"Top of the morning to you, wankers!"

One hundred new recruits stood in formation early in the morning, lined up in their assigned positions just inside a wide open hangar. A drab-colored jeep drove up and parked in front of the girls in the front right corner of the formation, nearly running over their toes. They were all wearing the olive drab shirts and pants they'd been given to train in.

The person riding in the back of the jeep, held their megaphone to their mouth and leaned down into the face of the nearest girl, who happened to be Mako. "Wake up, fuckface! You're mine for the next six hours, and I don't drive hibernating molluscs! What kind of mollusc are you, mollusc? Answer me!"

Mako was barely awake enough to comprehend the words being thrown at her, but surprisingly managed a lucid response. "I'm sleepy little slug."

"A slug? Holy shit! I bet you smother yourself in vaseline and roll around in the dirt when no one is watching."

"Just the one time."

The megaphone was turned on the girl next to Mako, who had covered her ears to protect them from the noise. "Get your hands off your ears, asshole! What's your name, you degenerate cringing scum?"

Lowering her hands and looking like she was already going to cry, the girl cried out her answer. "Koume Akaboshi, ma'am!"

"Fuck you, Private! I can't pronounce Japanese names! You are now Private Pussy! Meow for me!"

Koume curled her hands in front of her, trying to imitate a cat's paws. "Nya…"

"Cats don't fucking go 'nya', Private Pussy! Private Slug! Put Private Pussy in a headlock until she's meowing properly!"

Still not fully awake, Mako simply did as she was told, wrapping her arm around Koume's neck and pulling her down. Koume struggled against her, but couldn't break free. The two of them stayed like that while the officer jumped out of the jeep and walked over to a position directly in front of the center of the formation.

Holding the megaphone up again, the officer introduced herself. "I am Sergeant Tory Dodger! Anyone who likens me to Sergeant Hartman, Sergeant Johnson, or Sergeant Frog will have their spinal cord ripped out their ass! Is that understood?"

Ninety-nine girls answered as a chorus. "Yes, ma'am!"

Koume choked in Mako's grasp. "Me- ow!"

"That's better! Private Slug, you can let Private Pussy go now!"

Mako let Koume up. "Yes, ma'am."

Sergeant Dodger was short, almost as short as Kadotani, and had a messy mop of blonde hair. She had big blue eyes that would be considered adorable, if it weren't for the fact that they stared death in every direction. She wore a mad grin on her face as she looked out over her new recruits. Dodger stepped forward and started walking between the ranks. No one dared move to watch her, for fear of what she would do if she spotted them.

In the third row back, just to the left of the middle, the Sergeant stopped in front of Maho. "I've seen you on the telly. You must be Maho Nishizumi."

Maho flinched. This was already turning out worse than she thought. "I'm Miho, ma'am."

"Isn't that funny. My papers say you're Miho Nishizumi, and you say you're Miho Nishizumi, but you look like Maho Nishizumi." She aimed her megaphone at Maho's face. "So which one are you? The nazi fascist or the clusterfuck younger sister? I bet you're the clusterfuck! What's with your hair, Private Nishizumi? You look like Justin Bieber! Why do you look like Justin Bieber?"

Maho had no clue who Justin Bieber was. "I… I don't know, ma'am." And apparently she was a fascist somehow.

The Sergeant didn't even answer, instead stomping several rows further back. "Private, are you purposefully trying to piss me off with those melons? How much milk do you drink every day?" She held the megaphone up. "Who the fuck do you think you are, coming into my camp with fucking cantaloupes under your shirt? What's your name, tit monster?"

"Yuzu Koyama, ma'am!"

"Private Koyama, are you aware that your breasts are big enough to ricochet an ICBM?"

"No, ma'am!"

"Bullshit! You're probably the reason Japan wasn't nuked a third time! I bet you're a full time resident of Bikini Atoll! Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the radiation from all the testing is why they're so god damn gigantic! I can't think of an airplane that wouldn't fall out of the sky with those on board!"

The sound of someone laughing drew her away from Yuzu.

"What was that? What the fuck was that? Does someone think I'm funny? Who the fuck is laughing at me?"

Yukari was standing in the back row, watching and hearing everything going on. She saw the Sergeant storming over to a group of three girls four rows ahead of her. She shouted at them, demanding to know their names and promptly rejecting them, handing out new names like slaps to the face. Midoriko had been unfortunate enough to be right beside the girl who laughed, someone Yukari didn't know, and so received her own Sergeant-made name. Being in the very back of the formation turned out to be a blessing for Yukari. Sergeant Dodger seemed disinclined to pay much attention to the back row.

