Zoo Storage

(Skipper's POV)

Rico put the last piece the rudder onto our new sailboat. "slightly disappointing," Elsa said as the rudder fell off. Kowalski was comparing the boat to the images on the Commodore danger box, "It looked a look more exciting on the box!" Kowalski said. "It always does Kowalski," I said, "alright then! Summer Vaction status report!" "Cargo loaded Skipper!" Private said, "we're set for a full weeks fishing off the Massachusetts coast!" "outstanding!" I said, "I'm dying to tango with the mysterious cape cod." Rico finally secured the rudder to the stern and said, "Rock n' roll!"

"let's float this bucket!" Elsa said. "Kowalski," I said, "how our cover!" Kowalski went up to a window and activated the hologram projector. "Classic smiling and waving with a holographic twist!" Kowalski said. "nobody going to buy that," elsa muttered. Mort walked up to out habitat and saw out holographic equivalents. "Hi!" mort said waving back. Mort walked away but came back with the wave cycle reset. Mort than stupidly waved back again, "Hi! Hello! Yes it is still me waving to you! My arm is getting hurty!"

The Hoboken Surprise

Cape Cod, Massachusetts

"3 hours of smooth sailing to nantukat sound Skipper!" Kowalski said. Private and Rico were playing a came of chess while I steered. I took a deep breath of salty seaair and said, "take it in boys! That's the salty air of sweet freedom! There are no rules on the open water." "oh yeah?" Rico said. Rico hacked up a crowbar and proceed to smash the chess-board sending chess pieces flying. Rico than hacked up his flamethrower and brunt Private's side of the chess board. "King me!" Rico said. "the rules of chess still apply," elsa said, "so that move was illegal rico." "Oh now you tell me!' Rico said.

We were all blissfully aware of the storm behind us. Well all of us expect Private, "Um Skipper?" "Open water Private," I said. "oh so rico can be excused for acting crazy on the open water," Elsa said. "You know legally he could sell you to pirate for a barrel of whale oil and nutmeg," I said as rico hacked up a hand-saw. "No," elsa said turning me around, "I think means…Skipper!" "e-gad!" Kowalski said. "what happened to three hours of smooth sailing?" Elsa said. "we don't have time to punish me for a bad forecast!" Kowalski said as the storm was upon us.

"The weather started getting rough!" Kowalski said. "really?" elsa said, "Gilligan island references? Is that a good idea right now!" "Our tiny ship will be tossed!" Private said. "you too?" Elsa said. "if it weren't for the efforts of the fearless…" Kowalski stopped when Elsa glared at him, "what?" Kowalski said. "Hold fast!" I said, "it's barely a three hour tour from here! A three hour tour!" "Oh come on now!" Elsa said. Kowalski, Private, and Rico went into a panic as lighting thundered, thunder boomed, and the waves surged.

"Hoist the main sail!" I shouted. Private quickly hosted the main sail. "Wait a minute," Elsa said as the sail caught some wind, "isn't it cut the main sail." "let's see," I said, "when the weather's turning moist always cut never hoist...uh…" "Ahhh!" we all screamed as the boat was blow up into the air. The boat started to spin around as I screamed. Rico got hit in the face by a bottle of sunscreen. A fish than hit rico in the face but he quickly shallowed it. And than a male duck hit him in the face, "Oh come on!' Rico shouted as the duck flew away. The storm suddenly let out and out sail went tout. And than the sun came back up

"There you see!" Private said, "the sun always come out in the…" Suddenly the boat went into freefall. "Ahhh!" we shouted. "Private you and your big mouth!" elsa shouted. The sail suddenly caught some air and floated away knocking us off the deck. We bounced off the awning of a florist shop and landed onto the street. "holy cow!" a man with a strangely jersey sounding accent. Well people from new jersey transplate to new york all the time. "we have penguins falling out of the sky over here!" "Uh," I said, "well boys looks like we're stuck starting this vactation back from square one!"

"Oh they look pretty rough!" a woman said, "somebody got to get them back to the zoo!" "why are you crazy! I'm not driving all the way to Manhatten." "we're not in mahatten Skipper," elsa said. "we're must be in one of the outer burros than," I said, "must be brooklyn or satin island or queens…or…" "who said anything about manhatten," the woman said, "we got a zoo right here in Hoboken!" "yeah that's definently not one of the outer burros," Elsa said. Kowalski, Rico, Private, and I gasped in horror. We turned to see a "if it ain't Hoboken Fix it!" sign in the distance. "Noooo!" the five of us shouted as a box was dropped on top of us.

The Central Park Zoo

The hologram was still cycling and Mort was still stupidly waving at it. "hooha…Aloha? Kanicuwahhhh!" Mort finally give in to exjustion and passed out. Of course julian stupidly thought that mort was bowing down to someone other than him. "what you lazy!" Julian said, "how dare you bow down at something that is not me!" "the penguins!" mort said. "oh the penguins!" Julian said, "what flappy flappy fa fa fa! What is so special about the…Oh!" Julian said, "hello!"

