Je t'aime

(Day 83: Friday Evening)

When the door slams shut Doug looks up from his assignment and sees Ben pound a fist to the wall, "Hey. You just repaired that." and then Ben turns the fist to its side as he places his other arm onto the wall and leans on it. Doug hears the whimpering and stands, "Ben?" before he walks over to the door and sees tears fallen to his cheeks. "What's going on?"

"I," Ben begins, before he swallows and sobs again. He shuts his eyes, but the tears still escape, "I knew. It's just, I thought…" Doug places a hand on his shoulder. "I thought it would stop by now."

"That what would stop?" he softly inquires.

Ben doesn't dare look at him, "I should've known. This wasn't like quitting Tourney… I should have known."

"Should have known what?" Doug questions, but Ben fails to answer. "We've been roommates for three years now. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Ben shakes his head, "No. Not you. Not this."

Doug takes his hand of from him, "What about Mal?" but he merely stays silent, continuing to stare at the wall. "I'm going to get Mal."

When Doug leaves Ben watches as the door closes, before he turns around to lean his back onto the wall; however, then he sees the mini fridge and strides over to it. He takes out two of the cans and then goes to sit on his bed, opening one of the sodas and setting the other on his bedside table. The cold liquid is refreshing, and after a couple gulps he lets out a long breath. He slides his thumb around the smooth rim before moving it back in the opposite direction, before he hears the door open and looks up. Mal walks over and then sits beside him, and he watches as she takes one of the hands that grasps onto the cherry Diet Coke. "Hey."

"Hey," he manages, but then he feels his eyes fill with tears again.

"I'll give you two some privacy," Doug comments, before he steps back into the hallway and shuts the door.

"What's wrong?" Mal asks. Ben looks at her: her beautiful, wavy hair, her knowledgeable eyes, and her sincere expression; she's perfect, but too perfect and too innocent. He cries again, and Mal switches the hand she holds Ben's with before placing the other to his face to wipe the tears away. "Ben. Just tell me what's going on." She pauses, "Please."

"I just," he breathes, "thought it would pass, that it'd be okay."

"That what would pass?" Mal questions.

Ben eyes down for a minute before responding, "The raise I gave the dwarves. My father doesn't like it… He still doesn't like it."

Mal watches as Ben takes a drink from the soda, "And?"

Ben tilts the can back-and-forth and feels that there's only an inch left, if that, "And it's all he can talk about." He shakily breathes, "How I'm ruining what took him his entire life to build, that I'm going to make the people suffer." He finishes off the can before setting it on the table and taking the unopened one. "You know, because there's only so much money to go around, and if I try to save everyone then I'll end up saving no one."

She hesitates, "He just wants you to do your best." and then she sees him place the can on his knee before opening it. "My mother was the same way, but that doesn't make it true." Mal notices his hand shake when he lifts it up for a drink, "You're not making people suffer."

"I still have to hear him say I am," Ben mumbles, before more tears fall and he just barely manages, "It's been nearly two weeks." He unsteadily breathes, "Why can't he just move onto something else already? Tell me that a B isn't good enough, mention that I haven't practiced piano in two months, or—" His mind escapes him.

Mal feels how warm he's getting and moves her hand to the back of his neck, "It will pass. Two weeks… It's not that long. If you were able to last a month with me in jail, then you can wait a month for your father to figure out that the kingdom didn't get ruined."

"I just wish it would stop," Ben whispers, "but it never just… stops. You know?"

Mal sees the brown liquid start to shake out of the can, before she uses her hands to steady his, "It's going to be okay." and then she takes the can from his grasp. His eyes follow as she places it next to the empty one, but he keeps quiet, his thoughts nonexistent, before he leans back onto the pillows. Mal moves to lay next to him, observing how still he's become, but he squeezes the pillow between his arms. "Feeling better?"

Ben's eyes droop, "I'm tired." and when Mal doesn't speak he continues. "Really tired."

"Do you want me to go?"

"No," he whispers, before he moves his arm over hers and interlocks their hands. He keeps his eyes open just enough to see her as he smiles, "You're so beautiful." Mal thinks to say something, but before she can he mumbles. "Beautiful and smart and…"

"Ben?" she inquires, but when he answers she frowns. "I don't know French."

He keeps his eyes shut, "My mother's smart too. She likes to read. Do you like to read?"

"Sometimes," Mal unsurely answers. "I guess."

"If she wasn't upset with me, she would like you."

"I don't know about that," Mal skeptically comments.

"Both strong, smart," he lists. "She would." Mal doesn't speak. "I wish she didn't care so much. She cares too much."