Then she found Katyusha. "What in the hell is that? Did someone let a polyp into my camp? How old are you? Seven? Five?"

The short girl, one of the few shorter than Sergeant Dodger herself, shouted back at her at full volume. "Katyusha is eighteen, ma'am!" Then she met Dodger's eyes. "How old are you, ma'am?"

This only served to infuriate the Sergeant, who proceeded to take it out on all of them. "You should be more concerned with how many pushups you're about to do. All of you, get down and give me two hundred pushups! You don't get up until I think you're done!" She backed away from Katyusha, the two never breaking eye contact, until she was out of the formation. The held up the megaphone again. "I said two hundred pushups! You do know what those are, right? Move it, you sorry excuses for maggots!"

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!"

Dodger watched them drop to the ground and try to follow her first order. "You know, most Drill Sergeants are tasked with turning boys into men. I was told I'd have to turn girls into living weapons, but this doesn't look to be the case. No, it appears to me as though I'm supposed to work with fecal matter. Not even human fecal matter. I'm stuck with somewhere close to a hundred pieces of literal dog shit! Such is my life, I suppose, so I'll make the most of it. I have war machines to build, but first I must break down the raw materials into their base elements so that I can remake them in the form I desire. This will be a long and hard process involving much heat, physical stress, pain and agony, and, my personal favorite, cruel violence!"

She stepped over one girl, placing her boot on the girl's back and pushing her down. The girl struggled against the weight, but slowly managed to continue. Dodger leaned into it, putting more weight on her, going silent as she watched the girl struggle more and more. She smiled when the girl finally collapsed, unable to continue.

"A valiant if ultimately futile attempt. What's your name, soldier?" The girl tried in vain to push herself back up. Dodger grabbed her and pushed her face into the dirt. "Stay right there where you belong, worm! Answer the damn question! What's your name?"

The girl spat out some dirt. "Erika… Itsumi… ma'am!"

"Private Itsumi, do you think you're better than everyone else here? Is this a movie to you? Are you a movie star?"

"No, ma'am!"

"Are you a piece of shit, maggot?"

"No, ma'am!"

"Are you a move star?"

"No, ma'am!"

"Do you know how to do pushups, Private Itsumi?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Then why did you stop? Get up and finish your set!" Her head snapped over to look at someone else with a seemingly unnatural speed. "Private Koyama, get your tits off the ground! I don't want to see one speck of dust moved underneath you!" She got up off of Erika, letting her continue, and walked to Yuzu's side. "I don't think you're actually doing anything, Private! I bet you're using your boobs to bounce off the ground! Use your arms, you imbecile! Get your knees off the ground! Pretend like you're giving a blowjob, you look like you've got a lot of practice with that! Suck it all the way in and kiss the ground! I don't want to see anything but your lips touch the ground!"

"I don't understand what you're saying ma'am!"

"Private Koyama, are you incapable of keeping your tits out of the dirt? Stand up, scumbag!" Yuzu, dazed and confused, scrambled to her feet. Dodger aimed the megaphone up at her face. "Take off your shirt and wrap it tightly around your ungodly breasts! Next time, don't show up without something to hold them in!"

She was off in an instant, after someone else, leaving Yuzu to figure out if she really meant it. She decided it was best to do as she was told before failing to follow the order brought the Sergeant's attention back to her. Meanwhile, Sergeant Dodger had found someone else to pick on.

"Who are you and why are your hands so close together?"

"Carpaccio, ma'am!"

"Carp- what? That's not Japanese!" She knelt down and stuck the megaphone in Carpaccio's face. "Oh, I see. You're one of those girls from the schools that hand out retarded nicknames to everyone. I don't care what your real name is, Private! From now on, you are fungus! You are fucking mold! Mildew! Slimy white growth in the corner of a dark room! When I see you again this evening, you had better have your hair cut! How the fuck did you get this far with it so long?"

"Yes, ma'am! I will, ma'am!"

Dodger stood up. "It has come to my attention that you little shits think you know a thing or two about war! Well I'm here to tell you that you don't know a battlefield from a bathroom! You've spent your high school years driving tanks, well guess what? When I was your age I was blasting tanks out of existence from ten thousand feet in the air! You are literally ants to be stepped on to me! I am not your god, as some in my position might say. I am not alpha or omega. I am an eldritch being that can snuff out your lives with less than a thought! Keep that in mind the next time you want to fuck with me! Try to be cute and I will ensure that you wind up simultaneously on both sides of an unbroken wall!"

