"Of course, Pop! I won't be a minute late."

"And, Jasper, do I have your word my daughter will be home by her curfew?"

"Yes, sir."

I say my goodbyes and give hugs and kisses to all the younger Cullens as they file out the door. I wave through the window as they pull from the curb and drive away before turning to clean up what's left of the birthday party that wasn't.

I try to ignore the concentrated stare Jasper is giving me as I fight back the tears. I turn my back to him and discreetly dab at my eyes with one of the folded napkins still on the table. Soft, murmuring whispers can be heard from the living room just before Alice asks if she can get EJ ready for bed.

I turn and give her an answering smile. "That would be great, Alice. Thank you."

"No problem." She stands from her seat and brings him to me so I can kiss him goodnight.

"Mommy loves you, EJ." He snuggles his sleepy head against my shoulder as I hug him to me, and all I want to do is escape into my room with my son and pretend I wasn't humiliated in front of his entire family. I follow Alice with my eyes until her feet disappear up the stairs.

I carry armload after armload of dirty dishes and leftover food from the dining room into the kitchen, Jasper silently beside me the whole time.

"You think he's just working?" he asks, breaking the silence.

I turn to him and offer a polite smile. "I'm sure he just got held up." It's the same excuse I gave Esme, but I honestly can't think of anything else to say.

Jasper's expression is pensive, and hesitation is written all over his face.

I spin and rest against the edge of the kitchen counter, my arms folded over my chest. "What? You obviously have something to say about this, Jasper."

He holds up his hands. "Look, I know you and me don't know each other very well, just through Alice, but if things keep going the way I think they will, she'll be my wife someday soon, and that makes us practically family, right?"

"Okay ..." I say slowly, wishing he'd just spit it out.

He looks back in the direction of the stairs before looking me square in the eyes. "I just ... well, I know I wouldn't wanna be blindsided, you know? If something was up, and someone else knew about it, I'd hope they'd tell me."

I take a deep breath, willing myself to stay calm. "And what is it you think you know?"

He cups the back of his neck, nervously rubbing back and forth. "I, um, well, I think Eddie's seeing some other broad on the side." The words rush out of him, almost too fast for me to understand.

I'm confused as his statement tumbles around inside my head, but as they do, it brings back all the old insecurities and memories of promises made ... and possibly not kept.

"What makes you think that?" I whisper. "You two don't even run in the same circles. I mean, you work in a repair shop, Jasper. Edward doesn't exactly hang out with guys like you, ya know?" My voice begins to rise with every syllable. "He leaves every morning in a suit and tie. Can't imagine him hanging around a bunch of grease monkeys—"

He cuts off my rambling. "I saw him out, more than once, with some guys, getting drinks and entertaining a few ladies."

I breathe a sigh of relief and wave him off. "That's all? I'm sure it was nothing. He's told me he has meetings he has to drive people to that happen inside less than respectable establishments." With a lighter heart, I turn back to the sink and start the hot water to wash the dishes.

"This wasn't any meeting, Bella. He's there quite a bit."

I turn on my heel and look him in the eye. "And just how would you know that, Jasper? Are you hanging out in seedy places? Is there something I need to tell Alice?"

"No. Look, my cousin tends bar in the club he's been seen in, and I've happened to be in there a time or two, the same time as him. And I can tell you those were no business meetings."

Some of the fight leaves me as I remember scrubbing out the lipstick from his shirt just a few weeks ago. It's completely possible that what Jasper is telling me is true, and I've only been lying to myself this whole time. As much as I don't want to admit it, it could explain his distance, his pulling away from me.

"Is it possible that's where he is tonight?" I ask in a whisper.

"Could be. It's easy to lose track of time when you're in a place like that."

I turn my head up to look at him. "Can you take me? So I can see for myself?"

"You sure about that, Bella? You can't go in there if you're not ready to see the truth."

I nod, clearing my throat of the lump forming there. "I know."

"If that's what you want," he answers softly. "But I need to be back here in time to get Alice home before eleven."

Again, I nod. "Then we better hurry."

After making up some excuse about needing something from the A&P before they close, I leave Alice with EJ and take off with her fella. I watch the brightly lit skyline pass us by as Jasper drives me deeper into the city. We park on a side street a few blocks away and walk the rest of the way to the club. Pretending to be his arm candy, I smile at the doorman as we're waved through. Apparently, his cousin being an employee has given Jasper an automatic ticket inside.

