Chapter 43 It's A Long Road Before We Are Pack

Paul POV

The walk back to Sam and Emily house was silent and peaceful, nothing like when we head back to the house. I'm sure that Sam will lose it or Emily will say something that is going to make me lose it. I hate how they think that Leah had no right to be angry. Even with everything that I did to Jake I could at least admit that everything he was feeling was my fault.

"Hey how did you find me so fast, do you just now me that well?" I looked up from my thoughts to see that Leah was looking at me me like I was the strange one in all of this. She was the new female shifter here, I should be looking at her wide-eyed. I sighed and looked at the house up head and sighed. "I do know you well but that wasn't how I found you so fast. I'm a tracker."

I watch the bright greens bushes flash past my vision and the soil beneath my feet waft into my nose. I took in a deep breath a few miles north I could smells Emily's cooking. To the south another 5 miles there was a deer by a creek. "A tracker? What does that even mean." I looked at Leah and smiled gently. "I track things, it's not that my nose is super sensitive or anything like that, it's just that my dad taught me how to track I'm the best at it.I can follow track marks from days even weeks back, pick up feint smells that the other wouldn't pick and fighting are kinda my two main roles in the pack."

I frowned a little at myself as we made our way closer and closer to the house soon the council would be there. They wanted to chat and see the process of the pack since last this time Sue would be taking her husband's spot on the council. I took in a deep breath as i broke into the clearing earning me a snarl.

I looked up to see that Jake was snarling at me as he paced back and forth this tense energy in his bones as he glared at me. "What you trying to steal Leah too." I snarled what the hell did that even mean. I glared at him but didn't say a word there was no point, "Jake calmed down it's not like that me and Paul have been friends for the better part of 13 years."

I smirked at that but nodded my head at her, "I'll give the two of you some time, I should talk to Sam about my patrol schedule anyway." I gave her my best chipper smile, but I knew that she could see right through it. It was something that we did to each other, we could see past the cold mask of indifference and the fake smiles. Get a peek behind the mask to what we were really feeling.

I sighed and walked in the house, I could hear Jake snarling as the door shut behind me what was that kids problem. Sure Bella was my fault but his problems with Leah were on him. I took in a deep breath pinching the bridge of my nose as I tried to will away the headache that I felt coming on. Between them and the shit fest in Phoenix and the council on their way here.I could already feel the stress and aggravation piling on. "Whats up bro? How did talking to Leah go?"

I snapped my head up to see that Jared was looking at me this nervous smile on his face like he afraid that he would lost a fighter to protect Kim. I sighed tipped back my back hitting something soft. "He got her to fight of course" I heard Kimmy sweet voice and she kissed my cheek gently.

When I turned to look at her topaz blue eyes were scanning me like she was seeing something that I wasn't. "You can tell me about it later." She didn't even need to say anything for me to know that she was talking about the trip. I smiled and nodded my head, she knew that I need to vent but didn't push me. I looked up to see my mom and dad sitting off to the side. Mom was tapping her foot a 100 miles per minute as she bit her nails nervously.

Dad, on the other hand, was laid back he didn't even seem like he was in a rush even though I know for a fact that he had work today. I sighed and looked at Sam who is frowning to himself as he looked up to meet my gaze. His eyes flashing bright blue for a moment as his eyes shifted nervously.

"You two might want to move away from other door like now." What the hell was going on, I moved because he was my alpha nad I could tell that it was a subtle order. As me and Kimmy moved perfectly in step I could feel Bella eyes on me. Her nose scrunched up as she thought about something. I knew that it had to be the family trip and her mother so I didn't say a thing.

But as I looked around the room I could tell that there was something that I was missing. Jared and closer to Kim then usually and he didn't have that goofy grin on his face. Embry was looking down at his feet and fidget ever so light. Move of his wounds were healed so that was good I wouldn't want the council poking around with that. Kimmy let out a breath that she was holding in as Emily flutter around the kitchen trying to distract herself. "Is there something that I am missing here.I know that I have been out of the loop thanks to being gone for a week but if there is something that I should know I would like to be told about."

"You haven't missed anything they are all on edge with the council coming. Since the last time didn't turn out the best." I scoffed at my dad as this wild grin formed on my face. "That would be an understatement..." Before i could even finish my sentence the door slammed open and Jake had angry red waves coming off of him as he snarled at me.

