"Whatcha doing?" Alex asked as he joined Arizona at a table in the cafeteria.
"I umm… I just got a notification from that dating site and I'm just trying to decide whether to close the account down or not" Arizona admitted.
"Dude.. what the hell… you and Callie almost kissed and now your looking at dating other people?" Alex choked.
"Yes well… I need to distance myself from Callie a bit… things are getting, weird" Arizona sighed as she slammed her phone on the table in frustration not caring if she damaged it.
"Ok… whats happened to bring on this little melt down" Alex asked as he motioned towards the phone.
"There's been a lot of flirting and moments lately… and at first I was all in for it and excited about what it all meant, but then I remembered what happened last time we tried, how much we hurt each other, how long it took to get over her, and how much we have to lose if it messes up again. We broke Sofia's heart last time, and I never realized just how badly till she moved back Seattle and the three of us started hanging out… I can't do that to her Alex. I love Calliope, I truly do, but I will always love Sofia more than anyone, she is my daughter and my little girl and I can't risk me and Callie fucking up again and breaking her heart all over again. Things are really good right now. We are all happy and we all have so much fun together... and its easy and risk free. I have to let my love for Calliope go in order to protect the three of us. I don't think any of us could survive it if Callie and I split up again… I think for the first time I really truly understand why Cal walked away in the first place" Arizona swiped angrily at a tear that had the audacity to fall.
"Riz, you cant go through life expecting the worst… you and Torres, you're the real deal… you just need to trust each other with your hearts" Alex suggested softly.
"No… what I need to do is let Callie go and be happy with what we do have now" Arizona sighed as her pager began to beep a 911.
Three hours later and Arizona scrubbed out of her surgery, it had been messy and Karev had bailed her out several times when she made simple mistakes because her mind was on her dilemma with Callie.
"Arizona, are you ok?" Alex asked softly after several moments of silence in the scrub room.
"No… I almost killed that kid because my mind is too invested in working out this crap with Callie… I'm going to go get my shit sorted. Thanks for having my back in there" Arizona sighed as she planted a grateful kiss on Alex's cheek before leaving.
She finally found Callie sat in her office, the second the brunette noticed her stood in the door jamb she beamed a smile.
"Hey you… are you ok, you look rough? Did something happen?" Callie asked with a frown as she ushered the blonde into her office and closed the door for some privacy.
"Not really, I just nearly killed a child several times, its only by sheer luck that Karev was in the OR with me that shes still alive" Arizona offered as she fought her tears. Callie pulled her into a hug, enveloping her in warmth and love and for a moment Arizona closed her eyes and basked in the feeling.
"I need to say something, and I need you to understand what I'm saying and not go back to hating me" Arizona sighed, pulling away from Callie and feeling her heart breaking at the concern on the brunettes face.
"Sounds serious… maybe we should sit" Callie suggested, motioning for the couch and waiting for the blonde to sit before she followed.
"Calliope… what I'm going to say is really hard for me. And I'm going to be really honest with you and lay everything on the line, and I would really like it if you could let me just say it all and not interrupt" Arizona begged softly and waited for Callie to nod her acceptance before she continued.
"When you left for New York, it destroyed me… I know I told you to go, but what you didn't see was how much of a mess I was in the aftermath. You didn't see how messed up I was coming into work and not seeing you in passing, or seeing your name on the surgical board, or seeing you in the board meetings. Two years we were broken up and a part of me had fooled myself into believing that I was over you… and then you left and I realized I was so not over you… I never have been. I have loved you since that kiss in Joe's toilet, and regardless of what I say and do, I know in my heart I will love you until my last breath… but…" Arizona interrupted when Callie tried to speak.
"I also love our daughter, and I remember what it was like for all three of us last time it went wrong, I barely survived it Calliope, and having Sof move back here... its really made me realize how much we messed our little girl up and broke her heart when we fell apart. Lately I have been feeling like there is something building between us, and as exciting and inviting as that is… I cant go there again, we cant go there again. I don't know if its just one sided, but I suspect you feel it too. But today I nearly killed a little girl because all I could think about was how much pain and hurt its going to cause if we mess this up again… and I love Sofia, I cant put her through that again… I see how much shes rooting for us to get back together… but I cant risk her if it goes wrong again… and I know I wont survive losing you a second time… and I cant stand the thought of inflicting that pain on you again. So I wanted to come and talk to you and make it clear that I'm going to be pulling back from whatever this thing that was building between us was. I love where we are right now… the three of us hanging out and having fun and laughing… its amazing and its all that I live for, and I hope that you can agree to focus on maintaining that with me… so that our baby can have her family and there be no risk of any of us losing that again" Arizona wiped away her tears and glanced at Callie for the first time who was looking devastated with tear stains down her face.
