Beau jumped from the carriage and ran to Wade. They ran into each other and instantly started chattering incessantly about trivial "boy" things. Little Ella toddled over to the boys and tugged on Beau's pants leg. Beau looked down at the little child with a smile and crotched down to her level, cooing at her. Wade rolled his eyes. For some reason, Beau simply adored Ella. Wade imagined that it was because she was a small child. Some people found that endearing. He just found it downright annoying.
Wade continued to chatter to Beau as Beau awkwardly lifted Ella onto his hip. He nearly dropped her. Ella clung to him, and he continued cooing to her. It reminded Wade of the way Uncle Rhett would talk to Bonnie. It made him sick.
"You have your own pony! That's really wonderful." Beau said to Wade. He looked at Ella, grabbing her hand in his as he spoke to her in a sing-song voice. "Isn't it, little Ella? You have your very own pony!" Ella's face scrunched up and tears quickly filled her eyes. Here it comes, thought Wade. Beau's eyes got alarmingly big as he looked frantically at Wade.
Wade knew that look. It was the same look that folks got whenever they held his youngest sister and she started to cry. It did little for the infant, but spoke volumes to him. What have I done! That's what everyone thought when a baby cried. Some people failed to realize that sometimes, babies just cry! And Ella was the biggest baby of them all…
"What is wrong, little Ella?" Beau stopped and clumsily stroked her curly hair with his free hand. "Are you not excited about the present that Aunt Scarlett got you?" Ella shook her head so hard that she almost knocked herself backwards. Wade decided that, had she fallen, it would have been the single most entertaining feat she would ever accomplish.
She started rambling, tears streaming down her face. Beau placed her on the ground and crotched down beside her. Wade didn't understand half of the gibberish that was coming out of her mouth and he was sure that Beau couldn't either. Yet, Beau sat there and patiently listened to her prattle. Wade stood there, waiting for a miracle. Waiting for her to shut up…
When it sounded like she was winding down from her little tirade, Beau started to search for his handkerchief. He patted her eyes until they were dry. Though most of it was just a bunch of childish jabbering, both Wade and Beau had gotten the jest of what she was saying.
She didn't like horses.
And in spite of all of her annoying ways, her brother couldn't blame her. In fact, he knew that he was in the same boat with her; which made it difficult for him to figure out a way to calm her fears. It was so tiresome, hearing her constantly complain about the thing scaring her. Ever since yesterday, when Mother brought it home, Ella had done nothing but cry over it. And since she was too fearful of mentioning it to mother, of course he got the blunt end of her little three-year-old frustrations. If anything he wished he could say something to stop that.
He would admit only to himself that he also wished for his sister's comfort. He didn't enjoy seeing her so distressed. It wasn't as easy for her to "buck up" as it was for him. He was a boy! His father had been a soldier who died on the field for his country! He must be brave! He must make his mother proud! She had to see that her boy was just as brave as her husband had been.
She must smile at him again…
Beau turned to Wade. "Why doesn't she like horses?" The question irritated Wade. He really wanted to let Beau have it. How should I know? Am I my sister's keeper? But he didn't wish to hurt Beau's feelings, so he merely shrugged.
"We should tell Aunt Scarlett." Beau went to pick Ella up again, but stopped short when Wade exclaimed, "No!"
If Beau had been holding Ella, he would have surely dropped her. He had never heard Wade raise his voice before. It was alarming. "Why not?" Beau asked quietly, still in shock from Wade's outburst.
Wade quickly picked Ella up himself, tossing her onto his hip. "It pleased my mother to give us this horse," Wade said, "Ella will eventually learn to like it. Young girls are afraid of horses all the time when they are little, but you see older ladies ridin' 'round on them all the time, don't ya?" Beau looked a little uneasy. Wade tried to smile at him a little, hoping to break the ice that had formed from his outburst.
Beau smiled back widely and looked at Ella. "That's right, Ella. Little girls are always afraid of horses at first, but they grow up to ride them. Big girls always ride horses. Don't you want to be a big girl?" For the first time since they had been introduced to the new pony the day before, Ella's lower lip ceased to tremble. She ran her little knuckles over her eyes as she looked at Beau and nodded slowly.
"There now!" Beau exclaimed, bringing a small smile to Ella's lips. Wade was astonished, wishing that Beau could teach him how he had so easily stopped his sister's day-long tantrum with just a few simple words. It could be useful in the future. Ella wiggled down from Wade's hip and grabbed Beau's hand as they all headed to the back of the house where Aunt Melly and Mother were, with the new pony.
