Thank you to 2brown-eyes, ceceprincess1217, gabby1017, and DICATAKADD for pre-reading, and to SunflowerFran for editing. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
Song for this chapter, Are You Lonesome Tonight by Elvis.
**Note** Time takes a small step back when we switch to EPOV.
Chapter 10
Bella
Leaving Pittsburgh and all I've ever known is painful; more painful than I thought it would be since it was my decision to leave. As I cuddle a sleepy EJ in the backseat of Rosalie's '53 Buick Roadmaster, I cry silent tears. Not only for what I've lost, but also for what I've chosen to leave behind. Eventually, I fall asleep with him cradled in my arms while Rose drives through the night. I'm beyond exhausted and need the sleep, but I'm also avoiding any heavy conversation with her for as long as I can. When the car slows and comes to a stop, I rise up and peer out the window. It's still dark, and the neon vacancy sign of the roadside motel flickers against the pre-dawn sky.
"I need to rest my eyes, Bella," she whispers from the front seat.
"S'okay." My reply is a raspy whisper, so as not to wake my son.
While she gets us a room, I gather the few things I need to take inside. She returns to the car and carries her own bag to our home for the night, with me trailing right behind her. The room is dark and cool, and without turning on more lights than necessary, we're able to get into bed without EJ fully waking.
Hours later, a sleepy-happy grin greets me in the faint light of morning. His insistent hands reach for my face, gently patting my cheeks, and I know he'll be demanding to be fed soon. I'm able to keep him quiet long enough to write a quick note for Rose and get us out of the room without disturbing her.
With the bright morning sun shining down on us, I walk with EJ in my arms to the diner just a few doors down from the motel. The chime of the bell over the door as we step inside doesn't attract any attention, so we find an available two-person booth off at the rear of the diner and settle on one side. As I hold my squirming son on my lap, I take in the scene around us.
The chatter of diners, the click and clang of dishes and flatware, and even the cook yelling out 'order up' has me in some kind of hypnotized gaze as EJ amuses himself with slapping his open hands on the table. As I look around the room, taking it all in, a wave of disconnect hits me. I'm here ... but I'm not. Just yesterday I was in my own kitchen, making a quick breakfast for EJ and me, and now, I'm basically homeless; a woman fleeing her life and on the run from her philandering husband.
"What can I get ya, hon?" The waitress' question snaps me out of my daze, and I scramble to check the menu, ordering the first thing I see.
"Oh, an order of pancakes and scrambled eggs, please. Oh, and a banana if you have any."
"Sure do. And to drink?"
"Uh, milk and a glass of water."
"Sure thing. Comin' right up," she says with a wink before walking away.
I stare out the window and watch as the traffic passes by. It dawns on me that I don't even know which town we've stopped in for the night. I reach for the menu I tucked behind the bottle of ketchup after ordering, looking to see if I can figure out where we are. With nothing on it to tell me, I look around the diner, hoping to snag a copy of a local newspaper. When the man behind us gets out of his booth, I grab his abandoned copy.
Dayton Daily News
Realizing we're in a town in the middle of Ohio means nothing to me, only that I'm that much closer to a new life and that much further from my husband. The date on the front page doesn't help me feel any better.
Monday, June 20, 1960. Edward's birthday.
The food arrives and is almost tasteless. EJ seems to enjoy it, though, so I let him try to feed himself small bites of pancake and cut up banana. Struggling with him as he tries to sip from the water glass is frustrating, and I get a glimpse of what my future might be—an endless struggle—especially once the new baby comes along.
Even if he'd been distant, Edward was my only constant for the last few years, even before we were married. He was my safe haven when my worries about my father and home life got me down. He gave me the confidence no one in my life had ever given me before. He was the first one ever to call me beautiful. He was my greatest support when I worried what my foster parents, Peter and Charlotte, would think of me when I found out I was expecting EJ. And he tried, he really tried, to do what he thought was best for us. But he did the one thing I told him I couldn't live with ... he chose to spend his time in the arms of another woman.
He left me no choice but to walk away.
Sitting here, alone with my son while the world goes on around us, the emotion I've tried to keep buried for the last few days comes to the surface, bubbling out in the form of a few hot tears escaping down my cheeks. The waitress comes our way, probably to ask if we need anything else, but when she sees me, she turns and scampers off as fast as she can.
"Ma ma ma ma." EJ times pounding his tiny fists on the table with each syllable, getting the unwanted attention of others in the diner.
"Shh, baby. Here," I say, offering him his glass as I blink away the moisture still pooling in my eyes. "Do you want another sip?"
