Chapter Three

Dinnertime Discussion

After the blow-up confrontation with Alex and Jay, he wanted to take his mind off of the obvious. Single again, no doubt. Evidently this is nothing new to him, Alex and him had always managed to ride just the right amount of that variety of crazy and instability that doing something like say for instance, breaking up weekly was something that happened more often than not. Quietly, Jay held the door open for Emma and Ellie as the bells to ring out signifying their presence. There's nothing but a big juicy burger to calm the tenseness and cure the hunger. The busying around town during their day trip, the shocks of Sean nearly getting himself killed before eventually settling into the idea of living there for a change. Perhaps he felt truly alone in the guilt that he had to go. Jay understood him, he wishes he had it that easy. Sure, he has it easy but no one knows about that aspect of him. He keeps that apart from his life. His dad bought him a small meager property close to school that he frequents if he gets too drunk at a ravine party to flop and pass the time between sobriety to which he could return home again. They know about it, but they don't say anything about it.

Anything to avoid a fight between the blended family. His mother twice married stripper has always been the primary caretaker, the couple married young and had Jay and got married within the pregnancy. After awhile the spark managed to blow out and when push came to shove his mom decided to just leave and stop trying and pretending all was right. She took her kids, but not before cheating on his father with Mr. Edwards, a married man with a wife and two daughters both his age. He felt like he was in Cinderella, life wasn't fun living and growing up with him not when he loved his dad and wanted to live with him. he always felt his dad got the raw end of the deal, he did the right thing by standing by her when she was vulnerable young and pregnant and she shut him out for the first lifeboat she found in the form of Randall, Darcy's father and his step-father. He was a sister from their relationship, her name is Chrissy and she idolizes him. He wishes she didn't, but then again, she's a smart, sassy youngster who is about six with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. The misfit trio sat at the table, Jay silently avoided making noises while pulling out two chairs for the girls, he sat across from them making it easier to have canned and awkward conversation and small talk but at least makes you available to it.

Spinner made his way to the table to take the order. Ellie glared at the typically familiar and overall funny guy who looked truly exhausted. He had dark circles under his eyes, signaling that he wasn't really sleeping, just a zombie at work. There is one way to take news of something terrible happening at school, and then you go his route where it physically weighs on him. Jay looks to Spinner resulting in him making a face but he dare not cause a scene with Jay. For instance, Spinner knows Jay is banned from The Dot but he's not going to say anything due to his power over him. When was the last time Jay somewhat of a negative influence over Spinner? When they were both harassing Rick everyday until the shooting, and implicating Jimmy who played a role. As far as Jay knows, Jimmy is just as guilty as them, but because he was shot everyone is going to feel sorry for him.

Once Spinner saw the corral of looks from the table, and Spinner put himself back together and jolted himself awake, "Can I take your order please?"

"We did want to order some drinks, we're a little parched." Emma started out clearly the most patient than the rest, "I'll have an iced tea, unsweetened I have Splenda at the table."

"Lemon?" Spinner asked.

"That would be nice."

"How about you, Jay?" Spinner asked cooly or at least pretending to sound calm, when he truthfully wanted to tear him limb for limb, the guilt was eating him alive. Serving Jay was like him realizing what he did and what lack of guilt or otherwise Jay feels, is nothing compared to his.

"I'll have a pepsi."

"Is coke, okay?"

"Oh, my bad." Jay snickered shaking his head, "It's just been so long."

"How about you El?"

Ellie murmured, "I'll have a coke."

"I'll be back with your drinks, take the time out for the menus, obviously if you have questions ask for me." Spinner answered begrudgingly, muttering additionally, "Because everyone else is new and doesn't know what they're doing."

The table awkwardly let out a small laugh to help him feel a little better, unacknowledged about his role in the events that took place the day before, and then he left the table. Jay bet he couldn't wait to get out of their and he'd be dilly dallying with the drinks until he has to come back. Everyone looked at the menus again before Ellie decided to speak, "He looks pretty bad."

