Make a Wish

(Day 148: Sunday Night)

"Carlos here?" Aziz asks Evie.

Carlos walks into view, and Evie opens the door wider. "Hey." He steps forward, "What's going on?"

"Well," Aziz evenly responds. "We kind of have this party going on." He looks him over, "Did you not get my text?"

"No. I did," Carlos rushes in unsureness, before he quiets. "It's just… I don't really feel in the party mood right now."

"That's too bad." Aziz smirks, "We got this chocolate cake, but I guess we're just going to have to eat it without you."

"Chocolate cake?" he raises his eyebrows.

"Well, it is your birthday, isn't it?"

Carlos's eyes shift, his brows furrowing, before he meets his, "Is it?"

"I have it on good authority from the king that it is."

"Oh," Carlos continues to frown.

Aziz frowns in return, "What? Do you not celebrate your birthday?" before he rubs the back of his neck. "I mean, I know atheists aren't really supposed to." He makes a noise, "But, I mean, most do as a, uh, social custom, I guess."

"I'm not atheist," Carlos thinks. "I'm nonreligious."

"Then, what's the problem?"

Carlos's mouth opens before he mumbles, "It's just never really been a thing." before he looks down. "My birthday… It's kind of like a joke."

Aziz smiles, "Well, maybe I can change that."

Carlos looks back at Mal and Evie, and Mal asserts, "Well. What are you waiting for? Get out of here, you wuss."

He laughs as he turns back to Aziz, "Where's this party again?"

"Hey. There he is," William announces, as Aziz brings Carlos into the dorm. He turns towards the brown haired guy, "Brendan, get the lighter."

Carlos slowly walks up to the black cake with white, loopy writing, before Brendan searches his pockets and pulls out a vape pen, "Uh. I don't think I have a lighter anymore."

Aziz glances between him and the metal stick, "There's twenty times more nicotine in those than an actual cigarette."

"Not this," he puts it back in his pocket. "I get the ones without nicotine."

"And you're sure you're getting the right ones?" Aziz questions.

"Yeah," he confidently answers, and Aziz nods.

"So," William announces. "We have a birthday cake unlit candles."

Carlos unzips a pocket of his black leather vest, and the others stare as he pulls out a blue lighter. He frowns as he hands it to William, "Here." and when he continues to stare at him Carlos places his other hand to the back of his neck. "You can keep it." He uncomfortably smiles, "If you want."

He takes it, looking over him, "Why do you have a lighter?"

Carlos opens his mouth to speak, before he looks over the three of them and then eyes the floor, "I, uh…" He faces him, "I used to…" before he lets out a breath and looks away. "It's crazy." No one speaks, and he takes a deep breath before meeting his blue eyes, "You know how, uh, my mother used to put cigarettes out on me." He hesitates, "Well, um." and his eyes shift. "That didn't stop when I got here."

"But she's not here," Brendan points out.

"No," Carlos mumbles. "She's not."

"You self-harm," William frowns.

"Not anymore," he hurriedly defends with wide eyes, before halts in hesitation, "I, uh." His eyes shift, "I stopped." before he faces him again. "I stopped." There's a long silence, and he looks around the room, "Where's Li? Isn't he usually at these things?"

"Right," Aziz recalls, and Carlos turns towards him. "He wasn't really comfortable coming to this." He thinks for a moment, "He wants to stay… neutral about certain things."

Carlos looks down, "I get it." before he turns back to William and watches as he lights the fifteen candles. He attempts to smile at him, "Make a wish, and blow them out."

Carlos pulls the chair out and then sits, staring at the golden flames as his breath causes them to flicker. What he wants, something he wants more than anything. All he can think of is one thing. He imagines Jay's girlfriend breaking up with him and him swearing off girls forever, becoming the perfect boyfriend: telling him his feelings and thoughts, giving him chocolates, and satisfying his needs comfortably. Carlos looks down, away from the cake. That would be a problem. He doesn't like hurting him. He doesn't believe it makes him feel the way it does.

"Carlos?" Aziz questions, and he watches as he sits down next to him. "Are you okay?"

Carlos looks back at the cake, "Is it wrong to wish someone pain?"

"You're in pain yourself," Aziz contemplates.

"That doesn't answer my question," he comments as he notices the wax drip down the red candles onto the black frosting.

"These candles aren't enchanted," he lets him know. "You can wish for whatever you want to."

Carlos runs his hand over the hot flames, but he still feels so cold, "I wish… I get whatever life I deserve." before he observes the flames for another moment and slowly blows them out.

When Carlos looks back down at the table William hands him a paper plate, "You can take the candles out and put them on here, lick the chocolate off if you want to." Carlos merely nods, before William picks up the empty box of candles and goes to throw it away; however, when he sees the small font on the front of the box he halts. He reads it again and stares at it for a moment, before he taps his friend on the shoulder and Aziz turns around. He shows the box to him, and Aziz deeply frowns. "What do we do?"

Aziz looks over his shoulder and sees Carlos turn towards them, before he faces William, "It's recyclable. Take it to the recycling bin in the hall."

