"Forgive me for not inviting you in," I told Alissa. She and Joel had come to pick me up at the airport and brought Lourdes Marie along. "I'm just ready to lay down and get some rest. Christmas was exhausting."

"I know it's been rough," Alissa said from the front seat. I hadn't gotten any updates or news, yet on the Syrian situation.

"Hey, we're rooting for him," Joel promised.

"You'll bring him by for our Super Bowl Party?" Alissa assured me. "He's coming back."

Joel pulled up to my apartment building and they both got out with me, Joel to help me get my suitcase out of the back of his Aztec. "Can I help you bring it in?" he asked.

"No, I've got it," I said. "Thank you guys for picking me up."

"We love you," Alissa said, hugging me, handing me the carrier with Lourdes Marie in it. "And we're really hoping Steve's okay and comes home soon."

"Me too," I said, squeezing her. Joel hugged me, too.

I went into the gate through the courtyard and saw somebody sitting on the top of the steps up to my apartment. I paused, seeing items around him, nervous.

"Dani?"

I realized it was Steve's voice. "Steve!" I shouted, dropping everything but Lourdes Marie, and I ran up the stairs. He stood up and scooped me up into his arms, lifting my feet up off the concrete. "You're safe!"

"Yeah," he said. "I'm here. I'm home. Thank God." I held him for a long time before he let me go. We didn't say anything for a moment. "I'll get your suitcase," he said.

I unlocked the door and put Lourdes Marie's carrying case down on the bed while Steve came up with my laptop bag and suitcase, and I brought in his super-heavy duffel bag, locking the door behind him. I let Lourdes Marie out. "So where did they send you?"

"It was to Aleppo," he said. I could see a scruff of beard growing on his jaw. "That town… Oh my God, Dani, it was like being back in Europe during World War II."

I swallowed, seeing the hollowed-out presence in his eyes. He sat down on my bed and I sat beside him, hugging him.

"I'm going to make some dinner," I said. "Why don't you go take a shower?"

"I haven't showered in a few days," he admitted.

"Okay, you get first dibs."

I had a few cans of tomato soup in my cabinets and the ingredients for some grilled cheese sandwiches. With my tiny galley kitchen, I made two sandwiches for him while heating the soup in a saucepan.

The bathroom door opened, and I saw steam pouring out from around the corner.

"I hope you're okay with tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches," I said.

I could see him, wearing nothing but sweatpants, shaving with that straight razor in the fogged up mirror that had been wiped clear, but was fogging up again.

"That sounds great. I'll be out in a minute," he said.

I stood transfixed, looking at his beautiful form for a moment, before shaking it off. He really had been shaped into the perfect soldier: I could see the broad expanse of his shoulders, the 'Christmas tree' of his lats, the way it narrowed down to the perfect ass… But I knew what it was like to have people make advances towards you simply to objectify you. I could never do that to Steve. What he had seen, he was not in a good headspace right now, either.

Back to the kitchen, I sent Alissa a text that Steve had been waiting on my apartment steps when I arrived.

Have good sex, she wrote back.

Oh, I would.

Steve came out of the bathroom pulling a fresh t-shirt over his beautiful torso, covering it up. I could see a few bruises under his cheekbone and a few scratches on his body. I pulled him in close. He smelled fresh, like my body wash and shampoo, which he had probably used. "You've got to stop following where I'm going or where you think I'm going," he said "It's going to drive you crazy."

"I just want to know that you're safe," I admitted.

"I'm not always safe," he said, his fingers stroking my hair. I lifted my head and stood on my toes to bring my lips to his.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't apologize," he said. "It's nice to have someone to come home to, though."

"I've already had something to eat," I said, going back to the kitchenette. "Here, this is for you." I pulled out the chair and he took a seat in the squeaky folding chair by the card table.