Beau continued, "I knew that you wanted to be a big girl! And you know what, you don't have to ride him at first, you know? I bet big brother will ride the pony first, to show you what it is like. Won't you, brother?" Beau looked over at Wade. Wade looked at him as if he had just grown a second head. Wade knew that he would eventually have to ride the thing, but he had never fathomed doing it so soon. He was barely able to will himself to touch it yet.
Beau, being the thoughtful and introspective child that he was, immediately sensed Wade's discomfort. "Or perhaps, I will ride him first for you?" He was looking at Ella but Wade saw him side-glance in his direction as well. Wade was breathing easier now. Ella seemed much happier with that idea and Wade liked it too. It would give him a chance to see that a boy around his age could indeed ride a horse effectively. Without getting hurt.
Or falling.
Or dying.
"Oh Scarlett! It's just such a wonderful idea! I know that they love it." Melanie squealed as she patted the miniature horse on the nose. Scarlett smiled, proud that she had done something so impressive for her children.
"Well, I knew I had one when I was a child. It was time, I suppose." She folded her arms. To the outward eye she was sure she looked very pleased with herself. It felt so very wonderful for someone to praise her for something that she had done for her children. Especially since particular people seemed to always have something bad to say about her parenting.
The pony was very attractive. She was a light beige color, with white patches on her eyes and mouth. When choosing saddles for the children (Mammy wouldn't allow Ella to ride without a side-saddle) she even found pretty cherry-colored ones that matched the horse's coat. Her children would look so elegant atop the lovely creature. Scarlett's heart squeezed with anticipation at the thought.
"Yes, I have heard!" Melanie said, as she walked towards a bench with Scarlett. "Ashley has told me so many stories. About the county. He told me about the horse races that you and the boys used to have." Melanie laughed. "He said he could only remember one time that anyone ever won a race but you."
Scarlett huffed. "No one ever won when they raced me. One time, Ashley got a head start. It wasn't fair. We called it a draw."
Melanie smiled. "Of course. I imagine it was hard to get past you Scarlett. Was it? Was it hard?" Melanie asked, eager to hear of Scarlett's daring exploits as a young woman. Scarlett didn't notice. She was too busy remembering the particular incident that Melanie had brought to mind.
"…They were riding home at twilight from Fairhill, he had said: "Scarlett, I have something so important to tell you that I hardly know how to say it."
She had cast down her eyes demurely, her heart beating with wild pleasure, thinking the happy moment had come. Then he had said: "Not now! We're nearly home and there isn't time. Oh, Scarlett, what a coward I am!" And putting spurs to his horse, he had raced her up the hill to Tara."
"Scarlett darling? I believe you left me for a moment." Melanie's kind face looked slightly bemused at Scarlett's blank expression. Scarlett looked at her and frowned.
"How could I have left you, Melly. I have been right here the whole time." She jerked away from the reassuring hand that Melanie offered her.
"Of course not, dear. I just meant…you seemed like you are thinking about something." Scarlett looked at her with unabashed annoyance. She can be such a ninny, she thought. People were at all times thinking about something.
"Well, if that's not obvious, Melanie Wilkes, then I don't know what is." Scarlett stood up and strode a few paces away. "Can't a woman think to herself every now and then without someone bugging her to death about it?"
Scarlett stood there in silence for a moment preparing to change the subject and gloat a bit more about the pony, when suddenly Melanie seized her from behind wrapping her arms around Scarlett's torso. Scarlett's first instinct was to push her off. But she merely stood there, wondering if she had gone mad.
"Oh Scarlett! Oh dear, forgive me!" Melanie buried her face into Scarlett's back. Good God!
Scarlett twisted around to face her, grabbing her arms and holding her at arm's length. "What on earth are you going on about, Melly?"
Melanie practically had tears in her eyes. "How horrible of me! How foolish! I should have known that bringing up thoughts of your childhood would bring back memories of your family. You did use to ride with your father an awful lot, didn't you?" Melanie's look of compassion was ridiculously sympathetic. And it only made Scarlett angrier.
Melanie continued as Scarlett fumed. "Please Scarlett, forgive me. I know all these things. Ashley told me, but I was being heartless and selfish. Please…"
She looked so desperate and Scarlett didn't feel up to holding a grudge against her at the moment. Besides, Melanie would simply agree with anything that she said at this point. It would be pointless to yell and scream things that would simply be acknowledged as truth.
