A.N: Hey Guys!!

Thanks for the reviews and I hope this chapter will be enjoyable for you to read. As for the 'driving you crazy' secret well you'll get some hints in this chapter and in the next one but I can assure you that your curiosity will be satiated in chapter 18 *wink wink* so like usual don't forget to review and tell me what you think!

Love you all.

Hugsies

Chapter 16:

I was running back to my room.

You can call me dad? I thought with a snort. Well you can call me 'the girl who is going to destroy your freaking face if you ever tell her something like that again!' I added shaking my head finally reaching the building.

I got a glimpse of Kashka opening her own door. She was staying in the room just beside mine.

"Hey kick-ass!" She said with a warm smile seeing me jogging toward her. "Doc freed you huh? That's nice!" She said pleasingly surprised.

So I guess she didn't come to visit me then, if she doesn't know that I've been released…I thought stopping in front of my own door about 5 feet from her. Why was she in the building for then?

"So, You were so happy to be free that you ran here?!" She chuckled. "Almost ready for the ass kicking I owe you? I mean…you drugged me!" She added jokingly.

I didn't know why, but I was so angry against her. She was the first person I met that knew it all. That was probably the reason for her brawl with Adrian but she was the unlucky one. The first I met when I was still furious and hurt.

I crossed my arms on my chest and glared at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked coldly. "Did you really think that I wouldn't find out the truth? That I would not discover he was here."

Her jaw dropped and she rested her hand on the wall for support. She had lost the smugness that made her a Belikov. "I… I… I wanted to tell you" she stuttered with shame and pain. "But they said it would hurt you to find out now that you needed time before seeing him and--"

"And you didn't even think that I could run into him like that in a corridor because…." I reddened with anger, seeing her scorching her eyebrows in confusion. "Because it's actually what happened!"

"What?" She asked taken aback. "You…what?" She asked again.

I sighed with exasperation. "I'm talking about Ibrahim El whatever!" I said scowling at her. She was really insulting my intelligence.

"Ibra-who?" She asked pretending to be confused. She was good at pretending apparently.

"My Genitor!" I shouted, even angrier than before. "Don't act all stupid!" I added making fists with my hands.

"Your dad is here?!" She asked taking aback by surprise. "Oh my! That's…WOW!" She just said staring at me with wide innocent eyes.

She didn't know about that?! I thought even more surprised than she was. "Uh!" I said biting my bottom lip. "But if you didn't know about him who do you think I was talking about?"

"No…One?" She said uncomfortably, but as I saw her face closing up, I knew I wouldn't get much more on that subject today.

One secret at a time, I thought angry against whoever knew about that and I was more than positive on the fact that Lissa did.

I nodded to Kashka and proceeded to open my door.

"Inviting me in?" She asked jokingly. "Unless you don't want my company."

I looked at her and finally smiled a little. "Of course I want your company, don't be silly!" I said walking in letting the door open for her to follow me.

She closed the door behind her and walked in and I saw her noticing the two can of cokes on the table.

"Yeah, Guardian Jonascki nicely walked me here and of course I went in full bitch mode with him…" I blushed with shame. "I was trying to find him to apologize when I ran into 'him,' " I said with such an intonation that no questions were raised.

Kashka settled comfortably in the sofa and patted a spot beside her, as I settled beside her I realized how comfortable I was with her as it was like being sisters. Maybe it was because I was so eager to have a little part of Dimitri into my life that I wanted to be a part of his family so bad but she seemed eager enough to give me a little place in that family.

"So… Tell me everything," she said with solicitude as I started to relate her everything in great detail.

Once I was done she laughed.

"Boy that Zeklos kid…" She shook her head "you know what he needs huh? My foot in his ass."

"Sorry I've got dibs on that one," I said seriously.

"You'll have to fight for him then," she said trying to restrain herself from laughing.

After a couple of second of staring at each other we burst into laugher, at the same time I heard a knock at the door.

I stood up and opened it with a smile still on my face.

"I see you're doing ok?" Said Lissa nicely, but I could feel through our bond that she was both jealous and hurt of my relation with Kashka, which was silly. Lissa was my best friend and nobody could ever take that spot in my heart. I'll have to tell her that soon but for now there was another thing I needed to tell her.

I let her in. "Well, you know it's probably the consequence of me running into Ibrahim," I said studying her face to see if she knew about that.

"Oh…" She simply said looking down.

She knew everything, I thought angry.

"What did you expect huh? That I would not see him or what?" I asked coldly.

She flashed a glance in Kashka's direction showing me that she was uncomfortable to talk in front of a 'stranger'.