"Just a moment, I have something to help you with heating up the apartment," he said, getting some items out of his duffel. "I stopped by the Home Depot on the way over here." He withdrew a bag of tea light candles, a terra cotta planter, a short chunk of particle board wood, and two bricks. "I learned this in World War II, it's a very quick and convenient way of heating a space for very little money. We found a lot of these items just around as we advanced through the land."

"What is it?" I asked.

He set the particle board up on my desk, and put the tea light under it. He put the bricks on either side of the tea light and then lit it and put the tiny terra cotta planter over it. "Give it some time, the room'll warm up."

"Thanks."

"You know your windows are leaking the heat out?"

"I stuff towels around them all the time, it doesn't help," I shrugged.

"It's freezing in here," he grumbled, lighting the tea. "You live in a slum."

"It's not that bad," I said. I knew he was upset about what he had seen. Maybe he just needed to unload and talk about it. "Can you tell me what happened? Whatever you can."

"They sent me to Aleppo, S.H.I.E.L.D., I mean," he said. "They sent me in as a goodwill symbol to the city, to make America look good. You understand there's four factions in their Civil War, right? But, it's hell. The people of Aleppo can't get out and no food gets in. There's a no-fly zone, I was driven in, and brought to the last remaining hospital. It's horrible there. People are starving. The children, that was the worst part. On Christmas Eve, when I got in, the Russian-funded rebels were waiting for nightfall. Intel said that they were going to go across the city, and in their path would be the hospital. They asked me to defend the hospital perimeter. Do you know how intimidating it is to defend an entire hospital full of people mostly by yourself? The worst part is, they took me through to meet these kids. They were… starving." I could tell it was choking him up. I felt tears in my eyes, just imaging in it. "Their eyes… just…" He shook his head. "And they were running out of medical supplies. I know people here in America are terrified of Muslims and don't want to let them in, but I'd bring these kids with me in a heartbeat. No child deserves to starve to death in a warzone. I started remembering the camp we passed in Poland, where I saw kids in striped uniforms."

"A concentration camp?" I asked, surprised.

He nodded. "They were real. People were being systematically executed to exterminate an entire race. You call it the Holocaust, now. It happened. I couldn't go to the Holocaust museum because I can't relive that by choice. I was reliving it there."

I wiped the tears sliding down my cheeks.

"They gave me food. And entire damn plate. And couldn't reject it because… that was all the food they had and they were giving it to me as a gift. I held a few of the kids who were traumatized and not speaking, and… I just wanted to take them home with me. When nightfell, that's when the gunshots and bombs started. The Russian-funded rebels didn't care, they came towards the hospital."

"What happened?" I whispered.

"The few armed men that were available, they set up perimeter at my command. I managed to kill a few of the rebels coming directly at the hospital, shooting sawed-off shotguns and setting off pipe bombs. But we got them to turn away and went around, saving the elderly, the sick, and the children in the hospital. But the biggest danger at that hospital is their lack of food and medical supplies. Most of these people are innocents. The elderly are prepared to die, and would volunteer to forgo medical supplies and food to save the children, but that still wouldn't help. And those that are escaping, we're going to have racist, small-minded, idiotic, Islamophobic people in the US turn them away when they need us the most, like the Statue of Liberty never existed. All I can think about is how that's going to make them join up with the Islamic State if we reject them, not join us in the fight. What kind of morons want ISIS to get stronger?"

"I know," I whispered. "There's not much you can do to convince them to be on the right side of history… or even on the right side of the good of the world."

"Evil never dies, it just reinvents itself," he said, tossing his grilled cheese sandwich triangle down on the plate, angry. "I keep toying with the idea of taking off my mask and exposing who I am for the the media, and taking a stand on this. America needs to know that these things are going to affect us. It's unAmerican to keep the refugees out. But then again, if I take the mask off, I'll be doing exactly what they did to me in 1943 when Dr Erskine completed his experiment on me and died, they put me in a USO show, and I was nothing more than a monkey on a unicycle hocking war bonds. Do you know that when they tried to take my USO show to the front lines, I got mocked and booed off the stage. What if I took off my mask and that's what happened?"

