A.N: Hey guys!! Ok I know you don't want to hear my blahblah today and you think "shut up woman! I just want to read !" so… I just wanted to thanks the reviewers.

And if you get a chance there is a brand forum on VA (link on my profile)

I really REALLY hope you'll like this chapter.

Don't forget to review and tell me what you think.

Love u all

Steffy.

Chapter 18:

It has been three days now that I had the chat with my mom and that I heard the hard truth coming directly from a man that was supposed to be in love with me.

It has been 3 pretty busy days spending most of my time between Lissa, Christian and Tasha as well as Kashka.

I was settling in a comforting, yet provisory, routine. I really did my best to avoid Adrian and he seemed to be mortified enough to avoid me too. Maybe he was finally starting to remember what he told me that night.

Ibrahim left the day before and I gave him a few minutes as well, I did owe him that but his words didn't reach me. Because knowing about my mother's pregnancy or not he still did hurt her and I knew only too well what it felt like.

I did my best to be polite, but told him that I wasn't that interested to build a relationship with him even knowing that I was his only dhampir child. He seemed to accept that fairly well and I was pretty sure that he was doing that for his freaking karma more than something else.

I decided to announce to Lissa tonight that I didn't intend to actually become a guardian after graduation and that, maybe in the future, I would consider it but for now I needed some time to figure my life out. I felt that the moroi society took too much and prevented me to be happy. Fair or not, that's how I felt now and it was, clearly, not how a guardian should feel.

I took a deep breath checked my cloth as I was going to attend one of Tasha and Christian's defense with magic class. I already attended the one yesterday and they were so impressive that I decided to go back today especially since the little chat I had with Tasha yesterday just before dinner.

She surprisingly came to pick me up.

"I wanted to have a word with you," she said with a smile. "I've seen you were really uncomfortable around me and it sadden me," she added sincerely. "Why is that?" She asked, curiously.

I shrugged, but blushed furiously as I couldn't wait to make it to the teachers common room even with the curious stares following me everywhere. That was the main reason why I was staying in my room most of the time.

"Because of Dimka?" She tried.

I gave her a sidelong glance that confirmed her doubts.

"Well don't be!" She said with a small laugh. "I knew about you two since well…since the incident in Spokane."

"Knew how?" I asked not able to hide my longing.

"He was frantic when you left you know with Christian, almost crazy and it was way more than the kind of worry you feel for your charge…way, way more," she said with no negative feeling in her voice. "And when he told me he couldn't accept my offer and I realized that you meant more for him than I imagined-"

"Did he say something?" I asked stopping her.

She smiled and put a hand on my shoulder. "He said that he tried very hard not to give you his heart but you stole it anyways." I looked away. "Seeing the look on your eyes Rose I can see that he stole yours too."

I nodded with a sad smile.

"It's all good Rose. It's gonna be just fine." She said kissing my forehead nicely.

I shook my head going back to reality when someone lightly knocked on my door.

It was the gown Lissa had ordered for me for the graduation ball that would take place in 3 days. The dress was a surprise and I didn't even feel like peeking. Whatever it was, I would be wearing it and pretending to be okay with it that evening.

I reluctantly accepted to go as I knew I would not be sticking around long after that plus the Queen made me sit at her table with Lissa, Christian and Adrian of course.

I already refused many things from the queen in the last week and I really didn't need to infuriate her more I mean…maybe, I will want to go back to the guardian life eventually and I didn't need her to stop me.

I was walking down the path to the gymnasium, when I caught a glimpse at Kashka walking toward the clinic building again and that brought back my interest of the first day.

I had almost forgot about that with all the problems and secrets revealed to me in record time, but I still didn't find out why she was sneaking in the basement of the clinic, but I was about to know right now.

I waited for her to go in as I didn't need to follow her too closely and I really didn't want her to be on her guard.

About 10 minutes later, I quietly opened the door to see a set of stairs going down and I rolled my eyes and sighed with exasperation.

What's going on with this world and basements huh? I thought going down on the tip of my toes.

I heard a door open and saw Kashka leave a room closing the door quietly behind her. She was holding a basin with water and some towels, she had such a sad look on her face that it took me aback for a little while but my curiosity, like always, had the best of me and I walked as quietly as I could to the room.

