I sent Steve off to New York at the train station with aching feet from work and a heavy heart after my morning shift.

The pervert in me wanted nothing more than to deflower him as soon as possible, but I understood about waiting. Rushed sex that he wasn't ready for would inevitably end in horrible sex, and I had had enough of that to last a lifetime in Chad's bed.

Daddy responded to me that he wanted to meet Steve and would be happy to have him for Christmas, promising an email as I got home that night while I drafted a letter to Steve that bordered on being erotic. I had always enjoyed writing, but had never taken it far.

The next day after my double, I was eager to get home and check my mailbox for a letter from Steve, but I saw a missed call on my phone.

From Mom.

I couldn't tell you why I kept talking to her. She might have been in a good mood today. A girl didn't want to give up her mother.

I dialed her back. The phone rang three times before Momma answered the phone bitching out her husband Todd for a full fifteen seconds about something before actually saying, "Hello?"

"Hi, Momma, just calling you back," I said.

"Oh, her highness deigned to call me back."

"Like I do everytime we talk," I grumbled. I had gotten the bad mother today. "I work, Momma. I had bills to pay. I can't bring my phone into the dining room."

"I will never understand why you gave up that nice job at the call center to work as a waitress and go to school to be a psychologist, like you'll make any more money that way. You won't! I can't understand-"

"Momma, did you call me to complain, or was there a reason?"

"I heard… from a little birdie… that you were bringing a boyfriend home for Christmas."

I groaned internally. I'm sure Lauren let it slip. "Yes, it's true."

"And you're bringing him down to Atlanta to meet me?"

"I only have two days off," I said.

"I'm coming to Nashville, then," she announced.

I grimaced. She wanted to meet Steve. Steve already knew how crazy she was.

'It's Christmas," I sighed. "Shouldn't you be at home with Todd?"

"I should be surrounded by my daughters . And my grandchildren . Hopefully, this new boyfriend of yours is father material and can provide for you well."

I rolled my eyes to the heavens. "Mom, I want you to behave around him."

"Why do I get asked to 'behave' as if I were a child? You treat me like last week's garbage! You never call me! And you don't want to bring your boyfriend home for Christmas, do you?"

I had to put up with a half hour more of Momma's bitching before she decided to hang up.

There was a knock on my door, and I answered.

It was one of my neighbors, another college students. "Hey, this was in my mailbox," he said, holding up a letter addressed to me in Steve's handwriting.

I grinned. "Thank you!"

Steve wrote me of the locations he wanted to take me to.

" I want nothing more than to be alone with you, to touch you and explore your skin, to take in the sight of you, bare, with my mouth alone. Your fingers grazing my bare skin, making me shiver. "

I had no idea he was such a talented writer. He didn't use dirty language or euphemisms, but the paragraph he wrote me made me hot just reading it.

He closed with his favorite Robert Frost poem, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening .

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

He was erotic, even though he hadn't experienced love. But I realized another woman might not have understood, reading this. I closed my eyes, pressing the letter to my chest. His first experience had to be perfect, I decided.

You've never met an average American graduate student in counseling that was so concerned with the international news. I had the alerts set up on my phone so I knew what was going on.

Like Steve predicted, things with the Syrian War were on-going, but were his utmost concern.

"I'm making reservations at the Home2 in Brentwood, Tennessee for two nights, starting on Christmas Eve," Steve said. "But I haven't confirmed them."

I swallowed, sitting outback in the alley behind the diner with a cup of Diet Coke with the phone to my ear.

"Confirm them for good luck," I said.

"I don't know if I should," he said. "I'm sorry, Dani. The Syrian situation is getting worse."

"Are you going to be mobilized?" I whispered, although there was no one there to hear me.

"I can't say, yet."

There was a long pause.

"I'm not doing this to upset you, Dani. These are consequences above my control."

"I don't like you being mobilized into a warzone," I whispered.

There was a knock on the door over my head.

"Dani?" the kitchen manager asked over my head. "Your break is up."

"My break's over," I said. "I've got to go. But I'm not mad that you might not come to Nashville, I'm just scared you won't come back."

"I survived a world war, a super soldier experiment, and cryogenesis, it'll take a lot more than that to kill me."

A sob escaped my lips at him trying to be funny to stop me from being scared. It didn't make me feel any better.

"I'm not trying to upset you. Call me when you get home."

I sniffed. "Okay."

After wiping my eyes and splashing my face with cold water, I went back to waiting tables for the afternoon. At home, I called Steve, but he didn't answer. I knew he'd call me back if he saw that I called him, but I had to pack my things to catch my flight in the morning. At the last minute, I put a few pieces of lingerie, some lube, and condoms just to make sure we were not short of them if- when he arrived.

I caught my Uber the next morning, and Steve had texted me to call him as I was leaving for the airport. I called Steve as I was dropped of Ronald Reagan International Airport.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," he replied.

There was a long paused.

"You're being mobilized."

"Yeah."

I wanted to curse. Steve hated cursing, and I dislike it myself, but right now was the time. "You know I didn't plan this, right?"