"Well it's not everyday your best friend gets shot." Emma answered in a whisper shrugging, "When Manny found out nothing actually happened to me, aside from being cornered with an armed person and then the gun went off - I- Manny came running over relieved. I'd been locked up at school and then from school straight home and Manny gave me the biggest hug when she found out I was okay. So I could only imagine how Spinner's feeling."

Jay was absent from the conversation, as Ellie and Emma talked about it. Ellie was very interested in how Sean handled things, how Emma had no idea Sean was there until he started speaking, how he was simply just at the right place at the right time, when it came to the danger. It was so heartbreaking to know that someone hated someone to that degree, that they would kill them if they didn't share their affections. Jay realized that Emma's reasoning for being shot were similar to his, it was obvious Jay or even Spinner was Rick's first target if he could find them somewhere. Ellie sighed, "I got a text from Paige that he's now in like stable condition, so he's doing okay. This is good."

"That's great to hear." Spinner managed a smile, but felt low.

"Unfortunately, there's a possibility though that, he might not walk again. They have to run more tests."

Emma gasped, "Really?"

"I guess where ever on his body he was shot, was kind of problem area that causes paralysis or whatever that's called." Ellie sighed, "I needed to get out today, I couldn't have possibly spent my entire day in the hospital. I thought Sean needed me. I guess I was wrong. It's just I'm deathly afraid of hospitals. They're these dark, grimy, death ridden places and I refuse to go out of my way to go to one, if everything that describes a hospital is an absolute hell to me. I'm afraid I would be, as silly as it sounds bad luck."

"I don't think anybody likes hospitals, especially us girls. Where do they find the time to clean up things?" Emma agreed with Ellie's thoughts, "Which is why when my step-dad was sick, we would have me stay home with my brother. I didn't want to see him like that, all passed out, drugged up and plugged into things, what if, because I came it all came crashing down, huh? I"m sorry if that was . . dark. In the past twenty-four hours it's been a roller coaster to tell you the truth. I haven't felt this way since then."

"It's not going to be easy, but you're Emma Nelson and you always persevere."

Emma sighed, "Thank-you Ellie."

Spinner came back with the drinks in that second of silence which felt like hours after Emma thanked Ellie. Everyone politely murmured the thank yous as Spinner pulled the pen from behind his ear to take the food orders. He should've called out if he was going to be so devoid of energy or positivity in such a dire time, of all people you'd look to Spinner Mason for a laugh or a lighthearted attempt to brighten your day, but obviously he's in the same deep dark ocean as you clinging to hope, a life raft, anything.

Ellie looked up at Spinner, but instead of spitting out her order she asked him, "Did you visit Jimmy yet?"

Spinner thought for a moment, and then shook his head, "No, I had to work a double today and -"

"Oh, because Paige texted me and she's with Hazel and . . . he's stabilized. No longer comatose."

"That's good news." Spinner sighed in relief, he added "Yeah you know, I'll probably give him a call when I get a break or end the shift. I've been here all day today because the other people called out and everything."

"I could uh, tell you what I want now." Ellie awkwardly started, "I'll have a cheeseburger, ketchup, no mustard, lettuce, no onions, extra pickles on the side and no tomatoes, extra cheese."

Spinner wrote out the order as it was presented to him, he was good at that even though you were talking so fast at him, he was able to understand it without you having to repeat. He looked at Jay who was to her left, "And for you?"

"I'll have a cheese burger too, deluxe all the fixings."

"Bacon?"

"Spinner, you know me." Jay added, with a smile.

"Just checking, so you know it's dollar fifty extra, but . . you know me." Spinner remarked as he scrawled down the order for him, he turned to Emma, "What about you? I take it no cheese burger."

Emma awkwardly mimicked the moment between Jay and Spinner, she giggled, which Jay observed and Ellie observed Jay look at Emma, hanging on her every word, "Salad, cobb, you know me."

