I couldn't leave the cliffie alone!
Some of it I might rewrite, I'm not 100% happy with it
XOXO,
Blue
I had put on my maxi dress and jewelry, and make-up, and Steve and I had started planning. This place was so similar to Vegas, there had to be a quicky wedding chapel around here.
Steve was pacing and listening to the messages on the phone.
"What's the news?" I asked, sitting down on the couch to do my makeup.
"Concierge has me on hold," he said. "Just a second." He listened to the phone. "Hi, Steve Rogers, I'm in Tony Stark's suite? Yes, I had a question: is there a non-denominational wedding chapel in Monaco?..." I held my breath, watching him. "Okay… okay… No, we're both American…" His shoulders slumped. "Okay, thank you." He hung up.
"What is it?" I asked.
"They said we'd have to be citizens of Monaco for thirty days before we could legally marry in Monaco Principality, and we should check with the American consulate in Monaco on the legalities."
"But the consulate's office for Monaco is in Nice."
"We'll go to Nice, then. Maybe it would just be easier to married there," he suggested.
"Okay, let's do that. I don't care where we get married, as long as I come out of this as your wife."
"Alright, let's see if we can call the American Consulate Office in Marseille," he said, typing into his phone. "Okay, it doesn't open until nine am."
I groaned, looking at the clock on the wall: it was five-thirty. "Why don't we get breakfast first?" I asked.
"Sounds good, then we can find rings."
"After we talk to the Consulate Office."
"Deal. Let's do this."
We took the car service to breakfast, and the concierge recommended Valentin's. It opened at 6:30, and I was so anxious. All I could think about was coming back to America as Steve's wife. We got to Valentin, and they were just opening, and Steve and I sat down. We ordered breakfast and coffee, and my hands were shaking, I could hardly stir the cream in my coffee.
"What does it say about getting married in France?" I asked.
Steve typed into the phone. "Okay… I'm sorry, Dani…"
"What is it?"
"It says we need to have a civil ceremony in the US for it to count. France doesn't grant civil weddings to non-residents, but we can have a religious one. Let's find a church in Nice that'll marry us."
I sighed. "No."
"What?"
"Steve, I want to marry you for real. I want our wedding to count."
"It does count if it's in the house of God."
I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes. "Baby…"
"We can do the civil ceremony when we get back to New York."
"Okay. Okay, let's see if we can find a church in Nice."
"A Catholic Church…. Okay, there's Notre-Dame du Port and Église Saint-Pierre d'Arène . There's all kinds of Catholic Churches in Nice."
"That's promising!" I was nervous and panicking. Could we get married?
We took a taxi to find out that there was a moped rental spot. Steve rented a moped and we started the trip to Nice, watching the sun rise as we started the thirteen mile trek to Nice.
I was reminded of our first official date as I listened to the roar of the moped while watching the sun rise over Steve's shoulder. I squeezed his middle tighter, and he ran his hand over mine, rubbing it for a moment, before picking it up and kissing my knuckles.
We were going to be married .
I couldn't believe it. I was going to be someone's wife. An amazing man's wife, a man who dedicated his life to protecting others.
We arrived in Nice, and started going around to the different churches to see what we could find. Few of the churches had their offices open, yet. Steve and I went around to see if we could find an office that opened, only to find that none of them opened before nine.
"We'll find a priest. We'll find rings," Steve promised me, taking my hand as we trekked through the old city.
A priest. Rings.
Who would walk me down the aisle?
Who'd witness the wedding?
Of course, we'd have to marry in New York.
Maybe we could do it in Nashville, instead.
The city started to come to life.
"How do we tell my parents?" I asked Steve.
"Wow… well... uh… We've got to get you a white dress, too."
"I…"
I looked down at my dark maxi dress. The skirt was wrinkled where I had bunched it up so it wouldn't get caught in the wheel spokes of the moped on the way down.
"Do you need your father to be there?" he asked.
I thought about it. I had been so excited when he asked me to marry him. Daddy would understand, right? I wasn't sure. But at the same time, I just wanted to leave Europe as Steve's wife.
We went around the old city to see if we could find another church. "Maybe we can find a protestant church," I suggested.
"They're not… we have to get married in a Catholic one, though."
"What's the difference?"
"It's a sacrament in the Catholic church, it's just a ceremony in a Protestant church," Steve said.
I slipped my arms around his middle. I didn't want to fight, especially if this was our wedding day. "I love you," I said. "Does it matter?"
Steve sighed. "Let's see if we can find a white dress."
We trekked through the old city of Nice looking for a dress shop with a simple white dress, a jeweler, and a church with an open office.