It's loud and crowded, the music playing over the noise of people talking, laughing, dancing, enjoying drinks. Jasper gently tugs me along, and I keep my head down enough that no one here might be able to recognize me. Even if I don't know them, it's possible they know me through my husband.

We eventually reach a small booth for two along the periphery of the room, which is a perfect place to scan the faces in the crowd. A waitress comes and takes our drink order; something on tap for Jasper and a glass of wine for me. When she steps out of the way, a round of raucous laughter gets my attention.

A round table sits just off to the side of the dance floor and is surrounded by five or six well-dressed men.

My husband is one of them.

His beaming smile is one I've missed seeing in recent weeks, months, and it almost brings a smile to my own face.

Almost.

All the air is sucked from my lungs as I watch the tall, exquisitely dressed blonde lean over and whisper something into his ear. His answering expression is one I don't recognize. It's dark and determined and something I don't understand. It's one he's never given me, and a wave of nausea washes over me.

The waitress chooses that moment to return with our drinks, and I grab mine and guzzle it down in mere seconds. I place my empty glass on the table as I watch my husband stand and offer a hand to the woman, the blonde I now recognize as the one in Kauffman's lingerie department chatting with her girlfriend about another woman's husband. I remember her determination to get the then, unnamed man into her bed ... to get what she wanted. I know women like that, and I know if she hasn't yet succeeded, it's only a matter of time until she does.

When they reach the dance floor, he holds her close, and his hands roam in places only a man comfortable and familiar with a woman would ever dare to put them. Her coy smile as she looks into his eyes says nothing of what I know her true intentions are, and my heart breaks when he returns a look of what can only be described as determination all his own. I've seen enough.

"I'm ready to leave." My monotone voice is just loud enough for Jasper to hear. He nods and says nothing as he lays a few bills on the table and escorts me back outside into the warm, early summer night.

I'm lost in thought on the silent drive home, wondering how long Edward's been keeping this from me. If his distance these last couple months was because he's been seeing this woman all this time, or if it's something new. I almost give in to the urge to laugh when the thought of him killing a man, killing my father, doesn't make my stomach turn like the thought of him touching another woman the way he touches me. I have to wonder what that says about me.

Alice says nothing when I come home empty-handed, my story of an errand forgotten, and I'm grateful she doesn't ask any questions. I merely offer her a tight smile and a hug before she and Jasper leave to get her home before her curfew. I switch off the lights after making sure things are neat and tidy for the night, and head up to my bedroom, a strange kind of detachment allowing me to go through the motions of my routine.

In my numb state, I strip off my dress and step into the shower, not allowing myself to feel anything. Empty promises, declarations of love and devotion and 'I promise I'll do better' are hollow words as they echo through my mind. I refuse to shed a tear, instead tamping down my emotions as I try to process everything. When my soapy hands pass over my lower belly, I pause. If everything had gone as planned, I probably would have already told Edward about the new baby. But now I'm not sure I want to.

With uncertainty and a heavy heart, I climb into bed and stare out the open window, the warm breeze feeling good on the bare skin of my arms and neck. Too many thoughts cloud my mind, visions—real and imagined—flash behind my eyes, and sleep eludes me. Time ticks by, immeasurable except for the faint ticking of the clock, and eventually the familiar sound of Edward's car echoes through the window.

I close my eyes, and follow the mental image of him with the sounds he's making—closing his car door, entering the house and hanging his jacket, getting a glass of water in the kitchen, making his way up the stairs, checking in on his son, then finally coming into our room. He's quiet as he removes his shoes then his clothes. He rummages through a drawer and disappears from the room. The sound of the shower starting causes my resolve, not to break, but to crack just a little. Knowing he's likely washing off the smell of another woman makes me sick, but I breathe deeply and push away thoughts of what might have happened tonight after I left the club.

A single tear escapes from my eye as the sounds of him in the shower fill the silence. I brush it away and take deep breaths, willing the calm I so desperately need to wash over me. When the sound of the water finally stops, I keep my eyes closed and feign sleep.

Edward slips almost silently into the room, then into the bed, his damp skin radiating warmth from his shower. It would be so easy to turn over and confront him, to tell him what I've seen, to accuse him of what I already know is true, but I don't have any fight left in me. I feel like I've been fighting since we said 'I do,' and I'm battle-weary and exhausted.

His breathing deepens and evens out, telling me he's asleep, and I'm left to lie awake nearly all night wondering what my next step will be.

