I had gotten a nice stationary set with my initials monogrammed when I graduated, but it was gathering dust in my desk drawer. After my date with him, I had gotten it out and started my first letter to him, getting out my Harbrace College Handbook to make sure my letter was properly formatted.
The next day, I worked on my first letter him at bedtime. I usually tried to recap the funny person at the diner who had ordered a meal for both himself and the pineapple he put in the booth across the table from him, hoping Steve would find it funny, too. I got a book of stamps at the drug store and mailed my first letter to him. At home, I checked my mailbox only to find it empty.
I went back to my apartment and tried to study, but instead, I ended up FaceTiming with Lauren and her kids before going to teach ballroom dancing.
The next two days, I tried to start notes on what to write Steve, but I was a little distracted… and hurt. He hadn't written me. I wondered where he was. I called him on the way to school on the Metro, only to get his voicemail.
Was this him blowing me off?
I was frustrated as hell by this.
Maybe I should have invited him into my apartment that night of our date. Maybe he thought I was boring and a prude for not doing so.
The best thing I knew I could do was not bother calling him again. I knew deep down that I'd only embarrass myself if I did from past experience (especially with Chad). Over some really bad choices, I had learned the hard way to tell if a guy didn't want me, not to make contact. I had embarrassed myself and had too much breakup sex that way.
I moaned to Alissa before class, and she told me she was concerned that Steve had only told me he was special ops to get in my pants, had failed, and was now moving on.
I didn't want to admit that was probably the truth.
By the time I had given up hope on Steve writing me back, I went home from work and planned to take off my bra, pouring a glass of wine, and watch the showing of Samson and Delilah on Turner Classic Movies (I personally loved Hedy Lamarr),I stopped to check my mailbox, only to find a hand-addressed envelope among all the junk mail in my mailbox with Steve's return address.
I signed in relief, and ran back to my apartment to read it.
Steve wrote me about his observations of what he thought a soldier in World War II would have thought of his modern neighborhood in Brooklyn. He drew pictures for me that made me smile, some of a barn and the pastures he passed in Upstate, others in the margins of farm animals. Towards the end, he admitted he had been called into West Point for leading a training exercise and had been working on writing me back ever since. I dove immediately into my desk and found my stationary, putting off studying. My past experience with complete idiots was paying off, ha ha.
It turned out that Steve wrote excellent letters; his penmanship was incredible, so beautiful, as if he hand-detailed the shape of each letter in every word. He had been an artist, of course. He told me more about his daily life and what he was reading. He was funny sometimes, too, in a very subtle way. A smart way. He had discovered Game of Thrones , recommended to him by his friend Clint, and wanted to know if I had read it. I had, just to keep up with the TV show. We wrote letters so fervent, I almost forgot to run it through Grammarly before copying out it out by hand so I could look smarter and better at grammar. He asked me to call him when I had a chance on Friday two weeks later in a letter. I called him during my lunch break at the diner.
"I've got a few days of leave," he said. "I want to come to DC and see you."
"When?" I asked. "I want to see you, too."
"I'm getting off on Monday and Tuesday," he said. "My flight out is at three."
Alissa had invited me to a Dancing with the Stars watch party again. "How do you feel about Dancing with the Stars ?" I asked.
"Isn't that a goofy show with famous people trying to dance?"
"It's fun to watch for someone who teaches Ballroom dance."
"I'm no good with dancing," he scoffed.
"I commited to go to a Dancing with the Stars watch party on Monday," I said.
"Doesn't it have a Cardassian girl dancing on it?" he asked.
"Kardashian," I corrected. "And I respect those Kardashian girls, they are shrewd businesswomen, even if they are annoying."
"And you want to watch it?"
"Of course. My friend Alissa is having a watch party at her apartment."
There was a pause on the line, and I swore Steve was about to laugh. "Alright, I'd like to go to the watch party with you."
I smiled to myself. "Okay. I've got to go to work, but I've got a letter I'm working on sending you."
"Write fast."
"I will. Bye."
"Bye."