"I know, Steve," I said softly. "Think about what to do, and you'll make the right choice. Just don't make it on a whim." His head was wrapped up in Syria right now. His urge to save lives and do the right thing made me need him. I wanted him in my arms, to be at his side, and to support him. Natasha was right: he was the truest, most pure soul I had ever met. "I'm going to take a shower and get ready for bed, I'll be out in a few minutes. Eat your dinner." I kissed his temple, his damp hair brushing my lips.

I took a shower, scrubbing my feet down so they were smooth, and then shaved my legs once I got out. I was running out Japanese Cherry Blossom lotion, I needed to get some more. I had pulled some of my lingerie out of my suitcase, and I decided that since Steve liked red on me, I chose the red and black lace bustier and a pair of black satin panties. For good measure, I put on some red lip stain as well. I took a deep breath, not wanting to intimidate him, but opened the door to the bathroom and went over to my bed, where Steve was laying, sipping a cup of soup. He saw me, but did a double-take.

"Relax, I just wanted to be pretty for you," I said. "And just in case… I got these at the clinic." I pulled a couple of condoms and some lube and set it down on the nightstand.

Steve sat up and sighed.

"We don't have to do anything," I said.

"You're pretty for me every night," he said. "You don't need fancy lace…" His eyes drifted to the red and black satin cups, and his cheeks tinged pink, " underthings to get my attention."

"I want to be close to you too, Steve. I know I said we're going to take it as it comes," I began, but he looked like a deer in the headlights, terrified. I rolled over onto my side. "I know we haven't talked about what we both want, but I'm not going to try to force you to do anything."

"Are you sure?"

I sighed, covering myself up. "I don't mind taking the lead. I want make you feel good, too. I tell you what: I'm gonna ask what you like."

I saw his cheeks go pink. "Dani, I don't ... I don't know if I can say those things-"

I could never image Steve talking dirty. Ever. "That's not what I meant. I'm not going to ask you directions, I'm going to do something and ask if you're okay with it, all you have to do is say yes or no. If you don't like it, I'll stop. Alright, tell me if you like this?" I asked. I ran my fingers along his sides, hooking the hem of his t-shirt, drawing it up just enough to be able to run my fingers along his searing hot skin, leaning in to kiss him while I drew my fingertips up the bare flesh on his obliques. I felt goosebumps cover his skin. "Okay? Or not enough?" I asked, pulling away from the kiss, but we were literally a breath apart. He was trembling, his eyes shut.

"Too much," he gasped.

"I'm sorry. You've had a rough couple of days." I said softly. I played with his hair and he laid back onto the pillow. He slipped an arm around the small of my back and squeezed me to him.

"I want touch you. I fantasize about you, but… I don't want to scare you off."

"Just do what I just did. Ask me," I said. "I'm not going to say no when I mean yes and vice versa. Do you want to try touching me?"

He slipped his arms under mine, pulling me in close to him, and I realized he was sliding down my body and his head rested between my breasts. He moaned softly into the softness and I felt his hands on the small of my back. I stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head. "You're doing just fine," I assured him.

His hand snaked down my hips, squeezing my ass cheeks gently. I liked it.

We laid in the bed this way until we fell asleep.

I woke up with Steve on the other side of the bed. "Good morning," I muttered. "Didn't we fall asleep with your head in my boobs, squeezing my butt?"

"You shoved me off the bed, like John Heisman because you were getting too hot." He had a smirk on his face.

"I did that?" I asked, finding it funny. I got up out of the bed to brush my teeth.

"I was going to go read my book in the kitchen, but the chairs squeaked so much I knew I'd wake you up."

"Well thanks for letting me sleep," I said, picking up my toothbrush He had relit the little tea light candle and the room was still luxuriously warm this morning. My tiny studio apartment felt downright cozy for once. "Did I talk in my sleep again?"

