Through the Fire
Walk in the flame again, I'll be there to hold your hand, keeping you safe until the end. And when the flood begins, I'll be there with you to stand, walking in faith until the end. I see you through the flood, I'll see you Through the Fire, see you through the storms-a-raging. I see you through the flood, I'll see you Through the Fire, see you through the storms-a-raging. ~Through the Fire- Day of Fire.
2034.
At first, all she did was dream. They were all pleasant dreams, but she felt she'd seen them before. Red eyes, stolen kisses, her veins throbbing, and something warm and fiery in her bosom.
She wanted to unravel these dreams, to uncover their secrets, but she was so tired, and they were so confusing and intertwined, they made no sense. Every time she traveled near the edge, near the place that she somehow knew would lead to her awakening: a force would push her back beneath the black waves, and she would return to a deep sleep once more.
Sometimes she would hear noises. They weren't close, but by no means far, either. Muffled voices and footsteps would sound overhead, but she knew she was too weak to ever reach them. She wondered many a time where she was being held, who had put her there, and when she could leave, but she was just so tired, bone-achingly tired…
She regained feeling in her body once, and very briefly. Her muscles ached, her head pounded, she went back to sleep, back to her endless dreams. It hadn't been the right time for her sleep to come to an end.
Waves of thoughts and emotions would wake her every so often, like little insects buzzing around in her mind. An aura would visit her frequently, an aura that was dark and in pain, but still familiar. This aura struck a chord somewhere deep inside of her, she wanted to comfort it, but she could not muster up the strength. The aura began speaking to her, and its voice was soothing and spicy at the same time, like soft jazz and cinnamon sticks.
Unconsciously, she began looking forward to the aura's visit. Its presence gave her wonderful dreams, dreams of a time when she did more than just slumber. She caught thoughts of the aura, she knew it needed her, needed her more than anything. She wanted to go to it, wanted to eradicate its hurt and despair, but she is so heavy, so sleepy…
Then the aura stopped coming to her, and she longed for it, called out to it. She needed to wake, there was something she had to do, someone who needed her…
.
It's the high-pitched, joyous laughter of a small child that ultimately wakes her, fully wakes her. She remembers suddenly that she has to do something, someone needs her. She'd made a promise long ago, and it was time to remember.
Scenes and images from a time she barely recalls ooze into her mind. Waves of smoke and mighty explosions, a volatile love, screams and cries.
"Don' make me do dis-"
The feeling of lips on hers, both the ecstasy and searing pain these lips brought her. The black sea swallowing her whole. The claws dragging her down, pools of blood against a black sky, Hell…
"Forgive me, chère."
She can feel him surrounding her, evading her senses and thoughts and desires. Where was he? Why wasn't he here with her? She had to find him, she promised…promised she would come back to him every time, that nothing could take her away from him- Suddenly, words, colors, and images bring the thoughts in her mind to life.
The wind blows his short hair away from his forehead savagely, he's surrounded by flashes of fire. The flames send a warm glow across his angular features. His crimson orbs pulsating with urgency, he's begging her.
"Come back, don' leave me. Y' stronger den her, Rogue! Fight! Fight for Remy!"
Her eyes snap open. She's alone.
Walking the darkest rain, I'll cover you by my name, I'm shelter inside your world of pain. Step on the water's waves, come unto to me by faith. I am the light of better days. I see you through the flood, I'll see you Through the Fire, I see you through, the storms are raging. I see you through the flood, I'll see you Through the Fire, I see you through, the storms are raging. ~Through the Fire -Day of Fire
Her eyes snap open. She's alone.
Her first coherent thought is that she should not be breathing. The rough rock beneath her, the endless, starry sky above her and the frigid, airless space around her alerts Rogue to the fact that she is still in space, and there isn't oxygen in space.
She hardly feels the cold. In fact, she feels wonderful. Besides the confusion that comes with her current state, nothing else is the matter. She works individual muscles, and finds them in perfect condition. Her entire body seems to have suffered no damage, but what about her friends? Where are they?
