The rest of the week stretched into what could conceivably be called normal.
Ella played with her cousins constantly, and was loving every minute of being at Tara. Suellen was starting to be again the Suellen that Scarlett knew. Will was still taking care of Tara to the best of his ability.
And Scarlett was spending every moment she could with Rhett.
After the night of the funeral when Rhett said…when he might have said that he loved her, she had watched everything he did looking for any sign that it might have been her imagination. She watched the way he looked at her and how he acted around her. After a while, she realized that it was all very comical, because she could see in Rhett that he was doing the same thing to her.
He was still holding her and kissing her softly at night. And every night they grew bolder. On the second to last night of their stay, he had kissed her fervently before he softly reached for the hem of her nightgown. She had eagerly allowed him to remove the gown and Rhett had made love to her that night in a way he never had before. Every kiss had been an assurance. Every touch was a comfort. And when he finally entered her, it had created a bond between them that she had never experienced before. She had clung to him in earnest, craving to be closer to him.
Afterward, when they were both dozing to sleep in each other's arms, he had whispered the words in her hair again. And she was sure this time that she heard them. And tears ran down her face at the knowledge.
They sat down with Will and Suellen on that last night, and ate dinner. Of course, it wasn't much. Will and Sue weren't well off. But Scarlett and Rhett had been nothing but gracious throughout their entire visit, so Scarlett imagined that Suellen's new hateful tone was in result of her offering Will some money that afternoon to help with the costs of her family's stay. Suellen was such a mean thing. Scarlett should have known that that sweetness wouldn't last long.
And was Suellen ever starting to get under Scarlett's skin! It felt like every time Scarlett started to take a bite of her food, Suellen would blurt out something absurd. Like, "I know that in that fancy house of yours with all of your servants and cooks, this isn't a very fitting meal, but I hope you will try to stomach it, Scarlett." Or Scarlett's favorite of the night was a particularly rude comment that Suellen made when Will asked Scarlett about the store. Suellen's eyes had sparked to life, and as her unprepossessing features screwed up unpleasantly, she said, "Yes, well, you have done very well since you got that store, Scarlett. I think that since you got it you haven't ever had to eat vittles like these, have you?"
Scarlett had looked at her incredulously, and then slammed her napkin down on the table. Sue continued to stare at Scarlett, silently asking her to challenge her accusation. Will looked on in horror, and Rhett watched the feud play out, amusement shining from his eyes. To Scarlett's dismay, before they had the opportunity to start their quarrel, Bonnie started crying in the other room. Rhett had excused himself and Scarlett to go see to their daughter.
They exited the dining room. Scarlett murmured under her breath as they strolled toward Bonnie. "That little ninny, can you imagine? Why can't she just let past be past? She's such a bitter little trick…" Scarlett fumed. But quite honestly, more than anger, Scarlett felt…relief? She felt that it had been so long since she had been angry. It was her easiest and most practiced form of emotion, and in a way, it cleansed her more clearly than any amount of crying could. She felt that her chest wasn't so tight just now, and it was easier to focus on other things than just the events of the past few weeks.
Rhett stopped her in the middle of her tirade as they reached the doorway of the room that Bonnie was in with her nurse. Her screams echoed through the hallway, and the nurse could be heard frantically shh-ing her, no doubt fearful of Mister Rhett's reaction when he came into the room.
"Save your speech for a more appropriate time, my dear. You will waste it and the one whose ears you would like to hear it most will not…" His eyes were still shining, but seemed to sparkle in a way she hadn't recognized in them before. It was almost like…well, maybe it was a bit a relief too. Perhaps he was relieved that she had finally done something normal, for her anyway. Perhaps he had been…worried about her.
His face suddenly became serious. "Scarlett, this is our last night here."
She looked down at her hands. "I know."
"Darling, please, look at me." She did, but with a little shock. Though he had been most precious during this week, she was unaccustomed to him being so tender towards her out in the open. "Scarlett, I believe that when we get home there are a lot of things we need to discuss." His eyes were boring into hers.
She didn't look away as she spoke. "I know."
He eased back a little at her admittance and relief seemed to flood his face again, as if he had been worried that she could say something else. "Also, since it's the last night, I thought we could go down and visit Wade's grave. We could do it in the morning, or tonight."
Her heart seized at the mention of her son, but she took a deep breath and answered. "I think…I think I would like to go tonight."
"Alright, I will just go and take care of Bonnie and we will go—"
"No, Rhett. I can go ahead on my own. I…I have wanted to go to the chapel anyway. Mother—" She stopped short, not even sure what it was that she wanted to say. "But after you see to Bonnie," she paused, "please come down. I…I want you to." Rhett's eyes brightened at her words.
"Alright. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you to the chapel?" There was a small smirk on his face. She smiled a little too, thinking of all of the sacrilegious comments Rhett had made throughout their marriage.
"Indeed no. I wouldn't want the earth to open up and swallow us whole in seeking God's wrath on your soul." Rhett laughed, before turning to go into the room where Bonnie was now screaming.
It was dusk, and Rhett started to ask a servant to walk with her but she declined. She knew Tara like the back of her hand, thank you. She didn't need a servant leading her around her own grounds. She exited the house with her shoulders held straight and tall. Rhett watched her with a small smile on his lips.
Scarlett breathed in the air that only Tara possessed. It was crisp and clean and…home. She stopped at the entrance of the chapel and raised her face to the sky for a moment. She pretended that she was at Tara again back before the war, and she was waiting on her Father to come home from Fairhill or Twelve Oaks or any other plantation in the county. She could almost hear the hooves beating against the ground, coming closer and closer. She opened her eyes, and pushed the images of horses from her mind. She didn't care if she never saw one again…
She opened the door to the old, deteriorating building and paused for a moment once it was opened all the way, her heart jumping before it eased within her chest again. She had been so sure that she would see her mother at the altar, crossing herself and saying her Hail Marys. But the room was as empty as it had been since the day Ellen died. Scarlett felt tears pricking at her eyes and she almost swore before remembering where she was. She didn't want to cry anymore!