"You told me what happened to the Lindbergh baby."

"Huh?"

"You don't know about…"

"Oh, yeah!" I cried, remembering the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby in the early 1900s. "I get it!" I said, spitting and rinsing my mouth. "What time is it?"

"Six-thirty."

"Are you still on call?" I asked, getting out my mascara.

"Yeah, but my phone's been silent."

"We could go out to breakfast. Somewhere other than the Starlight diner. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Like I can take on the world," Steve said, watching me apply some mascara.

"Good," I said, climbing back into the bed.

"My head was still in Syria last night," he said. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. How do you not carry that around all the time?" I asked, climbing into the bed, pressing my body close to him. He wrapped his arms under my own and squeezed me. His lips found mine in a gentle, but firm kiss.

"I dunno. I dream about you, but this piece…" His fingers slid under my bustier strap, "it's beyond my wildest dreams, Dani. I liked what you did last night, I'm sorry if I seemed ungrateful."

"You didn't," I whispered. "Last night was intense. The last three days must have been tough for you."

I slipped my arms around his shoulders us as he kissed along my jaw.

"You're like… like the first time I went to Coney Island, the wooden roller coaster. I barely passed the height requirement, but... A new adventure around every corner, your curves taking my breath away and it's…" he nuzzled my neck, pressing lips against my pulse point. "Exciting… And new… and slightly terrifying because…" he kissed my sensitive skin under my ear, "I don't know what's coming next." He caught my earlobe between his teeth. I could feel his warm breath in my ear.

I moaned softly, feeling his mouth on me

His shirt's hemline had ridden up a bit, I felt a warm patch of skin that was probably his lower abdomen side. His skin was thin and stretched across his muscles, he was so lean. He groaned softly, eyes fluttering to the ceiling as my fingers made contact with his hot flesh.

"Can I try again?" I asked him.

"Alright," he said softly.

"I'll be gentle."

I slid down his torso kissing his chest through the soft t-shirt material. I could hear his heart beating faster, and his hand slipped into my hair. He didn't have an ounce of fat on his torso, and I took my time. Being that he was still a virgin, I wanted him to be enthusiastic about what I was doing to him, not unsure and partial. I listened to his breathing as I worked my way down. I could feel one of his nipples through the fabric. A little further down, I slid my fingers under the hem and shoved it up. I heard a small grunt from the back of his throat when my lips touched his bare skin. His muscles shifted underneath and I pushed the shirt up a little more. His muscles stood out from his abdomen, little chill bumps crossing his flesh. He was nothing but planes of muscles and pale skin. I pushed it up just a little bit more, almost to his pecs, exploring more with my mouth.

"Can we take this off?" I asked, straddling his hips, sitting up. "If you're okay?"

"I'm okay," he muttered, his eyes hooded, watching me. He lifted his shoulders up off he mattress and I helped him with discarding the flimsy t-shirt from over his head. His skin was smooth, clear, no ink. I laid back down on his chest, feeling his warmth radiating out from him, and I breathed in his scent: he smelled like my Dove cucumber body wash from my shower and something else, something woodsy and spicy, like aftershave.

His hands slid over my hips and he gripped them through the spandex of the bustier. I ground my hips into his to see if I could elicit some kind of reaction out of him. "How's that?" I asked.

"You're magic," he muttered. "You feel so good."

I slid the straps off my shoulders from the top and pressed a kiss along the corner of his mouth. I could feel as hitch in his breathing.

"Dani, umm…" I saw a smirk turn up the corners of his mouth as he looked at me from under his eye lashes. "Will you take this off?"

I grimaced. I hated undressing for men. It had been hard with Chad, my old body dysmorphia came back, and I started believing I had the ugliest body in the world… "This is hard for me," I admitted.

"I know you'll be perfect."

"Have you ever seen a naked woman in real life?"

"I was an art student," he scoffed. "Of course."

