Without Complaint

(Day 38: Tuesday Noon)

"So," Carlos looks over the paper as he takes a bite out of the brownie. "What type of project should we do?"

Jay sighs as he glances at the sheet, "We already have to do an individual thing. Why do we have to do a partnered project too?"

"The individual project is to cover the unit. The group project is more of our end of semester test."

"But we're only a couple months into the semester," Jay complains. "Not even."

"Which is why we have all of these lovely options," Carlos counters before laughing. "Come on. We could build a diorama of a cell, do a presentation on how different species evolved and how it helped them survive— or we could even create our own virus and study the affect it has on lab rats."

Jay gives him a look, "Okay. Now you're just messing with me."

"No," Carlos innocently answers before pointing to the paper's example.

Jay's jaw drops, "I can't believe that's an actual option."

"It says to contact the teacher if we choose this one," he notices. "It probably has to be conducted in an actual lab for safety."

"Still," Jay disbelieves. "Right when I think I know this school…" He shakes his head.

"Yeah." Carlos smiles, "It's right up there with playing online games for extra credit." but his smile fades, as he sees Ben walk worriedly up to them.

"Have you seen Mal?"

"It's nice to see you too," Carlos replies.

"She has in-school-suspension," Jay answers.

"Okay," Ben begins, "but that doesn't explain why she isn't here."

"What?" Jay asks. "The suspension doesn't make her have lunch alone?" Ben shakes his head, and Jay lets out a stressed breath. "I don't know what to tell you. She hasn't shown up to any meals since she failed to apologize to Audrey."

"That long?" Ben disbelieves. "That's nearly two full days."

"She's gone longer without eating before. When we were younger she'd forget to, because nothing would actually fulfil her hunger." He eyes the table for a second, "And, of course, when she would eat it would only be things that tasted good. Otherwise, she wouldn't really bother."

"Does she still do that?" Ben questions. "Forget to eat?"

"Hmm, no," Jay contemplates. "In recent years she's been more focused on making sure she doesn't look like some twig someone could easily break, but it is possible that with everything that's been going on she hasn't cared as much about that."

"What do you mean?"

"She hasn't been taking care of herself," Jay explains, almost as though Ben is some child that should know better. "Before she apologized to Audrey I found out that she was cold, and she said she didn't care. But Evie told her to take a bath, so she should be better now."

"Clearly not that much better if she's not eating," Ben seriously replies. "Do you know which room her suspension is taking place?"

"No. I don't."

Ben looks over to Carlos, "What about you?"

He furrows his eyebrows at him, "Why are you asking me? Mal never tells me anything." Ben looks down, seemingly hopeless, before Carlos moves his hand back-and-forth a couple times in thought. "You know who would know, though? Evie. Mal tells her everything." Jay nudges him in the arm. "What? It's true." He looks back at Ben with a smile, "If anyone knows where Mal is, it's going to be Evie."

Ben nods, "Okay." but his excitement soon falters. "And where is Evie?"

"Her and Doug usually have lunch outside," Carlos answers

"But it's raining."

"Then check the kitchen," Carlos frustrates. "Do I have to think of everything?"

"Okay. I will," Ben answers, about to hurry off, but then he stops himself. "Thank you."

After they watch Ben leave, Carlos glances back down at the paper, "Now, for our project." and Jay groans in contempt of the assignment.

When Ben reaches the kitchen he finds Evie and Doug laughing over a pair of smoothies, but as he rushes up to them their expressions immediately fall to concern. "Evie. Do you know where Mal is?"

She raises an eyebrow, "Isn't she with the guys?"

"No. She isn't." He watches Evie eye her nearly full drink. "Which room is her suspension taking place in?"

Evie shrugs, "I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Ben infuriates. "Carlos said you would know."

"Then just kill the messenger." Evie furrows her brows at him. "Don't go off on me."

Ben takes a large breath and attempts to release it to calm down, but his breath exits fast and he still finds himself to be shaky, "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about her."

"Well, I'm sorry," Evie inconveniences, "but Mal is a very secretive person. I know Carlos thinks she tells me everything, but just because she trusts me more than most people, that doesn't mean I know everything about her… Besides, for the last couple days she's been doing nothing but sleeping. I've barely had a chance to even talk to her."

Ben moves a hand to his forehead and then slides it to the back of his neck, before Doug comments, "I know she's your girlfriend and that Audrey's bringing her to court, but you shouldn't have to be this worried about her."

"I haven't seen or heard from her in two days, including texts, and she just attempted suicide a few days ago," Ben nearly yells. "I think I have the right to be worried."

Doug silences, and after a short glance Evie softly replies, "I'm sure she's fine. She probably just wants some space. People haven't exactly been giving her the easiest time."

"But from me?" Ben feels his eyes begin to burn with tears, "What did I do that she'd need space from me?"

"Oh, Ben," Evie sympathizes. "I'm sure you didn't do anything."

