The Hoboken Zoo
(Skipper's POV)
Thru his bincolars Kowalski saw Zookeeper francis obssessivly vaccuming her office. "..and now it's the mini-vac," Kowalski said, "that's six straight hours of cleaning!" "nobody cleans that much," Elsa said. "somebody needs a hobby," Kowalski said. I took the bincolars from Kowalski to take a look for myself. "Evil is her hobby," I replied, "and no mini-vac and suck up it's Maligant scent." Private suddenly shot past in a…jetsky? "this is the greatest vacation ever!" Alright it wa Savio,Rhonda, Clemson, hans, lulu, Private on a jetsky. " how on earth did The Association of Zoos and Aquariums approve that," Elsa said. "all right," I said, "you soft-pretzels we're cracking this dames happy cacky racket! Kowalski check the big book of mad zookeeper Conspiracies!"
"let's see," Kowalski said, "there's entire zoo swapped out with look-alike robots!" "but there aren't any robot zoo guides," elsa said. I put my flipper out and slapped hans as he went past. His skin felt natural enough and fleshy…and feathery…don't even think about it Skans shippers! "nope," I said, "that's a good fleshy feel! What else you got?"
we hid in a bunch of bushes out of sight from the Hoboken masses. "Uh…paranoid scenario number 2," Kowalski said, "animals are hunted for sport by the world's lunatic billionaires!" "isn't blowhole a lunatic billionaire?" elsa said. "well he never actually tells us what he net wealth is," Kowalski said, "and I might be best if we don't add to skipper's blowhole paranoia!" "too bad they made one classic mistake," I said, "never hunt a hunter!" "you have kitka on speeddail?" elsa said. "what…no!" I said before springing into action.
I jumped onto the man's shoulder and before he could properly react I took him out. Sadly I made a miscalculation and actually took out a school-teacher. A girl gasped and said, "that bird hit teacher jayjay!" "Skipper!" Elsa shouted, "get out of there!" then I got beat up by a bunch of kids which really affected my pride. "so many tiny hands," I said as a boy picked up and continued the beatdown.
Later that night…
Hoboken Zoo offices
Kowalski was hacking into a Hoboken zoo computer. "tell me what I'm looking for Kowalski," I said. "any evidence that Zookeeper francis is consorting with aliens, demons, and/or man-eating carnivorous plants." "What is this little shop of horrors?" Elsa said. "I got nothing!" rico said. "all I got is some kind of zoo-animal bourcure," I said only to get it ripped out of my hands. "Skipper," Kowalski said, "this is no brocure…no…no…IT'S A COOKBOOK!"
I gasped in horror, "what?" and elsa faceplamed. "mmmm," Rico said, "wait a minute…whaaa!" "uh…no…it's a brocure…oh…did you know that they have a cheese fountain here!" "what! Wow!" rico said. "That's unsanitary!" elsa said. Rico got super excited about the cheese fountain and ran off. We looked out the window to find that they did indeed have a cheese fountain. "who doesn't like free cheese?" savio said. "I know Melmen would have a heartattack over how unsanitary that is!" elsa said. Rico was swimming in the cheese and spit it out of his mouth, "Party!"
the toy store, Manhatten
(king julian's POV)
"FORE!" I hit a bowling ball with a baseball bat towards mort and the bowling pins. The bowling ball knocked all the pins down and rolled down the stair with mort stuck to it. "yes…in mort's face!" I said, "and his stomach and other parts!" "I'm confused…" Maurice said, "why would you think the penguins would be here?" why is it always about those silly penguins! "no, no," I said, "I said I had a better idea! Ha! Ha! This is was way more fun!" "ow!" Mort said. "but now that I am bored," I said, "let us go find and yell at the penguins!"
The Hoboken Zoo
Kowalski, Elsa, and I and took turns slapping each other to try and wake us up from this nightmare. I tried to slap Kowalski a second time but he stopped me, "Okay!" He said, "It appears we're not asleep in some backwards dream world!" "really?" I said, "Yeah I better be sure!" Elsa suddenly slapped me real hard across the face. "Ow!" I said, "what was that for!" "You wanted to be sure," Elsa said. "no Skipper," Kowalski said, "I'm afraid that's it…in my scientific opinion there is only one plausible alternative this place is…AWESOME!" Kowalski than jumped out of the puffin habitat and landed on a massage chair. Private and Rico were sitting back and enjoying the massage chairs next to him.