She stands up swiftly, and every inch of her body freezes in terror.
All that's left of the once large asteroid is now no bigger than a small car, she peers over the edge and sees the unending, dark abyss. Something happened here, and she hopes the predictions floating around in her head are wrong. She has no recollection of what could have caused this, she's floating through space on a rock and there is no one to be seen. Besides the stars, she is alone.
She lowers her shaking legs to the ground and brings her knees to her chest. She sends an echo through her mind, begging Phoenix to tell her what happened, what she's done.
There is no returning call, and Rogue knows suddenly, certainly, that she's killed them all. It's a horrible realization, to know that you murdered your friends, that you couldn't stop the thing inside of you from destroying everything you've ever loved. The Professor, the X-men, Remy…she killed him. She just got him back, held him in her arms, and then she killed him. Now, no matter how long and how hard she searches, she won't be able to bring him back. This time, he's gone for good, and it's all her fault.
She looks down and opens her gloved hand. Her palm holds crushed pebbles, she's been squeezing so hard the solid fragment is no more than dust. She feels tears burning somewhere, but she can't seem to release them. This is beyond any relief tears can bring her, this tragedy is too shocking and agonizing for weeping.
Seemingly without her knowledge, flames engulf the mourning belle until she disappears. There one moment, gone the next.
...
He's there one moment, and gone the next. His opponent is much stronger and more powerful than Remy had originally assumed, and he's paying for his miscalculation.
He hears movement behind him, and is able to duck before the fiery arm of Starbolt can take his head off.
Whirling to his feet in one, liquid movement, Gambit flicks his wrist and the glowing ace of clubs leaves his fingers, and heads straight to the other man. A resounding explosion and the sound of Starbolt's unconscious body follows, Remy knows he's won, but just barely.
Sure enough, a violet light surrounds his fallen enemy's body seconds later, and then he's there no more.
Remy crouches to his knees from both exhaustion and blood loss. He'd gotten separated from Rogue sometime before, he has to find her, has to make sure she's safe-
He rises to his feet, gritting his teeth to keep from crying out. In his months away from the X-men, he hasn't trained daily or taken care of his body like he usually does, and he's receiving the consequences. His muscles ache, he's out of breath, and if it weren't for the element of surprise and sheer dumb luck, he wouldn't have been able to beat Starbolt.
Swiping both blood and sweat from his forehead, he scans the field and slips more cards from his pocket. Silence in the middle of a fight is never a good thing.
He turns just in time to see Shadowcat phase through the wall.
"Kitty!" He moves to touch her arm, but she spins on him, her usually mild eyes wild with fright and tears.
"Remy!" She melts with relief and launches herself in his strong arms. Her sobs shake her little frame, he pets her back.
"S'gonna be okay, p'tite. Let's find de others-"
She stops crying and looks at him. He's never seen the young girl look so tired before. "Pe-Pete is dead. He's dead."
It couldn't be. His metal skin, it would have protected him, right? "Are y' sure?"
Her lip trembles, but she's able to nod. "We lost track of you and Rogue first, we were so worried, but Jean did a scan and said you two were together. Everything was going well, and then…" Her brown eyes go distant, he shakes her gently and encourages her to continue.
"And then they all just started attacking at once. Emma was knocked out almost immediately, Bobby got hurt trying to fight both her opponent and his opponent- oh, Remy, there was so much blood! There's no way…no way Bobby could have survived that!"
Pints and pints of blood…
He does not let her see his fear. "Den what happened? How did y'all get separated?"
"I-I can't remember exactly. All I know is, one minute we were all together, having each other's backs, and the next, Beast, Emma, and Bobby have been transported back to the base, Wolverine goes completely insane and starts slashing left and right, and then Scott and Jean get attacked, and, when I look up, only me and Pete are left-" She freezes with the mention of his name. "Oh god, Pete! He's dead, Remy, dead!"
