"Gah!"

Stahl shot upwards and ran his hands through his messy, olive colored hair as he took deep breaths and tried to calm himself. Stahl rarely became excited about anything, but the things he'd just seen startled him. He sweated heavily in his armor, and he had to get up and walk back and forth to feel comfortable. It was then that a heavily armored figure appeared behind him.

"Stahl!"

Stahl quickly turned to find Frederick looming over him. The veteran Knight that had once trained Stahl himself shot a stern glare at his comrade, but Stahl wasn't worried. If anything he was relieved to have someone to talk to. "Frederick! You won't believe what I just saw."

Frederick's expression softened somewhat. "You saw something? I was worried that you might not be taking your patrol duty seriously, but it pleases me to find that you're being quite observant. Please relay anything you've seen to me at once."

"Alright, alright. Man, how do I start? I saw Chrom! It was all about him!"

"Milord?"

"Yeah! Except, except he was old! He was like an old man, well no. He wasn't really that old, but he looked old! He was grumpy and serious and always scowling or yelling or crying about something. He was still muscular and he could still kick a lot of butt, but he also complained about his age and sometimes couldn't do things. I don't know. I didn't really understand it. He had the Falchion, but he also had this tube looking thing that went bang and shot invisible arrows at people. He also still didn't wear a sleeve on his right arm. What's up with that anyways? It's kind of weird not wearing a sleeve when you're otherwise wearing armor but, you know, whatever. He got shot and beat up and stabbed and electrocuted but he wouldn't die!"

"... what?"

"And he was living by himself because everyone was dead! You were dead! I was dead! Everyone was… wait no some people weren't dead. Cordelia wasn't dead, but then she did die. Gaius wasn't dead, but then he died too. Wait no, he didn't die. I'm getting ahead of myself here."

Frederick just stared blankly at Stahl for awhile. "What?!"

"Anyways so he meets Tiki and these three girls that are the children of Severa, Inigo, and Owain! They're like third generation Shepherds. Severa's daughter was Caeldori. She's like Cordelia but like more annoying. Owain's daughter was Ophelia and she was a mage! Inigo's daughter was Soleil. She was just like him but she was a lesbian and her singing sounded like an animal dying! Anyways they meet Chrom and annoy him into helping them fight the Grimleal! By the way the Fell Dragon was resurrected but didn't kill everyone because Gangrel and Aversa convinced it to spare humanity in exchange for everyone doing whatever it wanted. The Grimleal controlled the whole world. There were all kinds of weird people in it like this guy with a girl's name that had a mask and wooden arms and this tattooed religious lady and this foreign guy with weird sayings like "aye guvnor" or something like that I don't remember and there was this guy with a glaive and a hood and Gangrel had a baby named Emmeryn and Aversa had annoying children."

Frederick struggled to keep his composure as he attempted to make sense of everything he was hearing. He tried to interrupt, but Stahl only briefly paused to catch his breath.

"And some of us were there too! Gaius was there and he shot people and ate candy well I guess he already eats candy but he shot people! Cordelia was there and she had no eyeballs and she had sex with Chrom but it's okay because Maribelle was dead I think and she probably went through the special change by then you know what I mean but then Lucina cut off her head! Oh Lucina was also there but it's not the one we know it's the baby one but she grew up and she became a mindless drone and she was yelling and screaming and what not. Tharja was there as a floating ghost and Henry was… well he was about the same really. Severa was there but she was a deadbeat mom. Donnel was there but he had a new family and he grew mushrooms because there were mushrooms everywhere. Gangrel and Aversa were there but they were evil wait did I already say that already? Anyways they tricked Chrom into killing everyone. Oh by the way Chrom killed us. That's why he's all old and yelling at everything."

"W-what?! Stahl slow down-"

"And there was this guy that dressed exactly like Lucina but he was always yelling and he didn't quite fit in her outfit because he's this big tall guy. A lot of the people we killed were also there because we didn't kill them. Vasto was there and Algol was there and… blonde lady was there and… uh… yelling horse guy was there… and mustache guy was there… and uh… shirtless guy was there… and old pervert guy was there… and Gangrel was there. Wait did I say that already? There were also Risen but they turned into man eating monkey monsters and they dug holes and stuff. Minerva was there and they flew around on her but Cherche wasn't around and neither was Gerome but he and some of the other second generation Shepherds were Deadlords that followed that weird guy around."

Stahl paused for breath. He continued before Frederick could stop him. "So anyways a lot happened! Chrom and the girls went around until they got captured but then they escaped and they met Gaius and Cordelia and then they met these rebels that were fighting the Grimleal but they were mean and they got captured and then they met Henry and then they escaped again and then they met Donnel and then… well that's really all that happened but there was a lot of talking and philosophizing and I saw the villain's perspectives sometimes which really doesn't always happen in a story and-"

"STAHL!"

Stahl caught his breath. "Wew. That was a long story, but it was only a dream."

Frederick squinted at Stahl. "Ah so that's what this is. It was just a dream?"

"Yep."

"In other words you were sleeping on patrol?"

Stahl looked at Frederick nervously. "Uh… well-"

Frederick stepped close to Stahl and placed his finger against the chest of the fellow Shepherd while speaking in a low and menacing tone. "If I catch you sleeping on night patrol duty again, you'll be cleaning the latrines for a month."

"Y-yes, sir." Frederick marched off. Stahl watched him and breathed a sigh of relief as he disappeared from view. "Man, that's the last time I eat right before a nap. Oh! I almost forgot my mid patrol snack!" Stahl took a sack he had stored and pulled out several pieces of bread and some butter. He chuckled to himself as he coated the bread. "Ha! I guess none of that could happen in real life. I mean that dream was way too ridiculous. No woman would ever want to be with Inigo."

(April Fools!)