"See that look right there… its breaking my heart, and there was nothing between us yet… imagine if we had reconciled and it fucked up… I cant do that again… I cant lose you again Calliope" Arizona sobbed. Callie wrapped her arms around the blonde and pulled her into her body and held her tightly as she sobbed. Kissing the top of her head affectionately as the woman began to calm down.
"Arizona, you are the love of my life… and I'm looking this way because I was starting to feel like maybe a reconciliation could be on the horizon… your not alone in that… but I appreciate what your saying… and as much as it breaks my heart, I do understand what your saying and its been playing on my mind a lot too lately. I wish I could say with all certainty that we wouldn't fuck it up this time… but your right, we don't know what life has in store for us, so maybe we should pull back and just focus on being friends and parents to our daughter… I don't want to hurt either of you either, I cant stand the thought of it… just know, I'm really proud of you for having the guts to walk in here and open up like that, and the devotion you show for our daughter just makes me love you even more. But your right… we should focus on being friends.. and only friends" Callie offered a weak smile.
"I'm sorry" Arizona whispered and grimaced as she felt her heart shatter.
"Don't be… your putting Sofia first and that's very admirable and brave and selfless… all things that made me fall in love with you to begin with. Can we not go back to being weird with each other though?" Callie asked softly, her voice giving away how vulnerable she was feeling.
"Of course… and just so were clear… I do love you, and I always will and I'm so glad to have you back in my life, even if its not the way either of us were hoping for" Arizona sighed.
"Close your eyes" Callie requested on a whisper.
"What?" Arizona asked, not sure if she had heard the request right.
"Just do it… for two minutes, just close your eyes" Callie pleaded and smiled softly when Arizona complied without question.
"Arizona, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, nobody could ever and will ever come anywhere near you. But if I have to say goodbye to you for good… I want to do it right, and I want you to know that you will always have the other half of my heart that Sofia doesn't have, and I'm so very proud of you… now I'm going to kiss you one last time, and I want you to not hold back, because this will be our final kiss and I want it to be one that we can both hold onto for the rest of our lives, one that no matter where life leads us, on our death beds we will replay this very moment and smile knowing that to both of us, it meant everything" Callie whispered as she traced her finger over Arizona's jawline.
Callie leaned in and pressed her lips softly against Arizona's and felt her heart hammer in her chest at the connection, when Arizona emitted a low groan that was barely audible she sighed into the kiss. At the same time they both moved into the kiss, their lips parting and their tongues touching for a brief second before they began to dance with each other. The kiss kept going, each time one if them began to retreat, the other would rush forward and pull them back into it, desperate for it to not end, but eventually it did, it had to, and both women rested their foreheads against each other, their eyes closed as they reveled in the moment.
"I love you Arizona, always. Please don't ever forget that" Callie whispered sadly as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"I will love you till my very last breath Calliope" Arizona sighed before she stood up, offered Callie a sad smile and fled the room. Rushing home to throw on some pj's, order a take out and cry herself to sleep over a bottle of wine unknown that just a few meters away Callie sat in her own house doing exactly the same thing.
-oOo-
Two weeks passed and Callie and Arizona continued on, not mentioning the kiss or the conversation. As promised they kept the weirdness out of their friendship, but they would each catch the other staring longingly occasionally and offered each other a sad smile. Sofia noticed the change instantly and questioned both her mother's separately but they kept a united front that nothing was wrong, everything was fine and Sofia was just looking too much into the situation.
"Hey Dr. Karev, can I speak to you for a moment?" Sofia asked, eventually having had enough of getting blown off by her parents lame attempts at lying to her about what was really going on.
"Sure little Sloan, whats up?" Alex asked with a smile as he kicked the cafeteria chair out for Sofia to join him.
