The day progressed much as any other Sunday. Her attempts to study proved futile, and she found herself wandering the internet aimlessly, still wearing her pajamas. She sat propped up on pillows, browsing endlessly through wikipedia and articles about movies and politics. The ice crystals remained undisturbed on the window that had remained shut for almost two days. No voicemails. No calls. No carrier pigeons.

It made her restless. Her memory was incomplete, and the holes left open the possibility that she had said even more than what she already regretted. An SAT prep book sitting on the pillow seemed to stare at her disapprovingly, and she closed her laptop. It was time for another attempt. After another half hour, she realized she'd been reading through the same paragraphs over and over again, but absorbing nothing. She let out an exasperated sigh as she flung the book on the floor.

The prospect of becoming a vampire had made her lazy at school. She would experience high school and college dozens of times and be part of a wealthy, beautiful, ageless family. She had all the time in the world. But she could hear her mother's voice in her head, scolding her for not planning for the future. She would be the first in her family to go to college if Renee had anything to say about it. She could no longer rationalize bailing on her entire life for a guy. It was time to let go of those old fantasies and buckle down.

But the future felt far off, and the present was filled with much more pressing matters. Jake was gone and there was no news of Victoria. It created an undercurrent of anxiety alongside a tense, throbbing ache that she wished she could ignore, neither of which could be properly relieved on her own. How could she already be so lonely? He'd only been gone two days. Maybe it was the silence that troubled her. She wanted him back in her bed, warm and comforting, leaving his scent on her sheets. It was a shame he'd been wearing shirts so often…

She struggled to keep her eyes open, but whether it was out of boredom or fatigue, she wasn't sure. She lacked the power to fight it, and sleep eventually overtook her.

She was suddenly back in the forest, the summer sun beaming downward into a mountain pool. It was fed by a small waterfall, and she could see the granite pebbles lining the bottom. It wasn't too deep. Maybe she could jump off the ledge beside it. It wasn't cliff diving, but it was a good first step. The combination of the sun and the lack of any tangible breeze meant it was far too hot to be outside. She could feel the sweat soaking her clothes, making them stick to her skin.

She looked down to see she was wearing her green satin dress from the Cullen's birthday party, still stained with her blood. The gash on her arm was still wide open. The dress made her itch. It felt too tight around her chest, making it hard to breathe. She needed to get out of it and clean herself up before she went home. She was completely alone, surrounded by trees and undergrowth that stretched for miles in every direction. Everything was covered in moss, turning the forest emerald green. Just a quick dip. She would be fine.

She couldn't withstand the heat any longer, and she slipped out of the dress, leaving all her clothes behind on a fallen tree. Stepping into the pool, completely submerging herself in the cold water, she felt freer than ever before. It felt like magic, the way the water seemed to dissolve her fears. She floated, enjoying nothing coming between her and the water. The blood began to wash away. When she looked down, the gash was gone, and the old pink scar had vanished too.

A rustling came from nearby. The sound bounced all around, making it impossible to tell if it was coming from behind her or in front of her. Something was coming. Something big. The foliage parted to reveal a massive wolf staring right at her. It was covered in shaggy reddish fur. It sniffed at the mound of clothes and recoiled, seemingly repulsed by the smell. It sat down in front of her, looking directly at her. It whined, as if to speak. She recognized the large brown eyes staring back at her.

"Jake?" she asked, covering her chest with her hands and sinking lower into the water.

He growled, baring his teeth at her. No, it was something behind her. Out of the corner of her eye came a flash of fiery red hair, and Victoria was just feet away from her laughing as she cornered Bella against a rock.

"Jake!" she called desperately.

The wolf had already left, the tip of its tail disappearing into the bushes. Victoria's icy fingers were around her neck.

"Looks like I finally found you, sweetheart. Be sure to send Edward my love."

Victoria sunk her teeth into the soft flesh, intent on consuming every last drop of blood. Her screams reverberated throughout the forest, but with no one else around to hear it.

Tap...Tap...Tap.

A welcome sound interrupted her dream. She looked around her room in search of the source, disoriented, before giving up and flopping back down to slow the beating of her heart. It was already dark. She didn't mean to sleep for so long. Charlie was going to begin grumbling about dinner soon.

Tap..Tap...Tap.

It came again, something small hitting glass. She pulled herself up out of the bed, still managing her breath, to find Jacob outside preparing to toss another pebble. She unlatched the window and pulled it open.

"Hey."

"Hey," she replied, apprehensive.

"Can I-"

"-Sure."

She didn't wait for him to come up as usual, but rather perched on the corner of her desk. Now she would know what she did that night, though at this point she would have preferred to keep that a mystery forever. She resigned herself to the fact that her pulse would not be slowing down any time soon. He entered, his usual animation replaced with an unsettling quiet. She braced herself for whatever was coming next.

"Sorry," he said. "I tried to catch you last night before my rounds but it looked like you were... asleep." His fidgeting caught her eye.

"Jake, I don't know what it was that I did the other night, but I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-I was drunk and I-"

"-Wait wait what?" he stopped her with a quizzical expression. "What are you talking about?" She froze.

"...What are you talking about?" she countered.

"I'm talking about yesterday morning. But I am interested to hear whatever it was you were freaking out about."

He was trying to lighten the mood, but it was clear that something was weighing heavily on him, He sat down on the edge of the window seat, his hands running through his hair. Why did he seem so anxious?

"Jake? What's going on?"

"The other night, after you fell asleep, I...went downstairs for a bit," he started, staring at the floor. "I accidentally fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, I came back up to check on you, the window was open again."

"So you left the window open?"

"No, Bells. I closed it before we went to sleep."

She stared back, unblinking.

"I could smell her, Bella. Victoria tried to break in." His voice wavered. He still couldn't look at her. "And I wasn't there."

