She knows this has to end.
Realistically, she always knew. A week doesn't last forever. It never could. Astrid knew this would end eventually. He was scheduled to leave tomorrow afternoon. After that they would both return to their normal lives. He as a King in training and herself as a regular servant. No meet ups, no garden strolls, nothing. Astrid knew that at the beginning of the week when she agreed to help him. It felt like the end was so far away. But now it was here and it was too soon.
Astrid wasn't ready to let him go. He'd affected her life so much. She was really beginning to accept herself and her past for what it was. Could she honestly forget him? Would he able to forget her? Would he want to?
It was her own fault. She got caught up in a dream, she let her emotions get the best of her and now she was paying the price for it.
Astrid wanted to go on the flight. She'd been so excited about it but she couldn't go. Not after finding out that people had seen them together. That was her wake up call. She was lucky that the Princess was so understanding, others wouldn't be.
Nothing had happened between them, not whilst she was a servant. But people talk, things get exaggerated. Things began to click. She wasn't blind to the stares. Astrid knew that other servants were talking about her, she just wasn't sure why until now. Still, how did they know it was her? The nights were fairly dark. Maybe they didn't know for sure. Maybe it was the other girls hoping to start another rumour about her, just another method for torturing her oblivious ears.
Whether anybody knew or not, she had to be cautious. For him, for herself. There was no need to get unnecessarily hurt.
She walked in ready to tell him she couldn't do this. But when she walked into the stable something was... Different.
He was right there, petting Toothless absent-mindedly. That's what was wrong. Anytime Toothless was involved, Hiccup became so animated and determined. Toothless gave him this extra spark. So to watch him be so disoriented felt unnerving to her.
At first she considered that he was distracted for the same reasons she was. Maybe he had also heard the rumours and was now having second thoughts. On the one hand, that made what she wanted to say a little easier but on the other hand, she really didn't want him to have second thoughts about her.
However, the second he saw her, his face lit up again. All traces of negativity disappeared from his face as he approached her excitedly.
"Astrid!"
And suddenly she was in his arm. They'd never hugged before, she observed silently. Even when she was the Princess, they'd never hugged. The feeling was electrifying. The only other time they'd been this close was at the ball when they'd been dancing and whatnot, not that he knew that.
Despite the thrilling feeling, Astrid still hesitated. Princes and servants did not hug. They weren't even meant to have proper contact technically. There was no official law that prohibited it so it wasn't illegal but it was wrong. It wasn't accepted. Just as they wouldn't be.
Still, he continued to hug her. His arms tightened around her waist and his face was buried in her shoulder. His touch was almost desperate. Something was wrong. Very wrong. In that moment he needed her. And she found herself giving in to her emotions.
Her arms rose and wrapped around his shoulders tentatively. As if on instinct, she pulled him closer. Hiccup had no hesitation and held her tighter, if that was possible. Astrid closed her eyes, savouring the moment, knowing it wouldn't last much longer.
"I'm sorry" he mumbled, his voice muffled against her shoulder
"You have nothing to be sorry for" she responded softly.
Hiccup pulled away from the hug, but his hands remained on her waist. A detail she chose to ignore.
"It's been a rough day"
"We all have those" she smiled sympathetically.
The young Prince brought a hand to his head and ran it through his hair in a distressed manner "I'm glad you're here. You have no idea how much I've been looking forward to this"
And her hesitation returned and her smile faltered "Hiccup maybe we shouldn't do this..."
His confused stare broke her heart "Why not?"
"It's just..." She began, unsure of what to say "Apparently people have seen us. Heather told me earlier. Maybe it would be best to lay low"
"I haven't heard anything"
'Of course not. Royals don't hear anything' She thought to herself.
"Well either way, going on a flight would not be a good idea. Someone might see us-"
"Let them"
Astrid sighed sadly "Hiccup..."
"Astrid" his arms finally loosened from her waist but instead he held her hands and looked her dead in the eye "Please"
It was the way he looked at her. There was a fracture in his gaze, bare emotion showing. The raw hurt lay there and she realised how fragile he truly was. Finding herself susceptible to his vulnerabilities, she said she only word she could think of.
"Ok"
xxxx
Astrid tried to enjoy the flight as best she could. However, she also tried to be cautious. She kept a wary eye out for pesky gossipers. There were a few people but, upon realising that she had no control over their actions, decided to ignore it for the time being.
Eventually they ended up on a new island. It fascinated her how she'd travelled practically everywhere with the Princess, and yet she still managed to find new places. The island was quaint and peaceful. Something about the quiet was very appealing to her. Hiccup still didn't seem settled. Astrid understood. She didn't push it, and instead, tried to distract him.
"You know what I love about flying"
"What?"
