Atem stared up at the window where he could see the top of Terry's head from the soccer field, currently done with his drills. The sight of her face so panicked for him sent his heart soaring, but the flicker of fear he had seen that she was trying to hide only made his chest constrict. Gritting his teeth. he looked down at the grass between his feet. She was trying to be strong like usual and it irked him.
Why won't you just lean on me? I'm not…I'm not worth your protection. If only you knew, all I think about you when you look at me. He rested his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes tight. She was all he ever thought about for a while now. It was just natural. When did this all start? The moment they met, he had no idea he was looking at a face he would never forget. I can't get her off my mind. He chuckled to himself.
It was like he had just bumped into her yesterday for the first time, how sincere she was in apologizing but confronted him when he was out of line. She always ran ahead with her ideas, never thinking twice about her own safety, and always just sticking herself in all sorts of trouble because of it.
Talking and spending lunch with me alone is a major red flag of that idiocy and she's too damn naïve. She should've hit Seto regardless, she can't think all guys will be nice like Joey or something. He sighed, his gaze back on the window. The need to be somebody to her grew with every glance her way, someone she could rely on even if a little. She made him want to be a better person. Though I'm probably one of the worst. He sighed to himself as he grabbed his water bottle and distracted himself from looking at her for too long. I'm afraid…someone's gonna screw with her and take her away from me. He watched the clear liquid sparkle in the sunlight.
I've never been good with words though. He sighed once again and looked up at the blue sky to try and change his train of thought. Well, at least not the sweet kind anyway. She's such a trick…I swear that girl! Why…when she's around, it's like I just lose my mind. I should just leave it alone…but I can't. He pursed his lips as he recalled the kiss he stole from her on the rooftop. I'm getting in my own because I know I'm crazy to even think so much about her. A girl like her wouldn't never go for a guy like me. She just…ugh! She steals the air when she's around and I just, I'm left tongue tied and I just end up saying bullshit I don't mean! She really doesn't see me and yet here I am…look at me! He scoffed at himself. I can't just leave her alone. She's a danger to herself, how can I leave her alone?
Once again, that cynical and critical voice in the back of his mind was silent. He noticed it was worse than before, but at the same time it was better. Since she came in to his life, he berated himself a lot less and he was not sure if that was a good thing. He was still atoning for what he did. He was not allowed to be forgiven. His eyes narrowed in to a stern glare as a cloud passed by. The venom was less frequent; however, it was far viler when it was thought.
Would she accept me though? He wondered as he glanced at the window once more. She had not moved an inch as per usual, she was reading but he wondered just how much of it was an act. Had he imagined that fear when she was pinned by Seto? He knew she was relieved that he stopped it, he was glad he had stopped it too. The fact that he tried something like that only irritated him more. I need to focus on soccer. If I keep this up I'll end up chasing him down and slug him for pulling that crap. If I do that…I'll end up hurting her. She'd definitely blame herself because I'd be kicked off the team again. He looked down at his clenched fist but stood at the shout of his name as they were split into teams for a practice match to his relief. He lacked any trust in himself. There was one this thing he was resolute on, he would keep her safe from now on.