Remy wraps his arms around the distraught girl and silently bids the friendly Russian farewell. He'd been a good man, and though Remy never got particularly close to him, due to his past relationship with Rogue, he could always sense a pure soul.
"We cry later, non? Right now, we gotta re-group and get back on our feet, d'accord?"
She nods, her small, pale face showing him that she trusts him completely.
He wants to tell her not to look at him that way.
They stick close to rocks and boulders, doing their best to remain unseen and unheard. Remy is quite impressed with Kitty's stealth. He supposes her powers helped a bit in that aspect, but nevertheless, she is doing better now than she ever has in any DR session. Of course, a life or death situation can cause people to do a lot more than they would for a simulation.
He puts a finger to his lips, she nods and they both peek over a boulder. The dry expanse of rock stretches out before them, as does the sight of Storm trying to fight three guards at once.
The wind leaves her hands and hits them like fierce bullets, but she's tiring quickly, Remy knows her opponents can sense that as well.
He licks his lips. "I wan' y' to go over dere, behind dat rock."
Her head snaps up to look at him. "Remy I can help you!"
He takes her hand in his and places a kiss on it. Despite the situation and all she'd seen this day, her cheeks still manage to turn red. "Of course y' can, p'tite. Mais Remy's gonna blow some t'ings up so we can help Stormy. Y' can help me all y' want after dat."
She nods. "Okay. But, but Remy-" She squeezes his hand. "Don't let anything happen, take care of yourself, okay?"
As she sprints away, he realizes she never said 'like' or 'totally' even once. It's an unimportant, mundane thought. He doesn't know why it seems so significant.
Maybe a small, deep part of his brain is trying to warn him that this will be the last time he'll ever see Katherine Pryde.
...
"When did y' know?" He leans heavily on her shoulder, needing the support. He can feel tears pouring from his eyes, he's too weak to wipe them away.
She wraps him up in her embrace, her long hair spilling across both of them. "I woke up one day a few years back, wanting Rogue more than I wanted to breathe." She lets out a humorless chuckle, her turquoise eyes go unfocused. "At first, I thought I was losing my mind. I then discovered those feelings were coming from the telepathic link I shared with Scott." She sighs. "I ignored it for a while, but I eventually had to sever the link and pretend I didn't have any clue."
The edges of his already-obscured vision go even hazier, his breathing turns shallow. "Why didn't y' ever confront him about it?"
Her fingers tighten on his shoulders. "I was weak back then, I didn't think I could live if Scott left me for Rogue."
He closes his eyes and trembles at the mention of her name. "An' now," he croaks.
"Now-" Jean's entire body goes loose, and somehow, he knows she's stronger than she's ever been. "Well, I confronted him didn't I?"
Everything goes black, he dreams of Rogue's emerald eyes.
...
She feels it when Piotr's heart stops beating, when Bobby can no longer breathe, when Kitty's soul leaves her body. She senses Lilandra's horror, Emma's agony as she wakes from her concussion and holds her dying lover. She sees Remy's desperate attempts to find her. She knows Storm, Scott, and Jean are weakening, Betsy and Warren have surrendered to save their lives, and that Wolverine blames himself for the death of his teammates.
She also knows she won't be able to hold Phoenix back much longer. Even now, when Rogue is straining her mind to hold her back, she can feel the dark heat of the being's power pushing against her shields, trying to drag the belle down…if the man above her is going to end this, he needs to end it now.
He is powerful, The Gladiator. And noble, too. He doesn't fight dirty or pull any tricks, though Rogue's sure Lilandra told him to not show her the same mercy she wants the other X-men to receive from her Imperial Guard. But how can this supposed 'mercy' cause so many deaths? Piotr, Bobby, Kitty…she isn't worth their lives, and Rogue knows this. No matter how much she wants to stay on earth with her friends and lover, she can't, it just isn't meant to be. She'd known her fate years ago, and she's been a fool to try and cheat her destiny.
But no more. "Hurry," she manages around the hold on her throat. If he squeezes just a little harder, this can all be over. She'll cause no more pain, no more lives will be lost because of her.