"You took Bella and now you are trying to take Leah." I took in a deep breath trying to calm myself down, but he really needed to get this shit out of my face. "Fuck you Jake, I have no interest in Leah." He scoffed and growled fiercely at me.

"Please I saw everything when we shifted, she figure it be better to talk that way. Nothing I saw helped disprove what I am thinking." I let out a harsh clipped laugh. "Big word for someone that barely passed freshman year. Get out of my face I'm have Bella, my imprint,I don't want Leah get that through your thick canine skull."

Jake walked closer to me, his muscle twitch as his jaw locked, his eyes glowing gold as he pushed me against the wall and stared me down. His voice low and menacing and frankly it took all I had not to shift as my inner wolf howl in my veins began to think as my body racked in painful spasm at me fighting the change. But I had to try to keep it under control as much as possible.

"I'm in your face the fuck are you going to do you little bitch." I felt burning hot rage fill my body but I knew that it as Bellas and not mine. Even with my body fighting the change I felt oddly calm. I looked at Bella trying to send her some of my calming waves but Leah busted in and gave me an apologetic look. I could see her mouthing the words I'm sorry.

I just gave her a half smile a shrugged my shoulder like it was no big deal before turning my attention to Jake. "Look pup, don't be puffing your chest out because you have been a wolf for a week. I don't know how many times I had to tell you that I'm not interested in Leah." I watched his lip curl over his teeth as he snarled wild at me like I had just said something wrong.

I was so tired of his shit, of being the bad guys in everyone eyes, sure I fucked up with Bella and I'm not denying that shit. But she wasn't going to yell, snarl and shove me up against the wall because his little pea brain misunderstood me comforting Leah. Before I could say a word he slapped me across the face and it took everything I had not to hit him back as a tense silence ushered over the room.

"Jake you got one fucking minute to back down or I swear I'm going to kill you." I watched his eyes narrow into two little slits as he slapped me for the second time. Something in my just snapped as I clenched my fist so tight my knuckles turned white. Before I could even think thing through my arm snapped back and then surged forward. Punching Jake in the stomach forcing him to crumble to the ground. I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and dragged him out of the house, his body limply hitting the ground as he flung him in front of me.

I started to shake as I threw him off of the porch and onto the ground my whole body racked with pain as I shifted, relief flooding my body as I took in a few deep breath. The haze of my anger slowly drifting away as I towered over to Jake in my wolf form. Jake rose from the ground definitely, I snarled wildly at him telling him that he didn't want to do this.

His whole body erupted in a ball of fur nonetheless as his wolf took from. He had gotten bigger but still not as big at me. Not that it would matter. I pawed the ground as I shook my head no at him. But the idiot simply charge me, he as in such a blind rage that his thoughts hit me in a jumbled mess. As images of him and Leah arguing flickered into my was almost on top of me his front right paw lifted high in the air like he was about to claw me.

I felt my hind legs tense and then unlock as I jumped in the air, keeping my head low so that my jaws clamped around Jakes' throat, causing him to whimper out in pain as I flipped mid-air landing on the ground as I slapped him into the ground. I could hear the sound of his bones crunching beneath my jaws.

I clamped down a little heart as my voice boomed in his mind, a mixture of my voice and the pain from his wounds cleared his mind of the angry red haze he was seeing through. "I warned you Jake I told you to stop this is on you." "Enough the both of you." I looked over to see three wolves, two both with icy blue eyes and midnight black fur, the other with pure silver moon like steel red gaze threatening to charge if we didn't stop.

I looked down at Jake his meaty neck still in my jaws, "Paul please stop it hurts." I looked up to hear Leah pleading voice. Her eyes wet with tears, his voice in pure agony. I let go of Jake staring at her heartbroken expression as I turned to look at lips curled over my teeth as his blood dripped down my canines. "Thank her Jake, she is the only reason you didn't get it worse.

I looked down at Jake he looked pitiful his blood oozed from his wound as his body twitch and ached with pain. But he would be fine it wasn't like he didn't egg me on. "The hell is wrong with you?" I looked up from my thoughts to see Bella leaning in the doorway. Her arms folded angry over her chest as she walked a little closer to me. Gently passing Leah so that she was standing directly behind a wall of wolves. I scoffed at her and snarled,she knew exactly what was wrong with me. "That wasn't my fault, you didn't need to take it out on Jake."

