Avoidance

(Day 141: Sunday Night)

Ben sighs before checking his watch, and when he pulls his phone out his father gives a stern look, "Put that away."

He frowns up at him, taking a moment to softy say, "I've been here for two hours."

"And you're going to stay here until we settle this," his father eyes him down.

"I'm not trying to leave," Ben whispers.

His mother places a hand on his father's arm, offering a cautious look, before turning to Ben, "Are you expecting a potential emergency?"

Ben opens his mouth, taking a minute before answering, "I'm the emergency. My roommate's been worried. I'm supposed to check in with him every hour."

She nods as she glances at the cellphone, "One text. And then put it away." and after Ben does so he looks up at her again. "You just need to choose something. Anything."

When Ben places a hand to his head, looking over his ten options, his father intrudes, "Elbows off the table."

Ben straightens up, facing his father in a long silence, before his mother brings his father's attention to her. "Adam. I have this. Why don't you take some time for yourself?"

"If I leave," he widens his eyes, "you're going to let him go."

"I will get him to eat," she promises. "But it's been a long, tiring discussion, and a stern talking to isn't what he needs right now."

He glances between her and Ben, "Make sure he does." before he stands and goes.

After Ben watches his father leave the dining room he faces his mother, "You shouldn't have promised that."

She's quiet for a moment, "Your father isn't fond of betrayal. Please, help me make my statement true." and when Ben stresses over his options again she walks around the table to sit next to him. "Just one item will do."

Ben looks over the five small plates of chicken, turkey, salami, steak, and smoked ham, before he also eyes over the black sludge, red soup, blood sausage, tiny sandwiches, and protein shake. "Why does this have to be so hard?" He meets her sad, brown eyes, "I'm sorry. I can't."

"Honey," she hesitates. "I need you to do this for me. I couldn't bear to lose you." He looks away from her. "I need you to live. You have to eat."

"I already did," Ben bypasses.

"Pardon?"

He faces her, tears filling his eyes, "I ate." and he feels his heart race. "Mom. Trust me. I ate. I did." She looks over him in observation. "Please. You have to believe me."

She wipes the tears from his face, "It's alright." before she moves in to hug him. "I believe you." She lets go of him but keeps a hand on his shoulder, as she hesitates, "But your father is going to need to have you have something here."

Ben whispers, "Why?"

"Because," she calmly explains. "In his mind, if you were to tell him what you just told me… you'd have only proved his point."

"I didn't mean," he desperately starts.

"I'm sure you didn't," she frowns, before she grabs the small plate of sandwiches. "Share these with me, and you may be excused." She turns back to him and notices his eyes piercing at them, "There's enough cheese where you won't even be able to taste it."

"But I still know it's in there," he reminds her.

"Ben." It takes her a minute, "What exactly detours you from eating this?"

He shakes his head, "The meat."

"Yes," she accepts, "but what about the meat?"

"It's," he loudly hisses, before he quiets and thinks, "It's… I, uh." He meets her eyes, "It's not fair that I have to eat meat when other people don't need to."

"Honey," she slightly shakes her head. "You're not alone. There are other hybrids— other carnivores— out there."

"But I'm not," Ben yells, before he shuts his eyes and wets his lips. "I mean…" He takes a breath before looking at her again, "I don't feel like I belong to those people."

It takes time for his mother to respond, and he feels his heart thump in paranoia, before she finally comments, "I know." She meets his eyes, "We've kept you from that community, and because of that you were raised in a purely human environment." Ben opens his mouth to deny that reason, but then she continues, "It must make you feel… unsettled, now that you do know."

Ben shakes his head, "I'm not blaming you. It's not your fault."

"We could have still handled it better," she denies, before she places the sandwiches between them. "But something to remember is that humans do eat meat too. In fact, were we in the ice age, I'd be eating as much meat as you." She picks up a sandwich and takes a bite, nodding down for him to do the same, and after he takes a bite she smiles with tears. "You see. We are the same."

When Aziz sits down with Ben across from Chad, Chad narrows his eyes as he looks between the two, "What's up with him?"

Ben comments, "Fairy Godmother thinks I need more support." before he looks at Aziz. "Are you okay with us talking in French?"

He slightly smiles, "If you don't mind me reading in Arabic." before he opens up the Quran and turns his attention to it; however, after he notices Ben avoiding the sandwiches he faces him. "You need protein."

Ben halts his conversation with Chad, glancing down at his half empty tray, before he looks at Aziz, "Can I not?"

Aziz sternly reminds him, "She's going to send you home. The school year is almost done. If you're sent home now, you'll miss exam week. You'll fail all of your classes." Ben fails to speak, merely continuing to look at him. "Is it just meat? Are you having a hard time with it?" Ben still doesn't speak, but he notices his pained expression. "Give me a minute."

When Aziz gets up from the table Chad comments, "We were talking about the next time we could go out."

Ben sighs, "Chad. I really don't know right now. Okay?"

Chad frowns, "It would be good for you to have some fun."

He's quiet for a moment, "Chad. For once, I want you to think about me, not you."

"I am thinking about you," he disbelieves.

There's a long silence, before Ben admits, "I attempted suicide again." and he notices Chad's expression become even more sad. "I can't plan right now." He shakes his head, "I simply can't see past today— or even this hour."

Chad takes an encouraging breath, before he shakes his head, "Just tell me when, day or night. I'll be there."

Ben nods, "I can do that." before he watches Aziz come back with a plate.

He sits down and switches Ben's tray with the plate, "Completely vegetarian." and when Ben offers him a questioning look Aziz points to the white block. "Tofu. High in protein and iron. Should be tasteless. You can add things to it next time."

Ben looks down at it, before he pokes the fork into it, "It looks easy to eat."

Aziz smiles, "If you go put syrup on it, it will become a good desert."

Ben laughs before raising his eyebrows at him, "Really?"

"Really."

Ben nods, "I'll have to try that." before he stands to take the plate to the kitchen.

Doug sits down across from Ben in the library, before he slowly says, "So." and Ben faces him. "You've been avoiding me."

It takes a minute for Ben to say, "I am sorry. You know that."

"Yes," he nods before adjusting his glasses. "So, why are you avoiding me." Ben merely frowns. "Are you afraid it will happen again?"

Ben opens his mouth before admitting, "Maybe." as he glances down. "In, uh, generally."

Doug nods in thought, before he questions, "Do you remember anything now, that you didn't before?" Ben shakes his head. "So, you don't remember what it tasted like?"

He looks down, "There was a…" before he faces him. "Looking back, there was a taste after—" He nods forward, keeping his eyes up, "After. But I didn't think about it, and I still don't know how it was."

Doug nods again, "Okay."

"I am sorry," Ben says again. "I would never want to even think about it or doing it."

Doug solemnly smiles, "Ben. It's okay." as he observes his expression. "I understand."