I fingered the bottom hem of the bustier and tugged it up over my head. He took me in, his smirk fading at the sight of my body, studying me, wearing nothing but a pair of black silk panties, sitting on his hips now. His breath caught in his throat, almost imperceptibly.

"I knew I was right," he muttered.

A bulge was growing in his pants under my butt. I hadn't had a man look at me like that in long time. It felt unnerving for a moment, that he'd change his mind about me if I struck the wrong angle, an unflattering one. I picked up his hand and kissed his palm, but didn't let his go. I slid my leg over his hips so I was laying parallel with him again. "Here," I said softly, but he resisted, I saw him panicking, but his hand was tense against me. I held his wrist to keep his hand in place. His hand moulded to the curve of my breast and felt his cock hardening against my thigh. He was trying to control his breathing, and I could hear his heart thundering. Mine was, too. I leaned in to kiss him and let my free hand greedily brush that bulge in his shorts, but his body seize up beneath me, and his eyes squeezed shut, with a strangled cry.

"Fuck," I whispered. I felt the hot cum through his clothes on my hand.

I had gone too far too fast with him. There was a flush of embarrassment on his face and chest almost immediately.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "Please, don't be embarrassed!" I reached over to the nightstand and got a tissue for him.

He groaned, and lift the waistband of his shorts, but the elastic snapped back.

I pulled the sheet up over my breasts. "That was my fault, I told you I'm not that experienced-"

"Can I have a moment?" he snapped, avoiding my eyes.

I got off him and grabbed the sheet to turn away from him. I felt the mattress shift behind me.

"Steve, please don't be upset," I begged.

"Maybe this was a mistake," he muttered.

"No, it wasn't," I said. "We're a team, right?"

"Danielle, this is not the time to-"

"Sexual experiences are usually really awkward the first time for couples anyway," I blathered, more to convince myself. "We've still got to learn each other-"

"Please don't psycho-analyze me right now," he muttered. "That was humiliating."

"I didn't mean for it to be," I whispered. He got up and stormed into the bathroom, shutting the door on me.

I felt horrible.

I put on some pajamas and got up to make coffee. Steve didn't come out for a while and the shower came on. By the time I had started on my first cup of coffee, he came out, hair wet, scowl still on his face and wearing fresh clothes. He didn't say anything and I was embarrassed as hell. What was I thinking, going straight for his member like that? I had gotten too eager, of course, the usual for me.

"I made coffee?" I offered, trying to get him to speak to me. "Do you want a cup?"

"Please."

After a long awkward stretch of cranky silence where we operated around each other, I finally said something. "Are we going to talk about this?"

"We didn't talk about this kind of stuff in the forties!"

"Well, you're in the twenty-first century now, we do!" I cried. "This happens. A lot more than a lot of people would like to admit!"

Steve opened his mouth to respond, but stopped himself short. "I was going to say something horrible, but…"

"This is new territory for both of us," I said, hoping he wouldn't hate me for what had just happened. "Steve, I understand."

He sat down on the bed with his coffee, staring into the mug. "I thought I'd do better my first time," he muttered. "You know, you have this idea if your head and… then you don't live up to it..."

I kneeled down in front of him, placing a hand on his knee. He was just as embarrassed as me, if not more. "I went too far too fast," I admitted.

"Are first times really this awful?" he mumbled.

"We haven't had a first time, yet," I reminded him, "This doesn't count."

"Do you have to talk through everything?"

"I'm training to be a therapist. So yes!"

He fought back a smirk, but it put me at ease. He was calming down.

"What were you going to say?" I asked.

"Something mean."

"How mean?"

"Nevermind."

"No, what? I can handle it."

"I was just going to say something along the lines of um… 'You've really been with that many men, Dani?'"

I laughed aloud. "I guess that's the 1940s equivalent of 'that's what she said.'"

"No, what does that even mean?" he asked. "It's like the English language changed in seventy years to something I can't even understand it any more."