Shut Up

(Day 151: Wednesday Afternoon)

"Yeah," Evie defends, "but my friends had these kind of experiences too, and they're fine." Her eyes shift as she places a hand over her bony wrist, before she quietly comments, "Or. I mean…"

"I'm not blaming what your mother did," the therapist reassures. "Your experiences are only part of why you developed this disorder."

"Biology is the other part," Evie remembers her conversation with Doug.

"It can be hereditary to a certain degree," the red haired woman recognizes. "Tell me. Your mother, do you think she could have an eating disorder?"

"It wouldn't be anorexia," she frowns, "if she does have one. She's not even thin anymore… I haven't heard her throw up or anything either."

"What about mood disorders? Bipolar or depression, maybe?"

Evie shakes her head, "I don't know." before she meets her crystal blue eyes. "My father is really nice… I can't see him having any problems like that."

"So, your father is alive?" she raises her eyebrows.

"No." Evie looks off, "He's not."

"That must be really stressful," the therapist suspects. "Not having his support anymore."

"He's still with me," she lets her know.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course," she sympathetically smiles. "But… it's not the same, is it?"

Evie glances down, "No. It's not."

"It can be hard to recover from an eating disorder without support," she informs. "Is there someone you're close to that can support you with this in your daily life?"

"My, uh, friend and her boyfriend have been really good to me."

"Good," the therapist nods. "That will help. Let them help you with any stress you may feel. Some people think their eating disorders are helping them, but they're wrong. The eating disorder will consume you both mentally and physically until there's nothing left. It's very important that you ignore that voice and let your friends help you."

She's lying. You're better than you've ever been. You're stronger now. You're— "What do you mean by voice?" Evie inquires.

"Well," the therapist begins. "A lot of people with eating disorders say that they hear a voice and that this voice tells them what to do, not always just with food either."

"What would this voice be like?" That's a stupid question. She wouldn't know.

"Manipulative," she sums up. "It can convince people to do things they don't want to do or know are wrong." She takes a deep breath, "It could get you to lie to those closest to you, push them away. Make you steal. Anything, really." Evie nods in thought. "What about you? What does the voice say to you?"

Evie laughs, "Me?" before she shakes her head. "I don't have a voice." She grins as she points to her temple, "It's just me up here."

The therapist nods, "Okay, then." before she glances at the clock. "It looks like our session is over." She faces her, "Do you have anything to say or ask before you leave?"

She shakes her head, "Nope. I'm all good."

The therapist nods, "In that case, I will see you next week."

Evie stands from the couch, "See ya." before she exits the room and frowns. She knows you lied. You need to be more convincing next time. Evie shakes her head as she squints her eyes, "Shut up." before she makes it back to the main lobby and steps down the stairs.

When she gets back to the dorm Mal stands from her bed, "How did it go?"

"Fine," she frowns, and she watches intently as Mal moves closer to her.

Mal takes some time to swipe Evie's hair behind an ear and holds her cheek, before she steps forward into a savory kiss. She notices Evie's awed expression, "I'm glad you're trying."

"Yeah." Evie repeats, "I'm trying."

"You've been working on that Anatomy for a long time," Doug notices. "Do you need any help?"

"Yeah," Ben swiftly turns to him. "How about you get out of my face?"

He notices the longing, almost predatory look in his eyes, "You're hungry."

Ben picks up a protein bar wrapper, "I just ate."

"No. I mean." Doug sighs, "Look. You're probably not going to remember this, but… you told me about the cravings."

"Cravings?" Ben questions.

"That sometimes you want blood," he clarifies, and Ben looks away from him, running a hand down his face. "Ben. It's okay."

"No," he shouts as he turns back to him. "I don't know why I told you or how the hell you figured it out, but—" The rest of his sentence falls with a tired breath.

"You're craving it right now," Doug comments. "I can tell."

"So what, if I am?" Ben entertains.

He slowly offers, "You could take some from me."

"No," he shakes his head hard.

"Then cook some in the kitchen," he suggests.

Ben takes an irritable breath, "No."

"You're afraid of getting caught," Doug acknowledges. "I know. But if you won't take any from me—"

"I don't need it," he widens his eyes at him. "I'm not a fucking vampire." He stresses, "And I'm not one of those people who get a sex thrill from it either."

"Ben," Doug evenly responds, "if I thought that, I wouldn't have offered." He looks away again. "Ben. If you're craving it, then you need it."