I managed to catch an Uber to the Metro on Monday when Steve arrived at Ronald Reagan airport. I found him at the pick-up with his Army duffle over his shoulder, his blond hair wind tousled.
"So where can I go to get changed?" he asked. "I've been wearing these clothes since yesterday."
"What were you doing?" I asked.
"Military tactics at West Point," he said.
"What?"
"I'm considered an expert tactician in the military," he explained. "They trust me, for some dumb reason."
"Your tactics make you rich?"
"Ha, the Army making me rich," he snorted. "They just recognize my knowledge from war."
I helped him into the Uber and the car took off.
"How was your weekend?" I asked.
"Exhausting," he admitted. "I'm going to enjoy the next twenty four hours with you. You've got the driver taking me to the Sheridan?"
"Oh, no, I wanted to go back to my place," I said. "I need to get changed and get the bottle of wine."
"I wanted to get changed, too," he said.
"I've got a bathroom," I said. "You can get changed, there."
"Fine, but I'm staying at the hotel."
Steve took a shower once he got to my apartment (I had had a chance to clean up before he arrived). I took the opportunity to get changed in the main room and touch up my makeup. Steve managed to emerge from my bathroom fully dressed in dark pants and a button-up, clean shaven, his hair combed. I salivated at him, wearing a button-up and rolling up his sleeves up, his forearms nothing but muscle. "I'm ready," he said. "I'm going to meet your friends from school?"
I smile to myself, swiping on my lipstick, glancing back in the vanity mirror. "Yes, I'm calling the Uber."
"Are you sure?" he asked. "I can do it."
"No, please," I said as he got his phone out. "I've already called it."
"Okay…" he said. "I'm just not really sure on how to use it on my phone."
"Let me show you," I said, getting the bottle of chardonnay out of the fridge. "Here, enter your passcode."
He typed it into the phone and I discovered he didn't even have the Uber app in his phone. It might has well have been brand-new. "Steve, you're kidding me, right?" I asked. "You're always on call for special ops and don't have the Uber or Lyft app?"
"They don't have Uber and Lyft in New York," he said, almost bashfully.
"You're going to use them in DC," I said. "Here, let me download them for you. Look, I can understand you not using a lot of apps, but you don't even have a weather app on it?"
"No, I watch the weather report on the television," he scoffed.
I downloaded Dark Sky and the Compass app on it, then the calculator one. "Look, I know you'll need these ones," I said. "And we can use the WhatsApp if you want to text me when you're out of the country."
"I don't use my phone when I'm outside the country," he said, sitting down with me on the bed.
"Here," I said. "I'm downloading WhatsApp. And don't argue with me."
He was motionless on he bedside me.
"Steve?"
He stood up silently. "Sorry, I shouldn't be on your bed with you."
My phone rang, and I hopped up, getting it off the vanity. It had to be the driver. "Hey," I said. "We'll be down in a minute."
"Alright, I'll be waiting," the driver said.
"Come on," I said to Steve.
The Uber was waiting by the mailbox depot, and we almost missed it. Steve outpaced me and opened my door for me to get in. We settled into the backseat.
"You know, I can get the cost of this," Steve said.
"It's coming out of my account already," I said. "How can you not have ever used Uber or Lyft?"
"I was out of the US for a while," Steve said.
"Uber and Lyft are international companies."
"Not where I was stationed," he said.
"That's okay. Next time. You know, I miss your motorcycle."
"You liked it?
"Yeah, I did," I said. "I liked holding onto you and seeing the world from outside a car. It was… exhilarating."
"It's like that," he agreed. "I'll take you on the open road sometime."
"Deal!" I cried.
At Alissa and Joel's apartment building, we found the door just cracked open. Her place was nicer than mine; Joel was a surgeon and made a decent living, if Arlington, Virginia hadn't been one of the more expensive places to live in the US. "Hi!" I called as I walked in.
"Dani!" Alissa cried, running over from the kitchen.
Joel and a few other guys were playing Rock Band on the PlayStation.
Alissa hugged me. "I'm so glad you're here," she said. "Hi, you must be Steve."
"Steve this is Alissa," I said.
"Good evening," he said. "It's very nice to meet you, Alissa."