He clumsily reaches for it, and water dribbles down his chin as he takes tiny gulps. As I collect myself, I don't notice the ring of the bell over the door.
"Hey, you okay?" Rosalie's sudden appearance startles me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just having a moment, I guess."
Her hand reaches for mine, giving it a squeeze as she offers me a sad smile.
"You know things will eventually be okay, right?"
"They have to be, don't they?"
"You'll see, Bella." She picks up a menu and looks over her options as she speaks. "Once we get to Chicago, it'll be fine. You'll have some room to breathe and time to think." Her eyes meet mine. "And there's no reason you can't change your mind and work things out with your husband."
I force a small smile on my face and nod, all the while wondering if I'll ever feel I can trust the man again.
Having EJ with us means frequent stops, and me not having my license means Rose needs them just as much. We pull off the highway every couple of hours to stretch our legs. I also use the time to change and feed the baby. I'm thankful we decided to stop and get a package of Pampers for the trip, something I'd never consider using at home. But it was worth it. Otherwise, we'd be dealing with another issue entirely. What would have otherwise been a roughly ten-hour drive from Pittsburgh to Chicago takes us nearly a full twenty-four, finally pulling into a parking spot outside our new home well past sunset on Monday night.
Margaret is happy to see us, though, as she stands on the front porch, her bright smile welcoming us to Chicago.
"Did you have a good trip? Run into any problems?" she asks as she helps us unload the trunk.
"Other than that little man needing to be changed, and apparently unhappy about not being allowed to crawl around the car, no," Rose says with a wink in my direction.
As if on cue, EJ starts to fuss in my arms, his tiredness from traveling all day is obvious.
"Well, let me show you girls to your rooms so you can get settled for the night," Margaret says as she leads us inside the small house. "I have work in the morning, so we can catch up tomorrow at dinner time after you've had a chance to rest."
She points out where the bathroom is and then directs us to our new bedrooms. Rosalie disappears into hers, and Margaret leads me to mine. It's bigger than I expected. There's even a small, hand-me-down crib in the corner. The walls are a pale yellow, and the matching bedspread and curtains are a soft shade of purple. I step through the doorway and silently take it all in.
"This was originally going to be for Rosie." Margaret's voice is soft as she stands behind me, and I turn to look at her. "But I figured with your little man there"—she points to the sleepy boy in my arms—"you could use the extra space."
I wrap a free arm around her and try to hold back my tears. "Thank you," I whisper. "Thank you so much for letting us stay with you for a while." I pull back and look into her eyes, imploring her to know how much this means to me. "I'll never be able to thank you enough."
She squeezes me in another hug. "No thanks needed, Bella. Besides," she says, pulling away, "having you and the little guy around should be a lot of fun."
"Thanks, Margaret."
"You're welcome. And call me Maggie," she says with a wink. "Now, you get a good night's sleep, and we can talk tomorrow." She sees herself out and closes the door, leaving EJ and me alone.
I ready us for bed and crawl under the light blankets, EJ right next to me. The thought of him being in his own crib tonight, even if only a few feet away, makes my chest ache. So I hold him close and close my eyes. It doesn't take long for his breathing to even out and for him to fall asleep. Me? I'm restless and unable to fall so quickly. The new smells surrounding me and the sounds of a new city keep me awake. I have to wonder if I've made the right decision ... if I've done what's right for not only myself but my children, too.
The hand resting over EJ drifts down to my not quite flat stomach, and I squeeze my eyes shut. So many things have changed in such a short time, so many decisions still to be made. I'll need a way to support us, a way to make a life for us, but those things seem so unimportant at the moment. Too tired to cry tears I've run out of, and too uncertain about my future to fall asleep, I spend my first night in Chicago second guessing my decision to come here.
Several days pass, and I've so far been able to avoid the discussion Rose and Maggie are dying to have with me. I've done my best to hide the morning sickness that's arrived, but with three women sharing one bathroom, I know they had to have seen me rushing in there every morning and different times during the day. No doubt they're getting suspicious. More than once they've asked me if I'm okay, if I need to see a doctor. I keep reassuring them I'm fine, but it's only a matter of time before they figure it out. And with us getting settled, Maggie working a few extra hours at the hospital, and Rose out job hunting, they've been too busy to spend an uninterrupted evening interrogating me.
But tonight I think my luck has run out. Maggie is home early, and Rose comes through the door with a smile on her face just an hour later.
"Girls, you're looking at the newest employee of the Chicago Theater!" She tosses her handbag on the chair, and with a sashay, she passes us on her way to the kitchen.