"The freedom. Out here I'm not of a lower class and I'm not a servant. I'm just... Astrid. A normal girl. I love Stormshine for giving me that ability"
"I completely agree. It's nice to lose the weight on your shoulders, even if it is only for a little while"
Astrid's smile faded ever so slightly as she steeled herself for what was about to happen "There was a time when I didn't think I'd be able to forgive dragons"
That peaked his curiosity "Why is that?"
She took a deep breath, she'd never done this before "I come from a disgraced family name. Both of my parents died at the hands of dragons when I was a baby. So I lived my Uncle Finn. He was absolutely amazing... But he also died when I was five. Also at the hands of dragons. They took away my family, such an integral part of somebody's life and I never got to even experience it. I would beb lying if I said I never held resentment towards them"
He nodded "You may not believe me, but I understand you perfectly. If it's alright, may I ask how you ended up working at the castle?"
Astrid waved him off "I don't mind in the slightest. Heather would sneak out of the castle and play in the village sometimes. We made good friends and when she realised of my situation, she asked her father if I could stay at the castle. Of course I was under the working age but they allowed me to stay. The King was very kind. If I'd asked, he probably wouldn't have made me work at all"
"And yet you chose to live this way, I must admit I find that quite interesting. How someone could have a chance to live in such 'glamour'" he paused to roll his eyes "And choose not to"
"I didn't earn it" she shrugged "I had no right to that kind of life and certainly didn't do anything to deserve it. Others probablu deserved it more, it wasn't fair to them. Besides, I like working for my merit, it always makes the small rewards worth it"
He smiled at her, it wasn't the same way he normally smiled at her, but it was something infinitely more tender.
"You're amazing"
Damn him and his ability to make her blush.
"Thank you"
Then she caught onto something "Wait a minute"
"What is it?"
"You said you understand. How? Last time I checked your family wasn't shamed, the opposite actually"
She wasn't being harsh, per say, just blunt.
He hesitated "My mother was taken by dragons when I was a baby. I never met her. When I first met Toothless, I was worried I would also hold resentments about my mother. I mean, a mother is meant to be one of the most important things in life. They support you, care for you, love you no matter what. I never haf that. My father did as best as he could but something wasn't the same. But, when I actually got to know Toothless-"
"He helped you forget about the past"
"Exactly" he smiled "You know, this might sound silly, but sometimes I think she might be alive"
Astrid was making it a habit to raise her eyebrow.
"It's just, knowing everything I know about dragons, I don't know part of me thinks might be some sort of dragon vigilante. Helping and rescuing." He chuckled "Ridiculous, I know"
"It's not" she disagreed "It's an understandable theory"
"You have no idea how nice it is to have someone not be so dismissive"
Her smile saddened "I think I do"
After that she decided to pay attention to her dragon. The two played for a while, Hiccup doing the same with Toothless, as best he could. She affectionately nuzzled Stormfly's snout before making her way over to Toothless and Hiccup. The latter was still in a rather distracted state. Toothless, deciding his rider was in good hands, threw the pair a look before going to play with Stormfly.
"You're not okay" she stated. There was no point in asking because she already knew the answer.
"No, I'm not" he sighed
With slight hesitation, she sat next to him. Astrid laid her head on his shoulder for a mere few seconds before gingerly lifting it. She shot him a shy but guarded look.
"May I?" the question left her lips meekly.
His smile was answer enough "Of course. Always"
Returning his smile, she returned to her original position. A content silence filled the air.
"This makes me feel better" Hiccup admitted.
"It might make you feel even better if you talk about it" Astrid offered
"It's my father"
"Oh?" Astrid cocked an eyebrow "What about him?"
"He's just... He's really... He sometimes..." Hiccup struggled to form the sentence.
"Take your time" she reminded him gently.
"He keeps talking about marriage. And I get that I'm growing up and everything and I should be thinking about this stuff soon, but now? It's just too soon."
"Why?" She knew the answer but she had a feeling he needed to say it too.
"I'm only eighteen. I have my entire life to get married and become king and start a family. I don't understand why I have to do everything right now"
"That's not entirely true, is it?" she asked knowingly.
"... No" he confessed "How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Know what I'm really saying, even when I'm not saying it. Nobody's ever really... Done that before"
Astrid struggled to formulate an explanation. How could she explain this connection? She wasn't even sure she understood it.
"I never take anything at face value" was what she settled on.
"Why is that?"
"People don't mean what they say, they have ulterior motives. Look out for them, spot them, stop them, save yourself from getting hurt" She shrugged as casually as she could.
"That's not-"
"Trust me, it is" Astrid cut him off, she knew far too well "But this isn't about me. It's about you. Why don't you want to get married? Really?"
Her pointed look made him crack "I'm not good enough!"
At that she raised an eyeb5row, half in confusion and half in concern.
"I was Hiccup the screw up until three years ago. And now they've built me up to be some amazing heroic figure that I'm just not. I'm still... Me. I have no idea how to run a kingdom. My dad was always disappointed in me. Everybody was disappointed in me. I trained Toothless and suddenly everybody loves me. That doesn't change who I am. At the end of the day I'm the same person who couldn't do anything right."