"huh…Howdy! Uh…yes it is still me waving to you!" Julian said. Maurice somehow saw through the holographic decoy and walked up to the projector. "with both hands!' Julian shouted. "Uh your majesty," Maurice said shutting off the projector. Julian gasped in shock, "something unspeakable must have become of the penguins! swattle party!" the lemurs entered our base and put up some of their decorations. Mort was doing the one thing you should not do with a rocket launcher…USE IT AS A POGO STICK! "yee-ha!" Mort shouted, "I am a bazooka pogo!" The rocket launcher exploded sending mort flying. Julian than violated rico's personal space by stealing his girlfriend. "just saying you don't have to be lonely…"

Hoboken, New Jersey

we found ourselves in a dark box until rico hacked up a Incandescent lightstick and turned it on. "ergh…Hoboken the new jersey nightmare comes true at last!" "maybe it's not a bad as we think it is," elsa said, "aside from some of our greatest enemies being residents…" "remember boys," I said, "penguins go down fighting! Even if we lose one of our own! I'm betting private!" "me too!" Private said. The Box suddenly lurged to one side, "whoa!' "I'm scared skipper!" Private said.

"Use that fear private," I said, "choke it down! Make it a tiny little hateball in your gut…Now show me your warface!" Everyone showed me their warfaces and let out warcries. "Hoboken!" I shouted. I knocked the front of the box down. "wait," Private said. "what?" Rico said. Instead of the disease-ridden cesspool we were expected we found ourselves in a immaculate zoo that was clean…a little too clean. Suddenly a bunch of familiar laughter filled the air putting us back on the defensive. "what was that?" private said. "well this is where we send all our enemies," Elsa muttered. Rico hacked up a stick of dynamite. Rico lit it and was about to lob it when someone took it out of his flippers. "Huh?" rico said. "whoa!" Rico said. We jumped out of the box to reveal Phil's girlfriend on top of the box.

"Lulu?" Private said. "Phil's old simian flame?" Kowalski said. lula blew out the stick of dynamite. "it's all right everyone! You can come out now!" Lulu said. "everyone?" elsa muttered. Hans snuck out of a corner, "Hans?" Savio slitered into view. "Savio?" Clemson and blowhole's former agent ronda dropped down. "Clemson and ronda too?" Kowalski said. "Maybe we can steal back your plasma cutter," elsa muttered. "Probably already in blowhole's flippers," Kowalski muttered. "What in the name of returning guest characters?" I said, " It's Villainmageddon!"

"Not even close my former foe," Hans said. "it's time for a taste…of Hoboken hospitality." "Hoboken…what?" elsa said. suddenly music filled the air and everyone started to sing. "In ze happy little land of Hoboken, …where a unkind word is never spoken…" "what alternate universe did we just land in?" elsa said. "You can bet your left flipper That we'll get you feeling chipper." And then everyone sang "today!"

"For the price of a lousy subway token," clemson sang, "You can catch the next train to Hoboken! Let our wares lose the cares!" "From our droopy derrieres!" lulu said. "Okay!" "Ve vere vonce qvite rotten," Hans sang. "Tragic yet true," savio said. "Naughty ninnies vone and all vere ve," Hans sang. "Not me!" Lulu said. "Yes, fine, I vas speaking generally!" "But here our past is forgotten!" Rhonda sang. "So, we're good? I'm good!" clemson said.

"It's the endless summer, Anti-bummer, Life of zoo luxury!" "In the perky peppy land of hoboken, where your anger never gets provoken!' "no more holding bitter grudges," rhonda sang. "Every Tuesday we make fudges!" Hans said handing private a plate of fudge. "No way!" Private said getting glares from Kowalski, Elsa, Rico, and I. "What?" he said. "It's paradise!" clemson sang.
"They serve the freshest mice," Savio said. "It turns the bad to nice" Lulu sang. "In the happy little land of Ho…" I having enough of the song attacked everyone effectively ending it. "Skipper no!" Private said.

"what is wrong with you guys?" elsa said, "your siding with the bad guys!" "Oh don't tell me your buying sing-song clap-slap!" I shouted. "I'm not," elsa said. "It's hoboken! Where hopes goes to croke!" "well technically your right," clemson said. a smug expression appeared on my face. "Don't look so smug I said you were right!" "but hoboken has changed! Who have this new lady in charge…Zookeeper francis! Sister knows her swank" "Francis gives us activities!" Hans said, "fine cuisine! Even Massage chairs!" "and who does not like massage chairs?" clemson said. "ohhhh…yeaaaah!" Hans said. "it is such a paradise who could remain evil," savio said. "Not me!" rhonda said. "I second that," clemson said, "or is it third…I lost track I'm so happy over here!" he than jumped onto the massage chair next to hans.