She thought of Suellen again. What a selfish brat she was! Why Scarlett's son had just died—her nephew!—and all she can think about is something that happened ages ago. It was ridiculous and immature. She marched into the chapel and sat in one of the small pews just inside the doors.
The hateful thing, Scarlett thought as she attempted to conjure more things about her sister that she disliked. Suellen has always just held on and held on to things that happened when we were…well, when we were just children! Why, even before the war, Suellen had always been resentful of Scarlett. Scarlett could remember that, at the Twelve Oaks barbecue, Suellen and India and Honey and the rest of those hateful, pale-faced girls had looked at her with contempt as she rounded up every available male at the party. She crossed her arms as she sat back a little more. It was still her belief to this day that if you can't keep your beau, it was your problem! It wasn't her fault if she was more attractive, charming, and entertaining than they were! She looked at the picture of the Holy Mother in front of her, and wondered if it was blasphemy to think these things in a chapel. She shrunk back a little, afraid that she might be offensive with her thoughts, when even more blasphemous ones came to her.
Unwelcome, the thoughts capriciously overwhelmed her mind, as she remembered the horrible nights she had lain awake in her bed just weeks before, wondering where her husband was…wondering who he was with. Hating that he was her husband, but was consorting with someone else who was more charming and entertaining than she… Hating whomever he was with…because it wasn't her—
She stopped her train of thought quickly. She couldn't think that way.
Ashley.
Such an empty feeling she felt at the sound of that precious name. So empty. Everything was empty now. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine Ashley's eyes and hair and face. She saw the young man who rode up to her door when she was but a child, and gallantly kissed her tiny hand. And still…empty. Everything was empty.
Except for Rhett.
Light burst from behind her eyelids and she quickly opened them.
The sun had found its way to a lower point in the sky and had suddenly and boldly stretched its remaining rays into the chapel. She squinted her eyes as she looked at it. The sun…the sun was so many things. Scarlett wasn't very educated, but she knew well enough that the sun was needed for growing plants. Cotton and trees. The sun was enjoyable. It was beautiful…
Someone had said something about the sun to her once…something about no one ever noticing it, though it's right there, shining brightly all along.
She smiled slightly. It seemed kind of silly, that no one should notice the sun. It was so bright. So big. It occupied the sky every day. Not to acknowledge it would be as ridiculous as someone not acknowledging their hands or feet. Or food…
Someone had said something about a banquet table too…
Rhett. Rhett had been the one to talk about the sun. That day, in the parlor, when he had kissed her. She—
She cut off her train of thought again. She didn't want to think about these things now. She forced her mind to Suellen again. It was easier to hate her sister than anything else in the world…
She's as bitter as an old maid, Scarlett thought. Scarlett looked at the painting of the Virgin holding out her arms above the candles. She was sure that even the Holy Mother would agree. If she just let go of the past, the hateful thing, she would be so much happier. But no…she continues to hold on to it all. I bet she makes Will miserable, going on and on about things that have already happened. I bet she drives him crazy with talk of Frank. No man wants to live in another man's shadow…Especially a man like Frank! She looked at Mary, almost expecting her to speak of her agreement. As she continued to peer at it, the painting started to look more and more like her own Mother, and she was reminded of how she used to get the two women confused.
She looked at the painting closer, as she continued to notice features that were the same. The same hair, the same nose and cheeks…or at least she thought so. She was looking so hard at the painting now that her vision started to blur. The sun hit the window at a perfect angle again, casting a strange glow into the room and it suddenly came to Scarlett.
No one wants to live in another man's shadow…
After all, she and her sister were so much alike.
And suddenly everything was clear.
And everything was her fault…
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought of her son and her husband and her family. She had failed them all because of one flaw: her inability to let go of the past.
Wade had been killed because of her fear of him riding horses. Rhett had been trying so hard to make her happy, but she refused to let go of a childhood dream. She looked at the Virgin Mother again and thought of that chapter in the Bible that talked about love, if her religious training served her well it was I Corinthians 13. She looked into the sleeve of the pew to find a worn Bible tucked inside. She grabbed it and flipped to the book and chapter and read it to herself.
She knew that it was all true. With the same practicality that she had always possessed, she accepted what was plain, in front of her face. She accepted things that she had ignored and suspected for ages. Childish fancies had held her and her loved ones back…
She didn't love Ashley.
She loved Rhett.
Unconditionally.
Her heart swelled with the confession, and she breathed deep within herself for the first time in a long time. She could feel the coolness of the air she had inhaled in her toes, she had swallowed it so deep.
She was crying again, but it was a little different now. It was sadness. But more than that…it was liberation.
The door creaked behind her and she slowly turned to see her husband in the doorway. She stared at him for a moment, and then looked at the worn book in her hand. She opened it again to the chapter she had just read, and read aloud the last verses:
"…When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
She looked at him again, her eyes shining with her new knowledge. Rhett watched her for a moment and then with wild realization, his eyes ignited at the sight of her. He smiled his old smile, only it was soft and rich with possibility and anticipation.
He spoke gently and with care, but with adorable, adolescent teasing in his tone. "Darling, I never thought I would be so happy to hear Holy Scripture come out of your mouth…"
She jumped from the pew and ran to him.
The Holy Virgin watched on and the chapel remained intact…
FIN