I Wasn't Fine

(Day 143: Tuesday Afternoon)

"You want extra credit?" Mr. Conrad raises his eyebrows.

"My… the, uh…" He wets his lips, "What my grade is guessed to be by how I'm doing right now, I would only have a B at the end of the year."

The balding teacher takes a moment, "Ben. The fact that your projected grade is predicted to be a B shows just how well you've done. This is essentially a pre-college course. Most people only get a B, and given the concussion you suffered from, I'd say you faired very well." Ben stares at him in confusion. "You didn't understand what I just said, did you?"

Ben looks off, "I just need my grade to be an A. If I act now—"

"Ben," the brown eyed teacher interrupts, before he widens his eyes, "Your grade is no worse than any other student. You did very well, even with how much you went through this year. Extra credit really isn't necessary."

He's silent for a minute, before he stresses, "I need an A."

"Why?"

Ben opens his mouth before slowly asserting, "I just really want an A."

Mr. Conrad turns to the computer, and it takes him a minute to find the information, "It looks like your lowest score came from the neurodisease unit." He writes on a sticky note, "If you can turn in a five page report accurately describing neurological diseases, such as Alzheimer's, then I will raise that unit's average by one full letter grade."

When Ben's presented with the sticky note he takes it, frowning, "Thank you."

Mr. Conrad hesitates, "Ben. How are you doing?"

He shakes his head, "What do you mean?"

"It's just," the teacher concerns, "you look a bit sick."

Ben furrows his brows before quietly commenting, "I'm fine."

He nods, "Very well." before he smiles. "Have a nice day."

Ben pauses, "Yeah." before he looks over him. "You too."

When Doug enters the kitchen he breathes in relief, "Ben." as he hurries to the other end of the room. "You had worried like crazy." He halts when his notices him crying, "Ben?"

"It's not working," he cries. "It's high in protein and iron, but it's not working." He shakily breathes, "And my stomach hurts, and I don't know if it's from eating or not eating."

Doug looks over the empty packages of tofu, "How much did you have?" and Ben merely shakes his head. "Ben," he whispers.

"Why doesn't it work?" he stresses.

Doug's quiet for a minute, "There's no good substitute for meat for carnivores. And plant protein is different than animal protein." He recalls, "Don't you remember back when you were working on muscle gain? You complained about how plant protein tasted for those shakes."

Ben sniffles before leaning his head on the cool counter, "What am I going to do?"

"If I may make a suggestion," Doug hesitates, and he waits for Ben to face him, "maybe you could try eating meat again." Ben looks back down. "If you don't you'll hurt someone again. That's a fact."

Ben huffs, "I'm not going to hurt you."

"It's not me I'm worried about," Doug emphasizes. "It's you. It's how you will react or how your parents react when your oh-so-dark secret comes to light." Ben silences, and Doug takes a deep breath as he adjusts his glasses, "Ben. It's really not me I'm worried about, and honestly? If you were eating meat and this was still happening, then I might have just offered to become a donor."

"You would?" Ben shocks.

"Under the condition that you were still eating meat and it wasn't enough," he elaborates before shaking his head. "Seriously, Ben. None of this would even be a problem if you just had some meat." He looks over him, "You were fine before."

Ben eyes away, before he quietly states, "No. I wasn't fine." and looks down at the wrapper-covered counter. "I had crazy wants, bad thoughts… It's just worse now." He places his arms on his knees and holds his hands together, "Meat. Blood. Ripping people apart, tearing the meat away until all that's seen is bone." He sadly laughs, "It's all I can think about now." before he clears his throat. "And…" He gulps, "There's a part of me that wants to give in so badly."

When Ben faces him it takes Doug a moment to respond, "It's okay. Everything's going to be fine."

When Doug sits at the table and Ben brings his attention to him he begins, "So. Here's the sitch." He faces him, "You're hungry, you're not eating, and if you continue to ignore your body's needs it will take those needs for you." He raises his eyebrows, "Agree with me so far?" and Ben slightly nods. "Good. Now." Doug uncomfortably continues, "So. The way I see it…" before he pulls a pocket knife out and holds it up for Ben to see. "You can either take some from me now, willingly. Or, you can take a lot from some random person later, unwillingly."

Ben's mouth gapes, and he eyes the knife as he shakes his head, "No."

"Ben," he tries to reason. "Last night you just told me you fantasize about mauling people. One of these times you're going to get someone killed."

"I don't care," he shouts, and Doug can see the pained expression on his face. "I'm not doing this."

Doug slightly nods, "Okay, then. I'm going to give you two options." before he opens the knife up to a small blade. "Either I do this and it's pointless or I do this and you go for it."

Ben shakes his head harder, "No." before he watches Doug pull his sleeve up to his elbow. "Don't do it." His eyes widen as he watches the knife touch Doug's skin, and he grits his teeth, "I said stop."

Doug gives Ben a final look, "I'm sorry." before he forces the blade into his skin and pulls it a centimeter before taking it out. He watches Ben stare in a trace, as the blood leaks from the wound. Doug offers permission, "Go for it." and Ben quickly moves in, licking the blood that had dripped down his arm before sucking on the cut. "I just knew you would never ask," Doug softly says, before Ben uses his front teeth to cut in deeper and Doug winces. "I told you. Everything's going to be fine."

Next Up: Ben and Chad spend the night at the ruins.