No One to Blame
(Day 109: Wednesday Night)
"Mal," Doug's eyes widen in shock.
She points to the chain, "Mind letting me in?"
"Uh." He looks between the chain and her, "No. I do not think I will be letting you in at this current place in time."
Mal narrows her eyes, "You're acting weird." before she hears the voice. "Chad." She grits her teeth, "Chad is in there?"
"Ahh."
"What's Chad doing in there?" she infuriates.
"They're just doing homework," he reassures.
"Let me in."
"Mal," he attempts to reason. "Ben hasn't been himself lately. We should just really leave him alone."
"But he's not alone," she counters. "He's with Chad."
Doug attempts to explain, "Well, he doesn't have a problem with Chad."
"But he has a problem with me?" Mal interprets.
"No. Look." He lets out a breath and slowly says, "Ben isn't acting like himself."
"And your solution to that is to leave him alone with himself," she disbelieves.
"No. Mal. Look," he sighs, before he glances down and panics, "Mal. Look. Your hands." She glances down and sees the blood dripping from her knuckles, before she brings her hands up in front of her and opens them. Her sharp nails are doused in red, and there's small puddles of the same color surrounding the deep cuts. "What did you do?"
Mal notices his horror as she looks up, but the next second she closes her hands, steps back, and hurries down the hall; however, it's then she bumps into the blond girl. "Hey. Watch it," the girl complains.
When her face appears from the long hair Mal squints, "Ruby?" and then she looks toward the door. "Were you just in Jay's room?"
"What's it to you?" she counters.
"Nothing," Mal furrows her eyebrows. "It's just, you're here. So…"
"So?"
"So, did you have sex with him or something?" Mal inquires.
"Have you?" Ruby counters.
"God no," Mal loudly expresses in disgust, before she shakes her head. "Never mind. I really don't care." She walks past her and goes down the stairs, before she hurries into her dorm and into the bathroom. She hears the sewing machine stop as she turns the water on, and she attempts to wash the blood off before Evie makes it there; however, it can still be seen in the bright white sink.
"Mal," Evie whispers.
Mal turns and sees her leaning on the doorframe, "It was an accident." She attempts to wash her hands further, but it's like the water is causing her to bleed more.
"There's a first aid kit under the sink," Evie comments, before she kneels down to retrieve it and Mal steps out of the way. "What happened?"
Mal watches as Evie begins to dry her hands, "It was an accident." and the familiar sting can be felt as she begins cleaning the cuts with the antiseptic wipe. "I just got so mad and…" She watches as Evie places the small, circular bandages over the nail incisions. "I had no one to blame but me."
"Okay. So, we've finished psychology and law," Ben thinks aloud. "How about we relax with some basic ocean history?"
"Ben." Chad glances over his watch, "I'm really sorry, but I can't." He stands from the chair, "I have to go." but when he turns to leave he feels a hand grasp his wrist.
When he turns around Ben pleads, "Please stay."
Chad stares for a moment, "Don't you think it's getting a little late?"
"Late?"
"Like that we should be going to sleep soon," Chad supplies.
Ben lets go of Chad's wrist, "Right." before he wets his lips and looks away. "I forgot that sleep, it's a thing people do."
"Have you not been sleeping?" he speculates with furrowed brows.
Ben faces him, "Not really."
Chad's mouth gapes for a minute, "You have a concussion. Sleep is probably something you should be doing."
"Yeah," he continues to frown.
"You're going to sleep tonight, right?"
"I don't know," Ben begins.
Chad crosses his arms, "I don't need to drug you, do I?"
"Uh, no." Ben half laughs, "I drug myself enough." before he lifts his shoulder. "You know, like cold medicine and stuff."
"Well, that'll knock you out," Chad's eyebrows rise. "So, you're going to sleep, then?"
Ben sighs, "I'll think about it."
"Okay. No," he disagrees. "Thinking is the last thing you need to be doing right now." He smiles, "But you don't need to." before he raises his hands. "Because, you've got me." Chad places his hand on Ben's good shoulder, and he couches down to speak beside his ear, "Here's what you're going to do. You're going to go to bed, knock yourself out with that crappy medicine of yours, and then you're going to helplessly fall asleep like the damsel you are."
"And then you're going to catch me," Ben finishes with a near smile.
"There," Chad pats him on the arm. "Now you're getting it." He stands back up and points his thumb over his shoulder towards the door, "No. Seriously, though, I've got to go."
Ben frowns, "See you tomorrow."
"At breakfast," Chad reminds him, before he turns around and heads out the door.
"So," Doug slowly says, and Ben turns to look at him. "Can I ask what that was about or are you going to threaten to eat me again?"
Ben offers a look of annoyance, "I have no plan to eat you. Stop worrying."
"You said I smell like apples," he quietly comments.
Ben takes in a deep breath, "If I say you don't, will you stop about this?" and when Doug freezes Ben shakes his head. "Really. Tell me what to say. I will say it."
It takes a moment for Doug to answer, "I just want the truth."
Ben nods, "Right." before he meets his eyes. "The truth? I'm fucked up. That's it."
"Ben," he whispers.
Ben shakes his head, "Leave me alone." before he places his elbow onto the table and brings a hand to his head. "Please."
Doug nods, "Okay." but after moving only a couple feet he can't help but look back. "But Ben. You're not fucked up."
"You don't know me," he counters. "I have… secrets."
"Everyone does," Doug reasons. "I know you enough. And I trust you."
It takes a moment for Ben to say, "You shouldn't."
"But I do," Doug evenly responds, before he walks to his lamp to turn it off and leave Ben to the darkness.
After Chad finishes using the bathroom he goes to his bed and takes the orange bottle from his drawer, before he dumps out a few pills and puts the bottle back into the bedside table. He uses his water bottle to down the pills, and he picks up the lotion before rubbing it into his face, neck, and hands. It's only when he's done that he kneels beside the bed and clasps his hands on it, leaning his head down and shutting his eyes, before he whispers under his breath, "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray to God my soul to take. If I should live for other days, I pray the Lord to guide my ways. Father, unto thee I pray. Please let Ben continue to heal from his injury, please let my girlfriend find comfort and peace even when I can't, and please, my Lord, someday will you end my pain? In the name of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen."
-Next Up: Ben and his father talk, Ben and Coach Jenkins talk, and Doug talks to Fairy Godmother