"They make you do a pre-marital counseling in the Catholic church in America," I said.
"Pre-marital?" Steve repeated. "Why? It's not like we're fighting or disagreeing or anything."
"We go over things like family planning and finances and…"
"We've got plenty of money," he said.
"No, a million dollars goes really fast in America these days," I said. "Tony's place we're staying in? You couldn't buy that for a million dollars these days."
"You couldn't?"
"No. Steve, you've got to manage that money. The government's going to want a piece of it. And if I'm your wife, I'm going to have a say in how we spend it."
"You care about things like finance? I'm going to give you everything-"
"No, I want us to make financial decisions together."
Steve and I stood in the alley in the old city, stunned. Steve still carried the 1940s mentality that the man earned the money and decided how it was spend, the woman got an allowance. He was still learning about how modern, feminist couples operated in America. I knew he wanted to make me happy, but being a kept woman wasn't my idea of security. Steve didn't know that. What else had we not talked about that we needed to? We needed pre-marital therapy and finance advising. But Steve had proposed to me because he thought if he had enough money, he would be enough of a man for me.
"Baby, I do love you. And marrying you is something I've fantasized about for a long time, long before you won that money at Blackjack. You're enough for me. But, we need to talk about a lot of things and make some decisions before we walk down the aisle," I said.
"I want to marry you," he said.
"Me too," I said.
"But we have to jump through all these hoops, now? What's happened?"
I bit my lips together. I wanted to marry him, too. Why was it so difficult here in France? And Monaco? Why not just wait until we got back to the States?
And then, I thought about things. I wanted my father to walk me down the aisle. And I wanted to have Lauren be my Matron of Honor and Alissa, Mia, and Kamika as my bridesmaids. And I wanted to get married in the church. I had always envisioned a church wedding. I wanted Matthew to be my ring-bearer. I thought about him: I knew he'd be broken-hearted if I got married and he wasn't there. Ruby and Peyton would lose their shit if they missed an opportunity to be flower girls, too. Shawn would want to be a ring-bearer, too. I had no excuse for them to get married without them there. And Lauren... Lauren hadn't met him, yet. Nobody in my family had. I had learned so much about what made a marriage work, and part of it was planning and the pre-marital phase. We weren't doing that.
"I want my father to walk me down the aisle and give me away. And my family to be a part of this. You haven't even asked Daddy for my hand."
I saw his frown deepened in his features.
"I love you, Steve, but I can't get married without my family there."
"I don't have a family, Dani."
"I know. And you haven't met mine, yet."
He didn't say anything, but an expression of guilt crossed his features.
The panic started setting in. "Baby, I don't want to break things off with you. But, we're not doing this right. I want to do this the right way. I'm sorry, I can't marry you just yet. Not on a whim, on a high. But I do want to be with you. There are so many things we need to work out. Can we just stay together and call off this engagement for now?" I asked.
"I can give you a good life, Dani."
"You already are one of the best things in my life, but so is my family. I want you to be a part of it, not a surprise to it. My family's great. And I know they'll love you."
"I know they are," he said, gathering me up in his arms.
"And we just said 'I love you' yesterday for the first time," I said into his ear. "And I wouldn't be against a long engagement, but..."
He squeezed me. "Alright. Okay… let's just be in love for now."
"Okay... thank you for understanding."
"I don't even know you middle name. It's not on your driver's license."
I chortled into his chest. "I don't have one."
"You don't?"
"No." I chortled.
He did, too, squeezing me. "I guess… I guess we're not ready to get married."
"Yeah, I don't think we are."
"Steve," I said softly. "You are a good man. An honorable man. And I like the idea of being your wife. But let's do this the right way."
"You're the first woman I've ever met who wants to talk a man out of proposing!"
I was relieved that Steve and I had agreed we weren't ready to marry yet. It took the pressure off this entire trip. We ended up taking a walk through the old city of Nice. It was beautiful, pastel buildings with iron latticework.
"I feel like I'm in a James Bond movie from the 1960s," I said as we walked through. There was a beach on the otherside of the main drag, like Larvotto beach, it was made out of stones, but these were grey rocks, sanded smooth by the surf.
We had an early lunch at a bouchon, realizing we were both starving. We had traditional French dishes and some wine, afterwards. We walked hand-in-hand down the narrow streets and got "lost" in the beautiful alleys and corners until we came down the main boulevard.
"I could live here," I sighed. "I could open a small practice, and you'd have beautiful light almost every day of the year to draw in. We could go swimming every day on the beach at lunchtime, and maybe it'd be a better location for your job, too."