Most of the girls had been keeping count of their progress. Many of them were exhausted, but didn't want to find out what would happen to them if they stopped. She could tell, of course, if they were keeping count of their progress or not. There were two girls in particular that she noticed were keeping count, but were clearly not aiming for the two hundred she'd called for.

Making her way through the formation, she smacked Nonna on the back of her head. "You're done! Give me one lap around the compound!" She continued, grabbing girls at random and sending them on their laps. None of them had even gotten close to the two hundred, but she could tell they'd be able to finish and didn't want them distracting her from the ones who couldn't cut it. "Private Polyp, you're done! Go! Private Itsumi, Private Nishizumi, you're done! Go!"

She started simply hauling them onto their feet and throwing them in the direction she wanted them to start running. Yukari wasn't even paying attention to where she was when the Sergeant grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled her up.

"Are you a killer, Private?"

Yukari wasn't sure how to answer that. Was she being asked if she could kill, or if she ever had? She felt pretty strongly that the answer was no either way. "No, ma'am…"

"What?! I didn't hear you! Speak up!"

"N-no, ma'am!"

"No? You're not a killer? Then what are you doing in the Army?"

"I was drafted, ma'am!"

"Drafted? Are you a conscientious objector?"

Yukari didn't know that either. She didn't even know what war she was being prepared for. "I don't know, ma'am!"

"You don't know? You don't fucking know? What are you, some kind of hero? I bet you think you're a hero!"

"No, ma'am!"

"Run your lap, you god damned weirdo!" She shoved Yukari away, kicking at her to get her moving. "Run like you're being chased by a tidal wave, you fucking oddball!"

Dodger threw more girls into their laps, removing most of them from the formation. There were only seven left when she marched back to Mako kicked her in the stomach, knocking her down. She grabbed her and threw her into the dirt. Mako scrambled back up, but Dodger shoved her down again, pushing her down with her foot.

"Slugs don't run, Private Slug! Do your lap, but I want you to crawl all the way around this compound! Crawl, Private Slug! Crawl!"

Mako responded with a barely audible "Ugh…" but started crawling as ordered.

The Sergeant looked over the six girls remaining. Four of them were the girls she thought were the least capable, but the two in the middle just intrigued her. She couldn't let them know this, of course. They were competing with each other, all the others forgotten, trying to see who could do more pushups faster. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a datapad. The device looked like it belonged in sci-fi, but she'd managed to get a few for the Drill Sergeants at the base. She tapped on the screen, bringing up the info on the two girls. Of course she could have done this for all of them, but she had to find something to yell at them for.

She put the datapad away after reading their files, then leaned down and shouted into her megaphone right between their heads. "Private Hoshino! Private Suzuki! Stand at fucking attention!" They jumped up immediately. "I wasn't counting, so tell me who won."

They glanced at each other briefly, then Suzuki pointed at Hoshino. "Pretty sure she did, ma'am."

"What? How could you let her win? Get down and give me another hundred pushups, loser! I'll start counting when I sit down!" She turned to Hoshino. "So you won, huh? Feel good, winning?"

"…maybe?"

"Maybe? Maybe?! Take some god damned pride in your victory! You fucking won! Do a victory lap! Run! Go! Twice around the compound! Move it!" She sure hoped they were starting to get the sense that there was no winning with her. Standing behind the remaining five, she cracked a crazed grin. Maybe it was the heat that had gotten to her, or maybe she had always been this way. Sergeant Tory Dodger cackled to herself. "I hope you like disappointment, ladies. You're going to be here a very long time."

Halfway around the compound, Nonna and Erwin were at the front of the group. They stopped for a brief moment to catch their breath. Erwin looked over at the gate that was the front entrance to the base. It had a sign beside it that proudly held the name 'Camp Disappointment'.

"Bozhe moi…"

Another girl stopped beside them, taking in the sign. "Yeah, we're in the Outback for sure! Woohoo!" She ran on.

Katyusha bolted past them. "Katyusha will not be defeated by some Koala Forest fink! Get back here!"

Nonna and Erwin looked behind them to see other girls closing the gap. They started running. No one wanted to be the last ones in while Sergeant Dodger was waiting.