However, nothing in a million years could have prepared me to what I was about to see behind that door.

I opened the door and brought both my hands to my mouth to muffle my gasp and took three steps back in the corridor to rest my back on the wall.

Dimitri! My Dimitri was lying on this bed, his eyes on me. But he wasn't white anymore and there were no red in his eyes. He was the 'real' Dimitri, but he was different. Something in his eyes was…missing.

I stayed against the wall for a while trying to overcome the shock.

"Rose?!" Said Kashka so shocked that she dropped the basin full of water on the floor.

I looked at her, eyes frantic, mouth wide open as I just pointed to the room.

"Oh no, no, no!!" said Kashka walking fast toward me and hugging me. "You were not supposed to find out this way!" She added distress in her voice.

Even while she was hugging me I could see the bed behind her shoulder. Dimitri was still staring, but I realized that there was no recognition in them like he couldn't see me.

Impossible right? I thought, breaking from Kasha's restraining hug with force.

I slowly walked into the room again, but my brain was not there anymore, it was like I was a robot.

"Dimitri? Dimitri it's me." I said the voice shivering as the tears built up in my throat. I stopped at the side of his bed and even if his face was directed my way there was nothing to read in it. "Please… Please snap out of it. Come back to me… I need you, I missed you so, so much," I added but the big lump of tears in my throat didn't allow me to speak louder than a whisper.

"Rose come on let's-" started Kashka.

"Shut up!!" I shouted so loud that I was pretty sure the whole building heard me. She was looking at me from the threshold, with so much sadness and sympathy toward me. "Shut up!" I added not shouting anymore. "How… It's… My… Just…." I said confused falling on my knees. "He is not here anymore right? My soul mate is gone right?" I asked bringing my hands to my face as I started to cry uncontrollably.

Kashka rushed to me, slide on her knees and hold me tight. I buried my face on her neck as I was crying harder. She rested her chin on the top of my head, rocking me back and forth humming some kind of soothing melody.

It felt like I was drowning in a pool of fear, pain and despair. I wanted to stand up and scream, hit everyone for not telling me, hit Dimitri for not trying harder but I also wanted to run away! Run away as fast and far than I could. Running away from this nightmare.

I had some little moment between my sobs and noticed that someone came to check on us after probably hearing my outburst, but Kashka sent that person away. How many people fooled me? Who knew the truth? Kashka tightened her embrace.

"It's okay Rose…" She whispered to my ear. "It's never too late." She added as I was still crying in her neck but the tears were calming now as I was pretty sure I didn't have much more left.

"It's never gonna be okay again… Never." I said in a voice that I didn't even recognize myself. I slowly turned my face to have a glimpse of the bed. "It's… It's worse than death." I said started to sob again.

We stayed like that on the floor a little while longer 'til the shock passed and that I cried out the loss of the little piece of heart I had left.

Kashka stood up and helped me to stand and sit in a chair on the corner. I automatically stared at the corridor and saw that the basin and water disappeared.

Someone cleaned it. I thought stupidly.

Kashka kneeled is front of me and rubbed my legs gently in some soothing gesture.

"That's what you were fighting about with Adrian, right?" I asked with a thick voice finally putting the pieces together.

She nodded in confirmation.

"YOU wanted to tell me, but they didn't," I added simply stating a fact, but I was grateful she did fight for my interests.

"They were right," she said still kneeled in front of me. "I can see it now. You found out the worse way possible and you were not ready, not just yet." She added thoughtful. "They really did know what was the best for you;" she added looking away.

"Who are 'they'? Who knows about him being here?" I asked wanting to know whose butt I had to kick.

"Well the Tualatin rescue team so: Lissa, Oreza, Ivashkov, Ben, Eddie, your mother." She cleared her throat. "Olendzki, Kirova and me. That's it." She added finally standing up and going to stand beside Dimitri.

I nodded. Surely they kept it a secret and just informed the only person they couldn't keep in the dark.