She stares up at his cobalt face with pleading eyes, she's terrified, she doesn't want to die, she doesn't want to sacrifice herself…only, she has to. For the sake of those she knows and those she doesn't, she has to perish on this asteroid.
"You were a worthy adversary-" It's true. She's used the abilities of every psyche she's ever absorbed, and he'd actually broken a sweat. "-and I regret that we did not meet under different circumstances." This is true as well. He doesn't enjoy ripping friends and lovers apart, and she would have made an excellent addition to his Majestrix's guard.
His duty and his nobility clash against each other. This woman hasn't shown even one sign of being Phoenix, and he's been chasing the creature by his princess's side long enough to recognize every trait of Phoenix. Is this really fair?
She can tell where his thought process is going and she weeps- knowing that when he finally does muster up the strength to kill her, it will be much too late.
Her eyes close briefly, Gladiator thinks she's preparing herself for death. When she opens them however, her once green orbs glow a hellish saffron.
...
Wolverine is no longer human. In a dizzying turn of events, his animalistic instincts have taken over and there's no turning back, not until all these bastards are dead.
He can still smell Bobby's blood, and the pungent odor that meant death is soon to follow. One minute- his back was turned for one minute, and when he turned around Emma was on the ground and Bobby was gurgling blood, he lost Kitty and Colossus, too. Jean and Scott, well, he isn't too worried about them. Combined, their powers make them a force to be reckoned with, he knows they'll survive.
His adamantium claws slice through flesh and bone like a knife through butter, he doesn't even turn around to assess the damage he's caused. All that matters right here, right now, is the pounding in his ears and the grief and vengeance etched on his face. His comrade is dead, but he will not have died in vain.
As blood splatters across the dry earth and the screams of his victims fill his ears, it's like everything the Professor taught him is wiped away in an instant. The meditating, the mental sessions, the breathing techniques: they are all gone, and he's like he used to be, back when he roamed Canada's wilderness and caught his prey like an animal and ran with the wolves.
Back then he fought because he could, because he had no obligations or responsibilities. He fights now because his heart has never known such pain.
As he gives in even more to his wild side, he separates emotion from logic. Emotionally, he wants to fight for Rogue and stay by her side and bring her back home; safe. Logically, though, she is a danger to him and all he knows, and she's already been the cause of so much pain in his family. Logically, she isn't worth it.
Logically, he has to let her go. After all, the life of one is not equivalent to the lives of many.
...
She was still connected to his mind when he passed, she wishes he would have taken her with him. They've gone everywhere together: Europe, Mexico, her father's flat in Morocco, why is this; (why is death) any different? Why has God taken away the one thing that matters to her?
Emma has her health, her looks, her money, but she'd give all that up and more to hold Bobby in her arms again. He took half of her with him, part of her brain, part of her heart, part of her soul. She needs them back, she needs to see them again.
She sits in a Shi'ar capsule, empty-eyed and hollow. They've taken his body away, she wonders where to. Will they let him float in space? Will they cremate him and give her the ashes? Or will she get to keep his body, and bury him back on earth?
Warren and Betsy have visited her, offering condolences and comfort. She'd called them cowards and screamed at them to leave.
They nodded in understanding and departed hand-in-hand.
She'll never get to hold Bobby's cold, wonderful hand again.
...
Ororo slumps in his embrace and he falls to the ground, unable to hold both her weight and his own.
"S'okay, p'tite. We won, it's over."
She holds her left arm close to her torso. It's bent at a strange angle, and Remy knows it's broken. He brushes white strands of hair from her smooth forehead, her watery, azure eyes open and watch him closely.
"Can you feel it," she murmurs.
He rips strips of cloth from his trench coat to make some sort of sling for her arm, and wraps her up in the remainder of his coat. "Feel what?"