"People crave paper," he faces him. "Some people crave soap. It doesn't mean they're supposed to have it."

Doug nods, "Okay." before he meets his eyes. "So, you don't drink blood? Ever? You never have?" He notices Ben's expression fall, "You have. In a big way, haven't you?"

"In middle school," Ben glances down, "there was a party at the castle, and someone got cut in the kitchen. Bad. And…" He meets his eyes, "When she left I… and then I'm pretty sure my father caught me."

"What happened?" Doug seriously asks.

It takes a minute for Ben to say, "He started to take me out to eat rare steak." before his eyes shift in thought. "It was like he knew, and he didn't… react bad." Ben pauses, "It's probably the best thing he ever did for me, doing that when Mom didn't want me to have it."

"It doesn't change anything else he's done," he slowly reminds him.

"Yeah," Ben's eyes shift. "I know."

After some silence Doug asks, "Who was the person that got cut?"

Ben half laughs, "You could probably guess."

Doug shakes his head, "I really don't know."

He partly smiles, "Queen Aurora. Who else?" before he lets out a breath. "I should pass a law to keep her from sharp objects."

"Audrey's mother?" Doug surprises. "Does Audrey know?"

"God, no," he exasperates, before he grins. "Get it? God?"

He frowns, "You're trying to distract yourself, aren't you?"

"Yes," Ben affirms.

"Okay," Doug sighs. "You drink blood. You crave it. We know this." Ben looks off in annoyance. "So, whether you physically need it or not, you still need it and do have it." Ben meets his eyes again, and Doug continues, "Come on. You know you need to have it."

Ben watches as Doug pulls up his sleeve and places the flawless arm in front of him, but he forces his eyes away, "No." He shakes his head, "I don't need it."

"Yes, you do," he strongly retorts. "Even your father knew that."

"Shut up," Ben yells at him, before he lets out a hopeless breath. "I'm human. I don't need it. And the need I do have for it…" Tears gloss his eyes, "It's sick. It's wrong."

"You need it," Doug softly says.

Ben shakes his head, "No. I can go without it."

"Ben," he tries to reason.

"No," he interrupts, before he looks back at the table, lifts the arm up, and pushes it back towards Doug's chest. "I never want to hear you tell me to drink from you again. Ever."

"Ben," he sighs.

"I mean it." He grips harder as the tears leave his eyes, "Because, even if humans can't drink blood, because they can't keep it down… I wouldn't stop. Even if it made me sick, I wouldn't stop." He takes a few breaths as he grips the arm even harder.

"Ben," Doug shuts his eyes in pain.

"The more I have it, the more I want it. The first time I had blood, it took forever for me to stop thinking about it. My father took me to get rare steak every day— sometimes more— until enough time passed for the cravings to go away." He laughs, "They didn't. Not really."

"Ben," Doug shakily breathes. "Please, let go of me."

Ben notices the tight grip, and his mouth gapes before he lets go, "Are you okay?"

"You're strong," Doug eyes him. "You need to know that."

He eyes down, "I know."

"Ben," Doug says, and he waits for him to face him. "I understand, now that you've told me how much it affects you, so I won't make you do it again." He pauses, "But… I am here if you ever need me." He gives a look, "All you need to do is ask."

"I won't need," Ben nods down, "your help." He turns back to the textbook, "It's just this Anatomy homework. Blood, blood, blood, it's all it ever says. It was stupid of me to take this class." He shakes his head, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait until the sex unit."

"Do you mean the reproductive unit?"

"Yeah," Ben places a hand to his head as he lays an elbow on the table. "That."

Doug scoots closer to the table and pulls the textbook towards himself, "Here. Let me help you." He faces Ben, "Strawberries." before he looks down at the textbook and starts to read. "A relative decrease in strawberry sodium can occur because of an imbalance of sodium in one of the body's other fluid compartments or from a dilution of sodium due to water retention related to edema or congestive…" He thinks for a minute, "Rock failure."

Ben sadly smiles, "Thank you."

He nods, "You're welcome." before he hesitates. "Do you need to know what some of the words mean?"

Ben squints, "Let's stop after every paragraph."

Doug smiles, "You've got it."

- Next Up: Ben asks for more extra credit, and Fairy Godmother goes over Ben's and the VKs's options for the following school year.