I stood up and went to stand beside Kashka and took Dimitri's lifeless hand. "But… But what happened?" I asked not sure I wanted to know the answer to that. "I mean it worked to some extent right?" I said squeezing his hand but pointing to the ECG machine. "He has an heartbeat now. He is tanned again and there is no more red in his eyes…" I trailed off and took a deep breath. "But…but obviously something went wrong," I added the voice shivering slightly as I was fighting my tearless sobs.

"We don't know," said Kashka shaking her head with desperation.

"We?" I asked sill keeping my eyes on Dimitri.

"Well, yeah…" she said shifting uncomfortably on the spot. "Since we're back, we are working on the books doing more research to try to find out what went wrong but…" She slightly shrugged. "The problem is that it is only theory I mean they didn't report a change that worked. So many conditions needed to be reunited that it's already," she looked at me and gave me a sad smile. "I know it will be hard to believe as I still can't do it myself fully just yet but it's already a miracle that we could reverse the change."

"A miracle?" I said with a snort. "Right! I'm sure he has a blast being in a vegetative state!" I added bitterly and almost immediately regretted it as I perfectly knew I was being unfair to Kashka. I quickly decided to change the course of this conversation. "Conditions? What conditions?" I asked.

"Well…" She slightly turned to face me. "I'm not sure I got it all right since the specialists here are Lissa and Ivashkov really" she said stiffly "but I think that the strigoi need to be fairly recently awaken, that he still had a strong link to the human world…"

His Love for me kept him human somewhere! I thought but didn't say it out loud.

"And he needed to be 'between two worlds'"she said grimacing. "So we presumed that it was, you know, as the strigoi was about to die, it weakened the evil part that took possession of your body and with the healing it allows your soul, your essence to reclaim it's legitimate place but…" she looked at Dimitri again. "Well he just came back like that." She said sadly brushing some hair from his forehead "and…" She shook her head. "He is not in a vegetative state."

"WHAT?" I shouted as a little bit of hope filled my heart, this little hope that would probably kill me if it was all for nothing.

"Well, about a week ago when there were no change in his state Ivashkov," She groaned, "and God knows how much I hate him! He arranged for Dimitri to be transported to one of the most famous neurological private clinic in the US to have a battery of test. The doctor were positive well…" She cocked her head to the side. "I don't understand their weird vocabulary but they said Dimka was a medical mystery as he still had strong electrical impulses in his brain and something about the neuronal response or whatever." She shook her head. "Anyways they said that he is not in a vegetative state, that his brain I still working and that it was just like…" She trailed off looking at me warily. I could see she didn't intend, or want to finish it.

"Just like what?" I pressed. She looked down. "Just like what!?" I asked again. "Come on, Kashka you've been honest enough 'til now." I said with light annoyance. "Nothing could be worse than what I know already right?" Nope!! Proof that I wasn't psychic!!

"It's just like he is trapped, imprisoned in his own body…catatonic," she added looking at me trying to decipher my reaction.

I brought my free hand to my mouth as I imagined Dimitri screaming for help in his head. I imagined his silent cry and it hurt even more than anything I lived through already. "Oh my God…" I whispered. "How? It's just…"

"We don't know why," she said wearily. "We think that it's probably the evil from the strigoi that is bond to leave marks on your soul and that maybe he is just not ready to face the world after being such a dark creature."

I realised something and my head jerked up, a fierce look on my face. "I'm going to save him," I said with certainty. "I will bring him back to us" I added standing straight.

Kasha looked at me with pride and like she didn't expect any less from me. "I knew you would do that," she said putting a hand on my cheek. "You are really brave and strong and I understand a bit more everyday why he loves you so much" she added kissing my forehead. "If anyone can save him it's you…his match made in heaven."

She stayed a bit longer but she finally left me alone with him. I was pretty sure that she was going to meet the other to talk about my involvement but I couldn't care less. I was with my Dimitri and nothing else mattered.

As soon as she closed the door I kicked off my shoes and cautiously joined him on the bed. I rested on my side, an arm around his chest and the face in his neck, my nose skimming the little hollow behind his ear.

"Come on Dimitri, you are so, so strong" I whispered quietly. "You can fight it, you can make it back. My love, please… Come back to me" I added kissing his jaw. "You can't leave me here in a world so cold without you." I added laying my head on his pillow. I drifted into sleep the face buried in his neck, as I didn't realize that the crying totally drained me.