Chapter 48 Outta Sight Outta My Mind

Paul POV

I collapsed on the couch, pulling my knee closer to the chest as I rested my notebook on my knee caps. As my eyes slide over each line that I wrote I had to do my best not to listen in on my parent's conversation.

But as I forced my attention to the paper, pulling my Dracula text closer to my face so that I could really focus on the words. My mind kept drifting to the different possibilities of how this could end.

I shook my head slowly as I clear my clutter mind, get your shit together Paul and focus on your paper. I stared blankly at the faded and worn pages of my book, I should get a new copy this one is done.

The spine is worn out and pages threaten to fall out of the spine at any I could go tomorrow when I got done with my patrols and stuff. "Paul can we talk." I looked up from my thoughts to see a gentle smile and a worried glare on my mother's face.

Though she was trying very hard I could still see and smell the disgust wafting off of her in harsh yellow waves. So this is how this is going to go, she could at least be honest with me. I choked own a scoff as I spoke in a flat monotone voice.

"Yeah" At this point, I just wanted to finish this paper and then call from the determined look in mom amber eyes I knew that this might take longer then I would like. "I just wanted to talk okay?"

I rolled my eyes at the broken animal routine she could pretend all she wanted but her scent and heartbeat doesn't lie. Just standing here having to be anywhere near me made her skin crawl. But I place my book on the glass living room table before resting my head gently on my knees.

"You said that already, is your idea of talking telling me how much you hate me and don't want me near Jake. If so you can save your breath that was made abundantly clear a few days ago."

I didn't raise my gaze from my bare feet but I could hear the amount of cement and pain that resonated in my chest. No matter how much I had to shove it deep down all that pain and anger came right back up when I looked at her.

"I'm not angry with you just..." I scoffed cutting her off right there, there is no way that she is going to lie to my face. "I'm not Jake you can't lie to my face I know what disgust and rage smell like and it's oozing out of every pore " She cursed under her breath in shock not really angry but what did she think I wouldn't trust my other sense over my ears.

She didn't say anything for a moment but instead stomped her foot angrily into the ground as she gave me a look of pure disgust. "Well, how do you expect me to feel, you attacked your 15-year-old brother, Paul you're 17 you can't do that. You should have known better, you should have restrained yourself."

I stood up as burning white rage ran through every inch of my body, my whole being began to shake with rage as I tried my best to hold back my inner wolf. "I was holding back, my inner wolf was screaming, no begging me to kill rip his stupid little head off, to throw his corpse somewhere the pack would never find it. But I didn't, I bit him sure but not enough to kill him. Do you think that I am that stupid and there was no fending off Jake? He was blinded by jealousy and rage. What did you want me to let him kill me? It's not like it would be the first time."

I watched her eyes widen in shock and disbelief I'm not just going to sit here and let her yell at me for protecting myself. I could hear shifting of dad in the other room I'm sure that he would storm in here in a minute to break up this heartwarming moment.

"Why would you even throw that back in my face." I closed my eyes as growls of raged built in my throat as pain coursed through my veins.

"He tried to kill me and you didn't so much as bat an eye, I accepted his challenged and won and I am the one you can barely look at. I had no intention of killing Jake, he, on the other hand, did, not for the first time the second fucking time and I'm still the bad guy."

I slowly look up from my gray sweatpants-clad legs to see my mother shell-shocked her eyes were glowing an icy blue but she didn't dare move. I don't think that he could even if she wanted to. This is probably the only time that I'm going to be able to say so I might as well get it all off of my chest.

I stood up in rage as my legs locked and unlocked as my bones began to snap and pop but I ignored the sound simply staring her down. Pure hatred shining in my now glowing red eyes.

"For the record since we are on the subject, the only reason that you are upset is that it was Jake. If it was me and Sam going at it, you wouldn't even bat an eye. It's unfair to have to live with that. I refuse to listen to your bullshit, to sit here and let you lecture me when I'm not the only one at fault."

