Chapter Two

No Turning Back

I still have to hold my tough terrain and not look like a softie because Ellie can easily dial Sean's digits. Jay thought to himself as he continued driving. Ellie was the first to break on through the silence, she had to pee. So they stopped off the side of the road she went. Shut the door, kept things lady like. Nobody said anything, not a word, not a snicker no sarcastic remarks. Jay didn't even creep a little sneak peek at her unmentionables as she went beside the car. When she finished she got back in the car they got back on the road again. Not in front of Ellie he repeated in his mind. I regret flying off the handle that first time. When in doubt, Jay smokes cigarettes, in fact he smokes a lot. Happy, sad or indifferent he lights one up. He chain smokes when he's stressed most of all. Let's just say he's almost always stressed, but he'll tell others the stress would snap them half if they don't relax. In fact, he lets mounting stress get to him.

As for Emma he watched her continuously in silence in rearview mirror. He immediately regretted taking out his anger on him but he was being honest, cruel and honest. He heard the storied events that occurred in the hall that Emma had a gun pointed in her direction and Sean stopped Rick from pulling the trigger. It had to have been frightening and it had to of been but Jay doesn't have much of a conscious and he rarely thinks before he speaks and he doesn't do kindness. Emma Nelson was just someone who Jay didn't exactly hate, but he didn't know how to quantify his feelings for her. When he was interested in somebody he felt like he had to counter it but being a general dick to them. So far it worked for Alex, they were two peas in a pod but there was notable trouble in broke the silence, "We only have an exit to go and we're home." Ellie rolled her eyes at his hopeless attempt to revive things. Little Miss. Vampire was pissing him off. On the beach he would sit there and listen to her talk all this crap on Emma, and he couldn't say he actually agreed with any of it. Jay himself spent a lot of time with Emma, alone without them as they went to talk over somethings. Their moment was short-lived when Sean was fighting for his life in the ocean and they all ran to his safety.

If you would ask what he thought of Emma a year ago, he would say he hated her. When he brought up the good news, she smiled and he couldn't help but notice and see she had a beautiful smile. Between this year and last year something changed about her, she grew in beauty she grew in height and she grew in other places but most of all she got rid of those braces which attracted him physically.

That shows his feelings for the girl who loved the animals. It only brought out the animal in him. They couldn't be more different but that was perfectly alright. It just made him want her more. Instead of getting her to fall into his lap, he wants to make it so she hates him. He's toxic in that everything he touches turns to dust. Even his most romantic relationship with Alex is strained.

That would do him just fine. To everybody else, he would act as if he hated her, he'd be the first to humiliate her by saying something outlandish or perverse. It only provoked him when he dared, when she'd turn around and he would get to her. When he got to her, he was satisfied. She'd be unguarded and he'd say things to get a rise out of her, but when he worked hard at a comeback or a word she would try her damnest not to say a thing. He would wonderingly look at her when driving permitted, he caught her stare. Jay mindlessly pulls out a cigarette, his third he had spaced out the trip right in his mind. He wanted to be respectable and hospitable for the girls he was driving with.

He found it strange that none of the girls sat up front, he was dying to make a chauffeur joke, being as the girls were in the back. It was seemingly the only time the girls were in the back and he wasn't back there making them scream. Jay, you can say got around the block quite a few times. It would be a gross understatement if you said he only had eyes for Alex. Emma and Ellie heard the rumors, Ellie sees Jay on the day-to-day and knows that Jay hooks up with all sorts of girls. He's a pantydropper. Emma finds it completely absurd that Alex knows nothing. Emma had always seen this disconnect between them, most notably while Alex became socially conscious, accepting to be the vice president for the school alongside Marco she couldn't help but see the obvious, that Jay wasn't by her side. He was all about ushering her through the campaign but when Marco won, much to their respective chagrin, Jay's interest in her political lifestyle were virtually the last thing he wanted. It made them spend less and less time together. Sure, he was happy for her but he wasn't happy about the divide between them that only he seemed to fill the void, with other girls. The shooting couldn't even bring them back together and united. Ellie had saw them fighting earlier in the day before that fateful spur of the moment trip they just now are driving home from in Wasaga. He didn't care one lick about fairness or policies of the school or the Degrassi Code of Conduct Liberty often and annoyingly babbled about. To many, he didn't care one iota about anything to be exact.

