The Explanation

(Day 27: Friday Night)

"Ben?"

"Hi Mom." He walks forward as he sees her place the bookmark and set the novel aside.

When he sits down next to her on the red, two-seater couch she sees his frown and his eyes glisten, "Honey. What's wrong?"

He hugs her, "I love you."

She places a hand on his back, "I love you too." before he lets go.

He shakes his head, "I was so scared. If you hadn't answered— if neither of you had answered— I honestly don't know what I would have done."

"But we did answer," his mother reassures as she takes his hand. "That's all that matters." However, she then sees the swollen knuckles and scraped skin, "What happened?"

Ben half-laughs, "Oh. That. I just fell."

"You fell?" his mother questions in disbelief.

"On a wall," he finishes. "A lot happened today."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Ben is quiet for a long moment, before he looks up at her seriously, "Did, um." He takes a breath, "Did Mr. Conrad call you?"

"I don't know," she starts. "Your father and I were really busy with that interview and everything we had today. The only call I picked up today was yours." Ben nods. "Why? Was I supposed to have received a call from him?"

"He just said he was going to call you," Ben answers. "We were talking about my grade, and then I decided to head off to Communications instead."

"Cutting class?" his mother asks. "Ben. That's very unlike you."

"But it was to attend another class," he excuses.

She smiles at him, "Well. At least you weren't off doing drugs." but when she sees the expression he offers in response her smile falters. "Ben."

"I'm not," he assures, but there's a few seconds of silence before he explains. "Some people just think I am, including Mr. Conrad. That's the real reason why I left class."

"Well, what kind of drugs do they think you're taking?"

"Mr. Conrad thinks I'm taking something to keep myself awake." He laughs, "The tourney team just thinks I was taking performance enhancers. Oh." He looks up at her again, "By the way, I quit the tourney team."

She shuts her eyes and lets out a long breath, "Okay. We're just going to have to table that for later." before she looks at him seriously. "I don't suppose you know why they think you're on these things."

"Because I'm strong?" Ben guesses. "Chad and I got into it, and he just didn't want to stop. I tried not to fight him, honestly, but he just wouldn't back off."

His mother shakes her head, "So, what exactly? You fought back?"

"No," Ben quickly reassures, but then he falls silent. "I just kind of pushed him back. When he didn't stop the first time, I pushed harder the second time… I'm sorry."

She places a hand on his shoulder, "It's okay." before he looks back up at her. "But you know you don't have the luxury to defend yourself in such a way. You're stronger than other people. You can't let your emotions get the better of you."

Ben nods, "I know, and like I said I tried. I dodged his punch, but I knew he wouldn't stop." He looks at her questioningly, "What would you have had me do?"

She looks at him seriously, "I would have had you not lay a finger on him." and Ben looks away in apparent disbelief. "Dodging punches is good. In fact, it's great; however, when you get into an altercation you can't be the one enacting the violence."

"So, I should be the one to receive it?" Ben questions, his eyes starting to tear up again. "You'd have me just stand there and take it."

"No. Of course, not, but you do heal a little faster than most people. Whoever you're fighting, they won't have that and they won't have your strength." Ben stays quiet. "It's a hard thing. I know. I'd never want anything bad to happen to you, but you have to realize that you can cause more harm to someone else than they could ever do to you."

Ben places his head in his hand, hiding the tears that escape his eyes, "What if something were to happen. If someday someone tries to hurt me and I feel the need to defend myself." He looks back up to gauge her reaction. "If we both got hurt, would you still have encouraged me not to have done anything?"

"That's an unfair question," his mother strongly replies.

"No." Ben shakes his head, "I think it's plenty fair. If someone came at me with a knife and I tossed them across the room and knocked them out, then who would you be more worried about? Who would you go to and help first?"

She doesn't speak for a long minute, "It would depend on the circumstances."

Ben huffs, "I just told you the circumstances."

"Ben," his mother shuts her eyes, but he doesn't let her speak.

"Why am I not allowed to defend myself," he angrily comments. "What is it? Do you think I could seriously hurt someone, that I'd do it purposefully even?"

She opens her eyes, "It's never purposeful." and she brings a hand to her hair before continuing. "Accidents happen. I just want to make sure you make as few of them as possible."

"Accidents," Ben repeats.

"Yes," his mother sternly responds. "Accidents. Whether it be part of some instinctual defense or as part of some emotional outburst, you could hurt people. You may even hurt those you care about the most."

He shakes his head, "No. I wouldn't do that."

"Sadly, what you think you wouldn't do doesn't matter." He sees her insistence. "You don't know what you would do in the moment. No one does. All we can do is train you to behave in a certain way, to think in a certain way, which will allow you to make it through those tough moments in one piece, along with everyone else." Ben stays quiet, so she reaches for his hand again. "I've taught you to be smart, to think logically, and we've tried to teach you not to make your decisions rashly out of pure emotion. You don't need to fight anyone. When it comes to those moments, I trust that you will be able to think clearly enough to come up with a solution that doesn't involve physical contact with another. You're smart. You can use your words."

"Just as you trained me to," Ben furrows his eyebrows at the realization.

"Exactly." His mother smiles, "You can defend yourself through words and general intelligence. You don't need to fight anyone with your strength." Ben continues to look at her questioningly, before his phone rings and he takes it from his pocket. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

He glances back up at her, "Ah, it's Mal. She's been calling me all evening."

"And you haven't responded to her yet?"

"I thought you would want me to come up with an explanation with you first." He looks away for a moment, "After I passed out in class, I'm sure plenty of people saw me being carried to the nurse's."

She nods, "Yes. How about the flu?"

"The flu?" Ben questions.

"Yes. You can tell people you hadn't really been feeling well, but you still felt the need to attend class. When your fever went up too high you passed out, and then you were carried to the nurse's to be looked at."

"I just had the flu last month."

"So, getting it again now can only make you appear more human."

"But I am human," Ben states. "I shouldn't have to prove that I am one."

"No. Of course," his mother agrees. "However, you are special, and you're going to have to prove to people that you're just as ordinary as they are."

Ben nods, "Alright. That's what I'll tell her then."

- I don't know about Ben, but if I were him I'd be getting really sick of being called "special" by now. What about you guys?