"sooo haaapy!" hans said. "actually skipper," Private said, "the new hoboken zoo looks like a smashing vacation spot!" "rico knock the pixie dust out of Private's eyes!" I said. "Okay!" rico said before slapping private up-side the head. "I am not vacationing in new jersey's own nineth portal to hades!" "I assure you," Lulu said, "this zoo is perfectly…" "is that my new arrivals I hear," a new voice said. "zookeeper francis I presume," elsa replied. "Zookeeper incoming!" I shouted, "bug out men!" I slid away Kowalski, Rico, and Private followed suit. "Not all of us are men," elsa muttered as she slid after us.

I tried climbing up the sparkly clean wall but I end up sliding back down to earth. "Honestly I don't see what's so wrong here!" Private said. "No zoo is this clean," elsa said. "Open you nose Private," I said, "this zoo recks of dark master-plans…question is who's the dark mastermind. Suddenly the beat from earlier returned and I gasped when I saw that the zookeeper was standing over us. Well at least she does a better job that Alice. "In the shiny tiny land of Hoboken,
Where nothing's ever dirty or broken. Here's a tip, stay awhile. Take a trip, to the smile
Buffet! In the happy little land of Hoboken, U.S.A.! Hooray!"

"Dark masterman!" Skipper said. "Dark masterwoman," elsa corrected. "totally," Kowalski said. "welcome! Welcome! Spanking new hobokeners!" Zookeeper francis said, "Oh I'm going to take such good care of you." "if there is every a time for your gooey love-mush sensitive rico," elsa said, "now's good…." "sorry," rico said. "why does their always have to be an evil mastermind with you! I think someone just can't let himself unwind and enjoy a proper holiday," private said. I than hacked up the hoboken emergency tooth, "The Ho! The Hoboken emergency hollow tooth!" "But we don't have teeth," Kowalski said."You think I don't know that!" I shouted as I activated it. "Hoboken emergency activate!"

The Central Park Zoo

Penguin HQ

The lemurs were watching the lunacorns when the hoboken emergency system activated. "save us from Hoboken! We are in hoboken! Seriously Hoboken, it's in new jersey! At 14…" "shouldn't we do something about that?" Maurice asked. Julian shallowed a piece of gum and spat it at the speaker. "Save us from hoboken! Save us from ho…bo..ken…" "You know that doesn't really fix the problem," Maurice said. "but It fixed my problem of not hearing the television box!" Julian said, "Now swivel the royal melon!" "You watching the Non-stop Dance Boogie Network!" "oh-oh-ooo-oh-oh!" Julian said, "set the booty…" OKAY I DON"T WANT TO GO THERE… "now let's get back to…Bavarian Poka week!" "Ah!" Julian shouted, "german folks music! My booty's only weakness! Change it! Change it!" (good thing i have the survelliance tapes because we could so use this weakness.) "this is the most disgusting thing I have ever been made witness!" Julian shouted as Maurice and mort searched for the remote. "altought maybe after the shock wears off…Ahh! No! it is even worst the second time! Maurice why are you not making it go away!" "w can't find the remote your majesty!" "what!" Julian said making the mistake of opening his eyes, "this is the most outrageous…Ahhh! I got so outraged I forgot the not looking!" While julian turned around and averted his eyes he said, "this lack of remote controlling is unacceptable hospitality! And somebody must pay!" "Is it the penguins?" Mort said. "Yeah sure," Julian said, "if only I knew where to find them…and yell at them?" "I'll would try hoboken," Maurice said. "but I am having a much better idea!" Julian said.

The Hoboken Zoo

"so obviously we weren't expecting you but…I'm sure you can get along with the puffin until we fix up a proper habitat." Elsa made a slashing motion across her neck, "The Puffin," I said. we got dropped onto the Hans concrete island. "have fun!" zookeeper francis said."oh yeah!" Hans said, "we are going to be the best of chummy fun-pals." "so he forgot denmark already," Elsa said, "and would someone finally tell us what happened there?" "nope," Hans said. "No yeah!" I said, "I am not your fun-pal! You demented dan!" "than way does he have a german accent?" elsa said. "I need evil zookeeper intel ASAP! So are you going to spill you grizzard or am I going to have to spill it for you!"

Hans glared at me and we stared each other down with equally intense stares. "Tickle fight!' he shouted before he started to tickle me. "massage chair party!" Private shouted, "who's in!" "me!" Hans said. Private and hans than jumped onto the massage chairs.

Shortly…

Zookeeper francis hugged rhonda and savio. "Kowalski," I said, "analysis…" "francis is hugging two of our enemies?" elsa said. "It appears zookeeper francis has them too terrified to talk," Kowalski said, "instead, they have masked their fear with hollow smiles and tickle games." Suddenly rico started to tickle me until Kowalski gave him a look. "what has that perky fiend done to them?" I said. "why don't you use that paranoia cap of yours," elsa said. we all failed to noticed that as Private was enjoying the massage chair he was being scanned. The data went back thru the powercord to a computer inside Francies office. All the date that it scan from private was saved to a 3-D version of Private stored on a computer.

(end of part one)