"That's great, Rosie!" Maggie, who's been on the floor playing with EJ, hops up to follow her. EJ smiles and claps, despite not understanding what all the excitement is about. I scoop him up from his spot and follow them. "What will you be doing? When do you start?"
"Just concessions for now, but the manager told me they might train me to run the projector. And they want me to start Thursday afternoon." She reaches into the cabinet and pulls out a few bottles of Coca-Cola before turning to us. "So I'm going to celebrate with something sweet! Who's with me?"
"Count me in!" Maggie says with a smile. They both look my way expectantly.
I grin and shake my head in amusement. "Sure, thanks."
"Finally, a smile! I thought you forgot how, Bella," she says with a smirk as she rummages through a drawer. "Maggie, don't you have an—" Her eyes light up as she withdraws her hand. "Ah ha!" she says triumphantly, holding an opener in her grasp.
Maggie rolls her eyes as she takes two of the now open bottles from Rose and passes one to me. She holds up hers. "To gainful employment, and Rosalie's ability to pull her own weight around here!"
"To Rose," I offer, tipping my bottle toward theirs, clinking the necks together in a toast.
"So, are they hiring anyone else right now?" Maggie glances my way and winks. "We still need to get Bella a job somewhere. And at the rate she's going, EJ here is going to be in school before she ever starts looking."
"I'm sorry, I just—"
"Yeah, yeah, we know, Bella. I was just yankin' your chain."
EJ lunges for my bottle, and I move it just out of his reach. "I know I need to look for something, I just ..." I sigh and shake my head, unable to think of a believable excuse.
"Bella," Rose says softly. "We know the last week or so has been rough on you. There's no rush."
Before I can respond, Maggie pipes up. "You know, I heard they're looking for someone in the mailroom at the hospital. I guess one of the gals there is leaving to have her baby in a few weeks. You could apply. I'll bet she could train you before she has to leave. All the girls down there say it's a pretty easy job. Early mornings, and you'd be home before dinner time." Her eyes light up. "Oh! And, Rosie"—she turns her head toward her friend, her eyes bright—"you're going to be working evenings and weekends, right? So you could watch EJ, couldn't you? While Bella works?"
Before Rosalie can answer, I shake my head while she's still talking. "No, I don't think they'd hire me. I have no work experience, and I don't even have a high school diploma."
Maggie shrugs her shoulders. "I'm sure it won't be a problem. It's pretty much an entry-level job."
Instead of answering Maggie's question, I'm caught in Rose's gaze. Her eyes don't leave mine as she takes a long pull from her soda bottle before setting it down on the counter. "Want to tell me what's really going on?"
I shake my head. "I just don't think an office job is right for me, that's all." My attempt at deflecting is futile, because just when I think I've escaped their questioning, Rose steps closer and gently grabs my arm.
"Come on. I think we're long overdue for some girl talk." She leads me toward the sofa, and I'm powerless to stop her.
I set EJ back on his blanket, and he happily goes back to the few toys scattered around him.
"Bella," Maggie begins as Rose looks on. "Look, I know I agreed to Rosie bringing you with her without asking too many questions, but I think you owe it to us to tell us what happened ... what made you leave Pittsburgh.
"I—" Emotion chokes me as I think of everything that's led me to this point. All the lies Edward told me over the last year, all the late nights, my father's murder, and the memory of seeing him in the arms of another woman.
An arm wraps around my shoulder. "Hey, it's okay, Bella. Whatever it is, we just want you to know we're here to help you." Maggie's words trigger something inside me, and the floodgates open. Everything I've kept at bay comes spilling out at once.
"It's a lot of things, really. And it's been building for months. At first, it was the lying, the late nights, and I still think he had something to do with—" I stop short, unsure if I should mention Charlie's murder. I shake my head to clear it. "But the final straw was seeing him ... He ... He was with another woman."
No one says anything at first, and I keep my head down.
"Bella," Rose says, getting me to look up at her. "Maybe there's another explanation for it. Maybe it was some business thing, you know?"
I shake my head. "It sure didn't look like it to me."
She scoots closer to the edge of her chair. "Whatever happened between you two, I'm sure you guys can work it out. I've never seen a man as devoted as Edward is to you."
"Was," I say. "He was devoted. If he was so devoted to me, I wouldn't have seen him dancing with and holding another woman."
Rose shakes her head. "Look, I know it's bad now, and you're hurt, but I'm sure if you give it some time to settle, it'll all work out."
"But how can it? How can it ever be okay?" I look at her, my eyes wide, pleading. "I just up and left my husband. I took his son!"