"You too! Let me take your coats."
"I brought some wine," I offered, reaching into my purse to hand her the bottle of Apothic Red.
"You are too sweet! I'm trying to make sure there's some appetizers ready for when the show starts. There's some appetizers on the dining room table, help yourselves to the bar, I'll be right out!"
"I'm starving," I admitted.
"Alissa!" Kamika called. Kamika was in my cohort. "Hi! You brought someone!"
"I've got to introduce you to everybody," I said under my breath, grabbing his hand. The women had gathered around the kitchen and were sharing a bottle of wine. "Hi, everybody, this is Steve."
"Good evening, ladies,"
"I'm playing bartender," Mia said. "What'll it be? I've got wine, beer, and I have the ingredients for a gin and tonic."
"I'll take a beer," he said. "Dani, you want a glass of wine?"
"Sure."
The ladies were fascinated by Steve, it was probably how much they had heard about him. Before I knew it, they were trying to hand-feed him bites of the appetizers they had brought. I was a little embarrassed, but he handled it. The conversation descended into who was doing well on Dancing with the Stars this season. Alissa came back in and they started taking predictions on who was going to win at this point.
"I'm surprised you aren't watching this season," Alissa said to me.
"I'm pretty busy, I work so much," I admitted.
"Steve, you're sure you don't want to join the guys in the next round of Rock Band ?" Kamika asked.
I squeezed his hand. I wasn't going to pushed him off to hang out with the guys that he didn't know and leave him there.
"No, I'm fine," he said.
"So how did you two meet?" Kamika asked.
"You know I do dancing jobs for that agency? I was at a nightclub go-go dancing, and I was getting down from the block I was dancing on when I fell off, and he's the one that caught me," I said, censoring out everything scandalous, like that we were at a gay bar, and he followed me home for my protection.
"You just fell into his arms?" Rachel giggled. "Aww! That's like something out of a movie!"
"Well, it was good reflexes," Steve said, brushing it off bashfully.
"How long ago was that?" Rachel continued.
"It was three weeks ago?" I asked.
"Two and half," Steve said. "I don't live in this area, and we've been doing the long-distance thing."
"Oh, long distance is tough," Rachel agreed. "Thank God there's such a thing as FaceTime."
"We don't use that," Steve said.
My girlfriends looked stunned. "You don't?"
"We've been writing letters," I said. "We talk on the phone occasionally, but his job is such that it's hard to find a secure internet connection for him, he's on the go so often."
"I'm in the military," Steve said.
"I think that's really romantic," Rachel said. "Nobody writes letters any more, it's such a different method of communication from something off-the-cuff like text or email."
"It was something to get used to," I said. "But it's made me be more thoughtful and helped me relearn how to communicate by hand."
"But I'm still having a hard time with your handwriting," Steve teased.
My friends giggled.
"My handwriting's not that bad!" I cried.
"I was just kidding. Your handwriting is better than most I see lately," he said. "Nobody really writes by pen any longer. It's all typing."
"I think it started when they eliminated cursive from public education," Kamika said.
"What?" Steve cried. "I didn't hear about that! When did this happen?"
"A few years back," Kamika explained. "I used to be a teacher, I know this."
"How are these kid gonna read the hand-written documents of our founding fathers?" Steve asked, astounded.
I let Steve have a conversation with Kamika while I freshened our drinks. "He's everything you said," Alissa whispered in my ear. "I can see why you like him."
"I'm just waiting for something awful to happen," I said. "I always wanted a guy who was cool with my feminism that was chivalrous, too. A lot of people think that feminism and chivalry aren't compatible, but I think he might be that one that can do both."
"The one?"
"No, it's too soon to tell if he's the one. But he just reminds me of old Hollywood, you know?"
"Me too!" she cried. "In a good way."
Joel begged us to join in for one more song in Rock Band . Steve declined, but I agreed to sing a song, and Joel let me pick it. I went for The Car's Just What I Needed .
In all truth, I was not the singer Lauren was. Lauren could sing anything, and had studied music for a year in college before getting her BSN. I tried not to embarrass myself as I took the mic.