"Don't be silly, Melly." Scarlett said, pulling away from her. "I was just thinking about what happened with that race you were talking about." Scarlett went and sat back down on the bench. Melanie followed her.
"Oh…" she said, taking a seat next to Scarlett. There was a pause and—once again—Scarlett was about to brag about the pony when Melanie—yet again—ruined it by opening her mouth. "I didn't come to see you on the—" she paused, unsure of how to continue. She dropped her headed and shame filled her heart. "I am the worst sister in the world." Scarlett should have known that this wasn't over. She rolled her eyes.
Scarlett knew that she was referring to the anniversary of her father's death. She wanted to simply act as if she didn't know what Melanie was talking about, but she knew where those avenues would lead…more questions. And more nagging. She wanted to stop this conversation from going any further, while she still could.
"It wasn't necessary." She stated shortly. She turned away from her.
"But it was, Scarlett." Melanie gently grabbed her hand. "You are my sister, Scarlett. My very own sister. And thinking about these things is hard—"
"I don't think about them!" Scarlett jumped up again, leaning over her. Melly merely looked up at her, compassion seeping from her being. "I have let it go! Like you should! Why does everyone keep wanting to talk about what is past? It's already happened. It's over. Let it stay where it should…in the past. Let it go." She turned away from her; she crossed her arms and waited for Melanie's inevitable apology.
"Scarlett, I am sorry. I—" Melly paused. Scarlett imagined it was to think of something degrading about herself that Scarlett would be more than happy to agree with. But Melanie, for the first time ever, surprised her. "Have you truly let go of the past, Scarlett?"
The way she said it, the way she worded it sent a chill down Scarlett's spine. She spun around, a look of horror painted on her face. She couldn't possibly know about…
Melanie misinterpreted the look to be that of mortification and assumed that her statement was offensive. "Forgive me! I didn't mean that you are wrong in anyway, darling. It's just…when I spoke of your past and your father's passing you got so defensive and…"
Scarlett's heart eased within her chest. She didn't know. Not about that anyway. She was merely referring to her father.
"…of course you have let it all go." Melanie continued. "After all, you did buy your children a horse. If it had been me, I am sure that I would have been too afraid. To allow your children to ever ride after your father—" Melly paused. "It is so brave, Scarlett dear. Far braver than I ever could be. Will you forgive me? Forgive me and we will forget this, yes?" Her eyes begged for reconciliation. Scarlett nodded slowly, her mind again elsewhere. She didn't even protest when Melanie grabbed her and hugged her tightly.
A single thought was running through Scarlett's mind. Pa died. Jumping the fence. Mother always told him not to. He died.
Beau was talking to Melanie. "Of course, darling." She heard Melanie say. Beau walked over to her and asked if he could ride the mare. Scarlett looked down at him. She thought of him riding the horse. She thought of Pa.
"No," Scarlett said. "No, not today. Alright, Beau?" She smiled slightly at him.
Melanie walked over and stood next to her son. "Oh, of course. I should have thought! Wade and Ella probably want to be the first to ride their new pony. And they still need lessons." Melanie looked at Wade and Ella, smiling sweetly at them both. "Perhaps after they have learned we will come back and ride together. I bet you will both ride just as well as your mother and your grandfather when you have learned everything you need to know," Melanie suggested. Melanie looked back and forth between Beau and Wade and Ella. Ella happily nodded, running to her aunt and grabbing at her skirts. Melanie happily slung her in the air, before squeezing a giggling Ella tightly to her chest. Beau watched on in delight, as his mother began to tickle Ella. He soon joined in.
Wade's eyes were fastened on his mother.
Her eyes were distant and worried. Not at all full of fire and excitement as they had been the just the day before. His heart fell. She knew. Somehow she knew that he and Ella had been less than excited about the horse. And now she wasn't going to let them ride because she knew they were afraid.
She was disappointed.
His stomach sunk at the thought of his mother's disappointment. How could he do this to his mother? She surely expected so much more from him. His father had been a great soldier. His grandfather had been a great rider! Of course she expected more. Especially from him…
She looked over at him and caught him staring at her. She smiled at him, a little unsure. Wade felt the sting of tears in his eyes. It was a far cry from the smile of bliss she had given him just a few days ago.
But he wouldn't cry, he decided. No, he would learn how to ride that horse. He wouldn't be afraid of it. He would do his best for his mother. It's what his father would have done.
It's what his grandfather would have done…