I was about to tell her to spill the beans with Kashka here as she seemed to be the only one who cared enough that she was fighting against those secrets. But I did abandon them and, like Ben said, I had to deal with the consequences of my decisions and whether or not I liked it, was irrelevant, for now.

I looked at Kashka ready to ask her to let us have a minute but she was already up putting her jacket on

"Listen, Rose I think it's something you need to deal with on your own." She walked and hugged me tight. "I'll be in my room if you need me." She nodded toward Lissa and left the room.

"So, now that the big secret is out…would you mind explaining it to me." When I said 'big secret' I had a rapid, almost insignificant, glimpse of her mind. It was the word 'Dimitri' but it was over much too fast. And I couldn't tell her 'listen Liss I'm trying to get into your head to spy but I can't. You should stop blocking me!' Yeah that would turn out well!.

I kept scowling. She sighed and threw her hands in the air.

"Well I don't have to apologize for anything!" She said pointing at me with anger. "I was… no we were trying to find a way to stop you from the understandable, yet stupid, goal you wanted to achieve."

I was about to say something, but she stopped me by raising her hand. I never saw Lissa so confident and I would have been super proud if I wasn't so mad.

"Let me finish. I was trying to find a way to save Dimitri and there were some books about how it was possible to reverse the strigoi state but it was only rumors and I knew you would need hard proof to stop or at least a real theoretical way to do so"

She scowled too now.

"When Adrian talked to you after you left, it was clear that you didn't intend to make it back to us and you wanted out, in the blaze of glory didn't you?!" She added getting angrier and accusatory by the minute so I sat on the armchair letting the storm pass.

"We were desperate and the books Adrian managed to bribe out of the Court library leaded us to think that there were some primary sources in the Middle East, at the Library of The University of Istanbul to be correct." she said with a passionate tone

She was pacing in front of me so fast that she was making me dizzy.

"But the collection on strigoi was on a restricted area and if would have taken us weeks just to get the right to consult them even with Adrian trying to pull every strings his name and money could buy. And we knew it would be too late by then." She stopped in front of me.

I looked up and she looked so sad.

"We were completely lost and broken. The idea of losing you was unbearable…for any of us. You have no idea, we were so desperate, ready to make every sacrifice so…." she finally sat down. "So, your mother did the greatest sacrifice. She swallowed her pride and phoned your father and begged him for help."

My mom? Begging?! I thought completely astonished. That was clearly the most unexpected information ever, but it made me feel even worse about everything I did. I had forced my mother to do one of the only things she would have rather die than do.

"Your father is actually really, really rich like…Ivashkov wealthy if you see what I mean," she said seriously, "He is maybe not royal per say but he is richer than most of the royal families. Petrol I think," she said shrugging. "Anyways, he gives a lot of money at the university so, he managed to access the books. He took them and flew here with them."

She fastened her hair in a ponytail. "Apparently he didn't know he had a daughter you see and well…"

"Like it would have changed anything!" I said coldly with a snort. "Moroi couldn't care less about their dhampir children."

"Maybe…" said Lissa calmly, "but anyways he wanted to meet you and once he learned you were back and awake he came back," she said, as matter of fact.

I nodded looking down. That wasn't the point but…I couldn't help but feel bad for my mother. I really did destroy every single person I ever cared about or that cared about me. I really was bad luck.

"Maybe, I can concede. It was bad to hide you that information but we were not even sure he was going to come back," she shrugged. "And we were going to tell you everything it is just… "

"Yeah…circumstances" I said still mad, but I didn't know toward whom anymore. I knew there was a secret about Dimitri too but what was it? I would stay here just long enough to find out and then I'll leave for good.

They will be better without me. They'd figure that one out eventually.

"Well. I better go now. I'm having dinner with Christian and Tasha. Do you want to join us? I'm sure they will be thrilled." She asked but I knew she already expected my answer.

"Not tonight you know…" I shrugged, ''with Ibrahim and all that,'' I gave her a small smile as I could see she was worrying. "Plus I'm not sure they will all be thrilled."

"Huh? …OH!" She said understanding. "Tasha?" She questioned.

There was no point in lying. I nodded.

"She is not upset about you and Dimitri I promise." She said sincerely. "She was actually very supportive and apparently she knew about it since the ski trip when he refused her offer. She is…was very supportive of you two," she added. "She said you were soul mates, probably made in Heaven."

I walked to Lissa and hugged her tight. "I love you Liss. You are, and always be, my best friend." I said as I felt her relax and a clear appeasement and she hugged me back.

"I needed to hear that," she said sincerely still hugging me.

"I know you did." I said kissing her cheek loudly. "Now go and meet lover boy and if you run into Ben, could…could you tell him I need to talk to him?" I asked trying to sound as detached as I could.