Spinner wrote it down, "Large or small?"

"Large, and add an order of french fries, would it be possible to have them come out before the burgers and entrees, we're starving, I haven't eaten . . in hours."

"Not a problem, I'll get them out to you guys when they come out." Spinner took away their menus, and made his way to the back to put in their orders. It was then back to the group of three, who honestly weren't planning on speaking for some time. Emma stood up but politely told them where she was going, "I'm going to the bathroom, if the fries arrive feel free to take some yourself."

"I'm going where you are." Ellie replied, not exactly wanting or feeling up to being left alone with Jay. She picked up her checkered Dickies purse, and Emma draped her hobo bag under her arm as they walked into the ladies room leaving Jay essentially by himself. It's where he delved deeply into his thoughts. What do girls talk about when they go? What do girls do when they go? Were they going to talk about themselves? Touch up their make up, girl things? Or were they going to talk shit and gossip? Jay knew that Alex was above those things, but he also lives with Darcy and she does it sometimes even when she's on the phone with girls like Chantay who all they do is gossip. Clare seemed to be the only sane girl in the household, and she was always content with books, silence and doing what is right. She didn't get wrapped up in the trivial, she's barely a teenager but it's only a matter of time before she starts inviting her girlfriends over and having manicure and pedicures or whatever girls do when they get together.

When Jay is left alone, he's left to wonder about Emma. How he managed to jolt her, the way he managed to get inside of her head, weave his way through her mind as he'd attempt to break her of this innocent person everyone perceives to have or why she's always on the other side separated. Why? Why is it when he makes a few advances, a few feelers in subtly and she doesn't even know it or take it into consideration. As if she doesn't understand. She doesn't bite the bait. He wants to know why.

After Emma went to the bathroom, she washed her hands and dug in her purse eying herself in the mirror, she washed her sandy face, which was absent of make up from sweat and heat and then applied some Burt's Bees to soften them to hold herself over for her shower at home. Fortunately for her when she gets home the house would be empty, it would be warm, toasty with a blanket and a good book, some documentary on National Geographic channel might come on, but she'd have to see. Ellie flushed and let herself out the stall beside the one Emma came out of and she took a look at her eyeshadow and eyeliner that looked somewhat of a mess and very smudged. She dodged a few glares from some of the people there in the dining room and Spinner of course wouldn't have the balls to say anything. Emma glanced at Ellie, asking, "Is it always like that, hanging out with Jay?"

"What do you mean, his little blow up?" Ellie asked, before shaking her head, "He doesn't." The red-haired girl took out her eyeliner to add to her already smudged smokey eye. She figured, it's already messed up may as well add more to make it at least resemble something disheveled.

"Yeah." Emma answered awkwardly, looking at her face and wiping off the sand and sweat.

"Well, that's something new." She replied, preoccupied and gingerly coating her eyes with the dark eyeliner, her hands shaking a bit but otherwise her eye was looking steady as Emma watched, "He's usually calm, it's usually a dude he does that with, someone who he thinks is threatening him. Whatever, I asked him why once and he gave me that sort of backwards answer. I don't get him."

"I know it's no secret, he hates me." Emma answered dejected, "I don't have a problem with him, would I lead my life the way he does? No, doesn't mean I have a problem. I'm not threatening him, I couldn't harm him. I hardly know the guy. What's his big issue with me?"

"He doesn't hate you. Did you guys hang out today or not?"

Emma shrugged, "I think he was only being nice to me, because he knew about yesterday." She added sadly, "And then everything went back to normal in the car."

"Or he's looking for fresh meat and new prey." Ellie jested closing up her eyeliner and plopping it into the bag, "Did I mention you look so much better than I do without make up?"

Emma murmured, "Hey, thanks."

"Don't mention it, you know not for nothing but, you're actually kind of cool when you're not trying to force me to save the wales or evidently the world for that matter."

