Cullen Styled Truth Or Dare-

Okay guys!, im back! Finallyyy. I know ive not been posting loads. &im so sorry for all that.

ANYHOWS. I know in the last chapter, I said the `cullens` (FME )- Forever missing Edward crashed into the twin towers. But I don't want to go into detail about that…I honestly wish I never put that, because it was one of the worlds biggest tragedy's. But its down, and most have you have read it. So its done. I AM however going to swerve away from the plane this start will be from when they ran away, left NYC, away from the plane. And find a small village in the woodland area. 0h, and this is truth or dare, so no, the volturri don't care.. it never ACTUALLY HAPPENED. So they are safe.

Bella's POV

Im honestly starting to worry about Esme. Whilst we spend the few days in the forest, she keeps trying on squirrels for a mustache. Which is concerning…since she is a lady..i think.

"YOH ESME! WHATS FOR DINNER MAMA?" Emmett's booming voice shook the forest.

"squirrels!" she squeeled. Running through the bushes with no clothes on, and a handful of dead squirrels.

"ESME!I AM NOT EATING THOSE! FUCK SAKE YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT US!" Alice screamed, stamping her heels.

Esme wobbled, like a drunken man on alcohol…or like a jelly.

Wibble wobble

Wibble wobble

Wibble wobble

Over to alice, and right in her face. She pursed her lips into a duck face, and clicked her thumb and index finger 3 times.

"I don't give no shit,yoh eat dis shit or amma blow yoh flat titties from yoh bodeeeeeyy!" Esme 's eyebrows seemed to move themselves. Up and down, up and down, up and down, side to side, side to side…

"for the health of the group. I SHALL EAT THOSE SQUIRRELS! FOR I, AM DR CARLISLE CULLEN!" Carlisle shredded his work trousers, to show his small, white boxers. In which, his pubic hair was growing OVER.

"Jesus Christ!"I cried, hiding behind jasper "The beast is out!"

"Trim your jungle!"Jasper cried, hiding behind me.

"ITS AS THICK AS A BRICK WALL" Emmett vomited.

"I want put into adoption, can I get put into adoption? Because frankly…imust be the only sane person here. I don't FLASH, or dry hump everything that moves…I don't puke everywhere, pole dance, smoke weed, OR get hyper over a few sweets"obviously aimed at me there. Thanks rose. Bitch "I don't have a jungle, AND I DON'T RAPE PEOPLE. So can i? please?" Rosalie fluttered her eye lashes hopefully.

"But" Esme burped "You are a drama queen. An over dramatic drama fit in nicely. Good job" she patted Rosalie's head, with her bloody squirrel blood hand.

"ESME NOOOOOO!" we all cried,in this comedy movie fashion…youknow, when they all freeze in the `no` fashion? One hand outstretched and shit? That.

Rosalie bent over, her breath coming out in short puffs. She began to shake and groan. She cried out, and suddenly she had wings. Black, demon, crow wings. She turned round, and her eyes were white. She roared, and this long snake came out, it was HUGE. And it was her tongue!.

"Soooo" she hissed like a snake "which oneee shhhallll I eat firssssst"

We all screamed, and ran. Bumping into eachother…like Scooby doo?when they run on thin air before actually running?...never mind..

But we ran. Between trees. In and out fields. This demon DRAGON thing behind us..

We came across a small town.

"well aint this just handy randy dandy?" esme said, hands on hips.

"THERES A CLOTHES SHOP. OH MY GAWDDD" Alice screamed, bouncing in her heels.

"Alice" Carlisle said sternly "where did you learn to speak like a high schooler?"

"Duh DAD, I am in high school? Your just jel cos i have swag" she winked at the hidden camera.

"RAWRRRR" Said Rosalie/demon

"AHHH" said us, turning around

"MORE RAWRRRRR" said Rosalie/demon

"MORE AHHH" Said us.

"Can I help you?" the mayor said politely. Strolling up to us.

"SHAGMESHAGMESHAGME" Esme screamed

"Oh for god sake, that's in almost everyone of these fanfiction stories esme!" I cried "its getting pretty lame…and boring…and disgusting. You need to stop!"

"But..its my catch phrase" she whimpered, eyes full of crocodile tears.

"Not anymore. The readers want you to be the nice whore from the REAL twilights. Not a RAGING PEDO." I screamed.

"Im sorry dear" she said. Her hair magically cleaned, washed, blow dried, cleaned again. Turned into ringlets. Her clothes, a neat brown pencil skirt, and white blouse, and small black heels. She smiled warmly at everyone.

"It's so lovely to be here"

"were getting a divorce" Carlisle mumbled, scratching his head.