She looked at me warily, but nodded.

We opened the door to a Christian about to knock.

"Well, well, well," he said looking at me with the sarcastic smile that was his trademark. "If it isn't Rosemarie Hathaway," he said.

"Oh my… You are so smart! You know my name? Really??" I said sarcastically in a fake awe. "You are so smart!! Please be my teacher pleeeaaassseeee…" I said like a crazy teenager.

Ben was all sullen behind him, but finally cracked a smile and I heard someone actually burst into laughed beside Christian and finally registered Tasha, who looked at me with really warm eyes. She seemed genuinely happy to see me.

"Hi Tasha…" I said slightly uncomfortably, but she walked to me and hugged me.

"I'm so happy you're back!" She said breaking our embrace but keeping her hands on my arms. "Don't scare us like that ever again okay?" She asked with a smile.

I nodded.

Lissa gave a quick peck at Christian who wrapped his arm lovingly around her waist. Seeing that love made my chest ache and I really hated that.

I wondered why my mother wasn't there. Was she avoiding me? That was so not a Janine Hathaway behavior! I'll go and see her tomorrow, I thought finally concentrating my attention on Ben.

"Can you give me a minute?" I asked him slightly discomfited.

Ben nodded.

I saw Christian looking from Ben to me as he opened his mouth, I saw the light gleaming in his eyes and I knew he was about to make a smartass comment 100% full Oreza.

"Shut your pie hole Oreza," I said raising my hand. "You may be a teacher, but I'm not a student anymore and believe me it's not a guardian, which is going to stop me from kicking your skinny ass."

"Ok enough! Love you guys!" said Lissa not able to stop from laughing a bit. "Let's go before they get into a 'smart ass' battle,'" she added seriously.

"Yeah please!" Said Tasha winking at me. The three of them left, letting an uncomfortable Ben standing in front of my door.

"Please come in." I said stepping at the side.

"I'm so sorry for what I said before," I told him as soon as I closed the door. "I was out of line like well…" I shrugged and blushed. "Like I'm most of the time."

Ben turned around and smiled at me. "It's fine really." He said nicely "I shouldn't have lost my self control since you didn't have all the info in your hands anyways. Sometime it just hard to stay in control, you know?" He said really questioning me

Damn! Once again… he sounded like Dimitri. I thought but nodded and walked to sit on the sofa gesturing toward the armchair for him to take a sit. I took 2 cokes on my way to sit.

"Oh yeah, I know what you mean!" I said sincerely. "Lack of control has always been one of my biggest weaknesses."

He patted my knee gently sitting down. "Control is a learned behavior you know." he had a sly smile. "I'm 26 and still far from getting it into order. You saw it before with Zeklos didn't you?"

"Yeah," I said with a chuckle, "but Jesse will even strip the Daila Lama of his control!" I said only half joking.

He laughed with me. He had a deep and appeasing laugh, the kind you didn't get tired to hear.

"So, we're cool now?" I asked a bit childishly.

"We were always…'Cool' Rose," he said sincerely. "It's just that I was in your shoes not that long ago and I didn't want you to make the same mistakes that I did, that's all. And keeping everything bottled up inside is the worse you can do" he said looking deep into my eyes as if he was trying to read my soul. "And making radical decisions, like not graduating and things like that when you are still grieving or still full of anger, is bound to screw your life."

I just bit my lip because I knew he was right.

"You will regret it, I swear you will." He said looking at his hands now. "Maybe not today, not in a month or not even a year, but you will I can assure you that much."

"Do you regret your decisions?" I asked curiously.

He looked up. "Yes," he said letting all his guard down. "Some of them I regret every day." He said evasively and I didn't dare to ask which one.

"You need to talk to someone you trust, whoever it is. You need help, you don't need to deal with all that by yourself," he said kindly.

But this sentence made me dizzy as it was exactly what Dimitri told me after my failed 'strigoi Stan' attack. Once more it was like chatting with Dimitri!

Am I in another dimension? I thought stupidly, but I just couldn't stop thinking of that.

"What's your favorite kind of novel?" I blurted out flushing straight away.

His head jerked up in surprise and he frowned with confusion but he answered nevertheless, bless him. "Ummm Sci-fi why?"

Dimitri liked Westerns I thought relaxing a bit. "And your favorite music?" I asked ignoring his question.

"Police interrogatory?" He asked with a chortle. "I love Jazz and Blues Music, Aretha Franklin, Armstrong, Robert Johnson, stuff like that."

I sighed and rested my head on the back of the sofa. "That's very good," I said smiling turning my head on the side to look at him. "And you think I should talk to anyone?" I asked again.