Grunting and ignoring all the pain he's in, Remy lifts the weather witch and makes his way to the spot he'd last seen Kitty. He's trying desperately not to panic, for both his sake and Ororo's. He'd been distracted by the fight he and Ororo had managed to win, but now, as adrenaline leaves his system and weariness takes its place, he can no longer ignore his wounds or the fearful thought that Kitty had never come back to meet him.
There are many things, both good and bad, that could have happened to the girl. Perhaps she'd been transported back to the base, or she found Wolverine and decided to stay with him, or she could be hiding…
She could also be dead, but he doesn't let himself think of that.
"The hurt, the death, I can feel it so vividly. Are we the only ones left?"
She's delirious from the pain her arm is causing her, he knows this, but it's still hard not to get sucked in the negative thoughts she's giving him.
"Who's left? Wolverine? Scott and Jean? We came here with thirteen and now only four are left on the field?"
He forces a nonchalant smirk and heads down a rocky embankment. "Y' miss calculated, p'tite. Wolverine makes one, Scott and Jean make three, y', me an' Kitty make six, and Rogue makes seven-"
"My friend," tears brim her eyes and she hides her face in his chest. "My dear, dear Remy. You and I both know that, that Kitty is gone. Where else would she be? Even if Wolverine found her, she would have come back to assist us. And Rogue? Rogue is gone, too, Remy. I think she knew she wouldn't make it, from the very beginning."
An invisible force barrels into Remy's stomach, and he nearly drops the woman in his arms. He hasn't heard her right, that was all. Rogue can't be- she was alive and breathing, he knows it. Storm is delirious, she can't think through the pain.
"Y' don' know none of dat. We can still win dis wit most of de team intact. Together, we've taken down at least six of de guard total. An' dats not countin' de ones de others have defeated. I saw Rogue fightin' earlier, she can take care of herself. Hell," he chuckles, it sounds desperate even in his own ears. "She's probably lookin' for me right now." His knees shake and crack, he can't go any further.
"She and I fought beside one another, Remy." Her voice is soft, her good hand reaches up to stroke his jaw. "I saw Gladiator grab her by the neck and fly away. I, I wanted to go after them, but I was severely outnumbered." She moans and then cries harshly. She's passed out moments later.
Remy stops walking and looks to the stars.
"Can y' see moi, chère?" He collapses, he doesn't remember Scott and Jean finding him.
...
She rematerializes on the mansion roof. Of all places, does she really have to end up here: where the memories and ghosts will haunt her mercilessly?
If she takes the time to think about it, it makes sense. Where else could she have gone? There is nothing for her in Mississippi, or with Mystique, or with anybody else. All she has is gone, she killed them.
She trembles and curses the rising sun. How dare it? How dare it rise and go on when the lives of her friends are diminished? They'll never rise again, they'll never get to move on, to live life. But she's still here, she's still suffering. She'd give anything, anything for them to come home to her, to smile and heal and move on-
She shoots up, slightly sore from the hard concrete. Something is tickling the back of her mind, something familiar but vague. It wakes her from her restless sleep and makes her hopes skyrocket.
She looks to the sky, the moon is big and so close, she can touch it…but it's what's in front of the moon that makes her heart stop is something big, something black, something she's always taken for granted until now…but it can't be, they're dead, she killed them…
She leaps into the air and zooms towards the aircraft, her relief becoming more and more tangible the closer she gets.
She never thought she'd be so happy to see the Blackbird.
...
She rounds the corner after hearing Remy's explosion. She can see that he is already in the thick of it all, fighting alongside Storm and taking down anyone in his way.
The two of them make it look so effortless, like it's a ball instead of a battle. She hopes that one day, she can be the kind of X-man they are: strong and brave and confident in what she does. When they get back home, she's definitely changing some things in her life. If she'd trained harder in the Danger Room, she might have been able to help Piotr and the others more, she could more proficiently defend herself, instead of relying on others.
She's so close she can see Remy's glowing eyes. Almost there…
She doesn't notice the hulking robot materialize behind her. When she finally feels its penetrating gaze, she has no time to phase herself and its laser slices right through her.