I looked up as my voice swung between rage and pain, I didn't my best not to let it show in my gaze as my mother got this appalled expression on her face. Her eyebrows dipped down as deep frown line formed in her forehead. Each word that she spoke was lace with pain and disappointment.

"Yes I favor your brother but that doesn't give you the right to attack him. You should have just..." I stalked back and forth as my mind finish the sentence for her. As I stalked close to her it took me a moment to realize that for once I was towering over her. Not trying to run away like a usually do. "Jut what?! Let him claw my throat out like he was trying to do. To lay there and take a beating when I would have easily won it."

She looks at my anger and rage lighting up her face as she spoke one word, one little word that could destroy me. "Yes" Her voice was quiet but it seems to echo and boom off of the living room walls.

Dad took that moment to walk into the room, rang bubbling up into his eyes as red dangerous waves rolled off of me. His whole body began to shake as his eyes glowed a murderous crimson red.

"Paul go to your room!" His voice boomed with both auto and rage forcing trepidation and fear to fill my heart. As I collected any stair papers and books before jogging up the stairs. But even as I slammed my door shut I could still hear the two of them screaming on the top of their lungs.

I just slipped on my headphones, listening to Fort Minor Remember The Name as I finished writing my paper. 12 pages later and it was finished. Any other time I wouldn't have down it but I was taking the AP pop culture lit class which also happened to be in the same class as Bella. I took in a deep breath as I leaned back in my chair. Listen To Don Omar now, the songs changed rapidly. I wonder how long that I had been zoning out.

That way when I heard the sound of shifting as the front door to the house slammed with a final thud. Within a few moments,s I could hear the roar of an engine as her SUV pulled meant that the coast was clear. I slipped off my headphone to welcome the silence of the house. But it didn't last long as I heard someone walk into my room.

"So was it a good talk or did she tell you that you were better off dead too." I spun around in my black computer chair to see my father leaning against the doorway. A deep seed frown on his face and guilt shining in his emerald green eyes. I'll take that as a no, a heavy sigh escaped my lip as he chuckled lightly. "Well it's wasn't a civilized talk that is for sure. But she will get over it."

I snorted yeah right her not holding a grudge is a foreign concept to her, the woman is older than dirt she can definitely hold a grudge. "She never forgives or forgets. Don't hold your breath you will be waiting a while."

He laughs sadly as he sat on my bed staring intently at something past my shoulder. Did he only come in here to snoop? "You finished your paper?" I looked up from my thought giving him a slight nod. "Good head to bed it's like 11 and you gotta to be up for 8 right?"

I rolled my neck as I listen to his concern voice for a moment as I slowly rose from my chair. "Something like that yeah, do you mind if I stop by the firehouse after I get off patrolling." He smiled wide at me as joy whipped away any trace of his exhaustion and he nodded his head.

"Yeah you haven't been there since you were 10, the guys will be happy to see you, head to bed. I mean it." He walked over to my gently and pulled me into a hug before kissing the top of my head. As he pulled out of the warmth and society of the hug he said something with more confidence than I could muster. "Trust me I have known your mother for 65 years she will come around. "

I let out a clipper laugh as I collapsed onto my bed sinking deep into the plush mattress. As I started to drift in a sea of exhaustion and dream I could hear my father voice as he departed the room.

"Trust me on this she will come around and she will apologize for what she said." I nodded my head but as I opened my eyes the light was all off and the sky was pitch black. I rubbed my head that seemed to be pounding as the sound of my phone going off filtered into my ears. Bella's name kept popping up on my screen so I hit answer and place it lazy to my ear before closing my ears.

I could hear blanket shifting in the other room, so it must have been dad getting up to go to the bathroom or something. "Paul?" Bella's voice was husky and exhausted I could tell that she didn't get a wink of sleep by that one single word. I groaned as I turned on my best side lamp, letting the golden light flood my face waking me up a bit as I spoke in a gentle whisper. "Hey Isabella what is wrong why aren't you asleep."