She doesn't answer right away; instead, she gives me a moment to calm down before she speaks. "Because I know you, and I know Eddie, I know—eventually—things will be okay for the two of you."
"How can you say that?" I whisper.
She smiles. "Because the two of you have something really special, and I know how much that boy loves you, Bella. He'd move heaven and earth to make you happy, give you what you want or need." Her voice lowers to a whisper. "Rumor is he's even killed for you, so I know he's gonna do everything in his power to make this right, whatever it is."
I exhale, my shoulders falling, and rest my head on Margaret's shoulder. "I'm pregnant," I say, my voice cracking. "That's why I'm not sure if I should try for an office job. I'd just have to quit in a few months." It feels good to finally admit it out loud, even if it isn't to the one person I really want to tell. Margaret holds me closer.
From her place across from us, Rose tries to reassure me. "Then all the more reason for you to get your head on straight and for him to get his out of his ass."
Days pass, and we settle into our new routine here in Chicago. I never apply for a position in the mailroom; instead, I choose to take on a few babysitting jobs for some neighborhood children. It's some extra cash to contribute to the expenses, and EJ loves having a few playmates. With me being the one home all day, it's decided I do the cooking and cleaning as most of my share of the rent, leaving most of what I'm earning from babysitting to be stashed in the small box in my pajama drawer.
When July days pass ninety degrees, I switch out my dresses for sleeveless tops and pedal-pushers. When those begin to feel tight in August, I begrudgingly spend some of my savings on a few pieces of maternity clothes. The full, flowing shirts do nothing to mask my growing midsection. In fact, they enhance it, announcing to the world I'm expecting. I get more than a few strange looks from the neighbors, so I'm quick to flash my wedding ring and use every opportunity to talk about my husband being out of the country on business. It only reminds me what's missing from my life. It's even more of a reminder when the first flutters in my belly happen, and Edward isn't here to share it with me. And when I need to make a decision about how to bring this new life into the world, he isn't here to ask his opinion.
"I've heard he's really good, Bella," Maggie says, pointing out the name of one of the obstetricians on a list she got from the hospital. "The talk around the hospital is the recovery time after the birth is shorter with this guy than one of the old-timers who like to knock out every mom who comes through their door."
I sigh, having already done a little research on the new birthing techniques. "The problem is, I'd need a partner or a coach I guess they call it, to go that route. And who is going to volunteer to do that?"
She looks almost offended. "Bella, I may not be your best friend, or even a mom myself, but I do work in a hospital. I'm more than willing to volunteer. That is, if you even want to do it this way."
"It's a lot to think about, so as soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know, Okay?"
"Okay."
I lean toward her and give her a hug. "Thanks, Maggie. It means a lot that you'd be willing to do that for me."
"Hey, what are friends for?"
When my nineteenth birthday rolls around in September, I do everything I can to avoid it, but my roommates, on the other hand, won't let me. I come home from a late afternoon visit to the park with EJ to a cake with nineteen candles and presents I didn't ask for.
"Guys, I—"
"Yeah, yeah, we know," Rose says. "You didn't want us making a fuss, but how could we not? Besides, you deserve it, little mama." She winks in my direction. "Now, how about you let us sing you a song while you make a wish, and blow out these candles so we can get to the presents?"
I can't stop the smile on my face, knowing full well just how much this means to the two of them. "Thanks, guys." I hug them both and give them each a kiss on the cheek. "This is really great."
"Okay, okay, sit so we can get to the good part"—Maggie gives EJ a wide-eyed, goofy smile—"the cake!"
I waddle to the dining room chair Rose has pulled out for me, my five-month pregnant belly still able to fit under the table, and they start singing the lines of Happy Birthday to me, EJ now in Rose's arms, doing his best to sing along with his adopted aunts.
"... happy birthday, dear Bella, happy birthday to you!"
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and make the only wish in my heart.
Please, let there be some way for Edward and me to find our way back to each other.
The Boy – August
"Can I get you another?"
"No." I shake my head at the bartender. "Thanks."
"Okay, just let me know if there's anything else I can get ya."
I nod and wave him off before sipping at what's left in my glass. As I lower it to the bar top, I notice the filth on the cuff of my shirt and pull down my jacket sleeve to try and cover it. The two months of Bella being gone shows most in my unkempt, gaunt appearance. I've been putting off laundry as long as possible, so I wear everything far longer than I ever have in the past. Even the clean clothes I can manage are rumpled and disheveled looking once I'm done with them. And eating? I'm reduced to getting takeout nearly every night or finding something to fill the gaping hole in my middle at the bottom of a bottle. Needless to say, the past couple of months haven't been easy. But, then again, I wasn't expecting them to be.