I wake to a silent house yet again, and lie in bed mulling over the decision I've come to. In the bright light of morning, it's like the fog has lifted and I have a clarity I didn't have last night. I know I need to do what's best for my son, my unborn baby, and myself. I need to separate myself from the life Edward chose for himself, for us, before it destroys me. Something I maybe should have done months ago.

I need to leave.

With a deep breath and determination, I throw off the sheet and waste no time doing what I need to do. After making a phone call, I spend an hour going through our things, taking only what's necessary for my son and me, including a bundle of cash I find in Edward's desk drawer. I write a few letters to people who I don't want to be left wondering, and one that causes me to spill tears I've up until now been able to keep at bay.

Dear Edward,

Where to start? There are no words to tell you how heartbroken I am. How it hurts to know you'd throw away all we've fought so hard to hold on to, just to be in the arms of another woman. I've forgiven you for so much, looked the other way so many times, for so many things, but I just can't do it this time.

I'm taking EJ and going away for a while. I need to think about where my life is going, what I want. I've always wanted you, wanted to share a life with you, but I won't share you with another. The more I think about it, I think I've been sharing you all along. This isn't the life I imagined when I became your wife.

I can't do it anymore.

All my love,

Bella

I fold the letter, slip it in the envelope, and seal it. I place it on top of the television before wiping my eyes and stuffing the other letters into my handbag. I know everyone, Esme and Alice especially, will be so mad at me for giving up, for leaving, but I'm afraid if I stay here, I'll wilt and waste away under the strain of my failed marriage. I need to do this, and I can only hope they'll forgive me.

When the car pulls up to the house, the cabbie helps me load my few bags into the trunk. I close and lock the front door and walk away, and I don't turn back.

Silent tears stream down my cheeks as we drive through the city, out of town, and I don't bother to wipe them away. EJ, sitting on my lap, must know there's something wrong, because he spends the entire drive cuddling into me, soothing me with his own gentle touches as we drive farther from our home.

I pay the cab driver extra to make a few stops, and I offer weak excuses of dropping by recent pictures of EJ to my sisters when I show up on their doorsteps. The look of shock on both their faces is obvious when I come knocking. We've not seen each other since we buried Daddy, only spoke on the phone on occasion to catch up, so my visits are unexpected.

They couldn't be more like night and day. Angela is talkative and gushes over her nephew, offering for me to stay for dinner, and Jessica is quiet and gives me the feeling she'd rather I cut my visit short and be on my way. I consider the bruise on her arm and realize once Mike gets home my presence probably isn't a good idea.

I leave them both with a hug and an envelope of photos, each with a short note tucked inside. The most basic explanations are given, but knowing it may be a long while, if ever, before I lay eyes on them again, I know I need to give them something.

Unable to find my brother on such short notice and unable to face my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, I drop the last few letters in a mailbox. With the sun beginning to make its descent, I finally pull up to the curb of the motel just before six in the evening.

With a sad smile on her face, my friend is waiting for me, standing outside the door of a rented room, welcoming me with open arms.

The Boy

With a shaky hand, I slide my key in the door. The squeak of the hinge echoes in the eerie silence. I'm so used to hearing the sounds of EJ's babbles, Bella's laughter as she plays with our son, or even the radio playing music—the sounds of home—it's strange to be greeted with nothing. Even on nights when I come in late, well after they're asleep, the house feels ... alive.

I switch on the light and walk through the house, noticing the small reminders of what happened here last night—a party to celebrate my miserable existence. They're sprinkled around the room, overlooked in Bella's state of mind last night, I'm sure. An abandoned balloon behind a chair, cake crumbs on the rug, and twenty-one unlit candles in the kitchen garbage bin remind me there are people who still care, still love me, despite what I've had to do to protect the ones I love.

Wrapped boxes still cover the coffee table, all with my name on them. I flip through them until I find one with Bella's delicate handwriting on it; handwriting I'd recognize anywhere. I open the card, and along with it, my heart breaks just a little more.

To my husband,

I saw this and thought you'd look so handsome in it. Wear it and think of me. Happy birthday, Edward.

All my love,

Bella

Another folded slip of paper catches my eye. A colorful swirl of scribbled lines with the outline of a tiny hand in the center covers the sheet.

Love you, Daddy

EJ

Her words written over the rainbow colored lines brings a vision of the two of them sitting at the kitchen table, Bella guiding our son to make something for me. It's enough to make my eyes burn. I clear my throat and place the paper back on the table.

Sitting on the sofa, I look around the room. The furniture is still here, the curtains still hang over the windows, the refrigerator is still humming in the kitchen, and the pictures are still on the wall. You'd never know that everything I live for, the reason for my very existence, left through the front door at eleven this morning. This house, full of so many things, has never felt so empty.

