Confession

(Day 127: Sunday Night)

When Ruby answers the door Chad asks, "Is Audrey here?"

"She is," the blond answers.

Chad's quiet for a moment, "I need to talk to her."

Audrey walks up to the door, immediately noticing his discontent, "What's wrong?"

His sad eyes meet hers, "I need to have confession with you."

She shakes her head, "I didn't think Lutherans did confession."

"We have access to it." His eyes lower, "I'm just not comfortable with the idea." before he faces her again. "But you're my girlfriend, and I'd like to have confession with you." He lets out a shaky breath, "You know. Alone."

Audrey turns to her roommate, "Ruby—"

"I'll give you some space," she reassures, before she moves past Chad and leaves.

Audrey waves a hand, "Come in." and when he does she shuts the door. Chad waits for her, and after she takes his hand and they sit down in the beanbag chairs she sweetly smiles, "So, what's your confession?" She notices the tears in his eyes and frowns, "This is confession. I promise not to judge or get mad or take any of it personally."

Chad nearly smiles, "Thank you." before he gulps. "Audrey." He meets her dark brown eyes, "I think God is punishing me."

She's quiet for a second, "Why do you think that?"

"Because." He finds it hard to speak, "I enacted in immoral behavior, and now…" His eyes move down, "Someone's been immoral to me." before he faces her again. "The hospital," he starts before hesitating. "Everything that could have gone wrong has, and it's just been one thing after another." He blinks, and the tears fall to his cheeks, "I misused my prescription, and it showed up in the tox screening. I prided myself in my tourney abilities, selfishly keeping the ball from Jay, and now it turns out my ankle is fractured." He shakes his head, "I cheated on you." before he takes her hand. "I participated in homosexual acts, and God punished me for it."

It takes her a minute to respond, "Who did you do those acts with?"

Chad takes a breath, "As usual… My assistant."

She quietly comments, "That VK."

"I didn't think it was cheating at the time," he quickly tells her. "But it was still wrong, and—" He looks off, "And I shouldn't have done it." before he faces her again.

"Are you still…"

He firmly shakes his head, "No. I told him we couldn't do it anymore."

She nods, "And… will he still be assisting you?"

Chad's silent for a moment, "I still need the help. The only classes I'm really good at are health and language ones. Well, I mean, not poetry, but… you know what I mean."

She nods again, "And… are you sure you can resist the temptation?"

"Yes," he immediately says. "Especially now that you know."

Audrey slightly smiles before placing her other hand onto his, "And I will be here for you if you can't. Just come to me, and I will help you through it." He nods, and she continues, "Look. I'm not sure if God would punish the living." She looks deep into his blue eyes, "But what I do know is that when God tests us, he does not give us anything more than what we can handle. You will make it through this, and in the end you will be stronger for it."

"You think so?" Chad softly questions.

Her smile widens, "I know so." before she tilts her head. "But, these demons you've been wrestling with… You might need more help than what I can offer."

Chad frowns, "What are you thinking?"

Audrey is quiet for a moment, "How often does your family attend church?"

He shrugs, "It's mostly just the major holiday ones… A little more during the summer if we feel like it."

She nods, "I really think that you need to be spending more time in God's grace." and she grins as she squeezes his hands. "How would you like to attend church with my family? We'd leave Saturday evening, have dinner together, and then leave to church early the next morning." Audrey excites, "Oh. And in the afternoon I participate in the charities, and trust me: nothing heals the soul like doing good for others."

Chad slightly smiles, "You know… I think I'd like that."

"Great. I'll tell my parents." She moves onto her knees and wraps her arms over his shoulders, "I am so proud of you, coming forward like this. It shows strength."

"Well, I wanted to try." His smile widens, "I love you." before he moves forward and they kiss.

She giggles, "I love you too."

When Ben's phone rings he rejects the call again, and Doug comments, "Maybe you should answer that."

"It's just my mother," he disagrees.

Doug gives a look, "Which means you should pick up."

"She's only calling because I didn't go to dinner," he negates.

"You're only making me right."

Ben faces him, "Why should I?"

"Ben," he tries to reason. "You just tried to kill yourself last weekend. They're probably really worried."

He turns back to the laptop, "They don't know about that."

"You didn't tell them?" Doug disbelieves.

Ben furrows his eyebrows, "No. Why would I?"

Doug is silent for a minute, before he quietly mentions, "If you were serious about not trying to kill yourself again, then you would have told them."

He lets out a breath of annoyance before turning back to him, "Look. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Last time they were a little busy making me drink a shake."

It takes a moment for him to inquire, "And what's wrong with a shake?"

"It was like sand," Ben complains. "Wet sand."

Doug adjusts his glasses, "Is that why you didn't go to dinner, you were afraid they were going to make you eat or drink something?"

Ben's eyes shift down, "No." before he faces Doug. "I didn't go, because I didn't want to make my mom sad." He sees his phone ring again and swipes the red button again, "She cried last time… and when I told her I was fine, she cried even more." He stares down at the keyboard and mumbles, "It doesn't matter what I say. I will hurt her."

Doug sits down next to him, "I know this is hard for you, but if you just ate—"

"I can't," Ben stresses.

"Even if it's just with your parents at Sunday dinners?" he softly counters. "Isn't that the only problem here? Your mom isn't seeing you eat, so she thinks you're hurting yourself."

"Eating hurts," Ben quietly dismisses, before his eyes shift in thought. "The feelings hurt more than just… the pain of not."

"It would just be once a week," Doug informs. "That's it. That's all."

"It would feel like forever," he whispers, before he gulps and faces him again. "I'm scared. I don't know why… or what." He takes a breath, "I just am, and it's really bad."

Doug opens his mouth to speak; however, before he can he hears his own phone, and when he takes it out he sees who it is. He glances at Ben before answering, "Yes, Your Highness?"

Ben can hear his mother on the other end, her voice full of worry, "Where's Ben?"

"Here's here," Doug informs. "He's okay."

"He didn't show for dinner," she stresses.

"Yes," Doug unsurely comments. "He just told me that."

"Do you know what's been going on?" Ben hears his mother cry. "He isn't eating right."

"I know," he frowns. "We've been talking about it."

"Really?" she shakily breathes. "Because he hasn't been telling me anything."

"I'm sure he's only keeping things from you because of how much he cares about you," Doug slowly reassures. Ben hears his mother speedily speak, and although he can no longer keep up with her side of the conversation, he can still hear how sad she is. Doug looks at Ben, as his mother doesn't seem to stop. He feels a deep sinking in his being as his eyes fill with tears. This was his doing. He caused this. He stands from the table and hurries to the door, before Doug calls out, "Ben." He ignores him and leaves the room, pacing through the hallways until he finds himself outside. He sits down on the cold concrete stairs, and he breathes in the crisp air. Ben looks up at the cloudy, night sky, and there it is standing tall and mighty, his father's statue mocking him once again. What a mess he his, his life is, and it's all because of him.

- I think this is my favorite chapter out of the ones I'm posting today.