"I can trust you right… to be discrete… and to not lie to me?" Sofia asked as she looked Alex in the eye with determination.
"Sure… whats up?" Alex asked again, nervous by the confidence in Sofia's intense stare.
"Why are my mothers suddenly acting so weird… like they are just friends" Sofia studied him, watching as he stumbled and stuttered nervously.
"They are just friends as far as I know" Alex offered.
"I thought you just said you wouldn't lie to me?" Sofia raised her eyebrow pointedly.
"Fine… you suck! But you don't repeat it and you didn't hear it from me. They decided together that they weren't going to risk this happy bubble you all have going on in case they fucked things up again. I tried to talk your mama out of it but shes adamant, and when I tried to speak to your mom she told me to butt the hell out then hurled a load of Spanish abuse at me… they are both idiots and need their heads banging together" Alex sighed, hating to break the news to his god daughter who looked gutted.
"Shit I thought the plan was working" Sofia sighed sadly.
"What plan?" Alex asked instantly, his interest peaked further when he saw Sofia groan when she realized she had slipped up and dropped herself in it.
"I may have been trying to play match maker… but keep that to yourself" Sofia warned.
"You too hey… god what is it with those two, they so obviously belong together" Alex scoffed
"Wait you've been trying to hook them up too?" Sofia grinned.
"Of course I have Sof… like I said they belong together" Alex laughed.
"Shit what am I gonna do… Christmas is next week and i was hoping to have them hooked up by now. I even convinced Bailey to rig the secret santa so they had each other even though from her knowing smirk I'm guessing that Aunty Miranda already had the same idea" Sofia complained.
"Hey… its not all over yet, we can still get them back together, we just need to work a little smarter" Alex winked when Sofia smiled happily at him.
"You mean you will help me Uncle Alex?" Sofia smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes at him.
"You bet your sweet ass I will help… and I better be getting a spot in their wedding… now this secret santa thing… have either of them got anything yet?" Alex smirked.
"Yeah… they both got these lame ass gifts… get this, mama bought mom some christmas themed socks… I mean seriously, thats what you buy the love of your life for christmas? So lame" Sofia sighed.
"Damn… maybe we get some extra presents in and mark them as secret santa and hide them in places they will each find… subtle things that they will assume came from the other… what do you think?" Alex grinned proudly at his idea.
"What happens when one of them quizzes the other and they find out they didn't send them?" Sofia frowned.
"Shit, that wont work, your right… damn it!" Alex grunted just as his pager went off. "Lets brain storm and I'll catch you at Joe's later to swap ideas" Alex promised before dashing off. Sofia sat thinking for a few moments, her mothers behavior certainly made more sense now, she just had to find a way to get them back together. They belonged together!
-oOo-
"I've got it" Alex grinned as he slid into the booth with Sofia and Stacy and smiled at them both.
"You worked it out?" Sofia asked excitedly. "don't worry Stace has been helping me all along, since our second day at the hospital" Sofia laughed when Alex glanced at her nervously.
"Fine… alright so today I caught your mama on tinder… I quizzed her about it as much as I could and she basically said that she's just chatting to some randoms to try and take away the pain of missing chatting to your mom… I convinced her to let me look over her profile and she doesn't have a picture on it… I asked her why and she said she didn't want guys perving on her and if someone convinced her to share her photo she would send it over privately… so I asked her how people would know it was her if she didn't have a profile picture and she said she didn't want anyone to know she was on it and that was the point… and that's when it hit me…. This is how we get them back together… I wrote your mamas user name down so I couldn't forget it… now all we need to do is convince your mom to sign up… not put a profile picture on and then we just need to connect the two and let their chemistry do the rest of the work" Alex grinned proudly.
"Oh god… this is too good to be true… guess who I signed up to tinder two days ago and taught her how to use it… begrudgingly may I add" Sofia giggled as she grabbed her phone and downloaded the app before entering her moms details and logging in.
"What's mamas username?" Sofia grinned as Stacy went to fetch some drinks to celebrate.
"it's BustyBlonde" Alex laughed at the horror on his goddaughters face.
Sofia quickly typed it in and found her mamas profile and hit message as Alex leaned over her to watch as she typed in a simple message of 'hi' before hitting send.
"Wont your mom question why she sent a message first when she didn't?" Alex frowned.
