I Care about You Too

(Day 136: Tuesday Night)

"So," Ben comments as he walks Mal over to the table, "We have chips, dips, cheese, and…"

Mal eyes at the tiny, red cylinders on the glass platter, "Meat links?"

"Sure," Ben accepts, before he pulls out a chair and Mal goes to sit in the one next to right. Ben frowns, briefly shocked, before he takes that seat instead.

Mal takes one of the links, "Hmm. These are good."

"Yeah," Ben catches the scent. "They're, uh, smoked." He forces his eyes away from them and grabs the remote, "So, what do you want to watch?"

She smiles, "I hear spy movies are good."

Ben makes a noise, "I don't know if they will have it." before he notices his textbooks stacked onto his laptop on the other side of the table. "Here." He moves to that chair, sets the books aside and opens the laptop, "You can find anything now." He pauses as he types. "And I know one that's really good." He looks up at her, "Wait. Do you want the one for kids or the one for teens?"

"Doesn't matter."

"I'll do the kid one," Ben decides. "I think you will find the funny better."

"Mal's quiet for a minute, "The word you've been looking for is humor." Ben offers her a confused look. "Funny is someone's response to humor," she frowns. "I'm pretty sure humor is the noun." She looks off, "Funny is an adjective."

"Right," Ben slowly says, before he looks back at the screen.

After another minute Mal questions, "Why do you think I will like this better?"

Ben hesitates, "Well, just." before he scratches the back of his head and meets her eyes. "It's mean, kind of. The sister makes fun of him, and people get hurt." Mal doesn't speak. "I just would guess— because of how I see you and your friends— that you're more… You know this humor better than others."

Mal slightly nods, "Okay."

He turns the laptop around before returning to the seat next to her, and he presses play before bringing a bowl of white dip and another of red chips next to him. "I don't know if they talk in Spanish in this one or not… But you know the small stuff, right?"

Mal continues to stare at the screen, "No." but when the mother starts the bedtime story she smiles. "Their greatest weapon was their minds," she repeats. "I'm liking this already." Ben glances over, starting to smile, but it begins to falter as he notices her scent and his eyes lower to her exposed neck. He swiftly turns away from her, taking in a deep breath and pretending to clear his throat, before he starts in on the chips and dip. Some time passes, and Mal laughs at Ben's still growling stomach, "You should have brought better food." She notices his concern, and she turns the meat side of the platter towards him, "Here. Have some."

Ben shakes his head, "No. I got those for you."

"What about you?" she raises an eyebrow.

He lifts a shoulder, "I'll grab something later." before he wets his lips and turns back to his snacks. "I'm fine with these right now."

Ben hears Mal take an unsure breath, before she slowly says, "Okay." in a higher tone than her typical voice. He looks back at her. She doesn't believe him, and he just wishes she wouldn't make such a big deal out of it.

He frowns as he turns back to the screen, and when an action scene comes up he questions, "What do you think so far?"

"I like it," Mal continues to look at the laptop. "It's interesting." The movie continues on, and when it reaches the end she hears Ben sigh, "Something wrong?"

Ben deeply frowns, "Nothing." before he faces her. "It just made me sad… I guess."

"Why?" Mal frowns in return.

He slightly shakes his head, "Their family is just so strong."

"And yours isn't?" Mal inquires. Ben glances down, and she lets out a breath, "Look, Ben." He faces her again, and she squints, "Every family has problems. You saw at the beginning of the movie that they had problems. It only ends happy, because it's a movie." She raises her eyebrows, "And if the movie continues, you could bet they would have even more problems to deal with."

"I guess," Ben quietly says.

"I owe you a kiss," Mal attempts to distract him, before she leans forward and he closes his eyes.

After the first one Mal goes for a second one, but Ben turns his head away and gulps, "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

Mal backs off, "This is because of what I did."

"No," Ben softly responds. "It's just…" He looks down, "We watched a movie. We ate." before he faces her. "I think the date is done."

She shakes her head, "Why now?"

He wets his lips, "I have stuff to do."

Mal's quiet for a second, "You're lying."

Ben meets her eyes, "I'm not."

"Then what are you doing?"

He looks off, "Stuff."

"Right," Mal sarcastically says.

"Look." Ben faces her, "It's not you. It's me."

Mal tilts her head, before commenting more sternly, "What about you?" He doesn't speak, and she questions louder, "Well?"

He quietly answers, "I just can't right now."

She shakes her head, "And here I thought we were going somewhere."

"Mal," he attempts to reason.

"You know," Mal fumes. "You're worse than my mother. At least she was there. She may have told me I was young, careless, and stupid, and hypnotized me to do her bidding, but at least she was there."

Ben lift a hand, "Can you slow down?"

Mal shakes her head, "You're unbelievable." before she takes a deep breath and Ben can see the tears in her eyes. "Tell me. Tell me you want me."

"I love you," he reassures.

"No," Mal rejects. "Say you care. Say you want to be with me."

Ben continues to frown, "Why?"

"Because," Mal asserts. "Love doesn't mean anything."

"Of course it means something," Ben disagrees.

Mal nods, "Yeah. Love means people will hurt you if they think it will make you better, because they're so afraid of losing you, but when you care—" She takes a deep breath and continues slower, "When you care about someone you care about how they feel, not just their stupid survival." She sadly laughs, "When you love someone you do it for yourself. When you care about someone you're doing it for them."

"I do care about you," he slowly says. "It's because I care that I'm doing this."

The tears fall to her cheeks, "Help me understand." and after a long moment she notices his eyes start to shine.

Ben whispers in a high, unsteady tone, "I'm sorry. I can't."

Mal looks away as she nods, "Okay." before she stands from her seat.

When she starts to walk away Ben sadly says, "Mal."

She turns back to him, "I care about you too." before continuing to the door, and when she enters the hall she finds herself walking down to Jay's room. She knocks, and when he answers he immediately frowns. "You up for a drink?"

It takes a moment for him to nod, "Yeah." before he points his head back towards the room. "I'll go get my jacket."