"Still don't trust those Massage chairs!" Elsa said. "You blind fools," I said, "you live in a false paradise! And when it comes crashing down…" "I don't think they can hear you over the massage chairs," Elsa said. "Oh…" I said. "what are they on about?" Private said. "I have no ideaaaa!" Rico said. "This entire festering-pestering filth-ridden filth…" "Skipper," Elsa said, "listen…" The sounds of "zookeeper" francis reached my earholes. I turned around to see Zookeeper francis with…PARK COMMISSONER MCSLADE!" "what is he doing here?" elsa said. "let's find out," I replied
"oh Commissoner Mcslade they don't make mid-level Bueraucrates like you anymore!" Francis said. "true that, francis" he replied. "New York Parks Commissoner Perivus Mcslade?" I said, "what back-alley intrigue is this?" Elsa and I silently followed the parks commissioner and Francis from a safe distance. "Wow!" Mcslade replied, "this place used to be a dump! But now…you could eat off these floors." Mcslade looked down at the unnaturally clean pavement and saw his own reflection. "how did you do it?" he asked.
"because she's a clean-freak?" elsa said. "ah! Ah! Ah" Francis replied, "Zookeeper secret!" "what are you hiding Francis," I muttered. "oh," he replied, "sassy…that's a leadership quality! You madam are a zookeeper with a future…" The Park commissioner walked up to a door that read Keep out, "Oh…whats behind this door!" Zookeeper francis blocked the door, "Nothing…it's nothing…it's literally a doorway to nothing…" Elsa and I were on the roof watching everything, "oh nothing huh?" I said. "your thinking what I'm thinking?"elsa said. "You know me too well," I replied. I landed on her head and grabbed a bobbypin and used it to pick the lock. Elsa and I then kicked the door opened. "ah-ha!" Elsa said. "behold the sinister secret at the heart of…huh?"
Inside of sinister secret we found a room filled with a painting, news clippings, and a couple golden statues of the parks commissioner. "I am so embrassed," she said, "it's just that you always been a hero of mine…I call it my inspiration nook…" "now this is obsessive," elsa muttered. "I think blowhole has one of these…only filled with paintings and extremely spendy statues of himself…the egomaniac…" I said. "inspiration nook," he said, "I love it!" "does this mean I'm going to the big league," she asked as Elsa and I slowly headed towards the exit. "The big apple leagues," Park commissioner said. "Oh no…please no," elsa said. "Welcome to the New York parks Commission!" "Yes!" she said, "just give me a minute…" "Run," elsa said. "too late," I said said. "I just have to take care of these little scamps." "Scamps?" elsa said as Zookeeper francis grabbed the both of us.
"no dark underbelly?" I said, "is it possible I was wrong? Is Hoboken really some hidden vacation paradise…" She stopped by a golden trash-can and pulled on a lever disguised as a lamp revealing a secret trap door. "actually I think you were right the first time," elsa said. "down you go!" she said. "don't you dare," elsa said as Francis proceeded to threw us down the hole. Elsa and I managed to hang on to the edge and avoid going down the hole. But Francis had other ideas, "Oh…No…no…no," she said pulling out a mop, "this zoo is for sanitary animals…" "no such thing," elsa muttered. "all dirty birdies go down the garbage shoot where they belong!" francis said.
"she really should be allowed in the zoo business than," elsa muttered. "bye! Bye!" she shouted knocking the two of us down the shoot. She shut the trapdoor above us and Elsa and I fell screaming into a dungeon-like area. "HOBOKEN!" I shouted. "knock it off flat-brow!" Rhonda said, "some of us prisoners are trying to sleep here!" "wait a moment," elsa said, "I thought we transferred her to the Hoboken aquarium?" Elsa said. "Well blowhole stabbed me in the back and transferred me here," Rhonda said. "so you admit you work for blowhole!" I said until I realized, "Prisoners…How?" Private appeared from a dark corner, "We can answer that skipper," private said. "But…you were…I'm confused," elsa said.
"I saw you all topside," I said, "if you're down here…than who are they up there!" Hans was lying nearby in the other corner of the dungeon, "the phony ablonys?" he said, "there are the fruits of Zookeepers francis' twisted obsession!" "clowning?" I said. "Cleaning," Kowalski said. Clemson appeared with the elaboration, "that lady can not stand a mess…look…can we be honest here, of course we can we're friends well not friends the way I think of them…" "Just get on with it," elsa said. "the point is that zoo animals are filthy, filthy beasts. There I said it and you all know it…" "Well at least we're cleaner than animals from the wild," elsa said. "so down the shoot we went," Lulu said, "replaced by shiny clean android doubles!"
"whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" I said, "Robots? Those things slapped like real animals!" "Not robots Skipper… Bio-mechanical Androids…copied from our own DNA courtesy of Francies body-scanning Massage chairs!" "Well…Well," I said, "so all this started because some paus nancy-cats couldn't resist a spin the the massage-o-matic!" "Let that be lession to all of you!" I said. "Wait a minute," Elsa said, "You used that massage chair!" "what?" I said as I got tapped on the backby my android double, "hey!" Everyone gasped in shock.