"You're sure you don't want to play, Steve?" Joel asked.
"I'm terrible at video games, don't mind me," Steve said.
The character on the screen started singing, and I started, too. I'm pretty sure I was the only person ever from Music City who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but I managed to get through the song without getting shut out by the game.
Unfortunately, I got the lowest score.
Jerald, Rachel's boyfriend, got up to go smoke on the balcony.
"Speaking of heroes, did anybody see that expose on the Battle of New York? They're still cleaning up that city!" Rachael cried.
"I can't believe that a bunch of superheroes managed to stop an inter-galactic attack from outer space," Mia said. "Most everyone was evacuated fans left Manhattan for weeks."
"Steve, you're from New York," I suggested, trying to bring him into the conversation, but I was over-spoken by Joel.
"I'm bringing up Tony Stark!" Joel laughed. "That man makes me question my sexuality!"
"Only you," Alissa said, rolling her eyes, laughing.
I took a seat on the giant 12-person sectional sofa beside Steve. I felt some nervous energy from Steve, almost a stiffness radiating off of him. I squeezed his knee and gave him a reassuring smile.
"Everyone has their price,"Joel said. "Hey, if Tony Stark asked me to suck his dick for a million dollars, I'd do it."
I grimaced, but the whole room burst out laughing. "Ew, babe!" Alissa shrieked.
Steve jumped up. I realized he hadn't been laughing with the rest of us. "I'm going to go check out the balcony," he said quietly in my ear and pretty much leapt out of the room.
"Like I said, there are some things I'd do for enough money to pay off our student loans."
"Joel, we're trying to have a sophisticated, grown-up party there! Manners!" Alissa cried between giggles. "It's almost time for the show to start!"
"Would you suck a thousand dicks for a million dollars, though?" Marty asked.
Alissa sighed quietly, staring at the TV as she changed the channels.
Joel stared up at the ceiling. "Over what period of time? Like, over seven months? That's only like three a day at most, as long as they're all are STD free."
"Joel, stop it," Alissa hissed.
Weird, I thought as Alissa changed the TV over to ABC.
Steve and Jerald came back in a few minutes later, talking about baseball. He took a seat beside me as the show started, and I took his hand.
"Are you okay?" I whispered. "Joel was only kidding."
"I'm fine, just that comment… it just caught me off guard."
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I was laughing more because I was embarrassed for him than found it funny," I whispered back. "Joel occasionally cracks jokes like that, he has no shame, sometimes, trust me. It's hard to embarrass him, he's told me stories that made me cringe, while he laughs at himself. Can I get you another beer?"
"Yes, please."
In the kitchen, I went to freshen up my wine and get another beer. I honestly thought that guys in the Army were crass and gross all the time when it was just the guys. Fart and dick jokes were prevalent in the barracks, I couldn't tell you how many gross sex jokes I had overheard between soldiers on the bases we had lived on. Was Steve just a giant prude with a stick up his ass? Of course, of all the jerks and perverts I had dated since high school, I thought I found the perfect guy and now he was a complete dork and judgmental about sex? Naturally. Just my luck.
"Hey, Dani," Joel said quietly from behind me in the kitchen. "Look, I'm sorry about that joke. I didn't mean to scare your boyfriend off."
"Why are you apologizing to me?" I asked. "And Steve and I are just dating, he's not my boyfriend, just for the record."
"I know you," he said. "Was he really that offended by me?"
I shrugged. "Ask him. Is Alissa making you apologize?"
"... Yes. "
I mimicked cracking a whip and went back to my seat with Steve and we watched the show. "This is what you teach, right?" Steve asked me. He had seemed to recover from Joel's joke.
"Yeah, I teach the Foxtrot and the Tango to mostly older people," I said. "They're great, I love them."
"If we had time, we'd stop by," Alissa said. "Joel just ends up working so hard in the ER so late, and by the time his shift is up, he's exhausted."
"I really do want to go," Joel said.
"If I could plan out my days off a little better, I would, too," Steve said.
"It's late, I'm going to get going," Mia said.
"Why don't we wait with her until her Uber arrives?" Steve suggested to me.