She has some nerve telling me that it wasn't her fault,that Jake didn't deserve this, he was the on that came after me, he was the one that attacked first after I told him multiples time to stop. You would have think that he eased up a bit in the past 6 months and but he only got worse. I was done being the good brother and taking that shit not any more. "Your impossible to talk to when you like this. Stop acting like a child."

I watched as Jared, Kimmy, and Embry walked out of house. Just looking at the two of us wide eyes before shifting when they heard Jake let out a whimper. He was trying to rise from the ground but his body wouldn't cooperate with him. He was breathing in heavy pants, trying to rise from the ground. His breath was heaving and as he struggled to move. "Stop moving you idiot the more that you move the longer it will take you to head.-Me"

I knew that I should be kinder and probably helped him up, but I was just so done with all the shit that he was and has been giving me."You could have killed him" I snarled at Bella like I gave a damn anymore, that was one less problem in my life. "You don't mean that." I huffed out some air and nodded my blocky head. "Woods now-Dad" His voice boomed in my mind as he glared at me.

"Or I can kick your ass here what do you prefer, shaved face in front of your pack or be embarrassed your choice.-Dad." I snarled there was no way that I was going to argue with him, he was in both alpha and dad mode. That was never a good sign so I simply nodded and ran off into the forest. Right before I shifted back to human I could hear my father faint whisper to Sam. "Sam take care of him if we don't get back before the council arrives then stall till we get your brother patched up."

I shook head sadly before shifting back into my human form, I was filled with both guilt and bring rage. I was beyond agony and I felt terrible that my little brother was hurt and in pain. But I don't regret it, I was tired of him treating me like trash because I messed up once.

I slipped on a pair of boardshorts before slipping on a taktop.T here was no point and showing the tattoo that I wasn't supposed to have taken a beating for one fuck u was enough for me. I sat down gently on the warm green grass as I waited on my father.

My heart seemed to hammer in my chest as I looked at my father approaching hulking mass. His lips were curled over his teeth and his eyes seemed closer as they raked over me. Rage fueling his every movement I was too scared to be alone with him. Lately we had grown closer, he had good control over his inner wolf so there were no longer nay mythical voice telling him to beat his kids. But that didn't mean that he couldn't fly into a blind rage in wolf form and go for me.

But instead of charging me like I feared that he would,he shifted back in his human from. His pants seems to have blood on them, I'm sure that it was Jakes blood. He scent was covered it, I felt my heart to ache as girl rushed to fill every part of my chest. I could think about was Jake laying on the floor bleeding out because of something that I did. The only thought that kept me from falling apart was that he charge me he provoked me.

I took in a deep breath and look up to see that father was pacing back and forth stopping only to catch a glimpse before going back to pacing. His green eyes light up in anger,"Paul what you did was idiotic, impulsive, and down right 's your little brother do you get that, that mean no matter how much he baits you and berates you, your supposed to take it easy on him. Yet you nearly kill him true that wound isn't fatal but I could feel your rage and need to kill him. I don't know what is wrong with you today but what you did was downright despicable."

He took a breath after he was done with his angry triad to look at me, his hard gaze made it impossible to meet. I let my head drop as this scent ran in the air it wasn't anything that I had smelled before it was a mix between the smell of a freshly killed animal and rain. When he spoke again his angry voice seemed to soften just a bit so that it didn't have that mures edge o it. "But that being said your fight with Jake isn't 100% your fault. Though you should have known better, he is going to feel threatened around you since you took his first mate. Try that times a thousand when he imprint on a girl he truly should have thought about how to really act around Leah."

I scoffed what does that even mean I have to sensor my relationship with Leah because Jake feels threatened. I didn't even know how to process that, i took in a deep breath and angry raised in my chest. I knew that I was going to get total blame for this no matter the fact that he openly challenged me in front of the pack. I was still and always will be the bad guy.

"Paul." I snapped my head up at the sound of my father raged filled and tired voice as he let out a sigh. I didn't even think that he like Jake though I guess that I was wrong since he seemed truly upset about now things went down. "Though I don't think that you care how he is feeling right now. What is going on with you, snapping as Sam and Emily, at Embry and now Jake. Did something happened in Phoenix that is making you act this way." I looked up shock looking deep into my father gentle green eyes that were no long hard with rage, he wasn't the one to pick up on subtle changes in my behavior.