Emma has heard pretty much it all when it came to Liberty's open book of a life, she's known her for years to be obsessed with anything and everything school. It'd be an understatement to say they weren't close. They've never gotten along. Even when Emma won something fair and square, Liberty in lack of a better term told her she flat-out didn't deserve it, that nepotism was involved. That simply wasn't true. Although earlier today, she reached out to Emma only for Emma to spit right back in her face that she didn't need that, not now.

As mentioned before, Emma doesn't exactly know what to make of the past twenty-four some odd hours. Between the news outlets outside school, the shooting in its self-made it hard for Emma to wrap her head around it. Everyone pretends to be your new best friend, they want to be there for you after your big fat brush of death. It was getting to be too much for her, and for Sean, it was too much for him to handle and he almost shattered. It took everything in her not to shatter in front of them.

Liberty was never given the leadership roles mostly because she was already student council president making her a shoo-in for president when Marco would soon graduate. She works closely with her, Emma simply steers clear from Alex, known to be a hot head but they duked it out last year in the hallway in front of everyone. Came out of that fight with a black and blue eye, but she managed to come out of the fight nearly unscathed. Alex broke her nose in that fight, ever since they just avoid each other with mutual contempt. Adding to another reason that Jay enjoyed Emma still, she really knew how to make Alex's blood boil. She hated Emma Nelson with a passion, and Jay just simply pretended to like a deluded façade. Although when he was tired, his caring side started to show. While he was in his element, with his friends it proves to be the later.

"Last call, cigarette for any of you ladies?"

A reply of silence followed, Emma shrugged her shoulders, he happened to see that split moment, Ellie's eyes sort of widened when Emma answered Jay back, "Sure."

He chuckled aloud shaking his head, gleefully taking one out of the pack, "Catch, Greenpeace." He paused a moment, and added after he saw her annoyed facial expression, "Emma."

Ellie clapped her hands excitedly, "Looks like hell truly has melted over, Emma Nelson smokin' a cigarette. Need help with that?"

Jay followed Ellie's booming excitement by throwing Emma a lighter, Emma lit the cigarette, she dropped the lighter afterward between her legs and inhaled, a bit too much resulting in a fit of coughing, "Aww Emmy's first cigarette." A cloud of smoke surrounded her, for some reason she felt liberated she exhaled some more smoke as the coughing came to a stop after a few seconds. Ellie continued celebratory clapping as she giggled. It was truthfully the happiest Emma had ever seen the auburn-haired girl.

After a few drags, Emma's coughing all but stopped, "True champion, Emma. She can smoke like the rest of them."

"Any other secrets, Em you uh want to enlighten us with?" Jay said looking back ignoring the road for a moment or two playing with his ear to get that amplification of sound to hear Emma talk in a joking manner.

Emma shrugged systematically showing that she's wasn't all that complicated, "I'm literally an open book."

Ellie and Jay droned practically in unison, "Typical." Jay added maliciously eyeing Ellie, "Bet she hasn't even kissed a boy yet."

Ellie came to Emma's defense for a moment shrugging her shoulders, "Jay . . . you're pushing it too far."

Emma defensively scoffed in response at the two ganging up on her and retorted in denial, "I have too." She added, "I'm just like you guys."

"Who me?" He asked stupidly, "Oh wait, nevermind. But have you . . you know?"

Ellie crossed her arms rolling her eyes, "Sean's a virgin too, Jay I would know." Emma was sort of riveted by Ellie's revelation but she didn't show it, much. She looked down and smiled breathlessly as if to say at least Sean hasn't been completely tainted by his relationship with Sean. She still had feelings for him. In fact, a lot of her always will because he saved her life. Jay saw and he wouldn't lie if he wasn't a bit jealous of that reaction out of Emma.

Jay rolled his eyes pretending to ignore Emma's reaction and Ellie's remark, as if to say Why does everything have to be so serious, all the time with you? For Emma why would her feelings for him matter anyhow because he's gone and he's never coming back.