"Then why is she doing this?" he insists.

Evie glances down at the island table, silent for a moment, before she looks back up at him to explain, "When Mal takes heat from someone, like she tried to do with Audrey, it tends to be a very… well, an intimate kind of act." Ben stays quiet, waiting for her to continue. "I think that maybe she's been secluding herself from us, because she's afraid that with all that she's done… just that maybe she's afraid she made us feel the same way that Audrey feels."

Ben nods in understanding, but he stares at her for a second before asking, "What do you mean by 'us'?"

Evie nearly laughs through her frown, "Mal's my best friend. You honestly think that I wouldn't offer her heat if she really needed it?" Ben doesn't respond, as he remembers Mal asking if he would get jealous of Evie, a relationship she said he cared about, if he was already getting jealous of that guy she'd been with before— a relationship she claimed to have been nothing. "It doesn't really matter anymore. She has you." Ben hears her sadly laugh, "You're literally the hottest person she's ever met. You can take care of her now."

Ben shifts his eyes, "I don't want our relationship to be based purely on each other's body temperatures. I want more than that."

"And you will," Evie lets him know. "But she does have needs, and if you truly care about her, then satisfying those needs is just going to have to be part of the relationship. Because, there will come a time when she needs you, and when that happens her life will be in your hands." She smiles, "And when that time comes, I'm just going to have to trust you with her."

He opens his mouth to speak, but it takes him a minute to choose which part of her statement to respond to, "She has other heat sources. She has hot water, and she has that heat lamp now. She won't have to depend on me."

"No," Evie accepts, "but there will be times when those things aren't available, when the only heat source around will be you."

"Like when?" Ben questions.

She gives him a look, "Like on your first date with Mal when she got wet and cold, so you offered her your jacket." Evie watches the realization hit him. "She didn't have the courage to tell you it wouldn't do that much, thought it would come off as desperate or something."

"But she was," he acknowledges. "She needed heat, and all I gave her was a jacket."

"There's probably no way you could have known," Evie tries to reassure him, "but had it been worse and if she still didn't tell you what she needed, then she could have died." He stands still in shock. "It's times like that that you're going to have to recognize what she needs and give yourself up to her without complaint."

"Okay. Yeah. Give myself up willing," Ben agrees. "But I know about her now. Won't she just tell me if she needs me like that?"

"Not necessarily," Evie informs. "There are times when she will ask, but in general she's very stubborn, she doesn't like being seen as weak, and she absolutely hates depending on people. Just because she says she's fine, that doesn't always mean she is."

Ben nods, "I understand." before he glances towards the door. "Can you text me when she returns to your dorm, so I can at least know she's okay?"

Evie nods, "Yes. Of course."

He nods back, "Thank you" before he leaves the kitchen.

"Sooo." Evie turns back to Doug, as he squints his eyes unsurely and awkwardly asks, "When you said that it's intimate and that you offered her heat, does that mean that you two like… kissed or something?"

She smiles at him, "Why are you asking?"

"Well, I mean— It's just that I thought that, um… I mean, not that this was— because I was just trying to, you know— but what I mean to say is that I guess I was just hoping that one day you'd see me as something more than just someone to… talk to."

It takes a minute for Evie to reply, "If Mal were here, she'd tell you herself that you have nothing to worry about, that we're just friends— best friends— and that's all."

"Really?" Doug hopes.

"Well, I mean, no." She laughs, "First she'd tell you that no one can understand you when you fret like that and to stop it."

He glances down at the counter for a second, "Did you understand what I said?"

"Of course. You said that someday you'd like to be more than… what are we currently? Friends? Is that what we are right now?"

Doug slightly nods, "Yeah. Friends works."

Her smile widens, "You said that you'd like us to be more than friends one day."

"Is it a possibility, you think?" he asks unsurely.

"Well, you're no prince," Evie points out, "but you're awfully sweet. We'll see."

-So, I got a keyboard to connect to my laptop. I was excited at first, because it looked nice and the setup was waaay easier than I had anticipated (I thought it would be like Bluetooth or something complicated like that, but all I had to do was plug the chip in like a flashdrive). However. When I started to write, I came to the realization that I tend to use my left thumb for the spacebar. How did I find that out, you ask? Well, I found out when I kept trying to use the key and it wasn't working, because the key is placed just that far towards the right and tapping on the edge of it wasn't doing anything. I've gotten a little better at it, but I honestly don't know which I'm better at at this point: the new keyboard or the old alt codes. Also, speaking of alt codes, there is one that I will always still need to use— the em dash— and since the alt key is so far away from the number pad on the new keyboard, I'm no longer able to do that code with one hand. Since the characters have a tendency to either interrupt each other's or their own dialogue, I suspect that this will slow down my writing at least a little... unless, of course, at some point I can get used to it. Okay. That's all I wanted to say. You can laugh at my misery now. That's what it's here for.