"Well, yeah anyone you feel comfortable enough to talk about this subject," he said nicely. "Could be a psych, a priest, a friend, a parent, Jesse Zeklos," I scowled at him. "A random stranger in the street," he added with a smile.

I straightened up a bit. "You?" I asked uncomfortably.

I could see in his eyes that he surely didn't expect that. He kept quiet for a couple of second thoughtful.

I was about to apologize and ask him to forget about it when he finally talked.

"Well yeah of course," he said quietly "I would be more than honored and I will do my best to help you but…but why me?" He asked sincerely interested. "We can't really say we know each other."

"Well, that's a reason for why you're the best choice." I said doing my best to look at him. It was very hard for me to open up. "You know I don't want Lissa to hear about that or Christian or any other friend as I don't want to see the pity in their eyes." I shrugged. "They know one Rose and I want them to keep knowing that Rose plus I don't know why, but I feel safe with you…don't ask me why but…I trust you." I said blushing again. "That's stupid isn't it?"

Ben took my hand and squeezed it. "Actually, no it is not. I do feel the same with you like I known you forever." His hand was warm. It felt good.

"And the third reason and probably the most unhealthy and weird one but I need to be totally honest," I said shifting uncomfortably on the sofa. "You... You sound just like him," I said avoiding his glance not wanting to read the "wow she lost it" in it. "You just think like him and well… talking to you, listening to what you say, it will be like listening to him in a strange, overstretched, sick way." I said grimacing.

"If you want me...then I'm here." He said settling in the armchair. "Whatever reasons that made you choose me to confide, it doesn't matter. The most important thing is that you open your heart and say what you really feel. It will help you I promise," he added his eyes full of thoughtfulness.

"I miss him so much," I said resting my head back against the back of the sofa looking up at the ceiling. "I miss him so much. It's like I can't breath". I tried to be as calm as possible. "And I feel guilty..," I said finally admitted to him and to the world. "I should have let you guys take him out."

"But…" He waited a bit to think I presumed, "I saw it. I was just beside Christian when he broke down the door. He was about to break your neck Rose, he didn't have the scruple that you seem to have," he added with a soothing voice.

"Well, he said he still loved me and he asked me to join him but I just couldn't and… and he sent a ghost," I said looking at him but he was just looking back with nice honest eyes as tears started to fall quietly down my cheeks. "To keep me away…to keep me safe." I shook my head. "There was still a part of the man I loved inside that strigoi and I destroyed that part too." I couldn't contain the single sob to get out.

He came to sit beside me. "Well you had no choice Rose you can't, blame yourself."

"But… I remember that day fairly well now and...and I know that Lissa shouted 'no' when I staked him." I was crying for good now. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I cried on his shoulder, literally. "Maybe I was the reason why they failed."

"No you aren't," he said in a tone so sure. He stoke my hair to calm me down and before even realizing it, I felt asleep my head resting on his powerful, muscular and warm shoulder.

I woke up later that night lying on the sofa, with a cover over me and a pillow under my head.

I looked around, a bit disoriented, and saw Ben fast asleep in the armchair. It looked so uncomfortable. Boy he was going to be so stiff tomorrow.

I woke him gently.

"Hey…" he said in a sleepy voice.

"Hey," I said sitting down on the sofa, wrapping the cover around me.

He looked at me and cracked a smile.

"Yeah, making fun of Rose, the bed-head huh?" I said touching the big haystack I had on top of my head.

"Nah it's cute," he said stretching, I could hear his joints complaining.

"Why did you stay?" I asked curiously.

"I…I didn't want you to wake up alone," he just said.

So much kindness left me speechless and I just whispered a thank you. I looked at my watch. It was middle of afternoon, which meant middle of our night. Boy I slept 4 hours already! It was going to be a drag to get back to sleep now.

At this instant we heard a loud banging at the door like someone was trying to break it.

Ben and I looked at each other with a frown. He shrugged and went to open the door.

It was a very pissed off, very jealous and clearly drunk Adrian still holding a half emptied bottle of Vodka in his hand.

He looked at Ben's rumpled clothes and my sleepy eyes, draped in the cover.

He got even angrier and dodged around Ben to step into the room.

I didn't want to have to deal with all the drama and even if nothing had happened, I decided to explain to him what was happening.

I sighted, "Adrian it's -"

"Why are you doing that Rose?" He asked so aggressively that I took a step back. "Are Dhampirs so much better than me? I'm pretty sure I can satisfy you in bed too you know."

"No it's - "

"I mean come on!! What kind of slut are you! The 'love of your life' is not out a month, and you are already with another one?" He asked taking two steps towards me.

That was just too much and I slapped him with the back of my hand with all the strength I had.