"I don't think I'd get the okay," he admitted. "But, I think we need to travel here every year. Just you and me and… just have time to ourselves without demands."
"I like that idea."
He backed me into one of the stucco walls and I shivered, despite the pleasant weather. "Nice to hear," he whispered, his lips only a breath from mine. We kissed and I felt the warmth through my whole body.
"I love you," I whispered between kisses and his hands snaked up to cradle the back of my head.
The sharp whine of a Vespa motor tore past us and some kid, no older than thirteen, shouting some taunt in French with a girl on the back, made an obscene at us with his tongue between his first two fingers.
"Maybe this is a bad spot to make out," I admitted.
"Maybe," he agreed. "Hey, look where we are." He pointed upwards and the hanging shingle said bijoutier with a diamond beside it. He took my hand and pulled me inside. The bell on the door jangled, and an old man was behind a glass counter filled with glimmering jewels of all kinds of hues.
" Bonjour, come ça va? "
"On va bien," Steve said.
"You're Americans?" the jeweler asked.
"We are," he said. "We were just curious, I'm looking to buy something for my girlfriend?"
"Steve!" I hissed.
"Let me show you some of my fine pieces," the jeweler said. "What's your budget?"
We showed us some rings, bracelets, earrings and necklaces, and in the end, we found a beautiful pair of sapphire earrings within Steve's named budget. "Are you sure you want to buy these?" I asked.
"I'm sure," Steve said. "Hey, I've got the money."
"Could I interest you to in a set of rings?" the jeweler asked.
I saw his eyes light up. "No," I said.
He blushed a little. "The earrings will be fine," Steve said.
When the darkness fell, the city changed. It was fun, dark, almost like vampires lived there. "Don't you think, since we're in love, we should talk about marriage?" he asked. "I knew plenty of people who got married and hardly knew each other before we shipped out to Europe."
"People don't do that these days," I said softly. "Besides, the divorce rate spiked after World War II ended, most it was those couples you knew who got married before the soldiers shipped out. Don't you want a prenup for that million Euro you just won?"
"A prenuptial agreement? What the heck is that?"
"It's when a couple agrees that if they divorce for certain reasons- like cheating-"
"I'd never cheat on you!" he said indignantly, insulted. "Or walk out."
"As long as you can communicate with me and we stay a team, I don't see cheating or walking out being a problem. I could never feel what I do for you with anybody else, but, sometimes, marriages become loveless, and there's no reason to stay together. It only takes one partner to end the marriage and get a divorce."
"Doesn't that make them the guilty party?"
"Guilty of what? Divorces are no-fault since the 1970s. You missed that."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that you can leave a marriage if it's just not working out, you're fighting too much and you don't agree on stuff."
"I guess… But we're Catholic. Catholics don't divorce. They stick it out."
"My parents didn't."
"That's right… But…"
"They got an annulment approved by the Vatican."
"But you lived with your father after the divorce… I've been wondering this for a while, but… did your mother do the cheating, not your father? He didn't walk out, did he? It wasn't her that walked out?"
"What! No!" I cried. "Honey, you can leave a marriage for a lot less than cheating or abandonment these days. Daddy divorced her , she didn't want the marriage to end because he was her meal ticket, but he couldn't stand being married to her any longer."
"Back in my day, if people were that miserable in a marriage, one of them would just go out and have a one-night-stand to have a reason to divorce in the courts. Usually, it was the man."
My jaw dropped. "That's depressing."
"It is. Let's not talk about this any more and just enjoy ourselves."
"I can agree on that."
A trio of street musicians were playing a slow waltz on the boardwalk. "Care to dance?" he asked.
He drew me into his arms.
"I'd dance with you any night," I whispered as we danced on the boardwalk under the stars.
We bought some souvenirs for Alissa and Joel to thank them for keeping Lourdes Marie, some for my cohort friends and some for my family for when we went home at Easter and discussed it over dinner in a little bistro in the old city. Steve wasn't on call on Easter and when I invited him to Nashville, he agreed to go with me.
After bought some salted french bread, butter, and gruyere cheese, and a bottle of red wine, we took the moped back to Monaco in the moonlight. By the time we arrived back at the apartment/hotel, Steve had to return the bike, and I took my time to take another bath while watching the bay in the moonlight, nibbling on a chunk of buttered bread with cheese on it. It was literally the best thing I had ever tasted in my whole life.
While I never wanted to leave the French Riviera, I knew we had to go back to our daily lives. I wanted that degree and the ability to practice counseling, but I wanted to be with Steve, too. A marriage would be a dream come true, but we had to work on this. There was a lot he didn't understand yet about marriage and divorce in the modern world. But we loved each other and this was an adventure. This was a once-in-a-lifetime trip for me and I felt so lucky. It had been magic.