That was the same question that my dad would be asking me if I didn't go back to sleep soon, I heard her sigh for a minute before I rolled over to my back to go back so that I was staring at the ceiling just listening to her light breathing on the other line.

My heavily-lidded eye slowly drifting close as her voice echoed out from the phone forcing me awake. "I had a nightmare and I can't sleep I don't want to sleep not with those horrible dreams I'm not used to not sleeping in your arms tonight. Dad has finally lost it."

I wanted to talk to her but I'm just too tired to think let alone talk but I knew that it would make her feel better if she could at least hear my voice. "Yeah but dad said that he will stop by to talk to your dad, see if he will smooth things over. Mom almost had him for a moment but then he stormed out of the house."

Bella let out a shocked gasp as I looked up to see my door slowly creeping open. My dad's shirtless torso came in first then the rest of he balled up one of his fist rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Paul, what the hell are you still doing up?"

"Your mom was there wow, so you guys made up?" I looked at my dad who frowned as this realization dawned on him but he simply sat in my desk chair and silently glared at me. His eyes saying hurry this up.

"Nope, she told me that I should have died instead of fighting back against Jake. Baby, I know that you can't sleep but my dad is making me rush the phone call."

That force a heavy sigh to leave his lips as he frowned heavily at me. He walked slowly over to the bed before gently ripped the phone from my weak grasp as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Dad" I whined as he turned his attention to the phone.

"Sorry I hate to be the wet blanket but Paul needs his sleep don't worry I will smooth things out with your father. You can stay on the phone with him but try to keep the noise down to a minimum."

His voice sounded so understanding but then it began to turn cold and demanding as he handed me back the phone before giving me a warning stare. "Paul doesn't make me come back or I'm taking the phone." I frowned as he walked out of the room just as I curled up into a little ball and place the phone back to my ear.

"Bella gets down here we need to talk about some boundaries." I was startled by the sound of Charlie's voice. I looked over in the bed to see Bella cuddle up to my side. Crap, I poked her cheeks a anxiety filled my heart as each stomp up the stairs got louder and closer.

He would be here in no time and I would be so screwed, but in the last moment Bella eyes snapped open quick and looked at me for a moment. Fear lifting up her brown eyes before this light bulb must have gone off in her head. She jumped out of the bed and ran to the door putting on all of her way against the door. "Dad I'm naked, jeez give me a second."

I'm sure that Charlie just got a mental image that he didn't need but the sound of treating foot stop at the top stairs. Thank god for that, I rushed over to Bella kissing her lips gently earning me a shit-eating grin from her."Thank you for coming to stay with me." She spoke in a hushed whisper but I could hear the love in her voice forcing my heart to speed up."Anything for my princess but I gotta to go, later."

I jumped out of her window in a flash pashing before I even hit the ground with a large thud. My paws thudding against the ground as I made my way to the tree line the fast as I could. As I ran through the forest I could see images flashing before my eyes, I could just barely make out Jared's face as he talked to Make an Embry. Quil and Leah were nowhere in sight and, Kimmy and Seth were MIA too what the hell was going on, how as I see this.

"So what you think that we need to tiptoe around him, I'm going to treat him the way that I always have. Your three were the ones that were guilt-tripping him about Bella and the fight. You are the ones that need to apologize to him not me."

I looked at Jared standing up angry as he glared fiercely at Sam, which didn't make sense they were best buds. "Jared it's not like that and that is not what I'm saying." I could see Jake trying his best to plead his case but Jared wasn't having it.

"No you were the one that drove him to think about suicide, you were the one that beat him down day in and day out. You Jake and you aren't going to mitigate your guilt but getting us to take some of the blame."

I could feel Jared's anger as he continued to speak his voice getting colder with each passing moment "If he would have really done it, pulled that trigger or let that vamp kill him. I wouldn't be able to control myself around you when the truth came out. I'm not treating him any differently he was my bud before this shit and he is still my bud. Find some other way that doesn't involve me to clear your guilt."