Bella slid off the desk and onto the floor, his words ringing in her head. The room was spinning. She couldn't breathe.

"Bella?"

"Just give me a second. There's a good chance I'm going to puke."

They sat in silence. Tears began to collect in the corners of her eyes, but she fought them back in a weak attempt to collect herself. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes to focus her energy on keeping her voice steady. Time to change the subject for bit.

"What did the guys say?" she asked softly. Jacob cleared his throat.

"They lost track of her a couple hours before dawn. They haven't seen her since. I think she might've picked up on my scent since it was all over your room and it put her off."

He turned to look at her, watching her measured breathing. She could see the pained look in his eyes, and it made her heart ache. She wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them into her chest. She'd asked for news, and she got what wanted.

"So...how much trouble are you in?"

"Not as much as I deserve. Sam really tore me a new asshole."

She choked out a laugh, and the dam finally broke; tears began flowing down her cheeks in full force, and she completely gave up. She knew she was stronger than this. She'd overcome much worse than this, and she hated feeling like she was putting even more on Jacob's shoulders. He didn't deserve to be guilted like this.

"Bella, honey…please. I won't screw up again. I won't let her get to you."

Jacob slid down onto the floor next to her and put his arm around her, hugging her against his chest while she cried. She wanted to stay right there and wait. Slowly, the tears began to dry up, much to his relief, but his arm remained firmly in place. She sniffed and he wiped the tears off her cheeks with his thumb. She gave him a pathetic smile to try and reassure him. She didn't deserve him.

"They found out about the drinking, huh?" she said. "Charlie was right: I really am a bad influence. The gang, the underage drinking, sneaking into girl's rooms..." He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Bells, come on. Can you just-" She raised her hand to stop him.

"I had a hand in this too, remember. Getting you drunk was a really stupid idea. I just thought it would be fun. Loosen up a little, you know?"

She pulled herself up with the help of the desk, crossing the room to sit on the end of her bed. Her eyes were still red and swollen.

"I'm not mad at you, Jake. I can't be," she mumbled. "And I don't want you to keep beating yourself up about it. I just can't deal with this anymore." She felt the lump rising back into her throat.

A look of fear washed over his face.

"You can't deal with what?"

"Her. All of this. I'm so scared all of the time, Jake. Every time I hear a twig snap or see a shadow out my window I think it's her. I'm a sitting duck fucking up everyone else's life just so they can protect me. Someone is going to get killed and it will be all my fault. I can't even help. I want to help."

"We would have started phasing even if you never came to Forks. The Council says it's about having vampires too close to the rez. None of this is your fault."

She hiccupped. "I guess. I just want to move on but they won't let me. They keep coming back." She dabbed her eyes, letting out a long sigh. "I just want this to be over."

"I shouldn't have gotten you in trouble with your brothers and done stupid things and-I just wanted to have fun again, you know? Like we used to?" Her voice grew higher as she stifled more tears. "I just wanted it to be like before, when we used to hang out in your garage and walk on the beach…"

She couldn't suppress the longing in her eyes as she gazed at him. She wished she could give him his carefree life back more than anything. An easier world for both of them.

"...when things were easy."

"I know," he said. "It was. At least, that's how it felt to me."

"No, it was," she sniffed. "It felt nice."

"And if it makes you feel better, it's not just you. The Quileute wolves have always existed to protect the tribe."

"Oh," she said quietly. Of course they weren't just doing this for her benefit. How self centered did she have to be to think that this was all about her? She loved the pack, but they owed her nothing. The tribe was so much more important than her.

"Oh no Bella, honey, that came out wrong," he said. "I didn't mean that you weren't-"

"No, Jake. You're right. I'm being so self-absorbed. This isn't about me."

"You are so goddamn frustrating sometimes." His words stung.

"The pack wants to protect you, Bella. I want to protect you.. Killing leeches is in the job description, but that doesn't mean you aren't the reason we're doing it."

She wasn't sure she bought it. Jake was always trying to comfort her, even at his own expense.

"Charlie's a cop, right?"

"Yes?"

"Ok, so protecting Forks is what his squad does, but we all know that you are really Charlie's biggest priority. So if someone has a gun to your head and he and his buddies need to roll up to blast dude's head off, you aren't putting them out. It's what they're built for, and they want to do it. Do you see what I'm getting at here?"

"Yeah, I do," she said. "But I can't lose you, Jake."

"You won't. And as much as I appreciate the sentiment, your lack of faith in us is getting a little insulting." He smiled and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"So I'm guessing that getting yelled at by Sam wasn't your only punishment."

"No, it's not," he snorted. "I've got good news and bad news on that front, actually. That was the other reason I came."

She looked up at him incredulously.

"How? I'm surprised they haven't chained you to a tree in the backyard." She fiddled with the tissue in her hand, twisting and folding and tearing it into tiny pieces. "Or gotten you a shock collar."

"I got really lucky with Sam. Like stupid lucky. I'm going to be patrolling more and watched more closely, I get one night a week off where they'll leave me alone. Totally free. Dusk to dawn."

"Holy shit, really?" she croaked, rising from the bed. She was so afraid that he'd be yanked away from her again. She didn't expect Sam to be so lenient. Maybe there were other conditions he wasn't sharing.

"Really. I'm still kind of on duty, but we can go anywhere or do anything."

I just don't want to have to hear about any of it.

Seriously. It's getting gross.

Yeah keep her boobs out of my head, please. It's really distracting.

She didn't need to know about the rest of the pack's thoughts on the matter. She sniffed again. Her smile had returned, and he looked relieved. He was too good for her, she thought.

"Is Thursday alright for you?"

She nodded, lunging forward into his arms. "Thursday is perfect."