This Eating Thing

(Day 154: Saturday Night)

Mal places her thumbs under Ben's blue shirt, "Is this okay?"

"Yes," he consents, before she pulls it up over his head, tosses it to the floor, and starts to do the same with hers.

Ben lets out a breath, cockily smiling as he looks over her, before he notices the blue vein running from her breasts to her bare neck. She pushes him further down, his arms giving way, before she leans in and kisses him. Her lips shockingly cool, and his breathing increases with his heartrate when she trails down to his neck. There it is again, that scent. Ben opens his eyes. There it is again, that vein. He gulps, a dizzying feeling enveloping him, before the stabbing pain digs deep into his stomach. "Wait." His teeth tense up, his mouth widening as he shuts his eyes hard, "Stop."

"Ben?" Mal questions.

"Get off," he pleads, and after she does he hurries to the edge of the bed, his hands gripping hard onto the corner. He hears the silent rumbling, as his insides continue to be shoveled out.

Mal scoots into view, and she notices the tear running down his face, "What did I do?"

He shakes his head, muttering, "Nothing." before he bends his neck down and places a hand to his forehead. "I'm sorry. I know you need me."

"Ben," Mal whispers as she examines him. "What's wrong?"

He half laughs, "I don't even know anymore." Mal eyes down in deep thought, before he comments, "I didn't eat. I can't… focus." He turns towards her, "Mal. I'm so sorry."

"Ben," she attempts to reassure, "It's fine."

"No. It isn't," he denies. "I should have ate. I should be able to think about you." He lets out a breath and looks down, "But… it's like when I'm ready to eat, something comes up." Mal doesn't speak, so he looks at her again, "I'm sorry. You needed me. And I failed."

"Ben," she slowly attempts to reason, "we haven't really done this in a while. I found another way."

He looks into her green eyes, "Who?"

She looks off, "Ben."

"I just want to know," he excuses.

Mal faces him, but it takes a minute for her to say, "Lonnie."

"Lonnie?" he raises his eyebrows.

"It's not sexual."

"Not sex," Ben's eyes shift. "So, emotion." He moves his head forward as he widens his eyes, "Is it emotion?"

"You mean romantic?" Mal counters.

Ben's eyes shift again, "Yes."

She takes a moment, "Is curling up with a movie romantic?" and then he looks her up and down. "Ben. I had to—" He moves forward to kiss her, but as he begins to press her shoulder back she does the same with him. Their lips part, and her mouth gapes, "What are you doing?"

It takes him a second to say, "I want you to have me."

"Ben," Mal complains as she scratches her nose.

"You don't need her," he stresses, before he takes her hands into his. "You have me."

"You just said you can't right now," Mal reminds him. "You can't stay focused."

"I'm focused now," Ben desperately reassures, before he kisses her again and places a hand on her black bra.

Mal hears his stomach growl for a loud, long moment, and she breaks apart from him before sucking on her lips, "You're not okay."

"I am," he promises.

"No," she faces him with furrowed brows, before she laughs at the absurdity, "We're taking care of your needs first."

"My needs? Ben hesitantly inquires.

"Yes. Your needs," Mal asserts, before she gets off the bed, puts her shirt back on, and tosses him his. "You're eating. You're not doing this again."

"I was going to order a pizza later," he quietly comments.

"Forget the fucking pizza," Mal shouts, before she takes a deep breath, goes to grab his hand, and pulls him off of the bed. "Come on."

"Mal," Ben stops her in front of the door, and when her eyes meets his he finds it hard to say, "I didn't mean not to eat." His eyes shift, "I was planning on having a pizza." and the heavy feeling of the binge floats in his mind. "I was going to catch up." Mal observes him, as he sadly smiles and halfheartedly laughs, "Why am I so bad at this? This eating thing?"

Mal frowns, "It takes practice. And structure." before she places her hands on his shoulders. "You just need to plan it out, make it a habit." She hesitates, "And it helps if you stop eating junk like pizza and have an actual steak."

"Right," Ben gulps, trying to keep himself from falling apart any further.

Mal hugs him, "Come on." before he wipes the tears from his face and she takes his hand, opening to door to step out into the hall.

"That fridge is for carnivores only," Ben frowns, as Mal takes the large steaks out; however, when he notices the label he sits up straighter in interest. "Is that top sirloin?" Mal smiles, and she finds a pan before opening the first package. "It's still only supposed to be for carnivores. If everyone ate it, then there'd be none left for who really needs it."

"I'm a carnivore," she reasons.

"But I'm not," he denies. Mal gives him a look, and he shakes his head, "What?"

"I'll cover for you," she reassures, before she places the meat into the pan, sucking her fingertips as she turns back around. Ben looks down at the island counter, and Mal moves closer to him to lean on its edge, "Hey. It'll be fine." He fails to speak, and a minute later she goes back to the stove to flip the steak.