"Nope because I'm going to delete the message history so when mama replies it looks like her message came first…. And I kept it simple so her reply wont give it away" Sofia smirked mischievously as she deleted the message and went to her moms home screen and waited to see if there was a reply.
After an hour of waiting, they gave up and decided to check it out tomorrow when they met at work.
-oOo-
Callie fell into her couch with a glass of wine and grabbed her laptop to log into her tinder account, determined to find someone to chat to in order to take her mind off of the blonde she knew was sitting in the house next door. She opened up her messages and smiled when she found three messages. She scanned the names with interest.
BUSTYBLONDE: Hey
TURKISHDELITE: whats up?
SEALION1972: Hi how are u?
Callie replied to all three before flicking the TV on and finding some trashy show from the UK that Sofia had gotten her into called Geordie Shore. Her eyes flicked back to the screen when she heard her laptop beep to find a new message.
BUSTYBLONDE: I'm good too. Just relaxing with a glass of wine n watching TV. What r u up to?
Callie smirked as she began to type.
ROCKSTAR: Same actually. Long day at work and I just got home and am bored so trashy TV and a takeout for dinner.
BUSTYBLONDE: What kind of takeout?
ROCKSTAR: The best kind. Meat feast pizza. What are you having for dinner?
BUSTYBLONDE: Ok this is getting weird now, meat feast pizza
ROCKSTAR: No way! Your like the perfect woman lol
BUSTYBLONDE: no I just have exquisite taste
ROCKSTAR: should I take that as a compliment?
BUSTYBLONDE: probably. So tell me what your hobbies are?
ROCKSTAR: I don't really get much time for hobbies between work and my kid, but I like to dance, and I used to like camping but my last two exs hated it so I haven't been in a long time!
BUSTYBLONDE: yeah I'm with ur exs on that one… camping sucks!
ROCKSTAR: oh man, you just lost your perfect woman status. How can you not like camping, have you actually ever been camping?
BUSTYBLONDE: well that sucks, I guess I shouldn't be expecting a trophy now! No never felt the need, I have a comfy bed to sleep in and if I want to go away there are plenty of hotels around the world without needing to sleep in a field in the cold!
ROCKSTAR: but that's half the fun, if you get cold you have to think up ways to get warm ;) plus you've never experienced true serenity until you've laid under the stars and just talked to someone with no distractions and no city hustle and bustle. And you can light a fire and make authentic s'mores or just roast marshmallows and just be at one with nature!
BUSTYBLONDE: ur making me want to give camping a go!
ROCKSTAR: You should try it sometime, there's plenty of places around to camp
BUSTYBLONDE: but there's nowhere to plug my hair dryer in when ur in nature!
ROCKSTAR: oh your one of those types
BUSTYBLONDE: judgmental much? What does that even mean?
ROCKSTAR: not judging… just commenting that you are a princess type, need your comfy mattress and all your mod cons lol
BUSTYBLONDE: whats wrong with liking my comfy mattress?
ROCKSTAR: nothing at all, I love my comfort as much as the next person… but there's something tranquil about being in the open outdoors and having to fend for yourself. And being surrounded by nothing but nature. If you live in a comfy little bubble your going to miss out on so many things in life!
BUSTYBLONDE: well you have me convinced, I will give it a go sometime. But it better be amazing or I will hold you personally responsible.
ROCKSTAR: you wont know unless you try it, you never know you may love it and turn into a backpacker lol
BUSTYBLONDE: lets not get crazy… I said I would think about trying it, I could never be a backpacker I'm too much of a princess lol
ROCKSTAR: ok so what are your hobbies?
BUSTYBLONDE: I work a lot too, but I like to read, but I always seem to be reading stuff for work these days!
ROCKSTAR: I know the feeling. Work sucks!
BUSTYBLONDE: it does. I just saw the time and I have to be up early tomorrow… Its been nice chatting, I hope I get to speak to you again sometime.
ROCKSTAR: yeah I should head to bed too. Thanks for the chat, sweet dreams
BUSTYBLONDE: you too x
Callie closed the laptop and finished her drink, smiling to herself as she made her way to bed. Perhaps signing up to that stupid dating site hadn't been the worst decision she had ever made, she had managed a good two hours of only barely thinking about Arizona.