Her bright, chocolate colored eyes grow cold and dim as the life seeps out of her.
...
Ororo glows a violet hue in his arms, and he panics. Jean kneels next to him, explaining that Ororo is simply being transported to the base, and that she'll be receiving the medical attention she needs.
He remembers suddenly that Jean is a telepath, and he takes her hands in his.
"Can y' sense Rogue? Is she alive?"
Scott stiffens. "What are you taking about? Why wouldn't she be alive?"
Both Remy and Jean ignore the distraught man, and Jean looks deeply into Gambit's eyes. "Truthfully? I have no idea. Rogue's mind has always been hard to track." Before he can give into despair she shakes him. "But I'm positive I would have felt if she died. I've lived with Rogue for years, and my mind has come into contact with hers many times, not only including the times I've imprinted her mind, but the times she's absorbed me and imprinted me in her mind. I would have felt something, Remy, so don't lose hope."
He uses her words as a floatation device. The hope that Rogue is still alive is the only thing keeping him above water.
"We have to keep moving," Scott's voice disrupts the quiet. "Jean, can you get a lock on Wolverine?"
"No need, bub." The bloodied Canadian comes over the hill, his uniform is beyond repair. "I'm right here." He looks over the rag-tag group, his eyes fill with hurt. "We the only ones left?"
Remy can't seem to get his voice working.
"Hank, Ororo, Betsy, Warren, and Emma are all back at the base," Scott answers, trying to keep his voice level and failing miserably at it.
"The others, what about them? Where's Rogue? Where's Kitty and Pete?"
Jean looks down at Remy. "We don't know about Rogue, but the others…" she muffles her cries of anguish in the crook of her arm.
Logan has never hated his mutation quite so much. It comes to him now, that those kids, those kids, are dead, and he's still here. He'll always be here, mourning them. Maybe his memory loss is a blessing. How many other deaths has he lived through?
Before Remy can open his mouth to beg them to continue the search for Rogue, a piercing, white light fills the sky and he's blinded.
All their mouths open, poised to scream, but no sound is released. A high-pitched wail is all they can hear, the sound is similar to a bird. And then Phoenix appears in the sky, encased in the burning form of a mighty bird. Its head looks towards the black sky and its wings spread across the entire width of the asteroid.
Remy is temporarily without sight, having been instantly blinded by the fierce glow, but he knows, somehow, that Rogue is in the center of that bird, of that Hell.
...
She's reminded by their grieving faces as she phases through the wall of the plane that for the most part, this will not be a joyful reunion.
She stands before them all, her green eyes trying not to notice the empty seats. She hears Scott and Logan turn from their posts as pilot and co-pilot to stare at her. Jean's mouth falls open, Hank pauses the task of placing Ororo's arm in a cast. The Professor looks old, she can feel Emma's hatred and Betsy and Warren's fear.
But there's love, too, and before she can react, she feels arms enclose her from behind.
She turns to him, taking in his blindfold, his crooked smile, the peach fuzz atop his head-and she breaks down like she wasn't able to break down hours before.
" What happened to yoah eyes?" She presses her face against his chest and breathes in his scent. "How did ya know Ah was here?"
"I always know when my chère comes back to moi. Dis only temporary, I'll get to see dat belle face of yours in a few days."
She knows the team is hurting and can't forgive her just now, maybe they never will, but she knows she'll have Remy forever, and maybe he's all she needs.
...
All he can see is black, and fuzzy patches of grey. He gropes for the ground or a rock, or anything, but heat slams against him and he falls to his back.
"Jean! Jean where are y'?" He yells so loudly his throat aches, but his voice is captured by the wind and whirled up to the sky, unheard.
He hears screams, cries, he knows Phoenix is on a rampage, but who is she murdering? The enemy, or the X-men? Will he be the next to fall?
He gets on all fours and begins to crawl, feeling his way across the rugged landscape. The very ground quakes, the loud whine of splitting ground erupts before him, but before he can fall into the crevice a hand jerks out to grab his arm, and he's lifted to safety.