I sank into the tub with a few tea votive candles lit and watched the moon. It was so perfect tonight when I heard the door to our unit open.
"Hey, beautiful?" Steve called.
"I'm in the bathtub," I called.
"Hey," he said, sticking his head into the bathroom. "This is how you want to spend your last night in Monaco?"
"Yeah," I admitted. "Not too disappointed, are you?"
"If I had won that money sooner, I'd have rented a yacht to take you out to dinner on for our last night here." he said.
"Knowing my luck, I'd have gotten seasick," I laughed. I knew ship captains could marry people in international waters. Instead, I wanted to have sex again, even though he had left me sore from yesterday. "You could just get in with me?"
"Asking again?"
"Yes," I said.
He grinned and pulled his t-shirt up over his head. "Okay, if you think I'll fit."
"It's a big bathtub," I said, squeezing my knees up to my chin in the middle of the tub.
He stripped down and climbed in behind me. I leaned into his chest and melted into him. "Is this as good as being married?" he asked, running his wet hands over my shoulders.
"Definitely," I sighed, crossing my arm over my chest to take his hand. I laced my fingers into his.
We watched the yachts sailing in the bays, and suddenly, a golden light shot up from the middle of one, and exploded in the air in a globe of champagne-colored sparks. "Fireworks!" I cried. "Isn't this perfect?"
"It is," he agreed, squeezing me gently. I turned my head to kiss him, and he caught my lips. "Of everyone in the world, there is no one I'd have rather spent this trip with," he said gently, his thumb rubbing my temple.
We watched the fireworks from the bathtub with the candlelight dancing over us, his hands stroking my shoulders. It felt so good, his hands wet on my skin. I wished I could feel like this all the time.
The last firework shot up into the air and exploded.
"That's it?" he asked. There was a long silence in the smoke-filled sky. "I guess so."
"It was great," I admitted.
"Do you want to stay here forever?"
I thought about how much fun Monaco had been, all the things we had seen and done, and the adventures we had had. I knew there would be other locations and adventures I'd go on. But none of them would seem as magical if they weren't with him. And in reality, I needed that degree if we ever wanted to dream about living in the Riviera, first. I had no idea if my degree credits would even transfer to a school in France. "No. But I do wish I could have an adventure every day with you."
I saw a gentle smile hint at the corners of his mouth. "For the fun adventures, I feel the same way."
"You don't want me on all your adventures?"
"Do you forget what I do? I wouldn't take you to a war zone, if that's what you're asking."
"Oh. Duh. That makes sense."
He pressed a kiss to my temple. "S.H.I.E.L.D. laid down the law with me about you."
A chill ran through my veins. Was he dumping me? Was it because I agreed to get married and then changed my mind?
"They said you could put me in a position where I'd be compromised if the public knew about us."
"What does that mean?"
"It means… I will have to wear the mask forever in combat. S.H.I.E.L.D. has enemies. They can't know who I am, because if they did, they'd be able to find you easily. And you're very vulnerable without me around."
"Again, what does this mean, Steven?"
"Things aren't going to change. That's why I asked you not to put pictures of us up on the internet, not even with filters so only your family could see them," he said. "Not my face, at least. Even if I'm not tagged on that Facebook app, the enemies of S.H.I.E.L.D. are watching what Captain America does. My worst nightmare is something happening to you because of me."
I nestled into his chest. "How do you think I feel whenever you've been called into combat? I'm terrified every time you leave."
"I know. It's just the soldier's life, though, honey. But I'm basically made for combat. You're not. You've never even done basic military training."
He was right about that, not even that night Natasha kicked my ass trying to teach me basic self-defense counted. "Okay. I will never share pictures of you with me on the internet. Ever. Just to appease S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Thank you. I'll let you enjoy this bath to yourself," he said. "I underestimated how fun a bath could be with the right person." He kissed my cheek again before getting out. "I'm going to order some midnight snacks."
"Try the bread with butter and cheese, it's so good, it's like the best thing I've ever eaten!" I suggested, as he wrapped the towel around his narrow hips.
I scrubbed down and shaved while he ordered something for us from room service. Steve came back into the bathroom. "Ready to get out?"
"Yep."
He slipped an arm around my shoulders and helped me up, and retrieved a towel for me. After I dried off and put on a bathrobe, we watched some SkyNews until the dinner cart arrived, ate a little bit, and climbed back into bed.
"I wish we could pause the world and stay right here forever," I whispered into his neck.
"Me too. Why does the world have to go on spinning?"
"I don't know."