An envelope rests on the television cabinet, my name on it. Already knowing what it says, I stare at it, willing it to burst into flames. I know this is what I wanted, my plan all along, but now that it's actually happened, the constant burn of regret I carry with me blazes in my gut.

Before I can muster the courage to read her words—words, I'm sure, of hurt, of pain, of being betrayed—a knock breaks me out of my staring contest with the stark white envelope.

I walk to the kitchen and open the back door, ushering him inside.

"She checked in, then?"

"Yeah, the driver dropped her off just before six o'clock tonight."

I nod and step in the direction of my office, motioning for him to follow. I rummage through my desk drawers, making sure she took the money I left for her to find before retrieving the envelope I promised him.

"They, uh, they didn't stick around very long, though. They loaded up and took off a few hours after she got there."

I'm brought up short, not expecting that. "Already?"

"Yeah, guess they figured they'd make good time with the baby sleeping all night." He shrugs his shoulders.

"Huh," I say as I fall back into my chair.

"It's what you wanted, isn't it? For them to get out of town?"

I lean over my desk and rest my elbow there, holding my head in my hand. "It is. I just ... I just didn't know they'd take off so soon, I guess."

"Well, what did you expect, Eddie? You were practically mauling that girl on the dance floor last night!"

I level him with a stare, and he holds his hands up in defense.

"Just remember, you got what you wanted."

I lean back in my chair and close my eyes, choosing to ignore his dig. "And you said you have some friends in Chicago? A way to keep tabs on them?"

He nods. "Yeah, and they ain't got any connections, so you don't need to worry about it getting back to your uncle or the rest of the low-lives you work for."

"Good, good," I say, absentmindedly as I fiddle with the envelope in my hands.

"So ...?" He begins, getting me to look at him. "The money?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." I hand over the envelope, and he tucks it in his pocket.

"As hard as it was to do it, I'm glad I could help." He hesitates, but then straightens his back, staring me square in the eyes. "Look, I know we don't know each other all that well, so I hope you don't mind me saying so, but she seems like a really good girl, Eddie. She doesn't deserve to be around the mess you got yourself into."

"I know. Which is why I wanted her to go away. At least for now."

"You know, you could've just told her what was going on, and I'm sure she'd have left on her own. You wouldn't have had to put on the show. I know it hurt her."

"Don't you think I know that, Jasper!" My voice rises with every word. "The last thing I wanted to do is hurt her, but it was the only way I knew she'd leave and not try to come back ... or try to involve herself. She's too good a person, and I know she would've tried to ... tried to fix it."

He rises from his chair and walks toward the door. Before leaving, he turns to look back at me. "I just hope you know how to fix it."

The closing of the back door echoes down the hallway before I give my whispered reply. "You and me both, Jasper. You and me both."

Of all the things I've done, of all the crimes I've committed, I'm not sure what I'm most ashamed of; killing men in the name of the organization, or killing a piece of my wife's heart.

A long time ago, my father tried to tell me I was making the wrong choice, but I stubbornly thought I knew best.

'You're selling your soul,' he'd warned me.

I'm beginning to wonder if I even have a soul left worth selling.

A/N: Still with me? What do you think about what he did? Do you think it'll backfire on him?

And before any of you scold pregnant Bella for that glass of wine at the club, I found some interesting information. The term Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) wasn't used until it was published in a 1973 British medical journal article. Up until then, it wasn't medically advised against. And even today, according to the information I found, up to 40% of doctors and medical professionals say an occasional glass of wine won't hurt a growing fetus.

A lot of you mentioned the possibility of Edward and his family going into WitSec/Witness Protection. The program to give witnesses new lives and identities didn't begin until 1970, so it's not a possibility for our Boy.

Thanks for all the love you've shown this story. Replying to each and every review isn't happening right now, but I'm making an effort to respond to questions and concerns. Please know if I didn't respond, I have read each and every one, and they all mean so much.

For those of you wondering, I'll begin posting Stasis when we get closer to the end of this one. I'm also going to start working on expanding another of my one shots, so my hope is to have a steady posting schedule of at least a chapter a week. If I can get the ball rolling and make headway on what I'm writing, I may try to post two stories at once. Eep! I don't know what freaks me out about that. LOL.

For up to date info, please join me in my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics. I share exclusive weekly teasers and offer you the chance to chat about how frustrated you are with this boy and Bella. ;)

See you next week!

Lots of love,

Sunshine