The person tries speaking to him, but their voice is also carried away, even though he can feel their breath on his ear. That close, and still, the mighty cry of the Phoenix is able to drown it out.
The person throws him over their shoulder, he knows now it must be Wolverine. His empathy spans out, he can feel Jean and Scott close to them, he can't help but feel relieved.
After that, Remy doesn't remember much. He can vaguely recall returning to Lilandra's base, and then boarding the ship. He can also recall begging them over and over again to go back for Rogue. Don't they understand? He needs her, she is all he has.
The final destruction of the asteroid rocks the Blackbird and sends equipment flying everywhere. Beast tries looking him over when things settle down, Remy continues to scream at them to go back for his chère -
"Don't you understand?" He's never heard Emma so cold. "She's gone, her body is still there but she has no chance of surviving mentally. She killed the rest of them, only Gladiator and Lilandra survived. Everyone else, everyone else is dead, Remy. And right now? Right now she's feeding off those poor souls and what's left of the asteroid. All she cares about is more power, all she wants is too feel. Why should we try to save her when it's her fault that Bobby and Kitty and Piotr are dead?"
Remy hides his face away, but looks up when Scott comes to Rogue's defense.
"No one was forced to do this, Emma. Bobby loved Rogue, just like we all do. He stayed by his friend's side through her time of need. Isn't that what being an X-man is all about?"
"Look where his loyalty got him," she hisses.
Remy feels Jean hold him, he gives into the waves of pain, mulling over Scott's words. He knows he'd be lashing out the same way Emma was if Rogue had died fighting for any of them.
"Could y' try to locate her again?"
Is that bitterness that taints Xavier's voice? "Not just now, Remy." He turns back to look out of the window, he can't stop thinking of the students that aren't returning with them.
...
She says it for the first time three weeks after their return to earth. He'd been holding her tight to his chest, reveling in the feel of her naked body against his and thanking whoever is up there that he still has her.
"This isn't over, ya know." Her eyelids flutter closed and her hand bunches against his stomach. "Ah'll have to die eventually. Somethin' like me don't belong in the universe."
He becomes angry. "How could y' say dat, chère? Kitty, Pete, and Bobby died fightin' for y' and y' just gonna…give up?"
The guilt she's been bearing from all the looks and forced smiles of the X-men come over her all at once, and she weeps in his embrace. She tells him about absorbing Irene, the visions and nightmares, the energy it takes trying constantly to keep Phoenix at bay.
"And the X-men, they resent me, Remy. Whether they admit it or not, they'll never forgive me!"
He knows banter and jokes won't ease her worries this time, and he's at a loss. What can he say to make her understand that her life is worth living?
"Den live for me, chère. Cause if y' go, I go wit y'."
Fresh tears spring to her eyes and she kisses him. "Ah'll always be here for ya, Remy."
He somehow knows she doesn't believe her own lie.
...
It's the middle of the second month when she begins slipping from his grasp. Her eyes are gold more often than they are emerald, southern twang is falling from those ruby lips less and less.
She leaves their bed at all times of the night, going God knows where and doing God knows what. It hurts and worries him not knowing what she's doing, or if she's safe. It kills him not knowing if she will return to him. He tries preparing himself for the morning when she doesn't reappear on the window sill and slip back into bed.
Once, when Rogue was having a 'good' night and they were laying on the roof, he asked her where she went every night.
She smiled wistfully. "To the stars and back. It's incredible, Remy. So many beautiful stars and planets! The sun lights up the dark and Ah use it to find my way home, to ya." She leant over and kissed his lips. "If only Ah could take ya with me."
But as time passes, even her adventures beyond the atmosphere are kept from him.
After that, she stops speaking altogether. Sometimes, he thought he saw her open her mouth, but she would close it and go back to laying in the fetal position. Ironically, the physical aspect of their relationship maintained its frequency, thanks to Phoenix. The physical began eroding the emotional they'd built.
