cw: alcohol, vomit, references to sex

Chapter Three: The Rules Still Apply

Sirius was promptly late to every single one of his shifts at the post office.

"You're late," greeted Benjy, as he did every day.

"Fashionably," responded Sirius, as he did every day.

Neither of them had ever found it funny, but it had become a habit. Much like messing around with each other behind the biscuits after closing.

Any meaning to it that might have existed was long gone.

"It's almost like you're trying to work less hours," teased Benjy, tossing Sirius' name badge with the precision of the sportsman he so easily could have become had he desired, "Almost like you don't want the money."

"Shut up. I regret talking to you about anything," said Sirius.

"Have you tried being honest?"

"Of course, I have. It's not that easy, though."

"Have you tried lying?"

If Sirius was to lie right then and there, he'd tell Benjy he didn't find that in the least bit funny. But he did not have the energy to engage with Benjy's so-called wit that morning.

The money he'd inherited from his uncle was already enough for a flat in London; he didn't even need that job anymore. He hadn't told Benjy that much, though, he'd already given him enough hassle.

He'd tell Angie soon.

He would.

The longer he stalled, the bigger the lie became. The moment he came clean, however, it was out in the world, and he'd have to do it.

He'd ask James what to do about it if he wasn't a little bit annoyed James wouldn't just tell him and Remus that Lily was pregnant.

He'd have asked Remus long ago if he wasn't feeling a little upper-class guilt at being able to move away so easily when Remus would be saving for another six months at least, working as many shifts as the pub and his health would allow.

That evening, James on his right (very drunk and incapable of shutting up for a single second about the fact that he was marrying Lily Evans in just two days' time), and Remus serving them (and himself) from behind the bar until they were all, at the very least, a little warm and happy, Sirius decided he wasn't all that annoyed or guilty anymore.

"I'm moving to London," he blurted out, his words slurring a little and weaving their way in with James' own drivel.

"I'm talking here," said James.

"I can't hear you over that," said Remus, nodding at James with fond disdain.

So, he repeated himself.

"How can you afford that? You're always missing shifts!" cried Remus. "Is this some sort of benefit to sleeping with the boss?"

"No! What? No! Benjy hasn't been paying me for sex."

"Oh, good," said James, "Or I'd think Benjy had lost his marbles."

"I'm trying to announce something here," said Sirius, then, voice dripping with insinuation, added, "Unless, you have a bigger announcement, James?"

James laughed, high pitched and wheezy and wafting a great stench of beer towards Sirius.

After this, he leaned forwards on his stool a little, moving the thing with him which caused an awful screech.

He beckoned his friends to lean towards him before stage-whispering, "I'm marrying Lily Evans."

"Alright, that's beyond annoying now," said Sirius, pushing James' face away with a gentle shove.

"It's almost unbearable," agreed Remus. "Now, Sirius, how are you affording London?"

Lily resented James for being able to drink. He was certainly having a much better time with Sirius and Remus than she was with Dorcas and Mary.

She was running out of excuses not to drink. Especially when there was such deep suspicion already embedded in them.

If it wasn't for her pact with James, she'd probably have just come out with the truth then and there, save the knowing looks and sly smirks.

It might also make it easier to listen to Dorcas going over her hair options for the wedding.

"Why don't we go and meet the boys at the pub?" said Mary, taking advantage of a rare stretch of silence.

"No!" said Lily, fumbling over her excuse, "No, I want you guys to help me try out different styles for my wedding hair."

"Really?" cried Dorcas, almost falling off of The Potter's sofa in her excitement. "What have you brought with you? Do you have your curlers? You know what, let's just go back to mine. I need my supplies.

James was still out when Lily fell asleep, and when she woke his face was right up against hers, morning breath particularly pungent, and glasses still on.

"James," she whispered softly, while shaking him rough enough to wake the dead.

He groaned in response, opened one eye to look at her, and then rolled to face the other way.

"You stink of vomit," she said, poking the place between his shoulder blades where he was particularly ticklish, "And," she added, just realising this herself, "You're wearing last night's clothes. What on earth did you get up to?"

James let out another groan before flipping onto his back.

The stench rose from his mouth and Lily's already sensitive stomach turned on her.

"If you've gone back to sleep when I get back," she began, allowing his imagination to finish off the empty threat.

Then, half-dressed and barefoot, she pounded down the cold hallway to the nearest bathroom to do her own share of vomiting.

Once finished, teeth and hair brushed, and showered, she unlocked and opened the bathroom door to find James dozing against the doorframe.

He'd managed to get his jeans off, she noted, but he was still in the shirt from the night before, stained by a variety of exciting encounters she was sure.

His glasses sat at a dangerous tilt, close to slipping off entirely, his hair messier than she thought she had ever seen it.

"James," she said softly, smiling in spite of herself.

He jerked awake and managed to both smack his head against the wood and fling his glasses so that they clattered halfway down the hall.

Still, no words escaped him, and he merely let out another soft groan.

"Get in the shower," said Lily.

"Teeth first I think," he muttered, voice hoarse and thick from sleep.

Lily gave a grimaced nod and went about retrieving the lost glasses of the father of her unborn child while he washed the sick out of his mouth and hair.

