My dearest Sister, Scarlett,
It has been so long since the last time that we spoke. And I cannot tell you how sad that makes me. But I suppose we both have been set on different paths by the Almighty One, and estrangement is our lot. However, I am sure that our Wonderful Father in Heaven knows all and sees all. In this, and the fact that we know that His thoughts and ways are higher than our thoughts and ways, we can rest assured that though our time together at present is scarce, our future with God is great in that land above flowing with…
Scarlett yawned, and skimmed down a few paragraphs. She knew that Carreen would go on for at least another page about their future together in heaven, or something like it. As she skimmed, she searched for names or words that indicated any kind of gossip. Scarlett much preferred letters from her aunts in Charleston, and her friends in the County. They always had the latest gossip and Carreen rarely uttered a word that wasn't related to the church.
Scarlett continued to scan her sister's letter hoping, in vain, that she would find something of interest. And as it seemed she would not. Just as she was about to toss the letter to the side, something caught her eye.
…and Pa and Mother used to kneel down with us at the end of every day and we would say our prayers together as a family. Those are the memories that give me hope. I remember often the silly times that we used to have together. In fact, I often reminisce of a particular memory that at the time wasn't at all laughable, yet when I recall it, warmth fills my heart.
It is a memory of Pa and the two of us. I was very young, probably only a few years old, and the memory is as clear and alive as it was years ago. You were probably about seven years old, and I worshiped the very ground that you walked on, sister. My greatest dream was to be exactly like you…so naturally I asked Pa to take me along when he offered to take you on a walk. I remember the walk through the fields; the wind always created a strange sea of sand-colored waves, making me believe upon first seeing the ocean that it was some abysmal, cold replica of the bright, glorious fields of Tara. We took a trail through the forest. I remember being frustrated with the roots and vines that weaved along the path. They made it difficult for my tiny legs to manage the hike. Pa showed us how to enjoy honeysuckle and wildberries…and how not to. We were…
Her vision was now clouded to the point that she could no longer see the words on the page and some of the words were unexplainably bleeding through the paper. She stood up angrily and threw the letter into the fireplace. She knew the rest of the story all too well. It was one of her favorite memories as well.
The irony is that the event itself was entirely unpleasant.
She had begged Pa to take her out walking ever since the day he had come back from riding with three honeysuckles in his hand. He offered one to each of the sisters. Scarlett remembered that Suellen, being the wretched creature she was, dramatically spit the delectable gift from her mouth and proclaimed that she hated it. She and Carreen could scarcely talk of anything else for days after. It was such an adventure! Tasting the wild, nomadic delicacy was equivalent to riding the back of an untamed horse for two young girls, scarcely introduced to the world that lay outside of Clayton County. So when Gerald saw their delight in testing the honeysuckles, Scarlett supposed he got carried away. Because after tasting all kinds of wildberries and wildflowers along the edge of the woods, all three of them became ill. While she was only confined to bed for a day, her father and sister were sick for a week. Suffice to say, she didn't have the stomach for the vagabond flower any longer.
She sat back down in her chair and watched the letter burn.
She had never understood why that memory had been such a cherished one. She had always thought that it was because of Pa, or because she could take pride in the fact that her body so easily healed while her father and sister continued to be sick. But she didn't believe that was the reason the memory had lingered all these years. Not now.
She thought of the feeling of abandon when, as a child of rare disordered or uncultivated actions, she had taken up the wild flower and consumed it. She had felt like some undomesticated native looking for satisfying provisions. In the eyes of a seven-year-old girl, hungry for life and adventure, the taste of a honeysuckle was epic.
She would come to find that feeling of recklessness was addicting…
She thought of that night, as she often did though she willed her disobedient mind not to. However, this time she didn't fight it. It was as if it was instinct to recall those feelings when faced with even the slightest recollection of them. A brush of skin or the smell of brandy. Silk sheets and savage emotions. Anything…everything led back to that memory. As if it was pivotal. As if…
She didn't know. She had never been analytical enough to come to conclusions on her own. But, she couldn't help but feel that there was something there…right in front of her. All the time. Something was there every day that she couldn't seem to decipher.
The letter continued to burn. Someone cleared their throat. Scarlett turned around in her seat to see Rhett standing in the doorway. He stood there for a moment, a look of confusion and shock on his face, before he ran to the window. He glanced outside at different angles murmuring to himself. His intentions were still unclear, so she refused to ask the obvious question on her mind, simply for her pride's sake.
And yet, somehow her curiosity won out. "What in God's name are you doing, Rhett?" She asked, angry that she had given in to what could be an attempt at mockery.
"I can't seem to find them…" Now she wondered if he was in earnest. Was he speaking of the children? The servants?
"Who can't you find?" She stood, wondering if she should be looking too.
"The pigs…" His voice trailed off.
What? "What?" she asked. They didn't have any pigs! Was he drunk?
"You know, the ones with the wings. I was sure that they would show up on the day that you were out of bed before noon." He turned around, disappointment caustically written on his face. "I guess I was wrong."
He was infuriating! But…was she laughing? Why was she laughing? Rhett started to laugh too, genuine surprise written on his face.
"You should wake up early more often. It seems that you have more of a sense of humor in the morning. But I suppose after such a nice long nap on that cold, hard desk back at the store, sleeping in a bed is unsatisfying." His words were gentler, and delight radiated from his eyes.