I felt like crying. "I know," I said.

"Please don't cry on me."

"I'm not," I said, trying my damnedest not to. "I'm sorry, Steve."

"What did you say to me about having faith? That I'd come home safe? I need that right now."

"I'm going to wear that Captain America decoder ring until you get back. And red, white, and blue."

"Don't get superstitious on me. Just say a few rosaries for me. I'm gonna be fine, okay? Promise."

I sniffed.

"I said don't cry on me. I don't know what to do when dames cry."

"I'll be fine," I promised, although that was not the case.

"Be strong for me. When I get debriefed and sent home, I'll come straight to wherever you are. I've got your itinerary you emailed me memorized."

"And you can't have your phone either?"

"No. I'm sorry."

I swallowed my tears. "You've got something to come home to."

Lauren picked me up at the airport in her dented minivan with Peyton and Matthew in tow. I greeted them all with hugs and kisses, and Peyton claimed she remembered me a little bit.

"You look like somebody shot your puppy," Lauren said.

"Steve's not coming to Christmas," I muttered. "I really wanted him to come, but he got mobilized."

"What does he do again?"

"He's in the Special Ops for the Army," I replied.

"Well, Mom's at Courtyard Inn already, waiting to see us. Do you want to go now or later?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Let's go now. Might as well rip the band-aid off fast."

At the Courtyard Inn, Momma had already reserved a room for herself. She hadn't brought Todd, my stepfather, along.

While it was eleven, Mom had already started drinking, but she was the good mother right now, not the verbally abusive drunken phone witch.

"I'm so happy to see my girls!" Mom cried. I could hear a slight slur in her voice. "Danielle, where's your new boyfriend?"

"He's not going to make it," I said, trying to be as strong as possible.

"Oh, that's too bad! You really like him, don't you?"

I doubted he'd like her. "I do," I admited. "He was mobilized by the time I got out of work this morning."

"I'm sorry about that, I really wanted to meet him. Why don't I get some presents out for my grandchildren!" Momma sang. Peyton and Matthew cheered.

She got out some presents, and they ripped them open immediately. Momma offered us some chardonnay to drink, but we didn't want to day drink. Lauren ran down the hall to the vending machines for some drinks for us.

"So, I want to hear all about this Steven fellow," Momma said. "Is his handsome? Does he have a good job?"

"Yes on both accounts," I said. "He's military."

"Oh, honey," she said. "You know how military men get: they're always a little messed up from combat."

I held my tongue.

"I doubt he makes enough for you to have a comfortable life."

"I'll make enough," I said.

The door to the hotel room opened and Lauren returned with Diet Cokes. "Hi! They were out of Diet Coke, here's Diet Dr Pepper."

"Oh, thanks," I said, as she handed me the can.

"I was just talking to Danielle about how important it is to marry someone who's got a regular, civilian job that makes enough money that she doesn't have to work."

"Momma, you know I have to work," Lauren said.

"Well, Russell just needs a little more support-"

"His health insurance doesn't cover Matthew's medical bills for his CP," Lauren said. "Mine does."

"You were smart becoming a nurse," Momma said. "And I'm proud of you for that. But I really want Dani to make a good choice here. It is so hard to have a husband who can't support himself or you."

"We haven't even talked about marriage yet." We hadn't even slept together, it was way too soon to talk forever.

The visit with my mother was alright. It wasn't wonderful, but it wasn't bad, either.

After I got settled into my room at home, we had an afternoon of watching Rudolph with the kids decorating gingerbread men with Nanny, and then we went out to a Christmas Party at a neighbor's house. The entire time my mind was on Steve and what was going on in Syria. Was he there? How dangerous was it? Did tha Captain America suit have bullet proof protection? What if he got his by shrapnel? Could his body withstand it as a genetically superior super soldier? I tried to socialize, without a lot of luck. When the party was over, we went to Midnight Mass. I used to love Mass, it left me feeling so peaceful. But in the wake of things, I was still distracted. The one thing that brought me back to reality was Lauren's solo to O, Holy Night .

Back at Daddy's house, I checked my computer for any news on the situation in Syria. A town by the name of Aleppo was under siege by one of the four factions. No news website could give me a clear idea of what was happening.

There was a knock on the door to my room. "Hey, Dani-girl," Daddy said, sticking his head in the door. "I'm sorry we didn't get to meet your boyfriend."

"Again," I tried to joke. "He had volunteered for Christmas coverage before we even met. Why do these things always happen on holidays?"

"That's life in the Special Ops, honey."

I nodded.

"Always unpredictable, always in danger. Have you heard from him?"

"He wasn't allowed any electrical devices."

"I hope he's special," Daddy said.

"Oh, he is," I said. "Very much."

"If he is, I hope he doesn't break your heart like Chad did… and that he's really special and treats you right, it'll be worth it. Merry Christmas, Dani-girl."

"Merry Christmas, Daddy."

He kissed me goodnight.

I checked my phone. Again. For news on Steve.