"Dammit, Jake you need to get a better lid on your thoughts. Hey, Paul-Sam " Sam's voice seems to soften as he talked to me. Was this how they were going to be all day, I rolled my eyes before running full speed through the forest until I am surrounded by red oaks.

Taking the sounds of the birds singing their sweet melodies as I watched the trees turn into the red the smell of the soil was different in La Push there was less human interaction and more nature. I definitely like it better than in forks. I took in a deep breath as the smell of bear caught my attention.

"Paul you shouldn't take the bear alone- Sam" I rolled my eyes as his concern took over me. He isn't even man enough to give me an order, did they really think that I am that weak. Ian rush forward as worry surged into my chest but I knew that it was Bella's emotions and not mine.

I'm sure that Charlie isn't making any of this easy on her. I didn't get why he has to be such a dick about all of it. I sighed heavily as I took in a deep breath the smell of a thick meaty black bear filled my nose as he dug his claws deep into the stream. Looks like he is trying to catch some fish for breakfast.

But he was my breakfast, I felt my legs tense as I jump high ignoring the shining glimmer that came off of the stream. I sunk my fangs deep into the gummy flesh of the back of his neck. His rough fur began moist with blood as he fractionally swung his paws in the air trying to get me off of him.

I sunk my fangs deeper into the thick meat of his neck. The metal taste of blood formed in my mouth as the tingling sensation took over me. I clamped my jaws down a little bit more forcing the bear to the ground with a painful wail. After a moment he stopped struggling allowing me to rip into him. Peeling back his fur with my claws before ripping into the soft pink tender flesh.

"Dude that is so gross -Jake" I rolled my eyes at him as I ripped out another chunk, my teeth ripping into the tender flesh before swallowing it and going into for another bit. Now if only I could eat in peace without two idiots bugging me. "Seriously how do you eat that shit-Sam" How is this any different from grabbing meat from the stores, In saving a few steps by killing it now. "Yes but the meat that we eat is cook dude, you going to get worms.-Sam."

I ripped into the last remaining chunks of meat leaving nothing but the husk of the bear before torrenting off to the lake. Rubbing my face deep into the lake as the cool weather washed away any trace of fresh blood.

After the stench of blood and dead bear left my nose I took it the left perimeter of the land. Running in silence for a few minutes before Jake just had to open his mouth. "Can we talk-Jake" His voice was attentive and soft to the point that if it didn't echo in my mind I wouldn't have even know that he had spoken.

I took in a deep breath the last time a member of the family said they wanted to talk it didn't turn out too well. "You and mom talked?-Sam" I looked up from my thought to see an intersection between deep red oak trees and winter pines. I sighed and ran toward the pine taking in the scent of the salty earth before speaking. "I don't talk while on patrol so if the two of you don't mind I would rather run in silence.-Me"

I made sure that my tone was polite I wasn't really in the mood to get yelled at again, for what seems like the third time today. I took in a deep breath as my hunches dipped for a moment. I have to admit being a wolf as a lot more appealing to me. I can see why Tah aka decide to pashed and never come back, there was no downside to it. "Except that you wouldn't a family to come back to-Jake"

I scoffed at images of mom ran into my mind, I knew that they were Jakes memories god he is such a mama's boy. "I don't have any family to come back to, thanks to that fight.-Me." I tried to keep the bitterness from my voice but it didn't work as Jake let out a guilt whimper.

I waited for Sam to rise to his defense to say that there was no reason to throw it back in his face but that never happened. "That no true, you got dad, and you got the two of us-Sam" I sighed heavily as his gentle tone.

"I'm only your family for as long as mom isn't around, I don't want musical chair family members. If you are going to be here, then be here for me 100% if not I'm better off without you.-Me." The rage and bitterness that ran into the hive mind as my emotions made it harder to keep control of my memories.