"If you ever need anything, I mean it I only live down the road." Emma awkwardly replied cooly, attempting to hide her accomplished beam from the compliment.

Ellie nodded, "I know it's going to be lonely. I'm not good at that, but I'm sure I'll be seeing more of Marco . . I'll be fine."

"I think he and Alex broke up, or they're breaking up." Emma sighed, changing the subject bitterly, "I saw through the window the shouting match."

"They're always fighting, Emma. Nothing new, and then they're back together 'fore you know it. They're volatile as hell. It's just the way it is. Alex thinks she's the boss, he's expected to act accordingly and when they have their disagreements there's no talking them down. He doesn't want to feel imasculated or whatever, it's like the fire died between them such a long time ago and . . . now they're pretending it's still there or whatever. It's worse when they're drunk because Alex gets physical and Jay wants to . . but he can't because it's wrong. Alex gets a bit out of control, and Amy is . . . another story for another day." Ellie gossiped a bit, maybe saying more than she should've but giving Emma an eye-opening look at the resident baddies at Degrassi, the Candy Bandits. Even though Emma still believes, they steal much more than candy. "I mean, she's nice and all, but she's got a temper. You just kind of would honestly prefer to be on her good side."

"I know I'm far from it."

"I always wanted to congratulate you for sticking up for yourself when it comes to Alex. I was proud of you." She nudged her arm, causing Emma to laugh a little, "Sean too. But hear me out "I'd stay away from Jay if I were you and you'll be off her radar, just like that. She doesn't like threats, or people she perceives as threats. She doesn't like the . . . the kids with the good grades, the homes with parents and you know after tonight." She advised kindly and calmly, "I'm even going to stop hanging out with him because honestly, he doesn't care really about anyone. I'd watch myself around him. I hear stories, he gets around who knows what possible diseases he might have. I mean, I'm almost certain he's hooked up with Amy while still screwing Alex. I think he's looking for someone else because he's like that."

"I don't really know him . . . and I don't want to." Emma replied humbly and uncomfortably feeling somewhat conflicted with the new information she's been granted by Ellie, someone who knows, who hangs around with them and she trusts her judgement. If there was someone you felt was honest, it was Ellie. Emma doesn't trust and hadn't trusted much of what came out of his mouth.

"I wanted to apologize for today." Emma told her boldly, "For what it's worth, I know it's not easy to understand the inner workings of Sean Cameron, dissecting him . . analyzing him . . . it's just impossible but I did know that it was the right time for him to talk to his parents."

"I know it's the right thing, I guess I'm pretty selfish. I just, I was afraid I'd have to hear about if things went bad with his parents and I didn't want him to be going through things I couldn't help him with. I'm not good at being on my own."

"Neither am I." Emma answered, "I think you'll be okay."

Ellie cocked her head sideways eyeing Emma as she talked, "You mind if I put on some eyeliner on you?"

Emma thought about it for a second, about the dangers of sharing a tube of make up but threw caution to the wind, "Sure why not."

Emma didn't really have an issue with Ellie and Sean being together. She was pretty much a bystander in all of it. She knew that Sean now, wasn't the same Sean she knew when they dated. He was past that, he was growing, maturing and Emma simply wasn't a part of that journey. Did it hurt? Somewhat because part of her always knew she'd always have some sort of feelings for him. You never truly get over your first was someone special, but beyond Sean she didn't think anyone could replace him. Everyone left just paled in comparison.

"So you dating that Sharpe kid still?" Ellie asked attempting to make small talk as she started on the first eye.

Emma shook her head, "Broke up last year."

"Word of caution, stay away from Jay Hogart. Sure he's my friend, but if you want to keep your head on your shoulders and your feet firm on the ground - he's only going to tear you down." Ellie finished the last of it, she pushed Emma to the mirror, she looked up to admire her own handiwork.

"Thanks." Emma answered humbly as the two girls left the bathroom for the dining room.