"What makes you say that?" Ben repeats something his mother had told him, and Mal hesitates before reminding him, "I still don't speak French."

"She deserves better," Ben mumbles. "He doesn't know what he has."

"You mean, your father?" Mal tries to understand.

"She's so good to him… and he leans on her. She's strong. Like you."

"Ben," Mal starts.

"I don't take you for granted." He brings her hand towards his lips and kisses it, "I have you… I'm glad I have you."

"Ben," Mal says again.

"Je t'aime," he breathes, and Mal can feel his hand loosen from hers.

"Ben?" she asks, but there's no response. Mal moves the bangs from his face to place her hand to his forehead, and when she feels the heat she hears his acknowledging noise. She rests her hand there for a moment, before she fully lies on the bed and moves her hand to his neck, her other hand still holding onto his.

"Hey." Ben squints his eyes open and sees Doug standing over the bed. "Don't you have some event to attend to today?"

Ben looks at his watch before sitting straight up in panic, "Why didn't my alarm go off?" before he reaches for his phone. "It was supposed to go off."

"Oh, that," Doug remembers. "Yeah. You slept through it."

"And you didn't think to wake me up?" Ben criticizes.

"I thought you needed some sleep," he defends.

"I've gotten enough sleep this week to last a lifetime," Ben complains, before he stands and moves over to his dresser. "Good thing I don't need a shower. I'm late enough the way it is."

"What time does it start?"

"Thirty minutes," Ben hurries, as he swaps his pajama pants for black slacks and buttons up the blue collared shirt. "God. Why am I always late?"

"Too much on your plate?" Doug suggests.

Ben puts on the black coat and grabs his golden tie, "No more than usual." before he goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Look," Doug steps towards him. "Ben. I think we should talk about last night."

"What about it?"

Doug furrows his brows, "Ben. You came in here crying, and when I came back you were asleep. Asleep! You hearing me?"

"Loud and clear," Ben evenly responds, before he finds the deodorant and moves it under his shirt to use it.

"Look." He makes a noise, "I'm worried about you."

"And my mother. And Mal. And Evie," he lists as he tucks in his shirt.

"Ben." Doug hopelessly responds, "Would you just tell me what happened? Please."

Ben frowns, "My father offered some constructive criticism." and he slightly nods in thought. "I reacted poorly."

"Reacted poorly?" Doug disbelieves. "I haven't seen you express that much emotion since people were accusing you of doing drugs."

Ben shoves past him, "That's only because I'm not allowed emotions."

"Still," he turns around. "That only proves my point. Something upset you, and something tells me it was a lot more than your father offering advice." Ben stands silent. "Something must have happened… What did he do?"

Ben swiftly turns around, "He didn't do anything. That's kind of the point." before he lets out a loud breath and checks his watch. "I need to go."

Doug watches as Ben finds his water bottle and then reenters the bathroom to fill it up, "I want to go too."

"You're welcome to. It's a public event."

"No. I mean with you," Doug explains. "To make sure you're okay and stuff."

Ben exits the bathroom, "You can't sit with us." before he finds his small, blue bag and puts the water bottle into it. "You don't even speak French. You would get lost in conversation."

"Isn't Mal sitting with you?" he retorts.

"I don't even think she knows the event's happening," Ben recalls, before he glances around the room. "Not unless Evie figured out what event I was talking about before and decided to tell her about it." He looks back at Doug, "But neither of them are here, so I'm guessing not."

"They have a hard time with early schedules," Doug notes. "They might just be meeting you there later on."

"In any case," Ben heads towards the door, "I have to go."

"Hold on," Doug urges, and when Ben turns back around he sees him take the bottle from his bedside table. He hurries back over and shows three blue gelled pills to Ben, "You didn't take these yet."

Ben sighs as he takes them from him, "I'm so sick of this." before he zips open his bag to grab the blue bottle.

Doug watches him take the pills with the water, "I would think you would be used to it by now."

"I don't think anyone can fully get used to an illness disrupting their life at every turn," Ben irritably responds, before he sees Doug's concern and turns away. "Not that it matters." He glances at the floor before meeting his eyes, "It's not like I have cancer or anything."

"Ben," Doug softly replies.

"We're going to be late," Ben interrupts, before he opens the door and strides on down the hall, Doug just barely able to keep up with him.

Posted: 10/20/2018, because I feel like I should start doing chapter post dates, even though it's completely editable and people can just say I made it up.

- There's probably better titles for these two chapters, but I figured why not. Also, I really like these two chapters. I hope you enjoy them too.