She continued to laugh, not quite knowing what to say and feeling rather queer all over. The room seemed brighter than just moments ago and the smell of breakfast food came from the kitchen more strongly than before. The childhood memory was still on her mind and the feelings it evoked were more vivid than ever. Rhett's face was more handsome than she remembered…
"There is a dining room full of children across the hall wondering what their surprise is, Mother Dear." Rhett crossed his arms, awaiting an answer.
"Surprise?"
"Do you not remember your valiant vow to vindicate your vexing vice by rewarding your children?"
"Oh…yes. I…" She hadn't thought of it. She had no idea what she was going to do. Looking into his excessively patient face, she knew that if her answer was that she had no idea, he would continue with his aggravating gags concerning her mothering skills. And yet, she hadn't a clue what she would get them. It needed to be something great enough to seem meaningful and yet something that would be enjoyed. Something they would love.
The memory popped back into her mind again. It needed to be something memorable, just as the honeysuckles were for her and Carreen. But the thought of getting the children something as miniscule as a honeysuckle was preposterous. Who would be excited about getting a honeysuckle for a surprise? No…this needed to be something much greater, and yet it needed to elicit the same feelings. Like…
"I am going to buy them a pony." She stated with authority. Rhett's smile disappeared.
"I am not sure that is such a good idea."
"Why not?" Scarlett bristled. What could be more exciting to children than getting a horse? And one that is just their size; just for them.
"The children don't like animals. They have always been nervous around them." He spoke in a matter of fact voice. "Perhaps something else. Perhaps you could take them out to the park for the day like you did last week. Or-"
"Don't be ridiculous, Rhett. The children wouldn't get excited over the park! They go there all the time! No…this is something they will really like." She looked at him pointedly, raising her chin. "And I think that I know what my children like and don't like."
Rhett smirked, clearly exasperated. "Of course. I forgot that you know them so well. You do spend an excessive amount of time with them."
And just like that, the fragile truce between them was over. A cloud that had moved in front of the sun cast a shadow into the room.
Just as she was about to bark an angry retort, Mammy shouted out that breakfast was ready.
She turned away from him and marched into the dining room. The children were already seated and eating. Wade and Ella, on one side of the table; Bonnie, who was in the nurse's lap, on the other. Scarlett smiled sweetly at them from the entrance of the room.
"Good morning!" She said brightly.
Wade and Ella looked at her, a little distrustful of her enthusiasm, and shyly whispered back, "Good Morning, Mother."
Scarlett sat at the table, as Mammy brought out an extra plate that always was kept in the kitchen on a small tray to be taken to Scarlett once she woke up. Scarlett ignored the food and pushed it aside, continuing to smile at the children. Even Bonnie was looking at Scarlett now, trying to figure out what was happening to her mother to make her push aside food; Rhett's face registered astonishment.
"Remember that mother said that she would have a surprise for you today?" Scarlett said in a silky sweet voice, imitating the way her mother used to announce exciting news to her and her sisters.
Wade and Ella's faces brightened at the mention of a surprise. "Yes, Mother. We remember," Ella stated excitedly.
"Well, would you like to know what it is?" Scarlett questioned, trying to draw out the suspense. She remembered that it used to drive her crazy as a child.
"Oh yes!" Ella screeched. Wade's eyes sparkled.
"Mother is going to buy you your very own pony!" Scarlett clapped her hands together.
Wade and Ella's faces fell. She could hear Rhett snickering in the corner. She glared at him and then looked back at the children, a little shocked. She had thought that they would surely be excited about such an extravagant gift. All children wanted their very own pony! "Children, aren't you excited about Mother's gift?"
Ella looked down at her food, her little fingers clutching the spoon as she pushed her grits back and forth across the plate. Wade looked up at his mother shyly; ready to explain that they didn't like horses.
In truth, Wade hadn't been able to get anywhere near a horse since he was a little child. The trauma of the ride down Rough and Ready with his feeble aunt and determined mother had left its mark. He would never admit it, especially not to his mother, but he continued to have a fear of open-carriages. He simply dealt with it, for fear of disappointing her. And because he knew that regardless, he would never be babied into doing something. If Wade were to ever say that he was afraid of carriages, his mother would merely toss him in one and send him off anyway.
His own fears aside, he didn't know how Ella would deal with her trepidation of horses. As if she weren't a big enough pest already. He figured she would be an even bigger one if they had a pony that Ella could whine about all the time.
And yet, the way his mother's eyes sparkled when she announced the gift had stopped him from telling her the truth. It was rare that she looked at them with such enthusiasm and it took him aback. She had never looked at him like that.
"Yes, mother. We are really excited," Wade stated as he continued to eat his eggs. Ella looked at him, her eyes filled with a sense of betrayal and fear. She was too young to be brave enough or smart enough to tell Mother that she didn't like her gift.
Scarlett smiled widely. She turned to Rhett, her eyes shining triumphantly. With a grin, Rhett held his hands up in surrender and turned to leave the room. She watched him leave, feeling rather smug.
Wade watched his mother, as he wondered what he was going to do about that horse. She turned and caught him staring. She smiled at him and sat down to eat her breakfast.
He would figure something out.
He would do anything to keep his mother smiling at him like that.