With Sean before the shooting, he was basically too cool for her and he really didn't mince words with her. Today was the first time he showed true guilt for how things were between them before that fateful day in the hallway when Rick brandished a gun in her direction. Sean didn't ask questions about that, he knew that he was feeling a lot of things in that moment. Emma didn't know what was going on in his head when he put a stop to Rick the only way he knew how, by talking with his voice, sternly and as calmly and rationally as possible. Emma didn't understand how he could be so calm a time like that. When the moment required sensitivity he displayed that, while all that Emma displayed and felt was cold fear, frozen there in horror. Ellie wasn't there, despite knowing how it all played out. Ellie heard that Rick tried to make a move on Emma and heard her yell out to him, to get a clue and that was all that happened. Sean didn't care about it, any of it but he knew it was the right thing to do. At least that's how it seemed. Sean at the end of the day, knew right from wrong and he was honest about it. No one but them and Toby and whatever else died with Rick in the soul crushing aftermath knew what went on for real in that hallway. Everyone was bitten from the shock.

It happened so fast, between the wrestle and the gun going off, Sean falling atop Rick, ultimately victorious in saving Emma and Toby from certain death and danger. Sean, was motionless so Emma thought that he was nearly shot, but it was simply Rick that never got up. He was silent there, and then he got up, backed slowly away from Rick's motionless body and let out a terror shrill stammer, "I-is he dead?"

Emma put her arm on his shoulder to peer over him as his body barricaded them from moving any closer, and then they saw it, the river of blood emanating from his dead carcass, the gun at his chest, the hall marked with yellow paint and remnants of feathers that still was damp on his body and colored the floor with his paint covered footprints that lingered. And then they were found by Mr. Simpson, police and first responders who led them to the Media lab for their take on how things happened. The gunshot led them to the trouble, it would've been the second fire, Rick was only down the hall. Somehow students in the classrooms erupted out of their classroom doors and they were forced to close their eyes, look the other way and be led away to another place until it was decided what would be the next course of action. All of it happened so fast Emma didn't remember how she got from the scene of the crime to the room. She just remembers wanting to cry, but feeling numb to all of it. Why did she have to say what she said? Perhaps he would've never came at her with the gun. Why is this on her conscience? Why was this happening to her? This simply wasn't fair.

Ellie knew that Emma probably more than anything needed a friend to talk about it. It was weighing on Emma that she had no one to talk to except for people who weren't directly affected by the events the day before. Worse, she started to blame herself for the tragedy the day earlier because how the semester went. Ellie never joined Emma's brigade against Rick coming back to Degrassi and she wished she wasn't apart of that. It wasn't how she wanted it, she just wanted him to leave she didn't want him to leave that way. Ellie knew that everyone was upset over Rick's return but she didn't feel anything real keeping her away from it. She just didn't want to take a side when she wasn't affected. Emma barely knew Terri, and what good reason did she have? Perhaps it started out selfishly wanting to hang out with the cool kids with Paige and her in was to help Paige and it was better to shame Rick for simply wanting a new start.

Jay took a few small french fries, when they arrived but he didn't want to devour them all before Emma and Ellie returned. They'd been taking their good old-time so it felt, however he looked up for a second and they were on their way back to the table. Jay's eyes widened when he saw Emma with a subtle amount of black eyeliner, displayed on just the top of her eyelids, not the top and bottom like Ellie would. It looked neat. His eyes didn't leave Emma, but then he jolted himself awake from that image, "Fries are here."

"Sweet." Emma remarked as she took a handful of the french fries onto a napkin, as she touched them she couldn't help but notice they were still warm. Ellie looked to Jay, and noticed his eyes on Emma and shook her head. It was happening, all right. And nothing could put a stop to this. The trio awaited their meals and didn't pay attention the looks and side-eyes from classmates as they observed them at their table. They enjoyed those last minutes before they all prepared for the inevitable, to turn their backs on one another the first chance they got within the moments they arrived home. Life and a dash of fate however, had an entirely different idea in mind.