"couldn't resist a massage you say?" Kowalski said. "Nancy-cat!" Private said. "come on!" I shouted, "it was one neck-rub…" "Hi!" android-Skipper said, "I knew kung-fu!" "this lem-ur all over again," elsa muttered. "hi-yah!" he said as he kicked me back up the hole. I flew upwards with such force that the trashcan was blasted upwards. "You are dirty birdie!" android me said. He jumped up into the air but before he could dropkick me I jumped out of the way. The impact of his flipper with the ground created cracks in the pavement upon landing.
"and you're a talking toaster!" I shouted going onto the defense. Unfortantly he was able to counter my every move perfectly. "Tuesday is fudge day!" he said. "what?" I said as I got kicked into a vending machine that in addition to the traditional snackcakes also offered Turkey legs and New York style hot-dogs. My Friends and enemies heard the sounds of my pain from within the dungeon. "I'm going to have to go with not good for that one!" Clemson said. "What are we doing!" Elsa said, "we need to put our differences aside and help him!" "no it…wait," Kowalski said, "we can hear that battle which means…yes! Skipper opened up an exit hatch!" "we have one problem," Elsa said. "How are we supposed to get up there?" Rhonda said. I got an idea," Kowalski said, "but it isn't going to be pretty…" "Kowalski if that idea is everyone hop into savio's mouth," Elsa said, "I'm going to kill you!" "well…um…" "Kowalski said, "about that…" "I don't want to wear the monkey suit," Private said.
I found myself alone and I looked in both direction to see if my android-clone was nearby. Unfortantly I did not have eyes on the back of my head and got hit from behind. I went flying towards a bench. The android cracked his neck which gave me an idea. I jumped onto the bench and pull off one of the wooden planks. I jumped behind him and knocked him aside with the plank sending him flying towards the bench. "ah-ha!" shouted Unfortantly he picked up the rest of the bench. "Oh…" Isaid. As he smacked me with the bench sending me flying across the zoo.
Meanwhile Savio bite on a small enclove at the base of the hole that lead to the trap door. Rhonda held him by the tail and stretched him back like a rubberband. "Fire in the hole!" she shouted as she let go sending savio flying upwards. I slammed into him right as he landed in a coil. "Savio?" I said. "and the stored stomach contents!" Savio said regurgitating Elsa, Private, Rico, Kowalski, Hans, Clemson, and Lulu. Private was the last to be regurgitated landed rather ungracefully onto the ground. "ew," rico said. "I got to get a tape of that!" Clemson said.
"Hi I knew Kung-fu!" android me said. "well well," I said, "where's you robot superiority now!" I said we all got into battlestance. Suddenly the rest of the android animals appeared behind him. "Dirty birdy!" everyone shouted as Android-me showed off his dexterity and the speed of his refluxes. "how did…" Kowalski said. "Welcome," the parks commissioner said, "Tri-state pressors! You all know me… so let's introduce this rising star! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Zookeeper Francis Alberta!" he paused for the appluse, "She cleaned up Hoboken! And now she's going to clean up manhattan…" "manhattan!" I said, "The Central Park Zoo!" "What!" Elsa said, "Alice wouldn't allow this…wait…maybe she will…she doesn't really care that much."
I suddenly got images of Francis at the central Park Zoo and saw Marlene and the Chimps get tossed down the shot by their android doubles. I than saw Julian tied up and hanging upside down being used as a punching bag by his double…wait a moment… "huh," I said, "I could live with that one!" "we have to stop francis!" Private said. Unfortantly he said it so loud that the android heard him say that. "Francis in danger," Android-Kowalski said. "Must destroy animals!" Android-Private said. "Why did we start talking like robots?" Android-Hans said. "I dunno," Android-Rico said in a normal non-robotic voice. "ahhh!" everyone said.
"Oh great," Elsa said, "nice going private…" "hold the line boys," I said. "Not all of us our boys!" Elsa said. "I second that," Lulu said. "Ugrh!" I said, "I got to bust up that press conference!" I jumped out of the way as everyone else charged at the charging androids. Unfortantly Android Skipper saw me separate from the group and head towards the press conference. "now as commissioner," Commissioner Mcslade explained, "this handshake is a legal contact…so let's flipper up mr. righty and make it official!" I was slide on the top of the wall toward the conference, "Must stop handshake!" I said. but Android me pulled me down to earth the instant I was airborne.