My mother, she refuses to come to help me, leaving me to fend for myself instead. 'I won't support your actions if what you did drove away my daughter-in-law and my grandson,' she's told me. 'You need to make things right and bring your wife home, Edward.'
If only it were that simple.
The club is hopping tonight, and as I turn my head to scan the crowd, there are familiar faces scattered all around. Jimmy is at a nearby table with some broad, Uncle Tony is here with his goomah, and so are Mr. LaRocca and Mr. Amato. One of the King brothers is out on the dance floor with Tanya, and he seems to be enjoying himself.
Felix's heavy hand slaps down on my shoulder. "Seems that gal's already moved on. Got bored with your sorry ass." He points in the direction of Tanya and her new target. "You didn't do it for her?" He flashes a grin, waggling his eyebrows as he takes the barstool next to me.
"What can I say, the girl likes her variety." Flashing my own sardonic grin, what I don't tell him is I found out just how much Tanya enjoys her variety.
Needles and tiny pills under her tongue seem to be her poison of choice, the men that surround her always happy to indulge. It's something I learned quickly, once she set her sights on me, and I've taken full advantage of it. The nights she gets a little too close, nights she thinks might end with her in my bed or me in hers, I steer her toward the little pick-me-ups she always has stashed in her handbag. She usually passes out before she can make her move. I'm just waiting for my luck to run out where she's concerned, just like every other part of my life.
Felix motions for the bartender and orders himself a drink before turning to me. "So, is the missus still off visiting family? Where was it you said? Florida?"
I clear my throat, preparing to rattle off the same lying explanation I've offered anyone who asks where my wife is. "Yeah, her brother is down that way."
"Thought you said he was out in California." His drink is placed in front of him, and he nods his thanks before looking back my way.
"He was, for a while. Said he didn't care for it, though. Thought he'd try another sunny place. See if he liked it." I silently pray my story is enough to throw anyone off her trail if they ever had a reason to go looking for her.
"Well, the middle of February and I'd have to agree with ya. It's colder than a witch's tit out there. But it's hard to think about it when it's the end of August and still this hot, huh? Goddamn ninety degrees today," he mumbles. "Might as well be down there with him, sippin' on somethin' with one of those little paper umbrellas. Hey, you and me could go down there and get jobs as cabana boys and watch all the pretty girls beside the pool all day." He slaps another hand on my shoulder, smiling at his ridiculous plan before sighing. "But I didn't come over here to shoot the shit about the finer points of living in Florida."
"No?"
"Nah, Boss has a job for us tonight, kid."
I furrow my brow in confusion. While I've been spending more and more time with Felix, making pick up runs, even putting the pressure on a guy or two to make his payments, I've not been called away from my job of driving Mr. Amato. "But, I'm driving tonight. We don't usually—"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Special circumstances." He winks then throws back his glass. He gets to his feet and puts a few bills down on the bar. "And make sure you've got your piece," he says quietly as he steps past me.
I sigh and finish off what's left on my glass before I rise from my seat and follow Felix through the crowd. I know this won't be a simple shakedown. My days of easing back into this part of the job are over. The only consolation I have? This time, Bella won't be at home to watch me scrub the blood from my hands.
A/N: There were a lot of differing opinions on Edward's decision to use Tanya to make Bella think he cheated. Even though it was only a dance, and he did put on quite a show, some of you are in the 'it's still cheating' camp. But some of you are sympathizing with him being in the impossible position he's in. Remember, he's kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here. He is making the best decision he can under the circumstances he's in ... right or wrong. Should he have confided in Bella and not wound up where he is now? Of course. But that ship sailed long ago.
Thanks for all the love you've shown this story, even though it's ripping your hearts out. *insert kiss-blowing emoji* Replying to each and every review isn't happening right now, but I'm making an effort to respond to direct questions and concerns. Please know if I didn't respond, I have read each and every one, and they all mean so much.
For those of you wondering, I plan to begin posting Stasis the day after this completes. I just don't have it in me to post two stories at once right now. The Boy is 16 chapters, including the epilogue, which will bring us to me hitting complete on February 21. I'm planning to post chapter 2 of Stasis on the following day, Friday, February 22. I've also began working on the expansion of Dominion. So, there are a lot of things in the works right now!
For up to date info about upcoming stories (and possibly sneak peeks at new banners *wink wink*), please join me in my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics. I share exclusive weekly teasers and offer you the chance to chat about how frustrated you are with this boy and Bella. ;)
See you next week!
Lots of love,
Sunshine