As my brows furrowed I let my gaze drop to my lap, letting anger and guilt for my actions today consume. "Paul your my son, did you really think that I wouldn't notice how strange you have been? Or that I wouldn't pick up on what Kim said to you. Or the way that you and Bella seems intune with each other thoughts. That only happens in the an issue pushes the two of you closer."

I took in a deep breath before standing and shrugging my shoulders, images of Jake flirting into my mind forcing me to shutter. Did I really attack him to get out my demons from Phoenix or was I just fed up with him? At this moment I wasn't too sure, "It doesn't matter what drove me to do what I did, I still attacked Jake, still fought with Embry, still yelled at Sam and Emily."

I looked down at my feet, too ashamed to even look at my father as I let out a breath that I had been holding in. "So what are you going to do, I attack pack twice in one day, Sams going to give me some bullshit punishment and the kick my ass before sending me on patrol. I'm sure mom won't even look at me and she wont let me in the house so what would you do that they already thought of." I watched him take in a deep breath pinching the bridge of his nose with his right hand while his left ran through his hair. "You know how I grew up Paul?"

I thought that was a weird thing to ask but I knew that he grew up hunting the vampires with his brother and my grandparents. "Grandpa and grandma had you and your brothers while they were hunting for the vampires. During the second wave of attacks. You spent most of your life as a wolf with them by your sides. I know the stories all of them, you told them to me thousand of times when I was a kid, I never forget them why?" I looked up to see this amused twinkle in his eyes only for a moment. His deep green eyes seems to grow dark till they are a forest green.

"Your uncles died on the run back to help your mother, you know that all of them were slaughter and not a day goes by that I don't think about them. That I don't wish it had been me instead of them, I still lay awake at night thinking about what would have happened if they had survived along with your grandfather who you never got to know." I nod my head and sighed heavily he was upset about my thought. About Jake being better off dead and even thinking about it now cause sharp pains in my heart.

"Which is why I can't even begin to understand that horrible thought of your Pauls. There aren't even word for how disappointed I am in you. That one word alone could never do my feelings justice. I know that you have a lot more anger than your siblings, just like me. But you can't just lash out and you can't say horrible thing like that, I can feel your mother heartbreaking as we speak. Your family being dead is never good no matter how fucked up they have been treating you."

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I heard him, I knew that he wasn't just talking about Jake, he was talking about himself and Sam. I sighed heavily before looking up to see a disappointed gleam in my dad eyes. For once it hurt to see him looking like that at me, he was a lot of thing when it came to me. Angry, filled with rage, sadness, guilt but never in my snapped as I felt all the pain flood into my body, I looked down at my shake hands as my fight with Jake played on repeat in my mind.

"Dad I'm so sorry." I felt my voice quiver as he sighed heavily before pulling me into a hug. "I know that the things Jake says to you break your heart and I know you feel the most guilty about everything that happened but what you did is never going to be okay." I nodded my head in his chest as he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

"You mother doesn't want you anywhere near jake so for a while you going to say with me, not really debatable and no Bella." I looked up shock he couldn't be serious. "No dates, no her sneaking in your room or you sneak into her. The only time you will see her is at pack meeting, you can call her, but no sight. That's the best way to maximize your pain without killing you. Understood, if your not running running patrols or drills your in the house or you can come out to the firehouse with me."

I let out a groan but I was glad that I was only going to get a beating from Sam, to and one day might kill me. "I promised Kimmy we would talk later can she come over after this whole mess. I need to be caught up on Pack affairs anyway." I knew that my voice was small and hopefully and at the moment it was all that I could manage.

"Yeah that's fine but never complain and no matter how hard Sam hits you, you better not hit him back and you better take it with no complaints. Your more of a Uley then he is and Uley don't fight what they know they have coming to them." I nodded my head as he is sighed and pulled out of the hug. I don't know why but I didn't want him to. "Come on the council should be here soon.

I nodded my head and slowly walk back to Emily's house, I could smell blood and a strange scent, I could tell that Sue and Quil was there but there was someone else. She was human and of the tribe but I couldn't put my finger on it.I made my way into the clearing only to feel my father tense beside me. I looked up and was met with a women, with cold scarlet coal color eyes and deep copper skin. She was gorgeous,breathtaking really but she wasn't my type. Her thin frame was tone you could tell she wasn't the typical housewife. She was an active hunter, I had seen her around the woods a few didn't shift but she was a warrior all the same.