"Oh…" I said, "curse your robotic super-strength and rugidly handsom looks…" "It's time to take out the garbage only for him to face the full strength of a bunch of angry lemurs. Julian quickly put his whole weight on the sewer grate trapping the short-circuiting android. "Oh," Mort said, "Your face makes a new years!" "Ringtail!" I shouted, "I never thought I be glad to see you!" "da-da-dah!" Julian said, "do not be thinking you could make sweet-talking excuses for the stivy remote-controller fiasco catastrophe!" "the remote?" I said, "I keep it next to the shelf next to the radio." "Okay…good to know…" Julian said. I deal with Julian's unauthorized base access when we get back to the zoo. The lemurs jumped back down the hole and fled back to manhatten. Wait a minute if they were in our base why didn't they hear the Emergency Hoboken alert system?
Android Skipper stood back up parts of his robotic skeleton revealed including half of his face. Well these Androids are quiet resilient I'll give Zookeeper Francis that. "oh crud!" I said as he slammed into me. The Park Commissioner unwittly gave me more time by streaching out each of his fingers. "Handshake a coming…here we go!" Mcslade said. Zookeeper Francis was not impressed by his lengthly getting ready for handshake routine. "Ah I shouted as we landed on one of the massage chairs that started this all. I looked up at the massage chair that was now on top of me, "This is all you fault! Lousy Massage…" I suddenly got to a realization, "…chairs!"
"Oh my!" Android me said, "would you look at this mess…Zookeeper Francis won't like this one bit!" "brother?" I said, "this mess is just getting started!" I slammed the massage chair onto him slamming him against another. I than used the wires from the one massage chair and wrapped it around the other chair trapping android me between them. I than turned the dail past the top setting which happened to a skull and cross bones. The massage chair than shock wildly sendly bolts and bits of metal flying. Smoke began to fell the air as the shaking got worst. "soooooo…Relaaaaaaxing!" he said. the chair shock so much that the control knob flew off.
The amount of scrapnal got worst and I decided to get out of there. A second after I turned and ran the chair exploded sending me and my android double flying across the zoo. "and ready!" The commissioner said, "anything you would like to say Francis?" "just what a thrill it's going to be to take care of all of central parks…" But before she could finish The android double and I landed into the park commissioner's hands. He looked at the short-circuiting android in his hand and compared it to me. "Hi! I know Kung-fu!" he replied. "Bio-mechanical Android Duplicates!" Commissoner Mcslade shouted. I chose that moment to make my move and sneak away. The battle of Android vs animals broke thru the front gate of Hoboken.
Francis was shocked that all the real animals had escaped and shouted, "Dirty Filthy Animals!" Francis said revealing her crazy obsession to the world. All the reporters ran for their lives as the fighting went into their direction. Kowalski was fighting with his android duplicate but was blocked by an addacus. Lulu, Clemson, and Rhonda fought their duplicates while Private and his android double fought in an odd fashion. Savio, Clemson and Hans were quickly and easily dispatched by Zookeeper francis. "No more messes! Happy! Happy! Hoboken!" I landed on the end of her mop, "Oh eat dirt!" I said as I dropped kicked her straight into a garbage can where she belonged.
Unfortantly for her she landed in a trash can that was right next to Park Commissoner Mcslade and his secret service detail. "You are so fired," he replied. "nooo!" francis shouted. The Secret Service Agents picked up the trashcan she was stuck in and took her away. The five of us watched the chaos from atop a New York Action 1 Newsvan. "Deadly Robot doppelgangers, a perky evil mastermind, and a zoo in crisis…boys now that's a vacation…UP HIGH!" we exchanged high-ones and than jumped back off the van. "HOBOKEN!" Elsa shouted. Kowalski I took out Android Hans and Clemson as the humans ran around in a panic.
Julian was watching the new coverage on the Tv, "Ergh," He said, "boring!" Mort and Maurice weren't bored at all. "What else is on…" Julian said accidently switching the channel to the dance network which still had german folk music on. "Ah!" Julian shouted, "the lederhosen! It's like poison for my eye stomachs!" Julain screamed again and threw mort at the TV turning it off.
(Penguins of Madagascar theme)
The End
Cast
Tom McGrath: Skipper
Idina Menzel: Elsa
Jeff Bennett: Kowalski/Computer voice
John Dimaggio: Rico/Hans
Jame Patrick Stuart: Private/TV Announcer
Danny Jacobs: King Julian
Kevin Michael Richardson: Maurice/ Concerned citizen #1/zoo vistior
Concerned Citizen #2/Kindergartner/Kids: Tara Strong
Rhonda: Kathy Kinney
Savio: Nestor Carbonell
Lulu: Jane Leeves
Clemson: Larry Miller
Zookeeper Frances: Megan Hilty
The Commissoner: Gary Cole
And Andy Richter as Mort