As they carried on, mortified Emma in an effort to want to escape from the car she looked out the window, looking at the cars go by and lamenting on the long day she spent with an unlikely set of companions. Never did she expect on the day after the shooting she'd be chummy with such people, but like The Breakfast Club the novelty seems to have worn off already. It seemed as though that it was all pretend.

Jay chimed in with some idiotic comment or rebuttal but she wasn't listening to them, she had already long since tuned them out. Emma turned back to them when she felt her face had returned back to its regular peach tone as opposed to some shade of pink, "I'm starving."

He was hungry too, and everyone was. It had been a long day and the only thing they had to eat was sand.

Ellie snickered, adding in response, "Yeah, me too."

Emma offered, "How about we go to The Dot, my treat Ellie?"

"Charity?" She asked, cocking her expressive perfectly sculpted eyebrow. She was skeptical. She had no issues or qualms with Emma. She just knew her to be Sean's ex who she couldn't deny there were still some feelings on Sean's end for her. Emma had always shared similar causes with her but they hung out in different circles. It would be a long-shot to say they were friends, rather acquaintances. Unlike Emma, she was cordial with Jay, Alex and the rest of the Candy Bandit crew. Emma butt heads with them almost instantaneously. At that time Ellie was going through things, so that group was there for her. It was all pretty debatable and dicey hence, the obvious Sean the common link between them broke and now she really doesn't have much of anyone.

"Let's just say I know what it's like to go home with nobody home." Emma said quietly. She was talking about when Snake was in the hospital and she had to cook for herself and was responsible for her own hide and her baby brother while her dad was battling cancer in and out of the hospital. Things were tense to say the least at home and at school. The only person she was still close with at that time was J.T. and not even Manny was her friend back then. She would if her mom gave her cash order pizza to go, eat at The Dot but she felt selfish to think about her stomach at a time like that. Not when she really couldn't eat, sick with worry and worried sick about Snake and how would she handle if he'd pass away, how would her mother react. The mortality, the lack of color in the house it was all so spooky and frightening and at that time she was largely alone.

Ellie couldn't argue with that, she herself wasn't ready but she still had to feed Bueller. If she went she would have some leftovers to feed him. If she went she wouldn't have to cook Rice-a-roni for the umpteenth time this week with canned goods and frozen vegetable and food from a box. Fresh and home cooked whatever they managed to afford.

Financially, Emma was considered the wealthiest, to boot she was a do-gooder, daughter of a teacher and hadn't a mean bone in her body. With bullies she stood up them, but always came off passive. He knew she couldn't fight him on it. She knew she was the minority but she didn't let it affect her. Jay's jokes and words bounce off of her, she doesn't care. Deep inside he knew she cared too much about everything, she was intense. She always intense about everything causes like saving the world, the whales and everything else. The fact that she doesn't care about what he says makes Jay wonder and become more persistent. She might not be as unattainable as she had always seemed to be and it seemed like tonight was just the night to throw caution to the wind and find a way to change that.

Finally they were arriving back into town, for a car ride that lasted until eternity it changed them forever.

Jay parked at The Dot since that is what everyone agreed upon. Emma and Ellie simultaneously opened up the car doors and got out. Alex and Amy were out front smoking a cigarette together as Alex cooly gave Jay a look. He gestured to her with a nod as he walked toward her as Ellie and Emma followed behind going toward the front door.

"Where's Cameron?" Alex asked curiously, eyeing Emma and Ellie. Inside of his mind Jay was praying she didn't say anything about them. She kind of mentioned that if he was seen with other girls that it was over.

Amy was silent just puffing on her cigarette. She wasn't the kind to speak unless she was being talked to. On the totem pole she was the bottom but she was Alex's best friend so she had cache and she was valuable but she was unpredictable and tended to wind up hospitalized after wild nights out. She couldn't hold her alcohol but she lived next door to Alex in the trailer party and was a permanent fixture at ravine parties. They've hooked up before, if he gets drunk enough, squints his eyes and if she wears her hair down she kind of looks like Emma. She waved at him and gave Emma some dirty looks, let's just say they weren't fans of her.

"He stayed behind." Ellie said pursing her lips exasperated kicking a stone under her converse shoes, she didn't look at them.

"Sorry, girl." Alex said to Ellie shrugging, "I guess being a hero was too much for him."