It was a little over an hour later that Lily finally got the full story.

After breakfast, as they walked silently together down Hangleton Road side by side, James suddenly inhaled deeply and stopped dead.

"What's wrong?" asked Lily, turning on her toes.

"I remember what I did last night."

Lily raised a prompting eyebrow.

"Okay," began James slowly, "Okay, so, in the harsh light of day, I'm not overly proud of this, but in my defence I was very drunk."

"Oh, God," sighed Lily. "Am I going to have to be annoyed at you? I don't have the energy for that."

"Would you rather I not show you?"

"It worries me that it's something you can show me."

"It might not even still be there."

"Where?"

Jams mumbled something under his breath which led Lily two steps closer saying, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Snape's driveway."

Lily's eyes turned to daggers.

"What did you do?" she asked through gritted teeth. "Oh, shit, did you piss all over it?"

"No!" cried James. "I'm twenty years old, I don't piss in weird places anymore."

"Well then what did you do?"

"I think I should just show you."

James led the way with a pitiful expression Lily very almost fell for.

Bracing herself for the worst, Lily almost let out a giggle of relief when she was presented with a small bit of graffiti, scrawled in chalk, about the size of an A4 piece of paper. Then, she almost let out another giggle when she read the thing.

Within a very poorly drawn, asymmetrical to say the least, love heart were the initials "J.P" and "L.E."

"In my defence," said James sheepishly, hands in his pockets, not meeting Lily's gaze, "I was really drunk."

"It's terribly drawn," said Lily.

"I never claimed to be an artist."

"What's this bit here?" asked Lily, crouching down so that she might get a better look.

"Be careful. I think that was the last of the vomit," said James.

"It's like you tried to sign it."

"Well, I wouldn't want anyone else taking credit for my masterpiece, now, would I?"

"You're a complete piece of shit."

"That's fair."

"But, it is a little bit funny."

James snorted and Lily shot him a look.

"Oh, come on," said James, "You're the one who said it was funny a literal second ago."

"Yeah, but you're not allowed to laugh. You're also not allowed to drink tonight."

"The stag and hen parties are tonight."

"I know. The rules still apply. And I'm allowed to make those rules because while you were here vomiting on this masterpiece last night, I was busy fending off Dorcas and Mary's offers of alcohol. Not because I wasn't in the mood, but because I am growing our child inside me and that requires some sacrifices."

James shifted his feet and gaze before giving a firm nod.

"Now clean this up," said Lily. "I'm going to go over to Dorcas' because she said we needed at least seven hours to prepare for tonight and I'm going to need a lunch break."

As Lily turned on her heel and began her journey, James called out, "I love you."

She shot him a look over her shoulder which was supposed to be scathing, though it fell apart at the sheepish look on his face.

"Yeah, you too," she said with a heavy sigh. "Get to work."

James hadn't spent a lot of time picturing his stag night, but if he had, he'd not have pictured it starting at his Aunt Angie's. He'd also pictured a slightly longer guest list. His cousins and friends from London were reasonably reluctant to take a day off work for a night out in a village with one pub. So he was left only with the friends he had made in his days in Sowsworth. Plus Kenneth.

"Hey," said James, keeping his voice as low as possible as he pulled Remus and Sirius to one side, "Not that Kenneth isn't a riot and a half, but which one of you thought it would be a good idea to invite the bride's ex-boyfriend to the stag night?"

"That'd be your best man," said Remus, looking smug, "I told you not to invite him."

"And I told you not to invite Benjy. I had to fill out the numbers otherwise it'll be awkward."

Kenneth's laughter broke through from Angie's living room into the hallway where the three men huddled.

When the noise settled and it didn't appear as though anyone was going to stick their head out the door and beg them to join the party, James said, "I wanted Benjy here. He was one of the guests I actually requested. It's not my problem you're in love with him."

"I'm not in love with him. It's literally just sex."

"Well that's not my problem either. How are we supposed to toast to my future with Lily when a guy she dumped is right there."

"I think Benjy used to have a crush on Kenneth," added Remus as though this might be helpful.

Sirius and James both shot him a glare.

"I mean, if we play our cards right, two birds with one stone," he reasoned.

"That's not a bird I need to kill," said Sirius.

"And what was your suggestion?" asked James, "To spend the night playing cupid with them? They already know each other. What more could we do? Play spin the bottle? I'm not kissing either of you."

"Tonight's gonna be fun," said Remus, taking a swig from the beer bottle in his hand, "We're going into this with a fun energy. James, maybe you'd relax if you had a drink. Sirius, you only have to pretend to relax – it's not your party nobody cares how you feel."

Sirius gave a hollow laugh before stealing Remus' beer and downing it on his way back into the living room.

"I can't drink tonight," said James. "Lily made me promise. Apparently my behaviour last night robbed me of the right."

"Okay, well then let's get Kenneth to give you a massage."

James couldn't help but let out a small laugh. He supposed the most important thing was that Remus and Sirius were there to spend the night with him. Everything else was just scenery.

I'm sorry this was so short and so late. I don't have an excuse for the late part, but it's short because I wanted to have a whole chapter to focus on the night out.

Thank you all for your patience and support. It literally means the world and I love you all.