In the middle of lovemaking, Phoenix's eyes would glow and she'd flip him over, so that he was beneath her. Her hands would clamp down harshly on his wrists, she'd smirk cruelly and take what she wanted from him. It was all about the touching, the sensations. She cared nothing for the love he and Rogue shared. She got her release, got to play at being human for a while, and that's all she wanted.
When she used him up she would dress and leave him in the cold, lonely bed whilst she soared the skies.
He would lay awake for hours, his throat burning from unshed tears.
He doesn't want Rogue's body when she isn't in it, but he knows if he doesn't please her Phoenix will have no problem finding someone else that will, and Remy can't bear the thought of that.
He sometimes wonders if Rogue can see what she's doing, can see how painfully and torturously slow she's killing everything they've ever built together.
New York, 2034.
It was warm on that day, the last good day. The flowers were in full bloom, the sun rose early and set late, washing everything in a bright glow from morning until dusk. He remembers taking a drag of his cigarette and watching the birds frolic in the daisies, seemingly unbothered by the fat, hairy bumble bees surrounding the area.
He remembers small arms going around his waist. He turned, nearly weeping with relief at the sight of her jaded orbs. How long had it been since he'd seen her true eye color? Days? Weeks? Whatever the time, his chest was aching daily and it was getting harder and harder for him to get up from bed every morning and pretend everything was okay, pretend that Rogue was still going to pull through.
Even now, the memory of how she looked that day is startlingly vivid.
The setting sun had sent a pink glow across her porcelain skin, the fading light seemed to get trapped in her bright eyes.
The warm breeze lifted every chocolate and vanilla curl individually, brushing gently across her face and kissing her rosy cheeks. And her eyes, he'd let himself get lost in those endless, green depths. He lent forward hungrily, capturing her plump, sweet-tasting lips in a searing kiss. Her mouth was contradictory: innocent yet inviting at the same time.
They parted reluctantly, her cool breath hit his lips, making him yearn for more of her. "Things are gonna get bad," she murmured.
Her hands had clamped around his arms desperately, her tears brimmed and slid down her cheeks, he remembers wiping them away.
"Ah can't fight her anymore. Ah tried, lord knows Ah did, but she's too strong, and Ah'm too weak."
He remembers wanting to shake her, to remove all the negative thoughts and pessimistic words and just cleanse her. He wanted her to hope, because he was hoping all the time and his heart could only carry so much weight by itself. This was perhaps the first time he noticed just how different he and Rogue were. Her heart was torn, bloody and barely stitched together. His was crusted over but still soft on the inside, still able to hope and dream. He was hoping and dreaming for a life Rogue had already known she'd lost.
He kissed her again, then pressed his face into her creamy neck. She smelled so good, she felt so good.
Maybe if he'd held on tight enough, she could've stayed with him; always.
"It's not fair, is it?" He could hear the finality and remorse in her voice. "We finally did it, we finally made it work, an' Ah have to leave." Her eyelids closed. "Ah don't wanna leave ya," she whispered. Her lashes made dark crescents against her cheeks.
"Y' won' leave me," he replied stubbornly. He intertwined their hands together possessively. "I won' let her tear us apart, chère." And he'd believed it, too. He'd believed his strength alone was enough to stop the unstoppable.
He started to speak more, but her finger had gone over his mouth. "Just hold me, Remy. Please?"
He did as she asked, their kisses turned into something more and for the first time in a long time, Remy was able to make love to Rogue, and only Rogue.
He'd been naïve enough back then to think the lack of Phoenix's presence was a good thing.
I see you through the flood, I'll see you Through the Fire, I see you through, the storms are raging. I see you through the flood, I'll see you Through the Fire, I see you through, the storms are raging. I see you through the flood, I'll see you Through the Fire, I see you through, the storms are raging. Don't be afraid, I'll never leave you. I am forever yours. Forever yours, forever yours I am. ~Through the Fire- Day of Fir