Her long black hair hung loosely around her face as she raked her eyes over me, her eyebrows raised high as she look at my father and then back to me. "So good for the two of you to join us. It's good to see you again Daniel." Dad let out a light whimper but gave her a weak smile. I shift my head to see that Bella was standing next to Leah apologizing on behalf of me. Sam had Emily clinging to his side, Jare and Kim were standing next to him. Embry was up front trying to get a good look at his father. While Seth leaned against the railing looking intently at me.

I sighed as I slowly turned my head to meet my mother cold icy blue gaze,the scent of disgust wafted into my nose as her glared told me everything that I need to know. She hated the very sight of me. I hated to admit my mother giving me the same glare that she gave vampires was enough to break me. Dad shifted a little uneasy before bumping his shoulder against mine and nodding over to Bella.

I nodded my head walking off while he tired to calm my mother down that was shaking. Her body fight the shift in front of the council,when they were gone would she try to kill me. I took in a deep breath as I moved closer to the pack so that I was standing in front of Sam. He lowered his head so that he was speaking in my ear. "Your lucky that there wasn't any permanent damage, be in the forest after this."

I fought the sadness that was hitting me as a shiver run out of my lips as the thought of him kicking my ass up and down the forest floor. But it was what I deserved I wouldn't sit here and fight him on something that so clearly needed to be down. I nodded my head before turning to look at Bella. I move closer to her when she wouldn't meet my gaze, but he simply gave Leah a weak smile and apologize one more time before running off. I could feel my heart breaking in two as Kimmy move over to me leaning into my side trying her best to comfort me. She was the only one not treating me like I had the plague.

When I looked into her topaz eyes I could see sadness, anger but also love, not that disgust that was so clearly written on the others face. I leaned my head down so that I was close to her ear, "Thank you" She shrugged it off like it was a no big deal but I need the comfort I was fighting breaking down and her not cutting me off definitely helped.

The new women looked at me and then Bella like she couldn't figure out why my imprint wanted nothing to see with me. But as I looked at Bella I didn't feel a single emotion she turned off our emotional link.I like away from her as I break contains the light whimpers that formed in my throat. When I looked up Sue was glaring dagger at me like I had done something not offended her. Sam who stepped forward nodding his head politely to each of him as his eye zeroed in on Sue. "I'm sorry for your lost, I don't know how they got past our defense."

She nodded her head lightly before her glare turned into a sneer of disgust a she ran her eyes over me. "I know how they got past, Paul forsake his duties to go on a vacation." I snarled widely,that trip was many things but a vacation wasn't one of them. It was hell for me, she had no clue and she had no right to blame his death on me. "Yeah it's my fault, how the fuck is it my fault Sue. I wasn't running patrol, Embry, Kimmy and Jake were running patrol. Fuck you this isn't on me so don't even try to blame me. I'm catching enough shit, I don't need yours too." "Paul!" I heard my father voice echo, dangerous and coaming, I nodded my head and took a step back.

This cold look glimmer in her eyes as she racked her eyes over Kim and then Embry before resting back on me. "Where pray tell is Jake because as far as I see, instead of having two experience wolves running patrol and one pup, you had one experience wolf and two pups that's not good. That wouldn't have happened if you were here." I scoffed angrily but Sam spoke before I could say something stupid "Jakes laying down, he was injured." I looked at Sam as he spoke his back tensing as anger filled his voice. I couldn't fight the spikes of pain that formed in my chest.

Sue nodded her head slowly for a moment before glaring to me, "I'm sure that was Paul's fault to." I don't know why but this surge of indignation formed in my chest. Maybe it was the fact that my mother hated the sight of me. Or Sam was disgusted to even be related to me or the fact that my imprint didn't even want to be my imprint any longer. But I snapped, "Actually it was I sunk my teeth deep into his neck till I heard a snap, he was talking a lot of shit too, till it came down to the actual fight."

I heard hushed whispers as Sue stared at me in shock for a moment before this sneer formed on her usually kind feature. This smell of superiority filtered into the air as she spoke to me. "Your below filth Paul, you're a hot-headed fool who lets his people down one to many time. Frankly, I don't see any value you have other than a pawn to be thrown to the wolves."