"Sure, we can do that," I said. "Mia, do you mind?"
"I'm actually taking the Metro."
"We can walk you," Steve said.
"Much appreciated," Mia said. "Alright, so Steve," she said. "I'm trying to figure out where you're from by your accent. I want to say Manhattan."
"I was born in Manhattan," he said. "The lower east side."
"That's such a nice part of the city!" she cried.
"It wasn't when I was a kid."
"How old are you?"
"Old enough."
"That's not polite to ask how old someone is!" I teased.
"Why did you ask where I was from?" Steve asked.
"Phonetics and dialects fascinate me, that's all," Mia said. "Yours is so different, and individual. I used to do speech therapy, and I got frustrated with the red tape, that's how I ended up I professional counseling. So, just lower Manhattan?"
"I spent the early part of my childhood in Lower East Side," he said. "And then I ended up in Brooklyn."
"You don't have the Brooklyn dialect."
"Brooklyn's a very diverse place," he said. "A lot of different people live there, especially in DUMBO. Actually, my parents were Irish immigrants, I was very aware of my speech while listening to them."
"Irish?" I repeated.
"I knew there a little smidge of that in your voice! Did they speak Gaelige?"
"They did," he said. "I can still remember a little of it."
"It's a beautiful language, too bad it's dying out."
"Say something in it?" I asked.
"Okay, here goes… Ár n-Athair atá ar neamh, Go naofar d'ainim, Go dtagfadh do ríocht, Go ndéantar do thoil ar an talamh, mar a dhéantar ar neamh. Ár n-arán laethúil tabhair dúinn inniu, agus maith dúinn ár bhfiacha mar a mhaithimidne dár bhféichiúna féin. Ach ná lig sinn i gcathú, ach saor sinn ó olc ."
I thought Mia was going to swoon.
"That was beautiful!" I cried. "What was that?"
"The Lord's Prayer. It's been a long time since I've spoken it aloud. I don't have anybody to speak it with."
"I love it," I said. "I didn't know your parents were Irish, like old-school Irish."
"Irish people aren't that exciting," he said.
"Are the two of you going with me?" Mia asked at the Metro entrance.
Steve glanced at me. I shook my head.
"See you Thursday, Mia."
"It was nice meeting you," Steve added.
Steve and I watched her swipe her Metro card and go through the gate. She waved at us as she disappeared down the escalator.
"Don't tell me you want to walk home in this weather," Steve said.
"No!" I laughed, as he took my hand. "I'm not up for it tonight."
He opened the door to exit the Metro for me while holding my hand. "You seem weird right now."
"I know," I said, shivering as a gust of cold wind blew through the fabric of my clothes. "Did that dirty joke really bug you that much?"
"What joke?"
"When Joel was making jokes about Tony Stark."
Steve stopped for a moment, pulling up the rideshare app, then chortled.
"You're in the military. I thought dirty jokes were just part of basic training."
"They are."
"Then what made you shoot of the room like that?" I asked.
"I can take a joke but… I work with Tony Stark."
My jaw dropped. "You know him?"
"Yeah."
"Oh my God," I uttered. "I laughed a really disgusting joke about your friend."
"We're not friends."
"Oh?"
"No, we work together. We're not friends, but we respect each other. A lot."
"I've always had friends or enemies. Or frenemies. I've lost the energy to put up with frenemies. You're either my friend or not. I'm not going to bother with you if you're passive-aggressive with me."
"Tony and I don't see eye-to-eye on things, but we're not passive aggressive with each other, either. I'd come through for him if he called me in the middle of the night and asked me to come meet him in the middle of nowhere. But would I go out and have a few beers with him and shoot the breeze? No. Of course, I don't work with him a lot. He's a big contractor for the military, I'm just strategy. We're in two different sectors."
"So, did the joke offend you?"
"Well… Tony would have found it funny. I didn't. I don't find prostitution something to joke about."
"Okay, so tell a funny joke."
"You're putting me on the spot there, sweetheart!"
"I know!" I laughed. "Come on, something from basic."