"I don't want to talk about it. Emma why don't we go inside?" Ellie said pulling Emma by the arm but at first Emma didn't move in the awkward proverbial hot seat, she had to be pulled finally she just simply followed Ellie but for a while she needed that push. Ellie knew better that Jay was looking for an out in his relationship and this was likely where they would talk.

"Are you going to tell me where'd you go?" Alex asked snarky, angry in fact her face boiling with anger. He knew what was next. Her demeanor was cold and unkind. It wasn't looking good for them, but when has it? It has been a long time since they've had a happy run.

"Sean wanted to peace and he took us."

"With her?"

"Ellie and Emma, yeah."

"Don't tell me you've gone soft on her." Alex muttered, "Emma Nelson is a fucking -"

"Lexxi, baby I wouldn't dream of it." Jay maintained yet lied through is teeth. For a girl he has known for years, she knew this was a bold-faced lie. She wasn't being the irrational girlfriend, she had a right to her suspicions. She was sick and tired of Jay being on the low tier to where Alex is flourishing.

"Don't baby me!" She exclaimed shoving him.

"What do you want?" He hollered back.

"Can you tell me what you're doing with Ellie, I don't know if you know this but she's got a boyfriend."

"Look Lex, I know. Sean kind of dragged us along to Wasaga, where he ran to momma and daddy - and now - is living there. He took us along." He tried calming her down.

"Are you aware of your sinking shop grade? I can't keep lying and covering for you, my grades will suffer too. I don't know if you know this but I would like to pass this year."

"The motor project diagram thing, I forgot. Sean just kind of dragged me off. . ."

"And you left me with the shop project we worked on together now I think we failed. Nice going partner" She hissed sarcastically, hitting Jay's arm hard.

"Alex. ."

"Jay, didn't I tell you about hanging with other girls?" she asked angrily, "I guess you didn't care at all whatever. And you were all day gallivanting in Wasaga Beach with Emma Nelson and Ellie, and you're supposed to be my boyfriend? I didn't think it would have to come to this, Jay. It's over Jay, it's been over" Jay let out a nervous laugh before Alex backed away some more looking at him dead in the eye. "You want to break up? Fine let's break up." Alex challenged him, however Jay has been obviously looking for an out since they left for Wasaga. Alex was likely left out and overreacting but a breakup has been on his mind. Unfortunately for him, she made him a deal if he saw him scooting around escorting another girl around in his car with independent speakers and shit it's over and done. "No one else right?"

"No." He retorted.

Jay denied it at first that he even wanted to break up, he just kind of slinked back leaning against the wall. Alex threw her cigarette on the ground, smushing it onto the sidewalk with her white Nike Air Force ones like it was his head. She didn't scare him. She smugly walked closer to him inching into his face, gritting her teeth, "If I find out you're lying, you're a fucking dead man."

Alex knew or he had to of known he had fooled around with other girls. Emma would be the icing on her cake, it would lead to social embarrassment that her boyfriend dumped her for the biggest prude in school a girl who perpetually annoyed her a girl she hated. Perhaps that hate for her is what Jay found himself drawing closer to Emma. He knew he didn't have a chance with her in hell, no way. Not Emma. She's Sean's, it'd be the ultimate stab in the back to Sean. Did Jay care? Not much, if anyone had to be on guard it was Emma. That is who she'd go after. She can't go after Jay for that, he's a guy and even on her best day she couldn't punch him out. She's not that strong. She may be a tomboy but she's no guy. She could beat on you like a guy but she couldn't clock him like Sean or him for that matter.

"Fine, Lexxi. We're done, you know if it's what you want." He shook his head and pushed her back with his hands invisibly, "I don't need this." Jay was seen next turning on his heel, offering his longtime raven-haired girlfriend one last look before bolting up the stairs leaving a shocked and seemingly upset Alex behind.

She muttered walking away from the restaurant, "He'll be back, he always does." She called out for Amy who was off hiding out while Alex and Jay talked privately she knew the drill, "Amy bitch where you at?" She overheard the entire thing from the side entrance, as she left and walked with Alex somewhere else, far away.

It wasn't that Jay didn't love Alex, but that spark was gone and they'd be lying to themselves if it would ever rekindle. It wasn't the same and with Emma in the mix it is almost a guarantee that it won't be the same ever again.