I had to resist the urge to snap to phase and lose it, I unlaced my hand from Kimmy' as she whimpered at me. Frantically grabbing at my arm as she tried to stop me. I could hear her small voice a she looked me gently in the us. Trying her best to keep me calm, "Please Paul don't do this."

I shook my head and slowly took a few steps toward Sue, she didn't flinch which was good because I had no intention of hurting her. "I think that we all need to chill." I didn't need to look back to know that it was Jake voice. Even now he is still trying to tell me what to do to pretend that he is better than me. "Nah I'm chill since I hold no value other than to slow down the assault, and my life means quite a lot to me. So I am going to make it easy on all of you. Since none of you can look me in the face or stand the sight of me, it makes what I have to say all the more easier. I quit."

I heard growls and snarls from the wolves with imprints. "That's not funny Paul." I turned around to see Sam glaring at me this annoyed look on his face like I was some child that need to be whipped. I scoffed at him as I shifted my eyes to Bella. I couldn't feel her emotions, she didn't want anything to do with me and that was clear. "I'm not kidding it wasn't a joke, Sue here say I have no value, all of you can't even look at me, mom wants to kill me I could smell her blood lust form here. It's funny Jake challenges me I win and I'm the dick. If he challenge me and won which he wouldn't have. But if he did I would still be the dick. So you know what, none of you other than Kimmy even wants me here. So to save all of you the energy of ignoring me. I'm just leaving. I quit this war, I quit this pack, I quit this family."

I gave each of them a hard glare before starting to walk away "Dammit Paul this is how you want to act." I tuned back to look at Bella, her cold voice didn't have any hurt in it or love it was just cold. Hearing her speak to me like a stranger hurt more then any insult or blow wold. "Why not you don't want me here, I can see it in your face and I can feel it. Or it more like what I can't feel. Your cut off the bond on your side of things. I can sense you so doing it so don't stand there and tell me you want me around. I can tell you can't stand the sight of 's written all over your face, tell me I'm wrong go ahead."

I watched shock form on her face then this deep shadow fell over her face as she looked down at her feet. "Exactly, by the time you're done with your stupid meeting, I'll be gone don't worry about it." I ran out of sight nothing bothering to phase I know that they would be in my mind chasing after me.

I ran for what felt like hours when I made it back to the house, I was hoping to grab some clothes and I could hear the sound of people on the inside.I took in a deep breath getting ready to run when the front door open. Bella stepped out of the house with my mom right behind her. They are looking directly at me. "Are you done throwing your tantrum."

My mother voice that had once been full for so much love for me was now ice cold, I ran back into the forest fuck that hist. I shifted running over logs and fallen branch as I took in a breath. The run seems to calm me for the moment. I just let the trees blur in and out of my vision before becoming so exhausted i dropped were I was standing. I looked up the star-filled sky starting back at me. I let out a huff before closing my eyes hoping that tomorrow would be better than the last time.

2 Days later.

I was minding my own business, just hunting done some breakfast when I hear a snapping of a twig when I look up there was a golden wolf looking at me. Her wide gold eyes looking over every inch of my body. Like she was trying to make sure that I was okay. I sighed heavily before sending my thought to her mind.

"What are you doing here Kimmy" She took in a deep breath and huffed out some air as he mind fluttered into mine. "It takes a lot of effort to talk to someone outside of the pack can we go human." I frowned I had not been in my human form for a few days now. I had gotten used to the fur and paws rather quickly.

I phase while slipping on a pair of sweatpants that my dad had brought to me when I first left the pack. He and Kimmy would come and check up on me at least once a day, but She was worried that she would see me and want to leave the pack. So he really didn't let her out of his sight.

"Bella is sick." I looked up from the ground out the sound of Kimmy's worried voice, to see that her golden hair wax in a cascading braid. Sam had told her to cut it, but it was one of her many little rebellion. Like talking to the rogue wolf when they were in the middle of the war.

"Okay take her to a doctor. It's the wolves that get depressed and then sick before dying. I got a couple of days before I have to see her once." I made sure that my tone didn't betray me. I made sure that I sounded as angry as I felt.I could tell she was still closing herself off to our bond so if she thought that i would coming running the moment that she was sick, then she was dead wrong.

"The pack needs you, Sam and Jared are trying their best but between teaching them how to fight and running patroll. They are exhausted they won't admit it but it would be easier if they had 4 experience wolves to teach the pups instead of 3."