It takes a minute for him to say, "Sorry."

Aziz sternly comments, "Next time, double check to make sure you're not getting something with such an expensive price."

William hesitates, "I didn't know."

He looks off, "It could have been worse." before he faces him and sighs. "Just learn from this and move on. It's fine."

"Thanks," he continues to frown, before he heads out of the room.

"What was that about?" Carlos asks.

Aziz turns towards him, "It's the candles. I don't like the ones he got."

"Why?"

"Because," he thinks, "the company uses unholy means to make a profit."

"Unholy means?" he inquires.

Aziz takes a breath, "Their things tend to be high in price." before he pulls a cupcake out from the cake and smiles. "Have a piece."

Carlos slowly takes it, "They're cupcakes?"

"Yeah. Pretty cool, right?"

Carlos stares down at the chocolate cupcake, and he sadly smiles, "Last year Jay stole me an entire box of these from the bakery. And then we shared them." He sets it down, "It was…"

"Sweet," Aziz frowns.

"I was going to say nice," Carlos softly speaks, before he looks at him, "But. Yeah." William comes back into the room and Carlos hears his phone, but when he takes it from his pocket Aziz takes it from him. He glances between him and the phone, "What does it say?"

Aziz swipes the phone, "You need a password." before he goes to the texts.

Carlos notices the expression on his face, "Who is it?"

He shakes his head, "Jay." before he turns the screen back to black and slides it into his own pocket. "The selfish jerk wants to know if you're coming to the game Saturday."

"Coach has been wondering too," Brendan inputs.

Carlos looks at him, "Don't worry. I'll be there." before he picks the cupcake back up. "I just… I can't be his shield right now."

"You've been getting better," William comments. "It would be a shame to lose you now that, well, you're doing better."

"You have potential," Aziz agrees, and Carlos faces him. He doesn't speak. He just looks him over. "What?"

Carlos meets his dark brown eyes and whispers, "You're nothing like him." and he examines his features again. "You look like him. But you're nothing like him."

It takes a moment for Aziz to say, "It must be hard, looking back at the relationship you had with him and seeing where it went wrong, how things changed."

"It is," he admits.

After another moment Aziz suggests, "If it's hard for you to see me right now, I can leave. It's okay."

Carlos shakes his head, "No. I want you to stay." before he forces his eyes away from him and takes a bite of his cupcake. "Are you having one?"

"Can't," he answers, and when Carlos looks back he notices his half smile. "I'm fasting for Ramadan."

"Ramadan?" he inquires.

"It's the most holy month on the Islamic calendar," he explains. "It marks the time that the profit Mahammad was given the Quran by the archangel Gabriel. During the month we observe the five pillars of faith and practice self-restraint and self-reflection."

"And you're fasting for this?" Carlos's eyebrows rise. "For the whole month?"

"No," William answers. "Just him." Carlos turns towards him, and he whispers with a smile, "He's manorexic."

Aziz stares him down, "People with illnesses aren't required to fast." before he takes a deep breath. "Technically, you're allowed a meal at dawn and dusk."

Carlos faces him, "But you don't do that?"

He hesitates, "I do it as little as possible."

"Why?"

He looks down, "Fasting is about purifying the soul." before he meets his eyes. "And I want my soul to be pure." He looks over him before eyeing the table, "I want to rid myself of sin, physically manifested or otherwise." Carlos fails to speak, so he mentions, "You're also not allowed to drink water during the day or kiss your significant other."

"Wait," Carlos disbelieves. "Not even kiss? At all?"

"At least during the day," he explains.

"What about people who are usually awake at night?" he questions. "Would that change anything at all?"

Aziz takes a moment, "Considering that we're supposed to pray at dawn, noon, afternoon, dusk, and night, I don't see anyone being awake at night. Not like that."

"Whoa," Carlos comments. "How can you find the time for that?"

"You don't find time for God," he asserts. "You make time." He remembers the Quran and looks at where it lays on his bedside table. He needs to finish it.

"So," Carlos inquires, "how much longer will you be fasting for?"

Aziz looks back at him and frowns, "Tomorrow. Ramadan ends tomorrow."

"So, we should save some cupcakes for you," he smiles.

"You can," he comments, before he looks back at where they holy book is. He needs to finish it by the end of tonight.

"Aziz?"

He looks back at Carlos and slowly says, "We were thinking about putting on a movie and playing a couple board games."

"Yeah. Okay," he immediately responds.

Aziz nods, and as William finds a movie he sets the game up. They sit around the four colors, and after several moves Aziz picks up the blue pawn. He moves it back four spaces and places the yellow pawn back at start, whispering, "Sorry."

- Posted: 01/26/2019

-It's starting to look like I lied about finishing this this month. I really wanted to, but it really is a time management thing. I only have about an hour or two before and after work, but I have that set aside to eat and things. I'd probably be too tired to write anything coherently during those times too, so I'm just going to have to get better at using my day off more efficiently. Hopefully I can. I tried to start writing these Wednesday, but I kept falling asleep at my desk... Which, uh, I've been doing more often than I'd like to admit. Even on work days. It's bad.