"Okay…" he said. "I'm trying to think of one that's not too bad…"
"Gimme your worst!"
"Okay, I feel like I can tell this one to you, it's not that bad. Guy walks into the bar, sees a beautiful girl there. He goes up to her and says, 'I can guess your birthday, all I have to do is grab your tits for five minutes'— I'm sorry, that was the term used when I heard this joke. So she says, 'I'd like to see that.' So, she lets him. He's holding her, and holding her, and after five minutes, he's still concentrating. After six minutes, she's getting annoyed, and by eight minutes, she blurts out, 'Do you have any idea when I was born?' And he says, 'I do. Yesterday. You were born yesterday.'"
I burst out laughing. "That was actually pretty funny!" I admitted.
"Well, in the company of lady, I'm going to have the good decorum not to share the worst ones I heard," he said as our Uber arrived. The driver rolled the window down. "For Steve?"
"That's me."
Steve opened the back door for me to get in, and I scooted halfway across the backseat. He got in and I nestled in next to him to get some of his body warmth. He slipped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me.
"Hey, we're going to stop at her place first, then I'm going to the Sheridan," Steve said.
"You got it," the driver said. "Can you just update the app?"
"The app?" Steve repeated.
"Give me your phone, I'll show you," I said.
I tried to show Steve how to do a two-stop trip, but he had a hard time following. "I'm seriously not into technology," he said.
"That's so weird, because... don't you use a lot of technology in the military?" I noted.
"That's… I'm more into strategy and tactics," he said.
"You're so weird sometimes," I murmured
"If only you knew the weirdest things about my life, Dani."
"Maybe one day you'll tell me," I said softly.
The driver pulled into my building complex.
"The first stop?" the driver asked.
"Thank you, I'll be back in a minute," Steve said. He helped me out of the car.
"Steve, listen, if you wanted to… you know, just sleep over at my apartment, I wouldn't mind," I said softly, taking his hand.
"Danielle, that's not… that's not something you do this early on in the relationship," Steve said reluctantly. He was turning pink in the moonlight.
What? I was offering him a place to stay and possibly sex? Guys usually jumped at this opportunity. "We don't have to do anything," I said, embarrassed. Did Steve think I was a slut just for offering? "It just makes sense. You said you're not rich off the Army, but I don't see how you can afford to stay in a hotel every time you come to see me. Hotels are expensive in DC."
"It's really sweet of you to offer and think of that, but Danielle, we're just not… I'm not ready to take that step with you because… I really do like you. A lot. And… I want things to work out, not to be cheap."
"Are you serious?" I asked, stunned.
"Is it completely abnormal this day in age to want to really know somebody before spending the night together? Or am I just a relic?"
"Do you not believe in premarital sex?"
He slipped a hand behind his head to scratch the back of his neck, avoiding my gaze. "Uhh…. no. I do, but I don't… I uh, don't want to do that without a solid relationship, first."
"Oh."
"Can I pick you up for breakfast in the morning, though?"
"I'm working the breakfast shift."
"Well, that went well."
"Why don't you come by? It's the Starlight Diner, just a few blocks from here. I can sneak you some pancakes or waffles, whatever you want. When does your flight leave?"
"Noon. I'll come by and see you."
I grinned. "Alright."
I unlocked the door and Steve went in to get his things before running out to the Uber. "Dani, I promise, I wouldn't be writing letters with you if I didn't feel like this wasn't going to turn out to be something serious."
"You never know," I said, sliding my own hand over his.
"Sometimes you don't, true," he said, his hand snake up to cup my cheek. "But sometimes, you have to take a chance." He leaned in and kissed me.
A fire lit inside me.
He pressed me against the wall with that kiss, and I almost passed out.
I had forgotten kisses could be like this.
It wasn't just me, but his mouth was hot on mine, hungry a little bit.
I was tingling all over, like pleasant electricity in my veins, my lips especially. He had an arm thrown around my back and I realized my feet were off the floor, too. He set me down, we were both breathless as I leaned back against the wall.
"I'll see you in the morning."
He left me breathless in my apartment, going down the steps back to his Uber to the hotel.
But I wish he had stayed longer.