I shrugged my shoulders before looking at a tree off in the distance, the same tree I had spent my first night under. "Dammit." I felt her shift and the next thing I know she is sitting in my lap, her arms wrapped around my neck as she took in a deep breath and tucked her head on my shoulder. "Paul I miss you, I can't be in that pack without you, you were the reason that I joined. Not them, I know that everything went to tits up 2 days ago but please. If not for them from me."

She sound so desperate but my mind was stuck on it only being two days, it felt like forever out here. But there was no point in me coming back there was no reason for me to go back. I looked down at Kimmy's thin frame, she seems more lean then usually. "You haven't been eating why." I looked at Kimmy and she rolled her eyes. "We spend all of our time at Emily's house and I can't stand to be there. Not without my best friend there. Leah is prissy and bitchy and they think that I should teach her since we both had something in common. But what is in between my legs should not force me to work with her."

"Sam taught them self control, and how to run in the forest and not make a sound. All the usual stuff but there tracking technique are shit and so are there just don't have the time of train with all the patrol the council has us running. Since the vampires are broken between out lines. The council has u running 3 shift a day 3 person teams. By the time that we have any free time. They are too exhausted to train them. It's a shit fest."

I took in a deep breath before leaning my head against a nearby tree "What happened in Phoenix Bella thinks that is the reason that you are acting this way." I scoffed "The reason that I am acting this way is because this is how they expect me to act. Big bad selfish Paul who is only out for himself. I'm just so done trying to prove them wrong. Sue who barely even know me,blames me for Harry deaths for the death of the others in the tribe. She has no clue how heavily that weight on me."

I took in a deep breath before continued to speak, "Do you think that she knows I was the one that put her daughter back together when Sam stomped on her heart, or that I was the one that took Seth to the hospital when he was pushed down the stair at his middle school cause some dick was bullying him. No, but I'm just the monster in her eyes, just like my mother can't stand the sight of me. He called me, he came up to me and picked that fight I gave him more than chance to back down more than once and he didn't.

"When dad orders me to stop I didn't have to, I could have kept going I could have snapped his twig-like neck but I didn't. I am done being treated like trash by him of all people. I took shit from him for the better part of 6 months. 6 months and some of the things that he said to me when no one was around..."

I took in a deep breath opening my eyes to see Kimmy wide topaz eyes looking me up and down. "It's just that I'm so tired of working harder than everyone else, to prove that I'm not what everyone think that I am. Dad for fucks sake didn't even get that pissted he understood that here was I wasn't the only one to blame. That Jake had a part in the fight. If that man, the most honorable man I know when it come to being a wolf doesn't fault me why should they. Leah hates me and for what defending myself."

I snorted and took in a shaky breath as Kimmy finally spoke, "What kind of things did Jake say to you?" I let out a harsh clipped laugh as I looked to Kimmy, this confused expression on her face. "He said that my father should have beaten me to death, that I was better off dead, that I was a waste of valuable oxygen and I should just go kill myself before I hurt someone else. All I could do was grin and bare it. I would apologize and say how sorry I was for ruining his life. Then I would have to go on like everything was normal. When all I wanted it really do was crumple up into a ball and cry. Me of all people crying."

I fought the tears that were forming in my eyes just thinking about it was enough to break me, the thought that someone I love thought I was better of dead broke me in way I didn't even know were possible.I shook it off as a gentle and warm head whipped my tears away. "Why didn't you tell anyone show them your memories." I look at Kimmy and let out a harsh laugh

"Would it have mattered? They would have told me that it is what I got for lying to him all that time. If you think about it,he met her in September. They dated 3 months, that was 3 months that I could have told the truth. Then another 6 of lies as we rubbed our happiness in his face. That is year of treating him like shit weather it was intentional or I do think I deserve those harsh words"

I scoffed as I pulled Kimi to her feet and smiling gently, "Sometimes I wonder why I wouldn't just let Edward kill me. If it eases his pain then I guess I should do it. What is the point of living if someone that you love more than life wants to see you dead. Sometimes I still think I should just end it. Hell I had that thought running through my mind when mom looked at me like I was something to be hated…..Kimmy please go I can't cry in front of you I just can't."

I watched her give me this tortured and heartbroken look before she ran off. I sat there for a moment just letting the hot tears fall down my face before collecting my thought and phasing, running back into the woods, it was time to get back to breakfast.