"It's just," Ben begins, as he smells the smoke. He looks between Mal and the stove. She's had to have done this before. There's nothing to be concerned about.

"Just?" Mal questions.

"Meat is bad for humans," he excuses. "They can't have a lot of it. Their bodies aren't made for it."

"Ben," she sighs.

"You're going to live forever," his eyes gleam.

"We don't know that."

"And I'll be lucky if I live to a hundred," he shakily says, and Mal cautiously observes him with an open mouth. "You should have better."

She sighs, "Ben. We talked about this already." before she finds a plate for the first steak and replaces it with the second one. "Both of us have problems." She turns around and sweetly smiles, "And that kind of makes us perfect for each other."

"There are things," Ben stresses. "Things about myself I don't even know how to answer." He meets her eyes, "You need to know why I am the way I am, why I do the things I do." before he solemnly laughs. "I have no answers for you."

Mal flips the steak before moving towards him and taking his hand, "I don't need to know you to know you. Okay? We're fine." She grins, "And we're going to be fine."

"Just fine?" Ben unsurely questions.

Mal frowns again before going back to the stove, "What do you want me to say? Nothing's perfect. We're not going to be any different."

Ben's eyes narrow as they shift in thought, "You just said we're perfect for each other."

She takes the steak off the stove, before she places the them in front of Ben and sits down across from him, "Crispy on the outside, bloody on the inside."

He hesitates, "You mean juicy?"

"Yeah. Sure," Mal accommodates. "Juicy."

He watches as she picks it up with a fork and bites into it, tearing the flesh apart and sucking the blood out, "You're not going to use a knife or something?"

"And let the juice escape?" she questions, before she notices him glance down at his own. "Would you like a knife?"

"Yes, please," he quietly states, before she goes to get him one; however, even when he has it in his hand he keep looking between her and the meat.

Mal plops the steak back down, "You have to eat something."

"Yeah. Uh, I know." He makes a noise, "Just… no vegetables or anything?"

She gives him a look, "Do you want vegetables?"

His eyes shift, "Not really." before he wets his lips. "It's just, my mother—"

"Would you stop talking about your mother?" Mal irritably interrupts. "She isn't here. I am. Why can't you talk about us for once?"

It takes him a moment to answer, "I was trying to. Before."

Mal lets out a breath, "Right." before she places a hand to her head, resting her elbow on the counter, as she notices his unbitten meal. "Aren't you going to cut your steak?"

"Yeah," Ben remembers, before he glances between it and her. "Can you… not watch me? Please."

She sits quietly before nodding, "Yeah." before she stands and grabs her plate. "I'll eat over there."

Ben watches her walk to the other side of the kitchen, before he turns away and looks back at his steak, cutting into it and watching as the red juice flows onto the plate. It fills it, and he knows he won't be able to have it. Even though Mal won't be able to see his satisfaction from the warm juice, she would be able to see him lifting the plate to his lips with just a single glance. No. He will continue to cut the steak, eat it, and then he will wash the blood away. That is the only way.

- Posted: 02/15/2019

- I was going to ask where all my regulars went, but then you started popping right back up again. By the way, I lied... Did the math wrong. Including this chapter, there should be 11 left until the fic reaches 200 ch. and finishes. I just thought it was 12, because I forget to readjust the outline as I was writing.

- Tzei Don't worry. I have no plans to leave. Also, glad you already have a guess for Aziz's problem. Sadly, it won't be revealed for a while. Also... 12 chapters might have seemed short; however, I still have five more to write, and I've already reached 1,073 document pages. That's right. By the time I finish this you will have read a novel of approximately 3,500 pages. Congratulations. Well done— everyone. And, honestly, thank you.

- Vannahleigh495 Don't worry. Even though this fic will be coming to a close, I have a lot more plans for the story as a whole. After this fic is finished keep an eye out for the following stories: My Name is Belle Marie (Belle's Journal while she was the Beast's prisoner), Behind the Dragon's Eye (the story of Mal's grandparents told by her mother with an epilogue showcasing what no one knew), Isle Problems 2: In the Family (where Ben and the VKs spend the summer at his castle), and Side Problems: In the Pack (based on a ship someone requested for Lonnie during which Ben's true family history/heritage will be revealed). So, don't worry. There's plenty more to come... maybe I'll be able to keep these under 200 chapters this time? I'll probably be aiming for thirteen for The Dragon's Eye, fifty for My Name is Belle Marie, and 100 for the other two. It should be said that since In the Family and In the Pack will both be during the summer plot that they could be read side by side, and that's probably how I will be writing it. If you read both stories that will be 200 chapters again. I hope to finish all of these stories by the end of spring... I just love setting myself up to fail, but I always fail. At least with high goals I actually get something done.