Then so Shall it Be

(Day 33: Thursday Night)

Carlos sits at a square table in the nearly deserted library, and he stares at his biology textbook as he rests his head in his right hand and runs his left thumb up and down the pencil he holds. He imagines it again: how Jay had gripped his arm hard as he'd been pushed against the door, the way it felt when his burns would be scraped or pressed, and he even imagines some things Jay hasn't even done yet. He would never do it. Carlos shakes his head at how aggravatingly careful Jay has been with him since he found out. It doesn't matter. He shuts his eyes hard. It doesn't matter.

However, it does matter. As Jay has pointed out several times, they're just friends, and anything they do beyond that is only meant to satisfy any physical urges or needs which may present themselves; however, Carlos's needs have not been satisfied. A part of him wishes he'd never figured it out, because prior to the realization of how much more intense and gratifying the pain made things he had been content with how it was. Of course, Jay wasn't nearly as careful then as he is now. He lets out an annoyed breath and grumbles at the textbook.

"Having some trouble?"

Carlos looks up and sees Aziz, "Oh. Hey."

"Hey," Aziz smiles before he sits down across from him, looking over the textbook. "I took that class last year. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Carlos almost laughs as he glances down at his homework, "Ah, no. I wasn't actually working. I mean, I intended to, but then I got distracted."

He rests his arms on the table, "And what kind of distraction would that be?"

Carlos frowns, "I don't exactly know how to say it without it being, like, weird."

"Try me."

It takes a minute for him to inform, "So… back on the Isle I was in a relationship with someone— nothing serious— and now, here, I'm also sort of in a relationship."

Aziz looks at him with a hint of confusion, "Are you wondering if seeing this new person would be considered cheating?"

He laughs, "Ah, no. Um… it's just that—" He runs a hand over his hair, "God. Why does this have to be so hard?"

Aziz smiles, "Probably best not to question it." before he nods. "You were saying?"

"Right," Carlos frowns. "Well… this relationship I'm in, it's more of a benefits only kind of thing." He ignores Aziz's increased interest. "The thing is, though… I'm not exactly getting a lot out of it anymore. I mean, I don't want to stop it, but at the same time—" He looks up at him, "I just want more."

Aziz nods, "Well, as with any type of relationship, communication is key. Have you told this person how you feel?"

He's quiet for a moment, "We had a talk, but this person couldn't seem to grasp the idea of doing what I wanted to do… but I still wanted them, so I said it wasn't a big deal."

"Hmm. I'm going to guess that was a lie."

"It wasn't at the time," Carlos insists. "I really thought that maybe it wouldn't matter, because it hadn't really mattered before, but it's like now that I've found this new type of… interaction, it's like this very annoying itch that I can't seem to scratch."

"You know, this is just a thought," Aziz gestures, "but maybe you should just tell them that." Carlos gives him a look, so he explains, "This relationship you have is supposed to benefit you both. It's not fair if you're fulfilling this person's needs, when they're not really willing to do the same for you."

Carlos looks down for a moment, "What I'd be asking them to do… it's not the most normal thing."

Aziz shrugs, "So, what? I'm sure everyone has a little of something they're interested in that's not deemed 'normal'." He places finger quotes around the word, and then laughs, "Personally. If I were to ever be in a relationship, I think I'd like to try some roleplaying."

"What?" Carlos asks. "You mean like the person being dressed in a schoolgirl outfit and you being seduced by them?"

"Probably not that one," he slowly answers, "but you get the idea."

Carlos nods, "Yeah… that's a little more normal than my thing."

"What is your thing, exactly," Aziz asks, "if you don't mind me asking?"

He comments in unsureness, "I would just like it to be more… rough, I guess."

Aziz grins, "That's it?"

"Well… yeah." He watches him laugh. "What is it?"

He shakes his head, "Nothing. It's just with how un-normal you said it was and with how ashamed you seemed to be of it, I guess I just thought it would be something like golden showers or something."

"What's golden showers?"

Aziz's expression evens out, "Oh. Well… it's, um, basically urination in the form of a sexual act, like getting peed on and stuff."

Carlos's eyes widen, "That's a thing?"

Aziz shrugs it off, "Everything is a thing… You just need to find someone who can handle that thing." He smiles at him, "In comparison to something like that, I really don't think you will have a problem."

Carlos huffs, "You'd be surprised."

"Just talk to them," Aziz insists. "It can do nothing but help."

"And that works?" Carlos questions. "The whole talking thing, it works?"

"If you're asking for me to speak from experience, then I really can't. I've never been in a relationship before." He glances down, "I've always been very dedicated to my education." before he looks back up at him. "But the communications class I'm taking always explains how important talking with someone over things is. If you continue on as you are, then there's just going to continue to be this misunderstanding where they may think everything is fine when it may not be at all."

Carlos shakes his head, "I don't know. I feel like maybe I'd be asking for too much."

"It's up to you," Aziz evenly responds, "but I highly recommend for you to talk it out."

Carlos smiles, "So, you've really never been with anyone before."

"I'm only fifteen," Aziz calmly defends. "… and like I said, I have my education to think of." He shrugs and attempts to smile, "How important are relationships anyway?"

"Well," Carlos starts, "it kind of sounds like you think they're kind of important."

Aziz stares down at the glossy wood for a moment, "The lusting after another… it's selfish." and when he looks back up Carlos seems a bit shocked. "There are more important things, and those are the things that are going to fulfil my life… not some relationship."

Carlos shakes his head, "You're not going to go through your life without ever being with someone."

"No," he frowns, "but when it comes to marriage the relationship will be based purely on political ties… and hopefully friendship."

"Wait," Carlos breathes in disbelief. "Who said anything about marriage?"

"I am to be married by the age of twenty-one in order to ascend the throne," Aziz asserts, before he breaks eye contact with him. "And if I don't choose my own bride by then, whether she be peasant or royal, then one who is royal shall be appointed to me."

He furrows his eyebrows as he fails to laugh, "That can't be a thing."

"It's called an arranged marriage," Aziz informs. "It's definitely a thing."

"Then you start dating early," Carlos attempts to solve. "If you date enough people, then by the time you need to be married surely you would have found someone."

It takes a moment for him to comment, "Somehow I doubt that."

"But you can't just give up and accept your fate," Carlos insists. "You deserve to be happy. You deserve a life worth living."

"So does my kingdom," Aziz retorts, "and for that to happen they need a king."

Carlos is quiet for a minute, "There must be someone else."

"Someone else to carry the burden I currently carry?" he questions. "What makes me so special?" Carlos stays silent, and after a long minute Aziz answers, "There is my sister, but so long as there is a male heir she will not be allowed to take the throne."

Carlos meets his eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's just a sacrifice I'm going to have to make." He eyes the table, "It's going to be good for me, my family, my people, and definitely in the eyes of God." before he smiles at him. "He does not give anyone any more than they can handle. Whatever trials I face can only make me stronger, and if this is the path He wants me take, then so shall it be."

- Yeah. Um. It's probably not going to be a huge thing in this first fic, but Aziz's family is pretty traditional and religious... in case it wasn't obvious enough already.