"Hiccup..." she began gently but he disregarded her and continued talking
"And besides, what I said before was true. I like being young. I enjoy exploring with Toothless. If I get married everything will be full speed ahead. First marriage, then becoming chief and then it's having an heir! Becoming a father! Me! I'm not-"
change
"Hiccup!" Astrid successfully cut in. She couldn't stand listening to his self depreciation anymore.
Her outburst had effectively silenced him. With slight caution, she reached out and cupped his face in her hands. Clearly the action surprised him too, she could see it in the way his eyes widened.
"Please listen to me" Astrid begged, voice laced desperation "I hate, I absolutely hate the way people treated you before Toothless. It was wrong on so many levels. As a servant, I understand how rotten treatment can make a person feel. And I get that it's worse for you because it's like not meeting expectations. But I promise you, you meet every expectation and more. Hiccup you... You were yourself at a time when people told you not to be. Don't you see how strong you are? I've not been with you your entire life but I've heard the stories. You think you won't be good enough... You've proved yourself time and time again when you don't need to. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You're amazing just as you are"
He stared at her for a few seconds before breathing out "Thank you"
"You're welcome"
And then it began to register how close they actually were. They were too close and getting closer. His forehead rested against hers and she knew exactly where this was heading. She'd been here before. Astrid never wanted the moment to end. But that was the problem.
In that moment, she was Astrid.
Astrid. Servant. Not princess. She was labelled whether she liked it or not. She couldn't. It wouldn't be right.
"We can't" she whispered.
"Why not?" came his instant, urgent reply "You said it yourself, no labels"
"Yes" she swallowed thickly, despite the lump in her throat "But when we go back there will be. When you go back to Berk tomorrow, there will be."
He stared at her, pain evident in his eyes,
along with a few tears "Astrid I... Look I know we haven't known each other long but I think I might be in lo-"
"No" she stopped him gently. She didn't want to hear it. She couldn't. Astrid was strong, but that would break her. "Don't"
Against her own want, Astrid created some space between them. She beckoned Stormfly over and got onto her dragon "W-we should go"
"I uh... Yeah, we should" he agreed awkwardly
They flew back in silence. It was too dark for Hiccup to tell properly, but tears were streaming down her cheeks. As she stared at the boy, who's heart she'd very clearly broken, she wondered why the world was so cruel.
xxxx
They mounted in the stable. Astrid turned to him and mustered as much of a smile as she could.
"Tonight was nice. Thank you"
She turned to leave when a hand on her arm stopped her. She turned to meet his emerald eyes, shining with despair.
"Walk me back to my chamber?"
"I don't know..."
"Please"
She bit her lip "Okay"
And so they walked in deafening silence. The atmosphere was rife with tension. Every word needed to be said hung loosely in the air, waiting to be used.
"I need to know something" Hiccup broke the silence
"What is it?"
"Were you at the Royal Ball?"
There it was. The question she'd dreaded so greatly. She knew she had to lie. In the long run it would be better for him. But just because she knew had to do it, didn't make it any easier to do.
"Maybe for an hour or two, as a server. I recall leaving quite early on in the night for some quality time with Stormshine"
His shoulders sagged, completely defeated "Oh"
"Is everything alright?"
"Y- yeah... I just... I thought... Well it doesn't matter now. You couldn't be her"
And she wanted to scream. Because it was her. But he couldn't know that, it would be better if he didn't. At least, that's what she told herself.
"I'm going to miss you" she blurted without thinking.
"I'm going to miss you too. Hopefully I'll get to see you before I leave"
"Hopefully. Though the castle is very busy..."
"I'll look out for you"
She nodded "As will I"
"I just wanted to thank you. I haven't had anyone to talk to in a while and this week was truly wonderful for me"
"I enjoyed your company as well. And I haven't talked about my family in years. It was very refreshing''
Eventually, Astrid had found that time had slipped away from them once more "I guess this is it"
"I guess so. Look Astrid about earlier I just wanted to say-"
"You don't have to" she smiled as best she could, hiding her heartbreak "Goodnight Hiccup"
That was it. She knew it was going to happen. Astrid had been warned. The Prince's heart was broken. Hers was shattered. She understood that one heart would break tonight. She'd just assumed it would be her own, not both.
This was really inevitable.
Jeez this was certainly a filler chapter! Sorry if it was too long!
So I'm going to see Httyd: The Hidden World tomorrow (finally)! But no need to worry! I'm still planning on finishing this story and maybe writing a few others if people want me to
Fun Fact #2: This entire book is based off of the dialogue "Touché" "I believe it's pronounced tooshy" Weird, I know. I thought of that one thing and automatically thought about Astrid and Tuff. It just seemed very them. Somehow that turned into this and... Yeah.
As always please feel free to review! All feedback is appreciated (just make sure any criticism is written constructively)
Shohini :)